A child’s 3-year-old crisis: what is important for parents to know about this period?

Before moms and dads had time to rejoice that the baby had learned to walk, talk and even eat on his own, suddenly amazing metamorphoses happened to the child. He’s capricious, doesn’t listen, throws hysterics, and the word “no” is an empty phrase for him! This is how parents can understand that their child is experiencing a 3-year-old crisis.

Today we will talk about how this period proceeds and what mothers and fathers should know in order not to harm their baby and help him get out of the crisis safely.

Help from pets

Buying a pet and sharing the responsibilities of caring for it among family members (or children of different ages) is a good way to balance relationships and shift the focus from the self-centered child self to the defenseless ego of a living being.
The ideal choice for a three-year-old child would be a cat. Naturally, from good parents with adequate behavior. A wild street kitten will not be suitable, since the pet should calm you down and put you in a completely different mood. You should choose a breed based on its habits, not its appearance. Among 40 cat breeds you can find a pet for every taste.

Not only the breed is important, but also how the cubs grew, how much they interacted with humans, and what they managed to learn by the time they were 2 months old at the time of sale. A good pet will teach a three-year-old a lot: to arrange a comfortable environment in accordance with the needs of another, to cope with cleaning, to worry about the health of a pet, to raise it.

In terms of mental characteristics, a two-month-old kitten and a three-year-old preschooler are approximately equal, so they understand each other perfectly. The cat will grow up faster and remain a family friend. And during this time, the preschooler’s crisis year will end. The child will learn the basics of responsibility and interspecies friendship.

A 3-year crisis can last from six months to two years and is characterized very individually. Children are so different that one will be mischievous all this time, and the other will “get over it” in 2-3 weeks. Parents need patience not to lose their temper.

Take the 3-year crisis not as a terrible test, but as confirmation of normal development and personality formation. Time passes quickly, an obedient child will soon return if you are careful enough in your own actions. Relationships with parents are built continuously. If contact is lost, it is difficult to restore it at subsequent age stages.

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Professional help

If parents are unable to cope with the manifestations of the crisis on their own, they should seek help from a specialized specialist. For starters, it could be a child psychologist. What warning signs indicate such a need:

• fear of independence and refusal of it;
• detachment from parents;
• tendency towards sadism;
• too frequent and prolonged tantrums;
• emotional and behavioral deviations characteristic of the 3-year-old crisis affect the physical condition.

In case of intense, frequently recurring hypobulic seizures (hysterics or convulsions), the child is referred to a neurologist who conducts a physical examination. It evaluates reflexes, sensitivity, coordination, muscle strength and tone. This is necessary for the differential diagnosis of a crisis with neurological diseases.

If a neurological or mental disorder is diagnosed, a course of treatment is prescribed with the use of pediatric sedatives and other treatment methods. In their absence, a psychocorrection program is implemented to overcome the crisis. It usually consists of the following steps:

1. Working with parents: explaining to them the essence of the 3-year-old crisis and recommendations on how to behave.
2. Working with factors that aggravate and alleviate the crisis. The former are eliminated whenever possible, and emphasis is placed on the latter.
3. Working directly with the child. This can be fairy tale therapy, dance movement therapy, isotherapy, symbol drama, role-playing games, etc.

Usually the matter is limited to 5-6 sessions, as a result of which the child becomes calmer, and parents acquire knowledge of how to behave correctly in critical situations.

Maturation of the personality of a three-year-old

Overcoming the crisis fits within the age range of 2-4 years. The peak moment occurs at age 3. The child needs to realize his own strengths. The first thing the baby does on this path is to explore the capabilities of his body: he jumps, climbs, takes different poses, manipulates objects in the adult world, actively learns about technology and electronics, and masters his first real (three-wheeled) bicycle.

Normally developing children experience pleasure from their expression of will. They contrast their own needs and the demands of adults openly and as if out of spite. Stubbornness is a negative but necessary form of behavior.

Having overcome the conflict of interests, little men learn their first compromises.

Crisis 3 years psychology

Lev Semyonovich Vygotsky, a Soviet psychologist, emphasized that behind every negative symptom of a crisis “is hidden a positive content, which usually consists of a transition to a new and higher form.”

Positive acquired personality traits of a child after a crisis of 3 years in children:

• Becoming a new level of self-awareness.
• The desire for independence.
• Development of strong-willed qualities and activity.
• Establishing deeper, new relationships with adults in communication, cognitive and substantive activities, and play, in which the importance of a positive assessment of adults’ successes and personal achievements of children is great.

Do such problems always arise?

Psychologists have proven that the three-year crisis is an obligatory and natural milestone in a child’s growing up. However, the presence of the negative signs described above, or more precisely, their excessive expression, is an optional condition for the development of a child.

Sometimes a crisis period proceeds quite smoothly, without obvious symptoms and is characterized only by the emergence of certain personal new formations, including:

• the child’s awareness of his “I”;
• talking about yourself in the first person;
• emergence of self-esteem;
• the emergence of strong-willed qualities and perseverance.

As already noted, the crisis will proceed much more mildly if parents take into account the age and individual characteristics of the child when choosing optimal educational measures.

In general, three-year-olds are characterized by some common behavioral traits, which are worth mentioning in more detail in order to take them into account when communicating with your baby:

1. Children try to achieve the final result of their actions. For a three-year-old child, it is important to complete a task, be it drawing or washing dishes, so failures often do not stop him, but only stimulate him.
2. The baby loves to demonstrate the result obtained to adults. This is why parents need to give positive assessments of the results of children's activities, because a negative or indifferent attitude can lead to negative self-perception in children.
3. Emerging self-esteem makes the child touchy, dependent on other people's opinions, and even boastful. Therefore, parents' inattention to children's experiences can become a source of negative self-determination.

Thus, the emergence of one’s own “I”, the ability to achieve one’s own and dependence on the assessments of loved ones become the main results of the crisis at the age of three and mark the child’s transition to the next stage of childhood – preschool.

A 3-year-old crisis is not a reason to panic and consider your child bad and uncontrollable. All children go through this period, but you have the power to make it as painless and fruitful as possible for your baby. To do this, you just need to respect him as a person.

Important tips for parents

Always remember that the behavior of a young man, his whims and rebellion do not come from character. All these are events necessary for the psyche, through which the child’s personality and its emotional-volitional sphere are formed.

The three-year-old rebel wants to be an adult, to participate in the life of the family on an equal basis with others. So that his self-esteem is formed in accordance with his age, and his character remains peaceful, learn to take his opinion into account: in choosing a dish for breakfast, clothes for a visit, a gift for a neighbor’s girl, toys for a walk. A reminder to parents on raising a 2.5-4 year old child consists of just a few points.

Memo for parents on raising children 2.5-4 years old

Reasonable prohibitions. Do not overload the space with many prohibitions. It is better to establish safety rules and establish any requirements from this position. “You can’t be the first to leave the entrance because something might fall from the roof (icicles)/someone will be knocked down (boys on bicycles)/the door is too heavy (it might hurt).

Calmness and resourcefulness. Stay calm and reasonable. Be resourceful. Learn to turn the situation to your advantage. Make truthful arguments. Make fun of minor problems

Switch the capricious person’s attention to something. Look for compromises.

Praise and Choice

Praise for independence in permitted situations. In all other cases, offer an imaginary choice: do not ask if he wants to bathe, ask what shampoo he will use today.

With the permission of your elders, anything is possible. Come up with games and activities in which prohibitions are broken at the request of adults: whatman paper for drawing on top of the wallpaper with your younger sister, a basin of warm water for launching boats with your dad. From time to time, allow harmless “mischief” and do it with your children.

Involvement in activities. Use role-playing games to engage in activities. Place the bear at the table and start feeding. Ask your daughter to help with this. You won’t notice how she will pull the spoon into her mouth.

Anticipating the situation. Anticipate tantrums and agree on behavior in advance. And never compare your children with others. The maximum is with them in the past. Comparison with others undermines the development of self-esteem. Learn yourself and teach your children how to make pleasant surprises. Receiving gratitude is much more pleasant than punishment.

No physical punishment. Extinguish attacks of anger! Deprivation of promised entertainment is also ineffective as punishment. This will only undermine trust in the parent. Punishment should not be directed from parent to child. The best punishment is one that comes from the situation and is aimed at behavior in this situation, that is, impersonal punishment (something broke, became unattainable, got lost, disappeared).

Know how to distinguish between intentional evasion of rules and accidental violation of them in cognitive courage. In every situation, have the restraint to figure it out and not scream. The child who broke the cup may end up having to be praised while at the same time expressing disappointment over the cup. Soften critical remarks as much as possible, and it is completely incorrect to insult a preschooler.

Another note relates to sudden changes in children's behavior. Sometimes it is not a psychologist, but a neurologist who comes to the aid of the family of a disobedient preschooler. When behavioral disorders arise from the physical quality of the nervous system, educational principles are supplemented by medical ones.

Disobedience is no longer seen as a problem, but as a symptom. A neurologist may recommend sedatives. You shouldn't neglect them.

7.1. Social development situation

Preschool childhood

covers the period from 3 to 6–7 years. At this time, the child is disconnected from the adult, which leads to a change in the social situation. For the first time, the child leaves the world of the family and enters the world of adults with certain laws and rules. The circle of friends expands: the preschooler visits stores, the clinic, and begins to communicate with peers, which is also important for his development.

The ideal form with which a child begins to interact is the social relationships that exist in the world of adults. The ideal form, as L.S. believed. Vygotsky, is that part of objective reality (higher than the level at which the child is) with which he enters into direct interaction; this is the area that the child is trying to enter. In preschool age, the world of adults becomes this form.

According to D.B. Elkonin, the entire preschool age revolves around its center, around an adult, his functions, his tasks. The adult here acts as a bearer of social functions in the system of social relations (an adult - dad, doctor, driver, etc.). Elkonin saw the contradiction of this social situation of development in the fact that the child is a member of society, he cannot live outside society, his main need is to live together with the people around him, but he cannot realize this, since the child’s life passes in conditions of indirect, and not direct connection with the world.

The child is not yet able to fully participate in the life of adults, but can express his needs through play, since only it makes it possible to model the world of adults, enter it and play out all the roles and behavior patterns that interest him.

We fight whims

The biggest problem in the 3-year-old crisis is the frequent whims and hysterics of stubborn little ones. To avoid hysterics and whims, you should discuss your actions with your children in advance. Just because you're shopping for dinner doesn't mean you have to buy a new toy. Talk to your child, explain where you are going, ask his opinion.

If the child has already started to become hysterical, do not start screaming and threatening, remain calm. Kids love to throw tantrums in a crowded place; take your capricious child to a quiet corner where there will be no spectators. Don't start lecturing and raising children in the presence of other people. The best thing to do is hug your baby. Tell your child how much you love him, and also how this fidgety behavior upsets you.

Under no circumstances resort to physical or corporal punishment. The little man will only become embittered, his stubbornness can only increase. The baby will begin to be afraid of its parents. Never insult your child, do not call him a bungler or a hooligan. Praise for all successes. Don't make fun of failures. At this age, many children develop new fears that the baby will not be able to cope with on their own. Children begin to be afraid of heights, darkness, fear of strangers and vast spaces.

How we survived the crisis

Olga, 28 years oldSon Makar, 4 years old

My son has been naughty since childhood, but until he was 2 years old, everything was limited to refusing soup and unwillingness to put away toys, I remember from myself that this is normal. And when we sent him to kindergarten, something unimaginable began. Screams and hysterics in the morning, teachers constantly complained that he did not go to play, offended other children, and did not eat at all. We were seriously scared then and took Makar home for several months, I took a vacation, and my husband and I took turns studying at home, trying to figure out how to overcome the crisis. Of course, at first I swore, screamed, could have spanked him, but the howling only became louder, and then we decided to act in two ways - an agreement and ignoring

It was possible to ignore the hysterics, Makar became calmer when he realized that he would not achieve anything in this way, he himself began to compromise. As a result, after three months we calmly returned to kindergarten, and by the age of 4 even whims became a rarity for us

How to behave as parents when hysterics are in full swing

Hysteria occurs where there are prohibitions and restrictions. But raising children in permissiveness is also impossible. There are situations when it is better for a child to say “no!” The scale of the reaction to rejection can be very different: from a short cry to rolling on the floor. Therefore, parents should be attentive and be able to predict provoking situations and try to avoid them. For example, a baby sees a large glass goblet and wants to play with it. But this is unsafe: if the glass breaks, the baby may get hurt. Parents understand this and refuse their child. Refusal provokes hysteria. In this case, it would be better to remove an interesting but unsafe object for the child from his field of vision.

If hysteria has already begun, you can adhere to the following recommendations:

• Parents should remain calm and not focus the child's attention on hysterics.
• You cannot shout at a child or hit him. This will not calm him down, but on the contrary, the hysteria will intensify.
• Don't pay attention to the sidelong glances of people around you. No matter how it may look from the outside, such behavior is the norm for a small child.
• If possible, it is better to be alone with the child. Strangers love to advise what to do, or they may try to help the mother calm the baby, thereby causing an even greater outburst of emotions in the child.
• Do not tell your baby to calm down. It’s better to express his emotional state in a calm and confident tone: “I see how upset you are because I didn’t allow you... You’re very angry about this,” etc.
• If the situation allows, it is better to let the baby fully experience his feelings and not block them - this is the only way he will learn to understand and manage them. But there are situations in which it is better to help the child calm down. Then you can try to switch the baby’s attention, for example, to some bright object that can interest the child. If it doesn’t work out, you just need to wait until the child calms down or try to find a compromise solution together.
• When the hysteria passes, you definitely need to discuss the situation with your child, ask how he felt at that moment, and show him how to express emotions in a different way.

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Features of manifestation

The crisis manifests itself differently in each child. Some throw tantrums in the store, some run away, and some children stubbornly refuse to obey.

Main features of the transitional age of 3 years:

1. Dictatorship. The child persistently tries to subjugate his parents. There is no other option but to obey. The baby accepts any other decisions with tears.
2. Depreciation. Now your favorite toy is under the sofa, songs are not worth singing, and your beloved dad is already perceived as someone else’s uncle.
3. Independence. In some cases this is good, in others the child does not allow himself to be helped, and failures excite the child’s psyche even more.
4. Negativism. The baby will refuse games only because his mother suggested them, and he did not initiate them.
5. Persistence. In any situation, the baby insists on his own and does not accept any arguments.

A child is a mirror of the family

Do not overprotect your child, but also do not use a despotic style towards him. For a long time before a crisis, children absorb surrounding information, reflect it within themselves, and during the crisis period they release it externally. A child’s behavior can be diagnostic for a family psychologist.

If a specialist notices mistakes of the older generation in the behavior of a younger family member, he will definitely recommend a minimum program:

• agree on a common style, including with grandparents;
• abandon overprotection and authoritarianism;
• remain calm and self-possessed at any time when interacting with children;
• think about every action and word, trying to set a positive example for the child;
• learn to model the necessary situations around the child, become resourceful parents;
• Do not deceive the baby, behave sincerely.

The right strategy is the key to quick results. The child’s behavior changes almost immediately, within a few days.

The baby should have the feeling that he really makes decisions himself. But these decisions must be correct so that parents have the opportunity to praise them. Arguments, swearing, and rivalry only lead to increased rebellion. But the desire to help around the house (fulfilling adult responsibilities) must be encouraged.

Try to spend more time playing together and collaborating in games. The fight for championship is only permissible within the framework of the game

Three years is the time for educational games and games for attention:

• “Edible - inedible”;
• "Not really";
• “Did you know that?..” (facts about nature);
• role-playing game;
• animal-based kindness lessons;
• creative activities, you can involve neighbor children or family members in them.

The reasonable decisions of a preschooler should not be challenged. Let him play with those toys that he considers necessary; let him choose clothes from several acceptable options; let him eat his lunch in his own order. Deprive him of the opportunity to throw a tantrum or become angry.

Through experimentation he chooses his future habits and shapes his character. He will still come to generally accepted instructions and algorithms, because that’s what everyone around him is doing. A three-year-old needs to be convinced of the correctness of the choice of adults from his own experience. If now we deprive him of the opportunity to choose, then more destructive riots may arise in adolescence.

• Offer your help when needed.
• Praise good crafts and provide support when things don't work out.
• Hug your baby before bed. Even if he did something wrong.
• Avoid directive instructions; it is better to stick to a diplomatic strategy.
• Never call a child a bungler, a blockhead, or stupid - don’t kill a child’s self-esteem at 3 years old!
• Learn parenting tricks (for example, the advice of Dr. Komarovsky).

All these are pedagogical tools of good parents for any age stage.

7.2. Leading activity

The leading activity in preschool age is play.

A game is a form of activity in which a child reproduces the basic meanings of human activity and assimilates those forms of relationships that will be realized and implemented later. He does this by replacing some objects with others, and real actions with abbreviated ones.

Role-playing play receives special development at this age (see 7.3). The basis of such a game is the role chosen by the child and the actions to implement this role.

D.B. Elkonin argued that a game is a symbolic-modeling type of activity in which the operational and technical side is minimal, operations are reduced, and objects are conventional. It is known that all types of preschooler activities are of a modeling nature, and the essence of modeling is the recreation of an object in another, non-natural material.

The subject of the game is an adult as a bearer of some social functions, entering into certain relationships with other people, adhering to certain rules in his activities.

In the game, an internal action plan is formed. This happens as follows. The child, while playing, focuses on human relationships. In order to reflect them, he must internally play out not only the entire system of his actions, but also the entire system of the consequences of these actions, and this is only possible by creating an internal plan of action.

As shown by D.B. Elkonin, play is a historical education, and it arises when a child cannot take part in the system of social labor, because he is still too young for this. But he wants to enter adulthood, so he does this through play, having a little contact with this life.

Stubbornness

Stubbornness and perseverance are two different things that should not be confused with each other. Persistence is about the manifestation of will, which allows the child to achieve his goal. But a stubborn child will stand his ground only because he has already demanded it before.

Let's take a closer look at the difference between stubbornness and persistence:

• Persistence. The child flatly refuses to sit at the table because he has not completed the tower of blocks. And it keeps collapsing.
• Stubbornness. If a mother calls her child for breakfast, but he refuses. And before that he said that he was not hungry. In fact, he was hungry and wouldn’t mind having something to eat.

What to do in this case? You shouldn’t try to convince your baby and continue to persistently call him for breakfast. The right solution is to leave food on the table and tell your child that he can eat when he is hungry.

​Factors influencing the development of the crisis

As a rule, in normally developing children, mental restructuring and adaptation to new social conditions takes from three months to a year. By the age of 3.5–4 years, a preschooler has sufficiently mastered new social and everyday skills. But there are a number of factors, some of which can significantly mitigate and reduce the duration of crisis manifestations:

• Close, trusting relationship between mother and child.
• A single line of upbringing and behavior for all adult family members.
• Adults' awareness of the need to satisfy natural and reasonable children's desires.

Factors aggravating crisis manifestations:

• Authoritarian form of family education.
• Indulging in all the whims of the baby.
• Lack of a unified line of behavior and education among adult family members.
• Tense family relationships.
• Lack of attention due to busy parents, indifference, or the appearance of a younger child in the family.
• Coincidence of the peak of crisis manifestations and adaptation to kindergarten.

​Other factors also influence the depth of the crisis:

• the character type of a small personality (in easily excitable, energetic children, symptoms of crisis manifest themselves more acutely);
• the severity of the symptoms depends on the gender of the baby (girls show capriciousness most acutely, and boys are more stubborn);
• external and internal factors (illness, overwork, overexcitement, weather conditions).

What age period?

During the formation of a child’s personality, there are certain age limits.

The first manifestations of the crisis may appear at 18-20 months. This is an early age. The 3-year crisis can usually occur from 2.5 to 3.5 years.

The duration of this complex phenomenon is quite arbitrary. In some cases, the crisis can last several years.

Pronounced psycho-emotional reactions depend on several characteristics, namely:

1. Children's temperament. In a choleric/sanguine child, the signs appear more clearly than in a phlegmatic or melancholic child.
2. Parenting style. If parents have an authoritarian parenting style, then the manifestation of children's negativism worsens significantly.
3. Features of the relationship between mother and child. The closer a mother is psychologically to her child, the easier it will be to overcome negative aspects.

External conditions also influence the intensity of emotional reactions. For example, if the peak of this period occurs at the beginning of the child’s adaptation to kindergarten. It often happens that a younger brother or sister is born into the family. Such indirect external conditions aggravate the child’s psycho-emotional reactions.

What should parents do?

First of all, adults need to understand that children's behavior is not bad heredity or harmful character. Your child is already big and wants to become independent. It's time to build a new relationship with him.

1. React thoughtfully and calmly. It should be remembered that the baby, through his actions, tests the parent’s nerves for strength and looks for weak spots that can be put pressure on. Also, you should not shout, take it out on children, and especially do not punish physically - harsh methods can aggravate and prolong the crisis (Why you should not spank a child - 6 reasons).
2. Set reasonable limits. There is no need to fill the life of a little person with all sorts of prohibitions. However, you should not go to the other extreme, otherwise, due to permissiveness, you risk raising a tyrant. Find the “golden mean” - reasonable boundaries that you absolutely cannot cross. For example, it is forbidden to play on the road, walk in cold weather without a hat, or skip daytime naps.
3. Encourage independence. The child can try to do everything that does not pose a danger to the child’s life, even if several mugs are broken in the process of learning (Should I punish a child for random offenses or not?). Does your little one want to draw on the wallpaper? Attach whatman paper to the wall and give some markers. Shows genuine interest in the washing machine? A small basin with warm water and doll clothes will distract you from tricks and whims for a long time.
4. Give the right to choose. Parental wisdom suggests giving even a three-year-old child the opportunity to choose from at least two options. For example, do not force outerwear on him, but offer to go outside in a green or red jacket :). Of course, you still make serious decisions, but you can give in on unprincipled things.

READ ALSO: Little manipulators: how to respond to a child’s tricks? 10 most successful children's phrases

How to cope with whims and hysterics?

In most cases, the bad behavior of three-year-olds - whims and hysterical reactions - is aimed at attracting parental attention and getting the desired thing. How should a mother behave during a three-year crisis to avoid constant hysterics?

During an affective outburst, it is useless to explain something to the baby. It's worth waiting until he calms down

If you find yourself hysterical in a public place, try to take it away from the “public” and distract the child’s attention. Remember what kind of cat you saw in the yard, how many sparrows were sitting on a branch in front of the house. Try to smooth out outbursts of anger with the help of games.

If your daughter doesn’t want to eat, sit a doll next to her and let the girl feed her. However, soon the toy will get tired of eating alone, so one spoon for the doll, and the other for the baby (see the video at the end of the article). To prevent whims and hysterics during a crisis, learn to negotiate with your children before starting any action. For example, before going shopping, agree that it is impossible to purchase an expensive toy. Try to explain why you cannot buy this machine. And be sure to ask what the baby would like to receive in return, offer your own version of entertainment.

To minimize the manifestation of hysterics and whims, you must:

remain calm without showing irritation; provide the child with attention and care; invite the child to choose a way to solve the problem (“what would you do in my place?”); find out the reason for this behavior; postpone the conversation until the scandal is over.

READ IN DETAIL: How to deal with children's hysteria: advice from a psychologist

Some parents, after reading our article, will say that they have not observed such negative manifestations in their three-year-old children. Indeed, sometimes a three-year crisis occurs without obvious symptoms. However, the main thing in this period is not how it passes, but what it can lead to. A sure sign of the normal development of a child’s personality at this age stage is the emergence of such psychological qualities as perseverance, will and self-confidence.

Thus, a crisis at the age of three is an absolutely normal phenomenon for a growing child, which will help him become an independent person. And one more important point - the more trusting and softer the relationship between the baby and mother, the easier it will go through this stage. Irritation, categoricalness and shouting from adults will only worsen the child’s negative behavior.

Psychological picture of the crisis of three years

The crisis of three years has no clear boundaries of beginning and end. The approximate time frame for the onset of symptoms is 2-3.5 years. A child’s acute interest in himself can indicate an approaching crisis. He looks at himself in the mirror, watches his shadow, and is puzzled by his appearance and how he looks in the eyes of other people. During this period, many children begin to react sharply to failure: they throw toys and objects, beat themselves and close adults.

The three-year-old crisis often manifests itself in the child’s demonstrative behavior. He expresses his dissatisfaction with hysterics and whims. Such a reaction can be to any previously habitual action of the parents. The child has one answer to all the adult’s questions and suggestions – “no!” However, such child behavior is considered normal for this age. And this must be understood and accepted.

The three-year crisis is characterized by clear, specific symptoms, which are called the “seven-star three-year crisis,” since these symptoms manifest themselves clearly and in aggregate.

Negativism

Negativisim is the most obvious symptom of this crisis. This is a reaction not to the content of the sentence, but to the fact that it comes from an adult. Especially if this proposal is made in an authoritarian tone. The child does not specifically comply with the parents’ requests. He strives to do the opposite, in defiance of the adult, even in defiance of his own wishes.

Stubbornness

Stubbornness manifests itself in the child’s insistence on his own. It is impossible to convince him. He decided so and he does not accept other options.

Obstinacy

It is expressed in dissatisfaction with everything that adults offer him, with which the child has dealt before. This is a reaction not to a specific person, but in general non-acceptance of the established rules of behavior in the family, daily routine and other conditions.

Self-will

It lies in the desire for independence. Psychologists often call this stage in development the “I’m on my own!” crisis. The child wants to decide for himself where to go, what to eat for lunch, when to go to bed, what game to play. He reinforces this desire verbally. The most popular phrase of this age is: “I myself!” The tendency towards independence itself is a sign of age-appropriate development. In this way, the child tests his capabilities and satisfies the need for knowledge.

Protest riot

Manifests itself in the form of frequent quarrels with parents. The child objects to everything adults tell him. The kid wants his wishes and opinions to be taken seriously. If this is not the case, a conflict begins, which can be provoked by absolutely any situation.

Depreciation

Depreciation, as a symptom of a crisis, is expressed in the child’s speech and his actions towards significant adults and favorite things. Everything that was interesting and dear to the child before loses its significance and value during this period of life. Cursory words may appear in the baby’s vocabulary and he begins to call his parents names. Some kids show physical aggression towards mom or dad, refuse their favorite toys or break them.

Despotism

The kid considers himself the most important thing in the family and strives to completely control his parents. He achieves his demands by any means. If mom is busy with housework, she should drop everything and just sit next to her

If she does not fulfill the baby’s demands, he uses his entire arsenal: he begins to whine, be mischievous, throw things around the house, that is, do everything to attract the mother’s attention. In families with several children, this symptom is called a symptom of jealousy, which is manifested by whims, aggression directed at a brother (sister) and parents

But sometimes this critical period can pass almost unnoticed by parents. There is an opinion among psychologists that this may not have the best effect on the development of the child’s personality and may even lead to a delay in the development of the volitional sphere. However, in a development crisis, the main thing is not how it occurs, but what it leads to. Manifestation of independence, will, interest in learning about the environment are signs that development corresponds to age standards.

6.5. The leading activity in early childhood

, objective activity becomes dominant

which affects both mental development and communication with adults.

In infancy, activity is manipulative in nature: the child can repeat actions shown to adults, transfer the learned action to another object, and master some of his own actions. But when manipulating, the child uses only the external properties and relationships of objects. In early childhood, objects become for the child not just an object, but a thing that has a specific purpose and a specific way of use. The child tries to master more and more new actions of the subject, and the role of the adult is to mentor, cooperate, and help in difficult situations.

By manipulating an object at the end of infancy and at the beginning of early childhood, the child will never be able to understand its functions. For example, he can open and close a cabinet door an infinite number of times, but will never understand its functional purpose. Only an adult can explain why this or that thing is needed.

Mastering the purpose of an object does not guarantee that the child will use it only for its intended purpose, but what is important is that he will know how, when and where it should be done. For example, having learned that pencils are needed for writing and drawing, a child can nevertheless roll them around the table or build something with them.

At first, the action and the object are closely related in the child’s understanding. An example of this is the following fact: he cannot comb his hair with a stick or drink from a cube. But over time, the subject is separated from the action.

There are three phases in the development of the connection between an action and an object:

1) any actions can be performed with the object;

2) the item is used only for its intended purpose;

3) free use of an object is possible, but only if its true purpose is known.

D.B. Elkonin identified two directions for the development of substantive activity:

1. Development of action from joint with an adult to independent execution.

The path of development of action from joint to independent was studied by I.A. Sokolyansky and A.I. Meshcheryakov. They showed that at first the orientation, execution and evaluation of the action are under the control of the adult. This manifests itself, for example, in the fact that an adult takes the child’s hands and performs actions with them. Then a partial or joint action is performed, i.e. the adult begins it, and the child continues. Then the action is performed on the basis of demonstration and, finally, on the basis of verbal instructions.

2. Development of means and methods of orienting the child in the context of the action. It goes through several stages. The first stage consists of:

a) in the non-specific use of tools (manipulation of objects);

b) using an object when the methods of its use have not yet been formed, for example, a child understands what a spoon is for, but when eating he takes it very low;

c) mastering a specific method of use.

The second stage occurs when the child begins to perform actions in an inadequate situation. In other words, the action is transferred from one object to another, for example, a child, having learned to drink from a mug, drinks from a glass. There is also a transfer of action according to the situation, for example, having learned to put on shoes, the child tries to pull them on the ball.

The third stage is accompanied by the emergence of game action. Here the adult does not tell the child what to do, how to play or use an object.

Gradually, the child begins to correlate the properties of objects with operations, that is, he learns to determine what an object can best do, which operations are most suitable for a specific object.

The stages of formation of such fastenings were identified by P.Ya. Galperin. He believed that at the first stage the child varies his actions based not on the properties of the tool with which he wants to get the object he needs, but on the properties of the object itself. He called this stage “targeted trials.” At the second stage - “lying in wait” - the child finds an effective way of acting with an object and tries to repeat it. At the third stage - the “stage of obsessive intervention” - he tries to reproduce an effective method of influence and master it; at the fourth stage he discovers ways to regulate and change the action, taking into account the conditions in which it will have to be performed.

Correlative and instrumental actions are significant for mental development.

Correlating Actions

consist of bringing several objects into certain spatial interactions - this is, for example, folding pyramids from rings, using collapsible toys, etc.

Gun actions

- these are actions in which one object is used to influence other objects. The child masters instrumental actions in the process of learning under the guidance of an adult.

It was found that instrumental actions can be an indicator of the intellectual development of children, and subject actions indicate the degree of their learning and the breadth of contacts with adults.

Towards the end of early childhood, play and productive activities arise in object-tool activity.

How to overcome the crisis of 3 years in a child?

To answer the question of how to survive a child’s 3-year-old crisis, it is important to understand that such a child’s behavior is not at all bad heredity or spoilage. The baby grows up and begins to strive for independence

At this time, he goes through the first turning point in his attempt to become an individual, and it is important to support his manifestations and give confidence that mom and dad will not turn away as soon as the child becomes less comfortable.

Three-year crisis - advice to parents

Advice to survive the three-year crisis will only help when parents really want it and have patience:

Allow your baby to be independent. Don’t try to do everything for him; on the contrary, involve the baby in household responsibilities and allow him to make his own decisions - to make mistakes, fall, get up and make mistakes again. Ask your child to help wash (plastic) dishes, dust, or put away toys. But under no circumstances should you allow your baby to get close to potentially dangerous activities - electrical and hot appliances. Be patient. Excessive emotionality of parents shows that the baby can influence them through screaming or tears. As soon as the child understands that manipulations do not work, he begins to look for other “levers”. Reduce the number of prohibitions. Try to start conceding in small disputes. The child must clearly understand what is strictly prohibited - important safety rules and social norms, violation of which can result in health consequences. Everything else is not so significant and can be discussed

Give your child the opportunity to choose. The crisis of three years is characterized by stubbornness and negativism, the baby tries to do everything the other way around and that is why it is so important to give him the opportunity to make a choice. The child must come to understand that he is independent and is responsible for his decisions

You can only offer a few options and wait for the “boss” to answer.

What to do if a child is hysterical?

To prevent an outburst of emotions during a child’s 3-year-old crisis, it is necessary to constantly talk and negotiate with him. The baby is already going through a difficult time, during which he spends a lot of physical and emotional energy, try to help him express his emotional states more and then it will be much easier for him to explain himself without outbursts. But what to do if the hysteria gains momentum?

How to calm a child when hysterical and what to do:

1. In the midst of a tantrum, you should not try to explain to your child that he is wrong. It’s worth waiting until he comes to his senses, and then discussing his emotions (be sure to talk through his states), and then explain in detail why you consider such behavior unworthy and bad. Tell your child about your feelings, even if they are negative, so he will learn to express his emotions in words.
2. When a 3-year-old child has a tantrum, try to hug him and let him know that his mother is always there. Any child during a tantrum wants to be pitied. If the baby doesn’t let you hug him the first time, you should wait a little and try again. Hugs can stabilize the nervous system and give a feeling of security.
3. It is best to ignore hysteria in a public place. As soon as the child understands that the “spectators” are not interested in his emotional torment, he will immediately get up from the floor, dust himself off and go on with his business.

If a child has a tantrum

The crisis of three years of age is often accompanied by such an unpleasant phenomenon as hysteria. A child can arrange it anywhere: in a store, on the street and even at home.

It is important for parents to know what to do in this situation:

1. Hysteria is a loss of contact with reality. The child falls into a state of passion and is unable to control his behavior. Therefore, do not try to scold him or demand that he stop behaving this way at this moment.
2. Before talking to your child, regulate your own emotional state. Take a deep breath, feel your feet firmly planted on the ground. Assess whether you are ready to help your child now.
3. If the tantrum happened outside the home, take the child to a quiet place. You can squat down next to the baby and hug him.
4. Speak to your child in a calm tone, without raising your voice. Don't judge or scold him. Just help him navigate what happened: “You're crying. You're upset that I didn't buy you a toy."
5. After the child is ready for dialogue, try to divert his attention to something pleasant.
6. Anticipate events. If you are sure that a child will definitely throw a tantrum in a toy store, it is better not to go there with him or agree in advance what you will buy him there.

Read a detailed interview with a psychologist A child throws tantrums: what should parents do?