How to love your appearance: tips for getting rid of complexes, steps to confidence

The main theses of psychologist Labkovsky

In the lecture “How to love yourself with any appearance,” Labkovsky presented a number of key points. Namely:

In order to please someone, you must first like yourself. Only inner self-confidence, and not external gloss, has true magnetism.
Neither makeup, nor beautiful clothes, nor refined manners - nothing will work if you do not love yourself. If you are embarrassed and afraid of criticism, all these attributes of beauty will look ridiculous.
Accept yourself as you are. As you cultivate self-love, your attractiveness in the eyes of others will increase.
Don't hold a grudge against those who find you unattractive. You don’t think everyone is beautiful either, do you?
Accept yourself entirely. You can’t love only your beautiful “parts.”
Be clear about what you want from your appearance. Describe your problem on paper. This will make it much easier for you to start working on self-improvement.
Accept compliments, don't reject them. Even if you understand that the person is just saying this out of politeness. Rejoice in pleasant words.
Praise yourself and your appearance. Do this both in private and in front of others.

First steps: taking care of your body

First of all, you need to learn how to properly take care of your body. These things may seem obvious, but often it is the neglect of one of the points that prevents you from loving and accepting yourself. The best ways to care for which the body will definitely respond with gratitude:

Healthy sleep.
Proper nutrition.
Vitamins.
Walks.
Physical exercise.
Breaks from work and other activities (5 minutes every hour).
Planning.
Communication.
Rest.
Lists: gratitude, achievements, things that bother you. It is also worth writing down any ideas, tasks, events.
Help from others.
Meditations.
Rejection of the unimportant.
Time for yourself and your favorite activity.

Stage two: get rid of all negativity

Accept your feelings.

If you notice that you feel sad, try to understand why, find the reason. Say it out loud and accept it;

You don't have to fight negative feelings. Just accept them and let them go;

If these feelings do not go away, drive them away. Tell yourself: “I’m just tired, I’ll think about it tomorrow. Today I don’t have time to worry about nonsense”;

Before you change anything about yourself, love yourself.

If you don't understand that you are special and unique, you won't achieve results;

Ask yourself: “Do I deserve to be happy?” If the answer is yes, then you are on the right track.
Get rid of the haters.

Happy people never insult other people. Therefore, if someone tries to hurt you, it means that not everything is good in their life. Mentally wish him happiness and health and stop communicating.

Treat yourself kindly.

If you start to spread rot on yourself, stop immediately! Talk to yourself as if you were talking to a good friend. Would you criticize your friend?

Write yourself a letter on behalf of a friend.

Describe yourself as you appear to those who love you.

Don't refuse help.

If you realize that you are unable to accept your feelings and cope with them, contact a psychologist or psychotherapist.

14 more effective ways

Continuing the list of the best methods for overcoming self-dislike, it’s worth remembering giving up unrealistic expectations, trust, compliments, changing your approach to exercise, and ten more tips from psychologists:

Letting go of unrealistic expectations. This is again about comparing yourself to others. Many people are depressed by models and the difference between their body and their own. It’s worth looking at the statistics: only about two percent of women in the world have the same thin figures. For those who suffer from excess weight, it will be useful to study the works of artists: curvaceous female forms have long been considered an ideal and this fashion is cyclical. And artists are also convinced that any body is beautiful.
Confidence. It is recommended to listen to the opinions of dear people and everyone who is friendly. Now is the right time to cross out childhood and teenage grievances along with the need to prove something to strangers.
Compliments. Refusal and denial of a compliment is equivalent to a sick person throwing away pills and being surprised that he will not recover. You need to open up to the positive, thank for every compliment and learn to look at yourself through the eyes of a friend or partner. In addition, some psychologists advise writing down the compliments you receive, especially the most pleasant ones, and re-reading them at moments of feeling discomfort with your body or a drop in self-esteem. It is equally useful to compliment yourself.
Changing your approach to exercise. Often people go to the gym or work out at home only because they have to, and don’t want to. It is worth trying different exercises and finding those that will bring you pleasure and joy. Even if a person does not lose weight or build muscle, his attitude towards his own body becomes better thanks to happiness hormones.
Undress. The method involves being at home half-naked or naked. People who walk around the apartment in a swimsuit or underwear gradually get used to the appearance of their body and get rid of worries about their shortcomings. Soon it will be much easier to go to the beach or go outside in a light dress.
Good clothes. Stop storing old clothes and motivating yourself with them to lose weight. It's time to update your wardrobe, buy things in current sizes, feel comfortable and look stylish.
Stand in front of the mirror more often. This is a special tool that allows you to see yourself as much as possible through the eyes of others. But instead of focusing on your shortcomings, it’s better to evaluate your strengths, admire them and admire them.
At the same time, it is important to stop constantly checking your body. The exercise is useful for those who are fixated on their reflection and seem to expect that ten minutes after the last look at the window, something has changed.
Nutrition: quality, not quantity. You need to find a healthy compromise between needs and desires. Instead of counting calories and striving for an ideal weight, it is important to evaluate aspects such as variety, naturalness, and taste of food. It should satisfy and help the body and brain function normally. And also don’t focus on food.
Help others. It is more rational to spend time and energy aimed at worrying about the shortcomings of your appearance on communicating and helping other people. This has a positive effect on well-being and worldview.
Focus on the individual. Any person is much more than his outer shell. Psychologists recommend making a list of your advantages that are not related to your body or appearance and often re-read the things that are worth loving yourself for.
Celebrate life. It's about enjoying what you have, opportunities like laughing, dreaming, running or dancing, despite society's standards.
Self-care. You shouldn’t put off manicures, pedicures, your favorite perfumes and aromatic baths until an illusory tomorrow, when your weight returns to normal and wrinkles smooth out.
Control over the imagination. You should learn to notice the moments when negative thoughts about appearance appear in your head and immediately stop them. Likewise, you need to work on changing your own assessment. For example, dissatisfaction with small breasts can be exchanged for memories of an unforgettable romance, which this supposed drawback did not interfere with. Many negative feelings are nothing more than the result of stereotypical thinking.

How to accept and love your body

Psychologists are convinced that the best way to emerge victorious from a war with yourself is to make it a war for yourself. Love for your appearance and body sometimes comes through a thorny path, but the result will justify your wildest expectations.

How to recognize an appearance complex in yourself?

Psychologists identify many signs by which one can suspect this complex. Here are the main ones:

obsession with losing weight;
restrictions on clothing and cosmetics, reinforced by the opinion that all this will only emphasize shortcomings;
frequent visits to beauty salons (more than 2 times a week);
long and painful experiences after someone saw you without makeup or in home clothes;
awkward feelings from compliments;
frequent weighing and measurement of all body parameters;
long preening in front of the mirror;
the opinion that only the beautiful and ideal deserve love and happiness;
frequent thoughts about plastic surgery;
decent money spent on cosmetics.

Daily and thorough self-care is the norm for a modern woman. But you shouldn’t reach the point of fanaticism. If you notice at least half of these signs in yourself, this means that you have this complex, and you need to fight it.

It’s better to go on a diet for a month twice a year to get in shape, than to suffer for years from the thought that you’re fat. Moderate self-care is necessary and beneficial, but excess is always bad.

How to accept your body

To begin with, you need to take care of your body with gratitude.

a regular foot massage works wonders if done with love;
take a walk down the street and breathe some air, take a bath with salt, make a face or hair mask - let this become part of your usual lifestyle;
try to go to bed earlier to get enough sleep. Getting a good night's rest is very important for health;
take vitamins;
try healthy eating. Not because it’s fashionable or right, but simply as a form of self-care.

Listen to your body, pay it attention, and it will thank you.

What does it mean to love yourself?

Buying yourself delicious food, pampering yourself with beautiful clothes and giving yourself expensive gifts does not mean valuing yourself. A person who truly loves himself:

Fully accepts himself and his shortcomings.
He knows how to transform his disadvantages into advantages.
Doesn't criticize himself with or without reason.
Praises himself for his achievements.

But, of course, no one canceled self-care. Learn to dress well, try delicacies, relax, spend more time and, if possible, money on yourself. In general, start taking care of yourself with the same zeal as you are used to taking care of others.

How to love yourself and your non-standard appearance: 4 stories of real women

Lina Dembikova: “I lost the phalanx of my finger at the age of 11 due to a severe burn and medical negligence. We can say that this is an unfortunate coincidence - big tragedies often occur due to a small mistake. For doctors it was an ordinary injury, one in a thousand, but for me it was a matter of a lifetime. As a result, three days later I was in danger of having my arm amputated. For me, as a professional athlete, this was the end. I fought for my arm for 2.5 months, so the loss of the phalanx did not seem such a terrible tragedy. But subsequent adaptation to society turned into a real challenge. I did not receive the necessary support either from psychological services, or from doctors, or even from loved ones. The hardest thing is to accept the idea that things will never be the same. People with any kind of injury really need the support of their family at first. It so happened that I did not receive the absolute love of my parents - in this test I was left alone with my pain, and self-love became a kind of protection for me in adolescence. Warmth and empathy were not part of my family's plans. It seemed right to them not to make drama out of this situation. Just act like nothing happened. I realized that if I don’t learn to protect and love myself, then no one will do it. Close people do not always love us unconditionally; they do not always know how to show support and care. But you shouldn’t despair - only you are responsible for your happiness. And sometimes this responsibility falls on your shoulders too early. Another difficulty I faced at that age was misunderstanding and lack of tact when I returned to school. There was an acute lack of culture for discussing such topics in society. I think people thought that the less they paid attention, the easier it would be for me, but that was not the case. The children at school did not understand how to behave with me after the injury, what to say, how to look at my hand. Parents rarely explain to their child what to do in such situations. If, instead of whispering and exchanging glances, classmates would simply say: “Don’t worry, everything is fine. For us, you are as beautiful as you were,” this phrase would be enough for the world around me to become the same. But instead of encouraging words, I received ridiculous comments, stupid questions and unconsciously cruel phrases that traumatized and forced me to learn to hide my peculiarity. Looking back on the past after so much time, I understand that this is the test that had to fall on me in order for me to become who I am. I am grateful to fate for everything that happened - difficulties gave strength to my character. When you are a media person, it is difficult to talk about personal things - it immediately gets a lot of resonance and not always positive responses. But the release of the program “Reloaded” with Yulia gave me the opportunity to tell my story while supporting another person. I was ready for anything, but people’s reaction was pleasantly surprising. Yulia and I received a huge number of warm words addressed to us. Now, by sharing my experience, I would like to help those who have experienced similar things to feel freer and more confident. Over the years I have learned to hide my finger to make others feel comfortable. But it’s important that we all start to approach this more openly and not feel awkward. And one of the ways to cultivate such an attitude is to show more people with special needs, to emphasize that beauty can be different. I am glad that the trend of searching for new types helps society raise global issues such as self-acceptance and self-love. But I'm against inclusivity for the sake of hype. Inclusiveness in my understanding is the search for beauty from a broader perspective.”

What are the causes of complexes?

Why don't I love myself? There can be many reasons

And they are individual for each person. But there are the main ones that occur most often:

Self-doubt coming from childhood.
Complexes arise in us in our early years. Often parents, without noticing it themselves, undermine our self-confidence. “,Your hands are growing from the wrong place,” “, Katya wrote the test perfectly, but you can’t even do that,” “, With grades like that, you’ll only have to become a janitor when you grow up,”, “, All you can do is walk and play with your toys at the computer! You’re no use,” did you often hear something like that as a child? Then it is not surprising that now there is no self-confidence or love.
Comparison with others. You probably don’t even notice that, while scrolling through social networks, you think about how good everything is for everyone and how bad it is for you. Everyone has a beautiful life, stylish clothes, a toned figure, endless fans, trips all over the world and much more. What do you have? Hated work and evening in front of TV? And how can you love yourself?
Obsession with your shortcomings. Do you constantly think that you could have a more interesting appearance, be taller, have a slimmer figure, and have a better character? If you constantly think about it and don’t work on yourself, your complexes will only grow and your attitude towards yourself will worsen.

Take the self-hate test:

Beautiful and lonely

We are surprised when we see an “ugly girl” next to a spectacular and successful gentleman. But our bewilderment becomes even greater when a beautiful, sweet young lady turns out to be lonely and unhappy. How is this explained? Quite simple. Some women manage to accept their appearance and love themselves, despite their flaws. Other girls are very upset by some little things, for example, moles or thin hair. They have a generally good appearance, but are constantly looking for flaws in themselves.

To attract the attention of fans, a woman must love her appearance and consider herself beautiful. Of course, you shouldn’t convince yourself that you are Miss World, but every girl is attractive in her own way. A woman’s task is to reveal her individuality and present it in a favorable light. Men will treat a woman the way she sees herself in the mirror.

Why do men like confident girls? Because optimism and positivity are attractive in themselves. No one will be inspired by a person who reeks of depression and hopelessness. Guys always find it difficult to communicate with girls who withdraw and suffer from complexes. No matter how trivial it may sound, men need sincerity and openness.

A woman who loves herself has success not only on the personal front. She is also more successful in life and career. It’s just easier for her to communicate with people and achieve what she wants. Let's consider the recommendations of psychologists, how to finally love yourself?

Why is it difficult for a modern woman to accept her appearance?

First you need to find out where the roots of the problem are. What causes this appearance complex? The first and main reason lies in modern culture. The fact is that society constantly imposes beauty parameters on women that most people do not fit into. Today, ideal slimness, long legs and a “doll” face are in fashion. Individuality is little valued these days, and most people don't realize how important it is.

Girls believe that they must look like models from glossy magazines, otherwise worthy men will not pay attention to them. This is a real and very harmful myth. After all, truly smart and successful men value completely different qualities in women. Of course, they are pleased to see well-groomed and attractive ladies nearby, but appearance is not the main thing here. Girls with huge lips and breasts often become kept women, but rarely legal spouses whose opinions are taken into account.

Cosmetic and pharmaceutical companies benefit from our complexes, because a desperate fight against them can make good money. Beauty salons make money every day from removing freckles and moles, and plastic clinics make money from operations to change appearance. You need to understand that fashion standards are always beneficial to someone. Will they benefit you?

Where to begin

Every person has both advantages and disadvantages. But it is impossible to love only the beautiful in yourself and reject the rest. This practice dates back to childhood, when you had to be a good girl or a good boy to earn the love of your parents.

Children are rarely praised just like that, and then they grow into insecure adults. They have an inner critic in their heads, who in a nasty voice tells them what’s wrong with them: they’re overweight, their legs are crooked, and their ears stick out. And if you compare it with recognized standards of beauty, then everything is completely bad.

These imaginary conversations lead not only to low self-esteem, but also to stress. It seems that if you become different, everything will immediately be fine, and this voice will be silent. But the only thing that is truly worth changing is your attitude towards yourself. Don’t set yourself a condition: first I will become ideal, and then you can love and praise yourself. You need to love yourself right now, just the way you are. And you need to start with loving your body. If you can't change your appearance, change your attitude.

Bonus: books that will help you love yourself

“More than the body. Accept and Love, Lexi Kite, Lindsay Kite

If you are embarrassed by your appearance and consider yourself not attractive enough, this book is for you. The authors will help you create a positive body image and give effective exercises that will help you look at your reflection in the mirror with love.

Buy a book

“Closer to the body. How to stop torturing yourself and start a life without diets and bad habits,” Rebecca Scritchfield

Rebecca Scritchfield is a certified nutrition and fitness specialist. In the book, she shares the stories of her clients and tells how to acquire healthy habits without harming the body.

Buy a book

How to Love Your Body by Emily Sandoz and Troy Dufresne

A doctor of science and an author of books on psychology have teamed up and give useful advice on how to love yourself in all your imperfections. The book is based on acceptance and responsibility therapy, which will help you begin to correctly evaluate your body and work on it effectively.

Buy a book

“You are more beautiful than you think. How to Develop Healthy Eating Habits and Accept Yourself by Signe Darpiryan, Shelley Aggarwal, Wendy Sterling

The authors will help you adjust your diet and choose the appropriate type of training. The book also contains many useful practical exercises.

Buy a book

Definition of self-love

Who is a proud person and an egoist? Who is a person who loves only himself?

Self-esteem is the tendency to evaluate oneself and one’s strengths quite highly.

At the same time, along with this quality also comes increased sensitivity and vulnerability in relation to the opinions of others about oneself.

Selfishness is the next step after selfishness. A person no longer just values himself highly, but puts himself first in all matters.

It is important to understand that neither pride nor selfishness will give you a correct assessment of your actions. This is a distorted view of yourself.

The higher the self-esteem, the more painfully a person reacts to opinions about himself and to criticism from the outside.

What is sick pride, wounded or injured pride? What does a blow to pride ?

When a person is greatly offended by the opinions of others about himself and it seems to him that people underestimate him, they speak of a sick or damaged pride.

Any criticism is perceived painfully and greatly offends . Moreover, these may not necessarily be just words; some action can also be a blow to pride.

About the pros and cons of being selfish in this video:

How to get rid of the victim complex? Advice from psychologists will help you!