They visit patients in hospitals, plant trees, help doctors, firefighters, rescuers and law enforcement agencies, and participate in cultural, sports and recreational events. Many volunteers help socially vulnerable categories of the population: disabled people, orphans, former prisoners, refugees.
Our author, who has been a volunteer of the St. Petersburg regional organization of the All-Russian Society of the Blind (VOS) for many years, not only shared his experience of social work, but also warned his followers against possible mistakes.
When are volunteers needed?
Public organizations of disabled people, in particular the All-Russian Society of the Blind (VOS), cannot carry out their work without volunteer helpers. Volunteer work is in demand in a variety of areas. Many blind people can navigate the city well and practically do not need help. But there are also many who are unable to leave their own apartment without outside intervention. Those who have recently lost their sight and have not yet been able to adapt to a new life situation are in a particularly difficult situation.
Any local VOS organization can tell you the coordinates of visually impaired people who need targeted support. These could be single blind people without relatives, married couples where both spouses are blind, people with numerous concomitant diseases. They will be grateful if, if necessary, you accompany them to the clinic, theaters, and concerts.
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What is rescuer syndrome
Rescuer syndrome is not an officially recognized disorder, but it really darkens people's lives and requires serious work. Unlike other people, the “rescuer” helps not out of a sincere desire, but as if forcing himself. He is convinced that the only way to get something is to fulfill the desires and requests of others. This is how the authors of a study prepared by psychotherapists from the French business school INSEAD and the European School of Management and Technology explain the basis of the syndrome. Dependence on the desire to help is even compared to food, alcohol, nicotine and drug addiction.
The syndrome was first described in 1968 by psychotherapist Stephen Karpman in the article “Fairy Tales and Analysis of Scripted Drama.” In it, he presented a psychosocial model of relationships, the so-called Karpman triangle, where he identified three roles that people can occupy in different life situations: Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer.
- The Persecutor, or Aggressor, tries to control, blame, and threaten others.
- The victim believes that he is under the influence of a person or situation and does not take responsibility for what is happening because he thinks that he cannot change anything.
- The Rescuer strives to help the Victim or the Aggressor, but his actions are driven not so much by concern for his neighbors as by the desire to assert himself, to feel complete and significant. As a result, the Rescuer takes on someone else's responsibility, forgetting about his own needs, and at the same time does not solve the other person's problem.
Psychotherapist Amy Lander, writing for a UK therapist matching service, points out that a rescuer chooses this role to provide a sense of self-image and a way to connect with others. When a rescuer doesn't have the ability or means to help for a period of time, their self-esteem is likely to suffer greatly, she said. By immersing himself in the problems of others, he avoids his own unresolved issues.
The rescuers themselves are not happy with their role.
Coach and supervisor Andrea Durban writes in Pure Coaching that rescuers may enjoy helping, but find it difficult to achieve complete satisfaction. They risk disappointment if they don't get the expected response from people. Rescuers are also afraid to refuse and perform certain actions to their own detriment for fear of being rejected. Arina, 22 years old
I lived with rescuer syndrome from about 14 to 20 years old. I felt that I had an obligation to help everyone, whether they asked me for it or not. I found a kind of pleasure in this and, by “helping others,” I tried to increase my self-worth, primarily for myself. But at the same time, I also felt disappointment. It was unbearably offensive when they literally sent me with my seemingly good motive to help.
The syndrome manifested itself in friendship. A particularly telling situation was when my friend was having problems in her relationship. I tried to solve them, but in the end I remained extreme. This also affected my relationships: I felt like a horse that was carrying everything, this entailed quarrels, discontent, scandals, reproaches and the end of the relationship. This is a typical scenario that has been repeated time after time.
The syndrome is scary because you don’t notice it in the moment. At the age of 20, after another “failed” relationship, I found myself in a psychotherapist’s chair, I found an amazing specialist, my syndrome was worked out, and it took very little time. My life has changed: the eternal “whiners” disappeared, they were replaced by conscious and purposeful people, I met a worthy person with whom the rescuer syndrome never even turned on.
Different roles
In VOS, volunteers are needed not only to accompany people in a personal car or public transport. Also, their help may be required when blind people master social and everyday skills, when teaching them computer technologies, and when preparing various events. Interaction with sponsors and the search for financial resources necessary for various rehabilitation activities are also of great importance.
In organizations of the visually impaired and specialized libraries, volunteers are also in demand as readers. Usually, library budgets contain very modest funds, so it is not possible to invite professional speakers and artists - a significant part of audiobooks are created on a voluntary basis.
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Readers are also needed for individuals—blind students, graduate students, and professionals—to introduce them to fiction and professional literature that is not available in raised dot font.
Another area where volunteers can apply their work is helping visually impaired people in physical education and sports. This requires people with good physical fitness. A sighted cyclist rides a tandem bicycle with his blind partner. During a cross-country race, the “big-eyed” runner connects himself with a rope to a blind partner and thereby gives him the opportunity to go the distance. Also, in interaction with sighted athletes, visually impaired people master alpine skiing and a number of other sports.
Free volunteer work is needed not only in public organizations of disabled people. They are expected in hospitals, orphanages, psychoneurological boarding schools, and social hotels for the homeless. Volunteers not only help others, but also gain a lot from their social work. It gives a huge positive charge, increases self-confidence, and fills life with new meaning. Volunteers gain valuable experience communicating with people and acquire new contacts. They begin to take a more meaningful approach to planning their own lives, give up bad habits, and begin to take more care of their health.
How to become the best volunteer?
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To become a good knight
Catherine became a good knight
I like animals. My husband and I have already adopted a house cat, but we haven’t decided on more yet. I feed the cats in the yard and always carry a bag of food in my bag.
One day I saw an advertisement for the teddyfood project and subscribed to them. The guys have a cool website, each animal has its own page with history, photos and an online camera, several shelters around the country are connected. You can watch your favorite character in real time and provide targeted assistance: for food, care, medical services and advertising. The minimum payment for a portion of food is about 40 rubles. It's very inexpensive and very simple.
No mistakes
In order for volunteering to bring joy and last for many years, it is necessary to avoid several typical psychological mistakes that many volunteers make.
Social activities should not fill all of a person’s free time. Otherwise, helping those in need can lead to conflict situations in your own family, interfere with the performance of professional duties, and even cause damage to your health. Determine for yourself how many hours per month you can spend on public service, and do not go beyond this “limit.”
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Sometimes physical illnesses are combined in people with mental disorders. Inappropriate behavior may occur. Sometimes volunteers’ wards try to drag them into conflict situations and inundate them with complaints addressed to social workers, relatives, neighbors, and fellow members of the organization of disabled people. Don't plunge into the abyss of litigiousness. It is better to maintain a neutral position.
Volunteers also encounter cases of selfish behavior of their charges. People with disabilities - both children and adults - can ask volunteer helpers for expensive gifts. There is no need to follow their lead! A volunteer spends his time helping those in need, but he is not required to be a sponsor.
When engaging in volunteer activities, a person realizes that there are many like-minded people next to him, who are also ready to selflessly help other people. This is a wonderful, bright feeling!
How to spot rescuer syndrome
Rescuer syndrome can be distinguished from altruism by the reason a person gives for helping. Clinical psychologist Mary Lamia, MD, explains in an article for Psychology Today that healthy helping is built on the desire to improve the life of another. The activity of a rescuer is connected precisely with his emotional needs, the need to assert himself and feel approval.
The rescuer perceives and evaluates himself through caring for others, but cannot always understand whether this care is necessary. And if someone is in a really difficult situation, the actions of the rescuer can even be harmful. The rescuer suppresses and underestimates the initiative of the one he is helping, and expects the person to simply follow his instructions.
Psychotherapists and coaches have prepared a checklist of 25 questions to identify the syndrome. If a person answers “Yes” to most of them, there is a high probability that he is prone to rescue. Here are some of the questions you can use to assess your condition:
- Do you find it difficult to find time for yourself?
- Are you always ready to help people in need?
- Do you have a tendency to take responsibility for people in trouble?
- Do you often can't stop talking, thinking and worrying about other people and their problems?
- Do you have a tendency to help everyone around you, whether they ask for help or not?
- Do you feel uncomfortable receiving help from other people?
- Do you sometimes feel angry and/or resentful because you are always giving?
- Do you sometimes feel like you are being taken advantage of?
Clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Keller says that over time, rescuers can feel frustrated that they are not performing well in the tasks they have taken on. Or they may begin to feel resentful of the indifference and lack of gratitude of those around them whom they have tried so hard to help. At this moment, negative thoughts arise, by which you can also track your condition and understand what pulled you into rescue:
- I'm tired of taking care of everyone.
- I help without being asked, and then I get upset when people don't appreciate it.
- I experience the stress of caring for others.
- I get jealous when I help people achieve their dreams.
- It's okay for me to give up on my own dreams as long as my family is successful.
- I get tired trying to solve several problems at once, none of which are my own.
Rescuer syndrome can seriously affect work. For example, among specialists in the so-called helping professions: nurses and doctors, including psychotherapists, teachers, nannies, caregivers, rescuers, police officers. As noted in a study on burnout among workers in these professions, first responders may feel frustrated by not receiving the gratitude they feel they deserve or by not being able to save and help everyone. Ultimately, this leads to burnout and the inability to provide the help that is truly needed.
Ksenia, 34 years old
I created and led an interesting social project to help children, people admired it, invited me to speak and talk about it on the radio and at events, and cited me as an example. But over time, inside myself I began to feel dissatisfaction, anger, and fatigue. Mindless self-sacrifice to the detriment of myself and the cultivation of these values in the team ultimately drained my resources and the resources of my assistants.
I realized that I needed to stop. I paused the project, started looking for help and found it in the 12-step program for codependents. In the process, I saw my unhealthy motivation. Having shaken myself up, I was able to lead the project again - already in a state of peace, joy and with a caring attitude towards myself.
No matter how banal it may sound, I realized that it all came from childhood, from family. My mother tolerated my father’s infidelities, sacrificed herself, but they still separated. And I think it was self-sacrifice to nowhere. And then I grew up and started helping addicts, also sacrificing myself in my own way: even before my project and working with children, I helped adult drug addicts. And often I literally ran after people who refused help. Just as my father was unavailable to me, so were they. I was looking for love and acceptance from cold people.
Vasily Vakulenko
In 2020, Vasily Vakulenko opened up to fans from a new side - on his page, the musician told how he renovates veterans’ apartments. The news left no one indifferent, but fans were especially touched by the story of a pensioner who, since childhood, had seen nothing but hunger and cold.
It turns out that, together with his comrades, the rapper is rebuilding the apartments of veterans into those that they dreamed of all their lives, but could not afford. Although the musician admits that there was a moment when the future of the charity was in big question. Basta honestly shared with fans that he was thinking about closing the project, which exists solely on personal savings, which tend to run out. Still, apartment renovation is not a cheap business. But the star decided not to deprive himself of his dream and to continue what he started at all costs. With tears in their eyes, veterans admit how, thanks to the musician, they again experienced emotions of happiness and joy during their long and difficult life.
Photo: @bastaakanoggano
Psychological and physical benefits of charity
Let me quote a wise man: “Charity is important for the development of any society and is a marker of its maturity.” This should become a person's habit. Why is this useful? Why is charity needed?
There is a lot of research on this topic. And it has already been scientifically proven: when a person does good to another, he feels happy. We see in many books that our goodness comes back to us. The Bible says that “God loves a cheerful giver,” which means he returns our goodness to us. And it can’t just be money: you helped someone (just not out of self-interest), then another person helped you.
This is a physical benefit.
The reasons for good actions can be psychological problems. This is how a person solves them. And that's not a bad thing. Better this than some kind of addiction. When a person gives money, he then receives a return: in money, respect, good deeds for him, various pleasant situations. And life satisfaction, contentment, positivity comes.
This is a psychological benefit.
The creator of this blog, Pavel Butor, speaks well about the benefits of charity in financial and psychological terms in his Telegram channel.
Natalya Vodyanova
Natalya often talks about the childhood she spent with her younger sister Oksana, who was born with a severe form of autism. Because of this, many avoided girls and teased them. The model still cannot forget how the family could not afford to buy expensive medications for her sister. Therefore, having become successful and rich, the Nizhny Novgorod beauty considered it her duty to start helping those who are in a similar position. Another impetus for the creation of a charitable foundation was the tragedy in Beslan - in the hope of helping the affected children, Natalia fulfilled her dream and founded the Naked Heart Foundation in 2004. Thanks to the model’s great desire to please and develop special children, children’s centers and special play parks have appeared in Russian cities. In addition, Natalya regularly organizes charity evenings, races and marathons, and also teaches her children to be open to helping others. When asked how Natalya manages to keep up with everything, she answers briefly: the more she gives, the more strength and energy she receives in return.
Photo: @natasupernova
Keanu Reeves
Keanu mentioned that he is involved in charity work only once. In an interview, Reeves admitted that he has his own charitable foundation, which is in no way connected with his name and was created not for fame and pride, but to help those in need. The actor secretly gives hundreds of millions of dollars to children's hospitals and sponsors cancer research. According to colleagues, Keanu does not spare money for others and is always ready to lend a helping hand. This happened during the filming of the famous “The Matrix” - the film became a significant event in the actor’s life and brought him world fame. But for Keanu it was a victory and success for the entire team, so as a sign of gratitude, he gave a significant part of his fee to the film crew. When the actor was asked to explain his action, he modestly noted that money is the last thing on his mind. Colleagues joke that Reeves is definitely unfamiliar with star fever. It's not unusual for a world-famous actor to share lunch with the homeless, ride the subway and live in an ordinary apartment.
They say that Reeves was pushed to a simple lifestyle and multimillion-dollar donations by a personal drama - in the 90s, his younger sister was diagnosed with a terrible diagnosis of leukemia. The brother did everything to ensure that the best doctors in the best clinic treated him, and the disease subsided. But Keanu's love for helping others remains forever.
Photo: @keanu_reeves_demons
Examples of charity and patronage in life
You can find the most incredible stories of charity on the Internet:
- Chuck Feeney, the creator of Duty Free stores, has given away almost all of his fortune to date and is not fazed by the prospect of dying penniless.
- Warren Buffett donated $14.7 billion to fight poverty, treat HIV/AIDS and polio.
- George Soros gave about $3.1 billion to programs for the development of democracy and human rights.
- The Walton family supports educational projects with $2.3 billion.
- The Arnold family spent $1.2 billion on education, criminal justice and health care.
- Roman Abramovich takes part in social projects to support art, Jewish communities, seriously ill children, and sports development.
- Vladimir Potanin supports young teachers, students, education and science in Russia.
- Gennady Timchenko helps financially the elderly, families with adopted children, and gives money to cultural and scientific projects.
And there are actually many similar examples. Such people are the engines of progress in civilized countries. They change their lives for the better and help others do the same.
Another example of his charity is given in his Telegram channel by the author of this blog, Pavel Butor.
Legal basis
International Day of Charity is celebrated on September 5th. It is dedicated to the death of Mother Teresa, who was considered the most kind and sacrificial. And on this day, companies, firms, rich people strive to do shares of good deeds.
Each country has laws on charity. For example, in Ukraine it is clearly stated what it is, what forms it has, and who has the right to engage in this type of activity. Founders of organizations must be over 18 years of age. The document states that such organizations are obliged to provide free access to reports and other types of accounting papers. The clauses about assistance to them from the state only state that state bodies do not interfere with the implementation of their activities.
But in European countries, those who do charity work are given tax holidays or some kind of tax discounts, interest rates are reduced, and they contribute in every possible way to such good deeds.
In Russia, this type of activity is also prescribed in legislation. This is the Federal Law “On Charitable Activities and Volunteering (Volunteering)” dated August 11, 1995 No. 135-FZ. Here the range of actions of government bodies expands slightly: they can promote volunteer activities within the framework of the legislation of the Russian Federation.
In Belarus, too, this type of activity is specified in the law “On Charitable Activities and Charitable Organizations” of November 14, 2002. By the way, here in the law I saw clearly stated clauses on supporting charitable activities. That is, at the state level, such activities are supported: financing, benefits for obtaining a license, exemption from rent, etc.
Beyoncé
Eight years ago, fans, friends and family congratulated Beyoncé and rapper Jay Z on the birth of their first daughter. Many of them did not skimp on gifts, sending the baby expensive jewelry and toys, which the young parents decided to give to those in need. Beyoncé and Jay Z sent a significant portion of the gifts to charities that help young mothers.
But this is not the only act that Beyoncé has done for other people. The singer actively supports the Black Lives Matter social movement, organizes charity concerts and donates millions of dollars to various foundations. That is why several years ago the performer topped the rating of the most generous celebrity philanthropists. In addition, in 2013, the singer founded a charity organization that helps those in need around the world.
Photo: @beyonce
