How to develop self-control and self-discipline

Has it ever happened in your life that a storm of emotions suddenly engulfed your entire being and forced you to do something that you later regretted? Has it ever happened that a pre-planned important task was endlessly put off until later due to simple laziness or the presence of “more important” things to do? Sometimes this happens to everyone, and one might even say that it is normal. But these are two manifestations of the inability to control one’s mental state, which, by the way, is very important in life. However, this skill needs and can be developed, and read about how to develop self-control, how to develop self-discipline in our special selection.

Self-discipline: instructions for development

Achieving goals is impossible without self-discipline. It is an extremely important attribute required for the acquisition of any personal quality, sportsmanship, virtuosity in art and business or, as a result, outstanding work. Having self-discipline means being able to make decisions, take necessary actions and stick to your plan regardless of obstacles, discomfort or difficulties that may arise. But to develop self-discipline, it is necessary to create certain conditions. You will learn about them from this article. Read more…

Self-control: what it is and how to develop it

The modern high-stress world places special demands on psychological stability. Nowadays it is not enough to be smart and sociable. It is very important to be able to control your desires, feelings and emotions. First of all, negative ones that interfere with achieving goals. This requires self-control. In this article you will learn what it is, why it is important and how to develop this skill. We will also talk about the difference between self-control and self-suppression and how to distinguish one from the other. Read more…

Books that will help you develop this skill

Self-development manual from Brian Tracy “Get out of your comfort zone. Change your life. 21 methods for increasing personal effectiveness."
A collection of effective methods by psychologist Sharon Melnik “Stress resistance. How to remain calm and effective in any situation."
Brochure by Kelly McGonigal “Willpower. How to develop and strengthen.”
A useful book about strong personalities, “Developing Willpower,” authored by Walter Michel.
A collection of tips to combat laziness “Don’t put it off until tomorrow. A short guide to combating procrastination" from Timothy Pychyl.
Dan Dubravin's book, The Psychology of Emotions: Feelings in Control, helps improve self-control.
A treasure trove of useful advice: “Be the best version of yourself” from Dan Waldschmidt.
A collection of effective techniques for increasing con, written by Peter Bregman.
Motivating book “At the limit. A week without self-pity”, authored by Eric Bertrand Larssen.
A guide to help you quickly achieve your goals “The Psychology of Achievement” from Heidi Grant Halvorson.

To increase your ability to self-control, you need to do more than just apply psychological techniques. You have to live with the thought that you want to become better. Learn more about this topic, read useful books, watch educational films, find new methods of dealing with procrastination.

Self-control: developing self-control

According to Wikipedia, self-control is the ability to control your emotions, thoughts and behavior. It is based on will - the highest mental function that determines a person’s ability to make conscious decisions and implement them. It can also be trained and improved, which requires specific methods and strategies that will help you resist or avoid temptation. Yes, these are two fundamentally different ways. The first is considered hardcore, effective and incredibly difficult to implement. The second is perceived by many as weakness, because how can you train willpower and self-control if you simply avoid temptations? But it is both methods in combination that work perfectly. Read more…

Tip No. 4. Come up with a clear strategy for dealing with a situation where you are faced with temptation.

Imagining the disgusting consequences of the undesirable act you are about to do is a very effective way to combat immediate desires. We can say that this is heavy artillery, which makes sense to use to combat the most formidable temptations. In order to ward off the smaller temptations that await people with willpower problems at every turn, there is another tactic. Walter Mischel calls her plan an “if...then.”

To develop it, you first need to observe yourself for some time and find out in what situations you most often show weakness of will, say, opening a tab with your favorite social network. Let's say you find yourself on Facebook or VKontakte when you need to complete a boring task at work.

Or you are drawn to check your likes if you know that a particularly difficult task is ahead - say, you are preparing for a session and have reached a difficult ticket. Remember this state and come up with control words that you will say to yourself the next time you feel it. Nothing special is needed, a simple one is enough: “No, I can’t, I’m working,” or “This is a temptation, stop!”, or even “Stop! Don't get distracted, wimp! (although it is better to do without negativity towards yourself).

If I'm bored and ready to open Facebook, I tell myself, “Stop! Don’t get distracted!”, I take my hands off the keyboard and look out the window for 10 seconds. Then I return to work.

Despite its apparent simplicity and even some clumsiness, the “if... then” plan works very well. On the one hand, the “if... then” plan disrupts the automatic response of the limbic system and gives a few saving seconds, during which the leisurely prefrontal cortex has time to turn on and take action. The time delay especially helps those who have problems with the anterior cingulate cortex: such people do not have time to cut off the conflict between a momentary impulse and a long-term goal.

On the other hand, an alternative behavior scenario acts as a distraction maneuver. For this technique to work, it is important not only not to look at the stimulus, but not even to think about it: a mental image fires up the limbic system no worse than real prototypes.

How to control your emotions: rules and exercises

The issue of managing emotions will never lose its relevance. The ability to restrain emotions (control anger, rage, aggression, etc.) will be useful everywhere: from ordinary communication with family and friends to resolving work issues and conducting business negotiations. If you know how to always control yourself and maintain composure, we can only be happy for you. But there are people for whom this is very difficult, and this article is intended to help them master this skill, which is useful in everyday life. We will also talk about why we need to control emotions at all and which ones need special control. Read more…

Set a sleep schedule

Regularly falling asleep at the same time and waking up when you need to get up is a big problem for many people. What you need to understand here is that loss of control is a contagious thing.

If you lose control of one area of your life, it will spread to other areas.

That is, if you sleep late and oversleep, the next day you are more likely to be unable to resist eating junk food, skip a gym workout, and procrastinate on an important project.

At night, you most likely navigate through pages on the Internet without any particular purpose. And it doesn't end when you go to bed. The next day you continue to do many useless things.

On the other hand, when you set a sleep schedule for yourself and stick to it, your morning starts with good things—what you have planned and what really matters.

The ability to take control of your desires when it's time to sleep affects your reactions and actions in the morning. If you made the right choice, the right actions await you the next day.

Motivation and Self-Motivation: A Guide to Development

The importance of motivation and self-motivation manifests itself in one of two cases: when a person is ready to study and work for hours without stopping, and when it is given to him with great difficulty. Everyone wants to be productive, but motivating yourself every day is incredibly difficult. There is no easy way to teach yourself to wake up in the morning with sparkling eyes and a desire to achieve your goals. Therefore, this article is intended to collect all the most important and interesting things in order to help you understand yourself and your motives. We will look not only at motivation as such, but also go through different areas of life where it plays a special role: sports, study and work. Read more…

Psychologist's advice

Scientists and researchers have found that those people who constantly hold back and do not allow themselves to relax get all types of diseases. Negative energy locked inside is collected in the internal organs, it disrupts metabolic processes. For this reason, you cannot constantly restrain yourself, but you cannot not maintain control over yourself. What to do?

Let's consider some advice from psychologists:

Physical activity helps you not to accumulate negativity within yourself. If you have a chance to stay with yourself, then shout or sing your favorite song. Pleasant, calm music and sound sleep effectively tames the outburst of emotions and neutralizes anger. Even in the old days they talked about the need to go to bed, then the problem would be forgotten. Emotions are eliminated in sleep;

Turn on your imagination and be creative. Take revenge on the enemy, conquer your own fears, prove your point of view in your imagination, in your thoughts. What is lived by the brain is, in some way, experienced by us. Virtual travel leaves more positive impressions than real ones; share your feelings with your friends. Each experience that is said out loud, described in different phrases, becomes easier to experience, it decreases; pay off your debts. Every debt depresses a person on a psychological level, making life more difficult. You may not remember them, but the subconscious mind summarizes each one and spoils the emotional background. Finally, give the book to a friend, help your grandmother repair the kettle; Do not give in to emotions while intoxicated. It is important to be able to understand your own condition. Breaking plates, dancing and shouting is only allowed when sober.

Every normal, adequate person who lives in society should be able to control himself. If you want to be accepted by society in an appropriate way, then follow generally accepted norms.

Ways to self-motivate

Self-motivation is an internal struggle between “confidence” and “fear” - you either achieve a lot or lose everything. Also, self-motivation is a set of methods, techniques and exercises that set in motion an internal engine that helps you solve complex problems and conquer any heights, but only if you are focused and self-confident. The “executioner” of motivation is uncertainty, inaction and lack of clear plans. In this article, we will look at several effective self-motivation exercises and give recommendations that will help you learn how to motivate yourself. Read more…

The best exercises for self-control

Exercise No. 1

Psychologists recommend keeping a self-control diary

. Such diaries are usually kept by athletes and cover the topic of physical exercise. In our case, we do the same thing, only we change the context.

We write the days of the week and make four columns:

1 - write down a parasitic desire (impulse, reflex). 2 - write down our emotions, tested when temptation arises. 3 - write down what threatens a moment of weakness. 4 - record the result, how much we managed to overcome ourselves. It worked - a tick, if it didn't work - a cross.

Self-control diary

gives you the opportunity to look at your emotions from the outside, understand why they are uncontrollable and what prevents you from pulling yourself together. Over time, there will be more checkmarks than crosses. And then they will be in the absolute minority. With self-control comes self-respect, and it will bring with it the respect of other people. Believe me, it's worth it. The main thing here is not to be lazy and write down every day. Paper and pen should always be at hand.

Exercise No. 2

Will and self-control

they will never come on their own if a person is inactive. You should definitely play sports, or dance, or just walk a lot. The point is that without the tone of the physical muscles there will be no tone of consciousness. The brain needs to know that the work process is going on in all respects, otherwise it will not understand why only it needs to work. It’s not for nothing that it’s been said: a healthy mind in a healthy body. Many people ignore this and then wonder why they don’t get the desired results.

Exercise #3

Distribution of priorities and an outside view. It’s important to sort out your thoughts here. What is a higher priority, a positive result or a parasitic desire? What will one bring, and what will the second?

When facing temptation, you should visualize the desired success, clearly see the picture: success and barricades on its road (chocolate, partying, lying on the couch watching a TV series). After this, parasitic desires will be perceived not as satisfaction, but as an obstacle. As a result, over time, the “withdrawal” will loosen its stranglehold and give way to common sense. A look from the outside allows you to fully see the attitude towards a person who cannot control himself. How desirable is such a person to others? Does he command respect? Do you want to be such a person yourself?

IMPORTANT: Self-control should not be confused with self-violence. All the above text is relevant only in case of normal health. We in no way encourage you to force yourself to work with a fever or engage in other self-harm. Here self-control consists of following the regime. The same applies to increased fatigue and all physical ailments.

Self-control

necessary in any area of life, be it relationships, career and, first of all, health (follow doctor’s orders, take care of yourself, do not ignore alarm bells). It's never too late to start developing internal discipline: no matter how old a reflex or impulse is, the brain can always build new neural connections.

The best time to start doing exercises is RIGHT NOW!

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Some useful tips for self-motivation

Do you ever feel like you don't want to do anything? It’s not that I’m lazy, I’m just not in the mood, there’s no energy not only for active, but even for inactive actions. But you can always find the strength to surf the Internet, read VKontakte news or watch a TV series. So where do you get the energy to do anything worthwhile? In this article we will not just talk about motivation, but look at examples of people whose motivation is simply off the charts. They had many times fewer initial opportunities, and the results of their activities were higher than those of the majority. Read more…

Three main features

We can also say that people with developed self-control are characterized by three key features:

Self-preservation - they have a healthy attitude towards everything that happens and around them, they focus on what they need for a quality life, and not on what they want, sometimes in spite of. They use whatever they need to enrich their lives, but do not overdo it or try to exploit others in any way.
Self-affirmation - they know their worth and can freely say what they think, but in a way that allows others to speak too. They are firm but gentle with others and do not put themselves or others down.
Self-actualization - the path to self-actualization is closely related to resilience. People with self-control are able to understand that it is important to continue doing a difficult task if you plan to improve at it.

Negative motivation: definition, techniques, examples

Often as a child, we heard similar phrases from our parents: “You won’t sit at the computer until you do your homework,” “You won’t get candy until you eat porridge,” “If you don’t clean your room, you won’t go for a walk.” And, as a rule, our parents achieved what they demanded of us, and this happened due to the fact that they influenced our strong desires, directly pointing out that we might not get what we wanted. This technique is one of the aspects of negative motivation. Why is it worth resorting to? What does this achieve? Is this useful? We answer these questions in this article. Read more…

What prevents us from practicing self-regulation?

For some it's a lack of time . Yes, we live at a crazy pace, and self-regulation is often associated with something like autogenic training or meditation (both methods are very effective, but do take time to master and practice the skill). However, modern psychology offers techniques that can take only a few minutes and still be effective.

Some are of the opinion that “the body must cope on its own . Whatever concept of the emergence of man you believe in, I think you will agree that this happened a long time ago. And the stress was different at that time. Of course, a basic self-regulation system is “built into” the human body, but, firstly, it does not provide for the current loads, and secondly, we do not really listen to it. For example, do you always go to bed when you feel the need to? I think no.

And of course, what gets in the way is what in everyday language we define as laziness (“you have to fuss, do something new” ). But no, essentially nothing new will have to be done. Because we actually engage in self-regulation all the time: by drawing pictures of a terrible outcome of events, we trigger anxiety; “turning on” a string of restless thoughts before going to bed – we provoke insomnia; Convincing ourselves that “everything will work out,” we reassure ourselves, just as our parents once reassured us.

We invite you to do this more consciously, in accordance with your goals and needs. Well, shall we try?

The six-step self-regulation regimen can be included in your daily hygiene routine (such as brushing your teeth or washing your hands), and you can see results after three to four weeks.

While doing psychotherapy, I see that one of the most in-demand skills now is the ability to stop internal dialogue (constantly scrolling thoughts).

To do this, you need to immerse yourself in a state of “here and now,” when, as they say, “the past no longer exists, and the future has not yet arrived.”

This can be achieved by practicing meditation, which is very useful, but still requires a certain skill. We offer a simpler option.

Exercise 1. “Five”

You can perform the exercise entirely or in parts, the required time is from 10 to 30 seconds (you must agree, quite a bit).

Take a break.
Look around and pay attention to the five objects of different colors that you see.
Focus and listen - what five sounds are coming to you?
Note five bodily sensations that you are experiencing at the moment (the feeling of clothes on your shoulders, the contact of your back with a chair, etc.).

If your attention starts to wander (surely), just notice it and get back to the task at hand. If thoughts come into your head, say to yourself: “Thank you, I heard you” - and return to the task again.

Exercise 2. “Thoughts on paper”

It is useful to use either at night, before falling asleep, or if you feel that your “head is swollen from work.”

Take a piece of paper (or create a new document on your device) and write down all the thoughts that are “spinning” in your head, in a chaotic order, regardless of their importance. And so on to the feeling that “that’s it, there’s nothing left in my head.”

After such a transfer, the information remains in the outside world and there is no need to retain it in RAM.

Exercise 3. “Stretching” thinking

Our thinking usually works according to familiar patterns, but they are not always the most effective. Effective thinking is one that helps you solve problems, achieve goals and not “drive yourself” into fears and negativity. Therefore, if you notice a tendency towards pessimism and anxiety, try to “stretch” your thinking (make it more flexible) using a mental game.

Every time you notice a catastrophic thought or the thought “how bad this is,” continue it with the phrase “and this is good, because...”. Ideas will probably not appear “out of a cornucopia”; don’t give up. If nothing comes to mind at all, use your imagination: what if we were talking about another planet? Or about another world?

For example, “the weather is terribly cold today... and that’s good, because if the winter becomes abnormally warm, then there won’t be a normal summer.” Or “I messed up with the report again... and that’s good, because next time I’ll definitely see this mistake and won’t miss it.”

The purpose of the exercise is to lead yourself off the beaten path (including at the neuronal level) of a negative assessment of the situation.

Exercise 4. Useful imagination

In psychotherapy, the directed use of imagery is called visualization . Now imagine that you are cutting a slice of lemon. Or bite into a crisp green apple. Introduced? If so, you probably felt that saliva appeared in your mouth. This organism reacted to the image, although in reality nothing happened.

Our body really trusts the images that we create in the psyche. Please remember this if you like to play pictures in your head with terrible outcomes. And don’t be surprised that it becomes really alarming. How can you use this feature?

In short, if we want to become, for example, more cheerful , we must imagine ourselves just like that (and it is advisable to accompany this with images - for example, how the sun sends energy through its rays and they fill us with energy).

If you need to relax , then other images are at your service - for example, how after a bath or massage you drink aromatic tea. And imagination will also help you react to emotions, such as anger: you don’t have to break dishes or office equipment in reality, you can do it all in your imagination, and there will also be a relief effect.

Exercise 5. Relaxing breathing

In the physical sphere, we are interested in breathing and muscle tone, since these two components are closely related to the mental state.

To perform the exercise, you need internal counting; count “to yourself” at the pace of the second hand (“one-and-two-and-three-and”). Inhale through your nose for 4 counts (one-and-two-and-three-and-four-and), pause for 2 counts (one-and-two-and), exhale through your mouth for 6 or 8 counts (ideally to relax, the exhalation should be 2 times longer than the inhalation), then again pause for 2 counts. Then repeat the entire cycle 10–20 times.

Exercise 6. Muscle relaxation technique

Starting position – lying or reclining. Focus on some muscle group in the lower body (this could be the muscles of the feet, calves, or the muscles of the legs in general - it all depends on time and desire, but the smaller the muscles, the greater the effect).

as hard as possible and hold this tension for three to five seconds, and then relax the muscles as you exhale. Thus, in the direction from bottom to top, all muscle groups (or at least the main ones) are worked out.

Important! It is better to avoid eye muscles, especially if you have vision problems.

So, as you can see, there is nothing complicated in these techniques. The main thing is to take care of yourself and enjoy it. Take care of yourself!

You can read more about this in the books:

J. Rainwater. It's within your power. How to become your own psychotherapist.
E. Milyutina. Psychotherapeutic recipes for every day.
A. Friedman, R. Dewulf. 10 stupidest mistakes people make.
V. Capponi, T. Novak. You are your own adult, child and parent.

You can not hold back your emotions, get angry, scream, laugh, cry bitterly and be loudly indignant. Do you think anyone likes such sincerity? Only your enemies enjoy watching this performance. Learning to manage emotions!

Sometimes, succumbing to emotions or allowing ourselves to be led by false feelings, we commit actions that we later repent of. At the same time, we make excuses that we have lost control over ourselves, so emotions have prevailed over reason. That is, we did not control our emotions, but they controlled us.

Is it really that bad? Perhaps there is nothing good in the lack of self-control. People who do not know how to control themselves, maintain self-control and subordinate their feelings to their will, as a rule, do not achieve success either in their personal lives or in the professional sphere.

They spend money thoughtlessly, without thinking about the future, and their expenses often far exceed their income.

Unrestrained people flare up like a match during any quarrel, unable to stop in time and compromise, which earns them the reputation of a conflict person. At the same time, they also destroy their health: doctors claim that many diseases have a direct connection with such negative emotions as anger, envy, etc. People who value their own peace and nerves prefer to avoid them.

People who are not used to limiting themselves spend too much free time in empty entertainment and useless conversations. If they make promises, they themselves are not sure whether they can fulfill them. It is not surprising that no matter what field they work in, they are rarely professionals in their field. And the reason for it all is lack of self-control.

A developed sense of self-control allows you to maintain a cool head, sober thoughts and understanding in any situation that feelings may turn out to be false and lead to a dead end.

There are also situations when we need to hide our emotions in our own interests. “Sometimes I am a fox, sometimes I am a lion,” said the French commander Napoleon Bonaparte. “The secret... is to understand when to be one and when to be another!”

People who control themselves deserve respect and enjoy authority. On the other hand, many people think they are callous, heartless, “insensitive blockheads” and...incomprehensible. Much more understandable to us are those who from time to time “go all out,” “break down,” lose control of themselves and commit unpredictable acts! Looking at them, we also seem to ourselves not so weak. Moreover, becoming restrained and strong-willed is not so easy. So we reassure ourselves that the life of people who are guided by reason and not by feelings is joyless, and therefore unhappy.

That this is not the case is evidenced by an experiment conducted by psychologists, as a result of which they came to the conclusion: people who can overcome themselves and resist momentary temptation are more successful and happy than those who are unable to cope with emotions.

The experiment is named after Michel Walter, a psychologist from Stanford University. It is also known as the “marshmallow test” because one of its main “heroes” is an ordinary marshmallow.

The experiment, conducted in the 60s of the last century, involved 653 4-year-old children. They were taken one by one into a room where one marshmallow lay in a plate on the table. Each child was told that he could eat it now, but if he waited 15 minutes, he would get another one, and then he could eat both. Michel Walter would leave the child alone for a few minutes and then return. 70% of children ate one marshmallow before he returned, and only 30 waited and received a second one. It is curious that the same percentage was observed during a similar experiment in two other countries where it was conducted.

Michel Walter followed the fate of his students and after 15 years came to the conclusion that those who at one time did not succumb to the temptation to get “everything now”, but were able to control themselves, turned out to be more learnable and successful in their chosen areas of knowledge and interests. Thus, it was concluded that the ability to self-control significantly improves a person’s quality of life.

Isaac Pintosevich, who is called the “success coach,” argues that those who have no control over themselves and their actions should forget about efficiency forever.

Online program “Mental self-regulation”

In this online program, in just 6 weeks, you will learn to cope with stress at work and school, difficult relationships in a team, anxiety and fear before important events, apathy, difficulty taking the first step and procrastination. We have collected scientifically and practically based techniques and presented them precisely from the point of view of real application in life, and also tried to give the necessary minimum of theory and more games, tests, and exercises that will allow you not only to gain knowledge, but also to develop skills. Find out more...

The ability to motivate yourself and control your mental states is a skill that requires a thoughtful and serious approach to master. We think that this collection of articles will help you find such an approach and bring it to life. We wish you success!

We also recommend reading:

Storytelling
How to learn a foreign language: a selection of useful materials
Mastery of Self-Control
Anger management: a selection of useful materials
How to control your emotions: rules and exercises
Best of the year. Part two
Self-control: developing self-control
Self-control and self-motivation
Interesting things about cognitive distortions
Types of thinking
Self-control: what it is and how to develop it

Key words:1Psychoregulation

Tip #1: Remove everything that might tempt you from sight.

If you are quitting smoking, do not keep cigarettes in the house. If you suffer from shopaholism, immediately after your paycheck, withdraw money from your card and put it in your bedside table or deposit, where it is more difficult to get it from, and never carry large sums with you.

If you lose your will at the sight of flour, cook bread and pastries only yourself. It’s one thing when a fresh white loaf is lying in the kitchen and you just need to cut off a piece (or you can even nibble off the loaf, so what), and quite another when you need to spread the story for four hours with dough and yeast.

It is important to make tempting things as hard to reach as possible so that the automatic response of the limbic system does not overwhelm your efforts to pacify your passions.

Even if the limbic system gets so worked up that it forces you to get dressed and go to the store for bread and cigarettes (this happens in extreme cases), along the way you will have a chance to come to your senses and prevent a disaster.