Why get married and what do we get from it?

Why do people get married? Nowadays there are a huge number of humorous shows on TV and on the Internet, and almost all of them are saturated with people’s dissatisfaction with the fact that they are married - especially often this comes from men. So why then do people get married?

And on what basis do people choose each other? Why am I so drawn to that poor student who can’t give me anything, but I feel nothing but contempt for this wealthy businessman? Is it true that opposites attract? Does the image of my father somehow influence the choice of a spouse?

In this article we will try to highlight the answers to these rather important questions from a psychological point of view.

What is marriage anyway? There are a huge variety of definitions, but we will not delve into scientific thoughts that allow us to distinguish marriage from matrimony, etc., so we will define it as follows: “Marriage is an officially certified state of the family.”

Why don't people want to get married in general?

Your reasons

The number of people getting married has decreased compared to the peak in 2011, but there are still more people who want to get married than there are people who want to separate (in 2021, there were 985,836 marriages, accounting for 608,336 divorces), and the majority of children are also born in officially registered marriages (according to the Federal Service state statistics).

Read also: How and why adults take the Unified State Exam

“The marriage statistics figures are not entirely correct,” notes existential-humanistic psychotherapist Stanislav Malanin. “They do not take into account civil unions, which are very common here.”

Some politicians even proposed equating them to official ones - after 5 years of marriage and after two, if there are children. If this proposal is accepted, the issue of entering into a “cohabitation” may become as serious as marriage.

What makes couples strive to register their relationship in a registry office? Sometimes the reasons are the most frivolous: “Today, many girls are driven by the dream of having a magnificent wedding, surprising acquaintances and friends, wearing a beautiful dress like a princess, and then posting photos on Instagram and collecting more likes. They are driven by fantasies and the desire to do something memorable. This scenario is imposed on them from childhood by films, music, TV series, and fairy tales,” explains Stanislav Malanin.

Wedding for a cause

In modern secular culture, marriage is a social contract, a kind of act of trust between partners. Often this is just a legal formality and is needed “for business”: from child custody to obtaining citizenship or tax benefits. No matter how sad some may be, it must be recognized that romance is giving way to property law and prenuptial agreements. Against the background of such a change in attitude towards the essence and meaning of marriage, the process of registering it in Russia looks like a wild anachronism: no matter how hard you try to reduce the ceremony to a dry notarial procedure, you will not be able to get away from the registrar with a bouffant, who, like twenty years ago, will push a mournful speech about “the meeting of two loving hearts.”

When should you get married?

There are men in the world who bear the title of the stronger sex for a reason. Such people should seriously be considered the breadwinner in the family. If he also earns the same amount as his other half, then life together will only improve. In such cases, most girls have no doubt about whether they should get married. If a man shows himself only from the best side, then you should officially sign with him. Before this, you need to think about what kind of guy is nearby. Will this person be able to be a support, provide moral support and help financially?

Against marriage

After marriage, a man loses his freedom, cannot independently manage his time, do what he wants

A man may delay the formalization of an official union for a number of reasons. And some even want to remain single.

The opinion that relationships after marriage become monotonous, passion disappears, and love fades over time.
Reluctance to lose your individuality, to obey someone.
Before marriage, a man can have many sexual partners, change them at least every month, and not become attached to just one woman.
Official relations entail serious financial costs. Especially if the spouse does not work, and then children appear, who also need to be fed and supported.
Many modern girls are quite independent, which repels a man from creating an alliance with such a lady, since such a girl will want to be the head of the house, and the man will become a weak-willed rag.
Reluctance to give up your independence, to depend on someone, to take care of someone, to be obligated, to bear responsibility.
A man may have personal experience of a failed marriage or an example of friends who ruined their lives by throwing in their lot with a woman. The man realizes that a family union will not bring him happiness, but only difficulties.

Read also: Why do you need protective glass?

Now you know why people get married. Marriage allows you to fall asleep and wake up in the arms of your loved one. After people legitimize their relationship, they feel important, feel loved, and get the opportunity to create their own little world. Undoubtedly, every family can expect certain difficulties that people must go through in order to receive everything that fate has prepared and to become absolutely happy.

Why can't a girl get married?

The reasons why a woman cannot get married are conventionally divided by psychologists into two main groups :

Inflated self-esteem and too high demands on the chosen one. The image of an awesome bitch is only good in photos on social networks. In fact, a woman who is too smart, too bright, too beautiful, too cool becomes too unclaimed. In addition, the image of standardization may be contrived by its owner. But claims from the series “you owe me only because I’m so cool next to you” are quite real.
Low self-esteem and willingness to marry anyone, just not to be left alone. Even the most intelligent and beautiful woman, who does not consider herself such, scares off men with a bunch of complexes.

They try and praise, but don’t get married.
The ability to get married is essentially not much different from the ability to sell a product. Showing yourself from your advantage and hiding your shortcomings for the time being are the skills of a successful manager in trading. But popular wisdom says that it is not enough to know your worth; you also need to find a buyer.

Summary

As we see above, there are many reasons, they are different and each has its own pitfalls and positive sides. If you find yourself in a situation where you are being terrorized by going to the registry office, and you are being asked to put at stake what is most precious to a man - freedom, think carefully before concluding a wedding contract with the devil’s favorite angel. A wedding is, although it’s just stamps in passports and a drunken party with people you don’t always know well, but at the same time taking responsibility for another person. Remember that the youthful expression - “my love is enough for both” is not enough for a happy marriage. Therefore, so as not to be excruciatingly painful for the wasted years, try to get your friend to have a confidential conversation about why she needs this wedding, even before submitting an application to the regional government authorities.

We’ll definitely talk about why guys don’t want to get married another time. Do not miss!

Love to you and informed decisions! Don’t forget to subscribe to the news, join the VK group and be sure to express your opinion on the topic of our conversation in the comments! Good for you!

The husband leaves for the resort alone, without his wife. A week later he sends her an SMS: “I still love only you! “My wife’s answer: “Yes, and you are the best so far.”

Why does a man need to marry? Objective and subjective reality

Men's thoughts about “should I get married or not” happen long before the wedding and on the eve of the celebration. In the first case, they can only give birth to a hardened bore . But in the second - a disrupted wedding, hysteria from the bride's parents and a huge inferiority complex from the failed wife.

Stubborn statistics insist that the number of women on the planet constantly exceeds the number of men. Hence, the percentage of guys who think that marriage is necessary is decreasing every year.

The logic is simple: what is the point of taking on the responsibility of supporting a family if you can enjoy the rights of a minority for the rest of your life, watching the competition of “females” for your own person?

Most often, such thoughts disappear closer to a midlife crisis , when a not-so-young man has played enough with his career, lost a couple of best friends in the family swamp, and begins to think about who to transfer his experience, knowledge and acquired property to. This is where the main reasons for getting married and the advantages of marriage emerge:

Organized life. If you're lucky with your wife, of course.
Instinct of procreation. And it’s not just the fact of the birth of a child. Many men unexpectedly begin to truly enjoy fatherhood.
Status in society. Agree that for a successful business or political career, the image of a happy family man plays an important role.
Seeking support and comfort in relationships. After all, it’s good to come home and, in addition to a plate of fresh borscht, also receive good advice from your wife.

Successful fatherhood is a modern trend.
Fun fact, but a man decides to get married, at least half of the time, only because his chosen one wants it. After many years of civil marriage, he no longer cares about the official status of the relationship .

Among other very real, but bordering on humorous reasons for getting married, guys named:

so that mom doesn’t scold;
friends took it “weakly”;
sporting interest to check “how is it there”?;
I’m tired of going on sprees as an incentive to stay at home and work.

Get married so as not to upset mommy.
A good option for an accomplished man? The frivolous attitude of men towards marriage has already become a hackneyed topic for jokes and tales. But frivolous does not mean negative. Where then do beautiful strangers come from in the life of almost every young lady, positive on all sides, but completely denying marriage as an institution?

Dmitry Bykov in an interview with the Wedding Expert portal

“Civil marriage is a strange concept: in essence, any non-church marriage is civil, and the stamp, in my opinion, does not play a special role. A wedding is a decisive step, there is a completely different measure of responsibility. And a long-term family life, I think, does not require any registration. Depp and Paradis were an almost ideal family, they lived long and well - and, as far as I remember, were never married. I don’t think that the family will change so fundamentally in the future. It is the most enduring institution in human history. As John Wyndham wrote in Chocky, “It takes two to make one.”

@victoriatornegren

Read the entire interview here

Even more useful information about preparing for a wedding and wedding trends can be found in our guides.

When not to get married

Marriage has always been one of the most important decisions in a girl's life. However, some women have reasons for marriage that doom the marriage to failure. When not to get married:

If a girl only likes a guy's appearance. In this case, sooner or later the sympathy will pass, and the set of psychological qualities will remain with the other half. Then the woman will see such a person only as a burden.
You should not get married following the examples of society. Because the girl has many friends who are married and praise their husbands. There is no guarantee that a particular person's marriage will be as successful as other people's.
Marriage out of pity. After all, many men can prove their love, persistently court and tell a girl how bad it is without her.
If a girl is wondering whether she should get married, if in doubt. After all, in this case, she is not at all confident in her boyfriend. She needs to think more carefully about her future husband or break up with her significant other.

If a girl encounters this, then she definitely shouldn’t get married. After all, in this case, the marriage quickly breaks up. Also, you should not start living with a man who is 4 or more years younger than the girl.

Irrational

Social status of the wife.
“Everyone is married, but I’m not”
She wants to be needed by at least someone. This occurs in women who are disillusioned with life and those around them. Thinking that her husband is the only one who will do everything for her, and she for him. Sometimes these guys hit the jackpot. This also includes the need to sincerely care for one single person, to make a common nest, to establish personal routines that she likes.
In life, you need the support of a loved one other than your parents.

I want to celebrate here and now without thinking about the consequences.
Prove to your ex that someone needs you. Or since my ex got married, then I need it too.
A wedding is like a sign of adulthood. Again, to prove something to someone.
The desire for a wedding celebration, a dress, a photo shoot, a ring on your finger.
Just wanted. Almost the first person you meet. Don't laugh, there are people like that too.

Falling in love with one/one/both. It is characteristic of few aged representatives of humanity.
She needs to confirm her partner’s love in this way.
Mom, relatives, friends have been saying for a long time that it is necessary and it’s time. The most “successful” marriages.