What to do if a man does not ask for forgiveness?

You are furious: your loved one has done something wrong again and... behaves as if nothing had happened! Ah well? And a scandal is about to break out... Wait, it’s not that simple. Let's start with the fact that a man who feels guilty will do everything possible so that you never guess about it! Forcing a man to ask for forgiveness is pointless.

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Do you want to see the sincere repentance of your loved one? Stock up on tact and patience, and also learn to recognize special men’s “apologetic” techniques.

As a rule, it is not the man’s act itself, but precisely his refusal to discuss his “wrongdoing” that leads to serious conflicts. If he admitted that he was wrong, we would immediately forgive him. It is important for us to hear the sacramental “forgive me,” but the words are not spoken, and the resentment becomes even stronger and deeper. We accuse a man of callousness and indifference (“You don’t care about me”) and feel rejected. In addition, as long as there are no apologies, the end to the quarrel has not been set and it is impossible to forget it.

“Cases when a woman cannot let go of long-standing grievances are just from this series. Yes, he was guilty, he knew about it, but did not express remorse, even though you directly told him: “I need you to just ask for forgiveness,” psychologist Svetlana Ievleva explains the situation.

Why is this happening? The answer is simple and complex at the same time.

First, to men, apologies seem like a sign of weakness. By apologizing, a woman seems to get another opportunity to show her best qualities - tolerance, gentleness, generosity, and this, you see, is always pleasant. Men who experience feelings of guilt, as well as compassion or shame, categorically do not like themselves: they often perceive such emotions as a sign of weakness. Well, don’t show it to your beloved woman, after all!

Secondly, men are practically not prone to empathy. Therefore, your loved one often cannot even imagine that you are not just “sulking”, but actually suffering because of his inattention or thoughtless words.

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Read also: 5 female phrases that destroy relationships

And thirdly, men simply do not know how to ask for forgiveness. There is nothing strange about this: they rarely ask for forgiveness, so how can they learn to do it correctly?! What seems completely natural to us women is a huge problem for them. At the same time, men understand perfectly well: it is necessary to send some kind of conciliatory signal. And sometimes they do it in rather strange ways...

Representatives of the stronger sex have a whole arsenal of means to achieve forgiveness without a formal “excuse me”

Why do you need your husband to apologize?

It is clear that the thought “If only he would come up and apologize, he’s wrong!!” occurs first in very different situations. But we suggest that you not be guided by the first emotional impulse, but think about what you really want from your husband:

So that he understands that his point of view is wrong, the action plan is ineffective, etc., and never acts in the same way again?
So that you can make peace and live on in love and harmony?
Or - so that he sees how offended and dissatisfied you are, comes up, apologizes and asks for your forgiveness (on your terms, of course)?

So, each of these goals (except for the third - to “beat” phrases of apology out of the husband) can be achieved without the indispensable ritual of asking for forgiveness.

You can also prove to your husband that his logic is wrong using logic, or by showing with a real example how and what, etc. Men generally respect much more when they are spoken to in the language of reason rather than emotion.

Perhaps the “victory of reason” will not entail a stormy apology, but in any case, the husband will see that he acted illogically and will act differently next time. Has your goal been achieved or do you want something else?

Oh yes, you're offended. Do you want love and harmony?

In general, the simplest and always accessible option is to spit on the evidence of your rightness and continue to live peacefully, unless something completely unacceptable for you has happened and fundamentally requires dotting the i's. Simply - forgive your husband. This is really much simpler and in 99% of cases more correct than thinking about how to force an offending spouse to apologize.

A little science

Scientific research shows that the brains of women and men think differently from birth. For example, an increased amount of the hormone estrogen in women makes them more emotional, which cannot be said about men. As a result of the action of this hormone, they develop different thinking and behavior. From birth, girls are distinguished by their abilities; for example, in the first days of their lives they are able to distinguish a child’s cry from extraneous noise. In addition, they react more strongly to children's screams and moans, unlike boys. Girls develop faster and therefore, at 4 months of age, react to photographs of people they know.

The male brain differs from the female brain in its structure; it is 10% larger. Therefore, men easily and quickly cope with logical problems, design and work in measurements. This suggests that their right hemisphere is much better developed than that of women. But women are not lagging behind in their abilities; thanks to the strong connection between the hemispheres of the brain, representatives of the fair sex quickly process the information they receive from both hemispheres at once. This is both intuition and logic. All these studies tell us that a man and a woman are different people, therefore they simply cannot behave the same way and think the same way.

How can I get him to apologize himself, and is it necessary?

Taking into account the above goals, we suggest that every time you want to force your husband to apologize, use the following algorithm for understanding what happened:

Your husband did something wrong from your point of view - is it fundamentally important for you that he act differently?
If it is important for you that he act differently, can you clearly and logically explain to him why he is wrong?
He agreed with your logic - do you really need phrases of apology in this case?
You gave logical evidence, but he doesn't agree with it. For example, he is satisfied with the current result of his actions, or he sees another way to solve problems, etc. So, he is also an independent person who has the right to his own opinion. Can you get along with a person who has this opinion and is not going to change it?
If you can and want to remain his wife further, leave your spouse alone and recognize his right to act in his own way. If you can’t, your husband’s reasoning and actions are fundamentally unacceptable to you - so maybe you’re not a couple?..

A splash of negativity

Under no circumstances should you accumulate or suppress resentment. They accumulate in you, and at one point there will be an overflow followed by an explosion, after which you will not just want to take revenge or rein him in, but do something worse. It is best to calm down and try to understand the situation.

Need to understand:

Did your partner actually want to insult or disrespect you? If he flared up because of a bad or difficult day, the phrase was released without intent against the background of emotional stress. It's not because he really wanted to offend you. It is better to pretend that nothing happened than to turn everything into a serious conflict.
If the phrase really struck a chord with you and you want to punish your husband. It’s better to talk to him before this and try to explain what doesn’t suit you, that such communication is not acceptable.

Important! Almost every woman who is offended by her husband begins to nag his brain over a trifle, which provokes a conflict. Try to avoid quarrels over trifles. Learn to distinguish between real grievances and words and actions that did not contain malicious intent.

Conspiracy to restore friendship

Relationships can also ruin friendships between long-time girlfriends and friends. To restore friendship, take 3 white strips of paper, write your names, and leave the third for writing bad words that have arisen between you, for example, anger, anger, resentment. Take the last piece of paper in your hands and say:

“An evil witch passed between us, a black cat ran past, evil turned us against each other, turned friendship into enmity, and prevented us from understanding each other, preventing us from hugging each other. Now I break that evil, destroy that enmity, forget that insult forever. Peace and friendship will return to us again, our eyes will turn to each other.”

Be sure to burn these words, and put the pieces of paper with your names in a dark place. You can take them out only in case of a new quarrel. Reconciliation itself will not keep you waiting long. The friend will write the words of repentance first.

Women's options for revenge

Girls are vindictive creatures, sooner or later they will resort to punishment.

Game of silence. The girls stop talking, which really annoys the guys.
Go spend the night with friends.
Mirror behavior, start treating him the same way he treats you.
Avoid intimacy with your boyfriend.
Stop creating coziness in your apartment, let him take care of himself and his home.

If we look at the situation adequately, then most often we greatly dramatize and exaggerate the current moments. But if you are truly insulted and treated like nothing, you need to take action. Try to talk to him first and resolve everything peacefully. If you can no longer tolerate the fact that he has greatly annoyed you, think about the consequences that may occur if you teach your husband a lesson. Write your opinion in the comments. What do you think should be done when the desire to teach a lesson arises?

Fatal mistake

Not every woman thinks about how to teach her husband a lesson for disrespect. The fact is that representatives of the fairer sex are accustomed to adapting to different situations. To adversity in life as well. In addition, our women, due to the peculiarities of their mentality, are much more patient than elsewhere. It is not surprising that they are so simply and easily ready to accept humiliation and insults from a man, slowly getting used to them. And this, of course, is their fatal mistake.

By insulting and humiliating his wife, throwing nasty things at her, the husband deals a painful blow to her psyche. Even if she endures all this, it will not bring anything good. But the worst thing is that each time these attacks “take an upward course.” If initially this was the only rude word, then over time there will be a dozen of them. And then blows may follow. As a result, a woman cannot realize herself in life, hobbies, work, or feel joy and love. She can only expect further attacks every day.