The danger of self-development or what they are silent about during trainings

You will agree with me that every person who wants to achieve success must develop. Only constant self-development and personal growth make it possible to achieve your goals and make your dreams come true.

A person has only two paths: either progress or degradation; Conservatism in its pure form contradicts the essence of the laws of the Universe

Alfred North Whitehead

To begin with, in order to understand what personal self-development is, we must clearly define several basic concepts.

Personality is a set of habits and preferences developed sometime in the past, which are determined by acquired experience and sociocultural experience, as well as a set of psychophysical traits and characteristics of a person. All this determines the daily behavior of a person, his connection with society and nature.

Personal development is a very important and at the same time complex process, including such concepts as self-knowledge and self-development.

Self-knowledge is the study of one’s personal mental and physical characteristics, understanding oneself. Self-knowledge begins in infancy and continues throughout adult life. In simple words, this is self-knowledge in order to understand who I am, why I live and what I want.

Self-development is a process of comprehensive personal development, which is expressed in independent study of something and the application of this knowledge in practice, all this is carried out without any external control. Self-development has three forms: self-affirmation, self-improvement, self-actualization.

Self-affirmation is a specific activity within the framework of self-development to discover and confirm one’s certain personality qualities, character traits, ways of behavior and activities. Areas of self-affirmation can be almost all types of life activities that acquire personal significance for a person: for some it is work or study; for some it is sports, art or science.

Self-improvement is the most adequate form of self-development, which assumes that a person himself strives to be better, strives for some ideal, acquires those personality traits and qualities that he does not yet have, and masters those types of activities that he did not master.

Self-actualization is a person’s ability to become who he should be, i.e. fulfill your mission, your purpose in life.

If we now analyze all the above definitions, it turns out that we are developing and improving a set of developed habits and preferences that were formed under the influence of society, our experience and acquired knowledge, a set of psychophysical traits and social masks. As a result of personal development, we experience personal growth and changes in our reality around us.

What is meant by self-development?

What is self-development:

• Growth, self-improvement, when a person strives for new knowledge, improves existing skills;
• He clearly formulates his desires and strives to realize them by performing everyday tasks.

Self-development in psychology is the formation of personality and character. This is growth aimed at achieving a dream. Philosophy defines the concept as a struggle between internal contradictions, which leads to the development of personality.

Doubts

Inside each of us sits an evil censor who criticizes any of our decisions. Even if at first glance it looks like the most correct and rational of all possible, we still ask ourselves the question: “Or maybe we shouldn’t?”, “Are you sure?”, “Let’s not take risks?”

The voice of doubt... In some cases, it really saves us from making rash decisions, but sometimes it prevents us from making a leap towards our dreams. How to deal with it? His main enemy is desire. Only within him lies the strength sufficient to overcome any doubts. It’s not for nothing that they once said: “If you really want to, you can fly into space.”

Desire gives us an inexhaustible source of energy, it inspires and inspires us, makes us fight for what we really need, kicks everyone out of their comfort zone. Only armed with a real sincere desire can you overcome any doubts.

The reason for the popularity of self-development

Self-development - where to start, what it is and why it is needed

The frantic pace of life requires people to adapt to changing conditions. Without personal growth, life becomes uncomfortable. A person cannot use existing benefits and resources and is forced to engage in self-education.

For many people, having a job that generates income is not enough. It is important for them to do something that brings them pleasure. They are looking for themselves, opening up new opportunities. The modern world offers unlimited information, which is important to use correctly:

• find answers to any questions;
• master a specialty or obtain a qualification;
• attend courses or trainings.

High competition when looking for a place in life forces people to try themselves in new professions and develop. This is important not only for the individual, but also for the team. Self-development is an incentive for the development of the team and environment.

You will become more silent

People who, in principle, do not like to talk a lot, will not find this side of self-development dangerous. But those who cannot live even an hour in silence and peace will be greatly surprised by the internal changes that have begun. You realize that you often speak not because you really have something to say, but for the sake of your own selflessness, selfishness, out of anger and the desire to prove and impose your point of view on others.

You will begin to understand that many things and situations in life do not need your opinion or your comments. Before, you didn’t notice how you wasted energy on empty chatter. Now you won’t want to waste your vital energy on all sorts of nonsense. It will be difficult for you to engage in negative conversations. You will become more aware of what and how you say to others.

Interesting facts about pain that will surprise you

Why is it important to engage in self-development?

Volitional personality traits - what is it in psychology, their formation

Education does not end with school and college. Self-improvement will enrich life by adding a lot of new and interesting things to it:

• Knowledge and familiarity with other people’s experiences will help you avoid mistakes in the future, become more confident and successful;
• An educated person has his own point of view, navigating many life situations and problems at a professional level. This evokes respect from those around you, especially during business communication, which further raises self-esteem;
• Gaining knowledge will change your social circle, and friends with similar interests will appear. This will improve communication skills;
• Self-development will lead to discoveries that evoke admiration and a desire to create. This will add emotions, diversify your leisure time, and life will become more interesting and eventful.

The joy of life

Your personal life may fall apart

People's morality is gradually deteriorating, family values ​​are crumbling. The number of divorces and the number of single people are growing, despite the development of communications.

Many people go to trainings and seminars in the hope of improving their relationship with their partner. But having raised the level of their consciousness, they suddenly realize that they are living (dating) with a complete stranger. All desire to glue together what is high time to get rid of disappears. There is no longer the slightest desire to endure unfair treatment, humiliation, or allow your partner to take it out on you for his childhood psychological traumas.

Of course, sometimes it happens that a person who has taken the path of self-development also realizes his mistakes and wrong lines of behavior. If there is true love in a relationship and a desire to improve the union on both sides, then positive changes are quite possible. But more often the opposite happens. You must be prepared for the fact that radical changes can happen on the personal front. But don’t be alarmed, this is even good: then the emptiness that you have been avoiding will begin to be filled with something that is yours, and not someone else’s.

Principles of self-development

Personality qualities - what is it in psychology, characteristics

From the definition of self-development, its task becomes clear - to change life by adding colors to it. This is a way to achieve inner harmony, to know yourself. The goal of self-improvement is to achieve happiness. You need to understand that this is not an abstract quantity that is impossible to reach. A happy life awaits a person who knows what he wants and strives for it.

Note! You cannot blame your environment or circumstances for failure. Happiness is the work of everyone. Purposeful work on yourself will lead to results.

Each person perceives reality differently:

• sees only the bad;
• pays attention to the positive aspects.

It is the right attitude that determines the state of affairs. The way you look at what is happening determines what it will be like, whether it will ruin your mood or give you a breath of fresh air. You cannot translate negativity into life, relying on greed, envy, anger.

People are capable of change and development. It all depends on desire and mood. Character is not given at birth; it changes depending on life situations and reactions to them.

Additional Information. Self-development is unusual for children. But already at school, in social studies lessons, the basics of self-knowledge are taught as a way of self-improvement.

Personality is formed over the years, and there is always a chance to change for the better, eradicate bad habits, and devote time to self-education.

Self-development is not easy - it is a long journey, lifelong. Naturally, there will be ups and downs. You need to believe in yourself, enlist the support of loved ones and have no doubt that happiness lies ahead.

You may lose your job

Why is self-development dangerous in relation to work? There are two possible options here. In the first case, you may realize that your work is not so bad and that you clearly underestimated it. You will want to succeed in it and you will begin to achieve success. In the second option, which happens much more often, you realize that you really hate your activity and no longer want to do it.

But now you will not have any fear of drastic changes in the labor sphere. You will probably decide to quit and do what you have long dreamed of. Or just relax for a while. After all, now you will realize that money is far from the most important thing in life and your happiness does not depend on its quantity.

Self-development and the Wheel of Life Balance

The wheel of life balance is a system of life values. It is necessary to determine the areas of life that currently exist. Usually this:

• Family;
• Job;
• Children;
• Creation;
• Rest;
• Friends;
• Health;
• Love.

You need to select 8 items that are of greatest interest, you can include additional ones not from the list. Then divide the drawn circle into sectors corresponding to the spheres. Analyze the items and rate your own satisfaction in each area. The direction or type of self-development that is a priority depends on this. For example, improving the spiritual, material, social sphere, career growth or starting a family.

Family as a life value

The goal of the method is to achieve harmony; this can be done if the wheel starts to roll. All directions should develop evenly. You need to start restoring balance from the area that is lagging behind. It may later turn out that one of the sectors has lost value and will be replaced by another.

Note! Using the life balance wheel will help you determine what is important and what is not important in life. This is a boost for those who don't know which direction to go when they seem confused.

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- Big difference. Now everything happens naturally. Previously, this was a duty that I had to perform, reluctantly, forcing myself. I did it because I was ordered to do it. My teacher told me to chop wood, and I chopped it, although deep down I didn’t want to do it. Now I chop wood, knowing the joy associated with it. This is no longer an obligation, but an understanding. It's getting colder, winter is coming, we'll need firewood. The teacher is getting old and needs more warmth. It is out of this same love that I bring him water from the well. The difference is huge. No reluctance, no resistance. I respond to a current need and find joy in it. Moral: It is impossible to find yourself the way you want - you can only create yourself. The point of self-development and internal search is not to radically change the external indicators of life (although they will certainly change). The main value is in the inner understanding. And even if the conditions of your life from the outside remain unchanged for some time, for you personally these are two different lives. And over time, the difference between these two lives will become an abyss. The choice is yours.

It is in the internal understanding of who I am, why I live here and my place on the planet that lies the meaning of personal development. When, thanks to self-knowledge and self-development, a person achieves internal understanding, then inner peace, a sense of harmony, a feeling of happiness will come naturally, and why should so many still chase there?

And the very self-development of the individual gives us an advantage over unconscious development, because we are able to travel the path that the Universe, God, the Supreme Mind has prepared for us more quickly, i.e. more consciously.

If you want to take this path, then find out where to start self-development?

Stages of self-development

When striving to develop a personality, it is useful to draw up a self-development program. This will organize your thoughts and allow you to track the results of your work.

Personal growth plan for the year

Planning is one of the methods for increasing operational efficiency. It puts your thoughts in order, teaches you to prioritize and give up on the insignificant. The method is actively used in management to improve the professional qualities of employees.

At the initial stage, the personal growth plan for the year can be divided into decades by choosing the main goals. Within each block, come up with intermediate tasks. They must work towards their core dream.

An example of a plan for self-development:

• Determine life priorities. Through reasoning, evaluate achievements and analyze failures. The main thing is to understand what is really important and find support (these are friends or relatives who think in the same direction and are ready to walk alongside);
• Get rid of excess, throw away or give away unnecessary things. Refresh the atmosphere at home, allow yourself to relax, letting go of the situation a little. You need to create a positive attitude. Dependence on experienced negative emotions pulls you back. Therefore, you need to part with negative events, let go of anger;
• Allow yourself to change: go to the gym or pool, change your hairstyle or hair color. The main thing is to look so that you are comfortable, and this gives you self-confidence, so that when you look at yourself in the mirror you want to smile;
• Start learning. In an elevated mood, it is easier to absorb knowledge. Now there is a wide choice of getting them: go to trainings, sign up for courses, take part in a master class, enroll in a foreign language school. A lot of literature and audiobooks are freely available.

Training

Everyone makes a plan for the year for self-development, based on priorities and imagining a dream. A clear idea of ​​what you want is the key to success. A targeted comprehensive program (TCP) of self-development will help you not to go astray, track victories, follow failures and not forget about the goal.

Epilogue: we have been tired for so long

Not everyone is ready to rush into the pursuit of self-realization, and in general, not everyone wants to interfere in these disputes between coaches, training gurus and motivation specialists.

By the end of the second decade of the 21st century, people were tired: “being the best version of yourself,” of course, is great, but in the process of chasing this ideal you can turn your life into a living hell.

And this concerns not only direct self-realization: a rebellion against norms and stereotypes has begun on all fronts: the foundations of even the fashion industry are gradually crumbling, which, it would seem, was the last to lose its position, supported by injections of funds from the beauty industry. However, as one famous poet said, “nothing can be held back - not green on purple, not the V-neck of a T-shirt, not the broken edge of an umbrella,” and therefore today body positivity and the cult of “accepting yourself as you are” are triumphantly sweeping the planet.

Active supporters of “healthy egoism”, who call for not giving a damn about the opinions of others and their ideas of success, are gradually appearing all over the world, and their fame is growing rapidly. This time, there are “prophets” in our country: at the end of 2021, the book by psychologist Pavel Labkovsky with the telling title “I Want and I Will” sold 550,000 copies across the country - this is almost an unprecedented figure for the Russian market.

Obstacles to self-development

People do not always realize the finitude of life, putting everything off for later. You need to discard the idea that there is a lot of time ahead and start acting now. It is important not to isolate yourself, but to be able to accept help, listen to advice from people whose competence cannot be doubted, systematize knowledge and draw up a plan for self-improvement. But you don’t need to be sure that everything will happen as planned. Deviations from the plan should not unsettle you. The ability to cope with unforeseen circumstances is a step towards self-development.

Illusions and mistakes of self-development

Engaging in self-development does not mean that you need to absorb information or receive additional education; it is important to be able to apply knowledge in practice. Only an active person is able to achieve a goal. There is no need to try to cover everything at once, jumping from one direction to another. This will take away energy and strength, and growth will not occur. The main thing is to understand the goal, to see it in front of you. Lack of motivation is the main factor for the death of endeavors.

Note! It is impossible to move mountains if you resist everything new and do not accept the changes taking place in the world.

Achieving the goal

Personal self-development is a difficult path consisting of victories and failures. A confident, positive-thinking person understands what he wants from life. He sets a goal and goes towards it, relying on his own values ​​and enlisting the support of loved ones. Working on yourself, absorbing knowledge, accumulating experience will help in self-improvement and personality development.

Your circle of friends will decrease

Some are confident that various trainings and books on psychology will make them more talkative and they will have many more friends. But with increasing awareness, the opposite always happens. You will suddenly begin to realize that you were hanging out with some friends to entertain yourself, to feel better, to assert yourself, to prove something to yourself. Now you don't need it anymore. You will begin to draw the necessary emotions from within yourself and simply by observing the World.

Idle talk, gossip, gossip will cease to interest you. You will begin to notice that 80% of conversations between people are negative. Most unconscious people constantly complain, gossip, scold the government, discuss negative news, illnesses and other not very pleasant things.

You will want to stay away from such conversations and you will even learn to quickly move away from them. Many of your friends and acquaintances will no longer understand you. They will lose interest in you just as much as you lose interest in them. After all, now you have practically no common topics for conversation and you don’t want to listen to their “whining,” and they won’t be able to share your views. You will no longer be comfortable with some part of the environment in which you arrived previously.

“Life is for living, and curiosity is for satisfying it. Under no circumstances should you turn your back on life.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

How to maintain interest

Whatever you do, try to incorporate learning into your life in a way that doesn't feel like a chore. This process should become an organic part of your day and not interfere with your daily activities.

Interesting self-development will draw you into this endless process of self-improvement and push you to new discoveries, travel and who knows what else.

Habits

Habits are an invaluable fuel for laziness. They appear as a result of actions that are constantly repeated. Habits can be both good and bad. But, regardless of the level of their benefit, we bring them all to automaticity.

Where do they come from? When a person performs the same actions for a long time, he gets used to them, and they become an integral part of his life. Many people fall into a catastrophic dependence on their habits, but they are the ones that prevent us from moving forward.

That is, if we need change, we need to start doing something new that you haven’t done before. If you do not act, you will remain stuck at the zero reference point, not moving forward. Remember: changing habits entails global changes in fate.

6-step turn-based strategy

So you decided that you need self-development, but where to start? Here's a step-by-step action plan that may help. You don't have to do it exactly this way, but be sure to take a few things for yourself.

Step 1: Analyze your starting point

What is important to us now is point A - the point where you are. Look who you are, what characteristics and problems you have, how your life is going. If you are thinking about self-development, then something doesn’t suit you – what exactly? Set aside time for this, for example a couple of days. Look at your life as if from the outside. Take your time.

It would be nice to have a nice notebook and write it all down.

For example, Lena writes: I am Elena, I am 34 years old. I have a husband and a 5-year-old child. We live in a rented apartment and have been saving for a mortgage for several years now, but for some reason it’s not working out. I work in a bank, but my salary is low. I'm indifferent to work. I haven’t been looking very good lately; I’ve gained a few kilos during quarantine. My son goes to kindergarten and will soon go to school. I often yell at him, and then I feel ashamed. I love my husband, but it often seems to me that he is indifferent to me, because he rarely gives gifts and never speaks affectionately. In general, life seems difficult and gray to me; there are rarely moments of joy.

Step 2. Determine what you want from life

Self-development is not an end in itself, but only a means. Which point B do you want to go to? Imagine your life in the future. There is also no need to rush here. Many people find it helpful to visualize and create a wish map.

Our Lena wrote this: I want to take out a mortgage and buy a 3-room apartment, or better yet, without a mortgage, buy it right away. I want to change my job to a higher paying and possibly more interesting one. I want not to yell at the child. And be more tolerant of him. I want my husband to show me love too. I want life to become happy and joyful.

Step 3. Advise yourself

Look at your situation from the outside. Imagine that it is not you, but someone else - in the mirror, in the photo. This woman/man... what would you say?

Lena: How you have changed! 6 years ago I was slim and easy-going, but I gave birth, settled into marriage, and now you’re getting fat, and life is covered with a gray coating, like dust. If only that would suit you! And my husband probably doesn’t like it either. Do you know what I advise you? It's time to come out of hibernation and start doing something. I saw a free weight loss marathon on the Internet - sign up, huh? A friend recommended some book on relationships - I should read it. And another one watches a video of someone on the Internet about raising children - she says it might help you not to yell at your son. And about work - many of you are asking for a raise, but why are you sitting there? Maybe they will offer a more interesting position. You just need to be more active at work.

See how simple it is? You advised yourself - and you have a plan ready!

What if you don't know what to tell yourself? An excellent solution is to consult a psychologist. This can even be done without money - many cities have social services where they receive free psychological help.

Step 4: Take responsibility

Understand that you are no longer a child, and your life is entirely in your hands. The wizard will not come and conjure a new, happy life for you. You'll have to act on your own.

Give yourself time to wrap your head around this idea.

You can try saying affirmations, for example:

• I myself am the creator of my own destiny.
• My life is my choice.
• I accept responsibility for my thoughts, words and actions.
• I am responsible for my life and happiness.
• I take responsibility for my life.

Lena realized that she herself had chosen a husband who was not very emotional. There was an option to marry another man who loved her more and often gave her flowers. But Lena chose the one she loved more. And she chose a job where she didn’t have to give it her all, since earnings and achievements were not a priority for her. And she chose to get fat herself, because it’s easier to spread margarine on bread than to cut salad and sweat at the gym.

Step 5. Look at how you spend your time

Rest is good, but can watching TV series and sitting on the phone be called rest? Are you more cheerful and active after it? What do you really need on social networks - relaxation or fun, or maybe communication?

To identify where your time is spent, you can keep a simple record of it. Write down what you do for a week and review it at the end.

Example of a completed time tracking table

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Maybe you can spend less time on something? What can you do for self-development in the remaining time?

Our Lena saw that she was spending too much time after work on “relaxing” on social networks with a cup of tea and a sandwich. Now she runs to the gym at this time, and in order not to starve, she has a light snack at work. If he gets very tired, he sits down to meditate and reads a book about relationships at night. While cooking, he listens to free webinars about raising children. She pulled herself together and talked to her husband, and now he takes the child out of kindergarten and generally devotes more time to him. I haven’t done anything with work yet, but everything has its time.

Step 6: Take action

Nobody is telling you to do everything at once. It is better to take small steps towards your goals than to dream about the impossible.

In order to pay off the mortgage faster, I did not set a goal to earn all the missing amount and deposit it into my account at once. No, this is too unrealistic! I started paying a little more each month, which caused my payment to slowly decrease. The melting numbers motivated me to look for additional sources of profit, and after a few years I was already breathing deeply - without debt!

Useful Personal Qualities

• setting goals is an important skill with which the path of self-development begins;
• acting - the ability to appear before people in the right light and play different roles;
• quick learner and desire to learn new things;
• oratory - the ability to persuade;
• the ability to tell epic stories is an indispensable skill in sales;
• speed reading is a big plus, which will help you absorb large amounts of information;
• active listening or an attentive listener who does not interrupt, but analyzes what is said to him and asks the right questions;
• the ability to save and distribute money - spenders rarely build their own companies;
• foreign languages ​​- knowledge of languages ​​gives you an advantage over competitors: you can read and take ideas from foreign literature and look for business partners abroad;
• planning skill - step-by-step implementation of goals will help you achieve success as quickly as possible.