How to keep a man - today this question is becoming increasingly popular among the charming representatives of the fairer sex. It can become acute in front of women at different ages due to the emergence of a real threat of breaking up the relationship, and also if a man’s attitude begins to cool.
Every woman dreams of returning her former passion to relationships, tenderness and interest, and therefore begins to rush around in search of a universal remedy or introduce any methods that can keep the strong half of humanity, return novelty and revive passion. Often, being in despair, the weaker half begins to listen to all kinds of advice on how to keep a man, often not entirely true, and sometimes just stupid. However, unfortunately, such a magic cure does not exist. And, first of all, every woman should think about whether she may be the reason for the man’s cooling off.
What is the complexity of such relationships?
In fact, there can be many problems. Here are the main ones.
Partners lack attention
It is easier to show care and support a person in a difficult situation if he is nearby. You see each other every day, have dinner at the same table and discuss how your day went. You have a common life, you are physically together and can hug or kiss your loved one. Distance deprives these joys and creates a certain abyss.
Ilya Shabshin
consulting psychologist, author of books on popular psychological topics, leading specialist at the Psychological Center on Volkhonka.
The main problem is mutual distance, the feeling that everyone lives on their own.
This becomes a frequent cause of resentment, quarrels and jealousy on the part of one or both participants in the relationship.
Sexual needs remain unsatisfied
Everyone has a different sexual constitution. But in a couple, one way or another, stability appears: often or rarely, but there is sex. When it suddenly disappears, problems can begin. The need remained, the opportunity to satisfy it disappeared. Because of this, quarrels and outbreaks of jealousy may arise, which, again, will cause new scandals.
The pressure of external circumstances interferes
Friends or girlfriends plan joint leisure time with their loved ones, spend holidays together, go to the movies and share all their romantic news with you. It's easy to get depressed here.
It's no surprise that according to Long Distance Relationship Statistics 2021, almost half of all long-distance relationships end in breakup. But don’t get upset ahead of time—many people still have a chance for success.
Options for brave girls
For creative and courageous girls, methods of recognition that are distinguished by originality are suitable.
It can be:
- quests for a man, upon completion of which he receives his beloved as a reward and a declaration of love from her in a bottle or chest;
- recognition in the sky - in a hot air balloon flight, or during a parachute jump; confession under water - when scuba diving, a man examines underwater objects and finds a confession in a bottle or pirate chest;
- recognition at the highest point of climbing a mountain, etc.
How to save a long distance relationship
Take care of each other
It is very important to be careful when communicating with your partner. Any caustic word or dismissive tone can hurt, but you won’t be able to come up, apologize and hug your loved one right away. You should also not provoke your partner to jealousy and cause unnecessary speculation about something that does not exist in reality.
Olga Poluektova
psychologist, gestalt therapist, instructor and owner of a yoga studio.
Different cities, countries, time zones contribute to the fact that resentment undermines the foundation of relationships, and mistrust grows.
The further you are from each other, the more difficult it is to resolve conflict situations. That is why it is better not to allow them.
Maintain intimacy
You need to compensate for live communication: calling, texting. It is necessary to share news, experiences and emotions with your partner as often as possible.
The main task is to maintain a sense of intimacy, community and trust.
Ilya Shabshin.
This does not mean that you are obliged to provide a minute-by-minute report on your actions every day, but you shouldn’t get off with a dry “everything is fine” either. The person on the other end of the phone should feel like an important part of your life.
Respect your partner's feelings
One may experience separation more easily than another. And at a certain point, living in a long-distance relationship may become unbearably difficult for some of you. It is important to immediately understand and accept this. If you, unlike your partner, have not yet gotten bored, you don’t need to say: “Come on, it’s only been a week.” Don't invalidate other people's feelings—be understanding instead.
Saying “I told you it would happen like this” or “I can’t come back sooner, stop bringing this up” will only make things worse. You need to look for solutions and show as often as possible that you care about the feelings of the other and you just as strongly want to see your loved one as soon as possible.
Add real emotions to communication
The tone of the message can be misinterpreted, and the heart emoji hardly conveys how much you love the person. Therefore, to avoid misunderstandings and add life to communication, combine correspondence, calls and video conversations.
The partner’s lively emotions and eye contact eliminate discrepancies.
Olga Poluektova.
This is especially true for resolving conflicts and discussing difficulties - don’t do this in messenger, use video calling.
Create a meeting schedule
It will be easier for you to adapt to separation when the exact time of the next “meeting” - a video call - is known in advance. Choose a convenient period of the day when neither you nor your partner is busy, so you can have a leisurely conversation without distractions. On weekdays, for example, set aside an hour after work, on weekends - at any suitable time that will be convenient for each of you. Difficulties may arise if there is a significant difference in time zones, but even in this case everything is doable.
Spending holidays together
These days, the feeling of loneliness can be more intense than ever. If you get a chance to meet, use it on holidays.
Try to spend “dangerous” periods together. These are various family holidays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day and so on.
Olga Poluektova.
Even if you are sure that you are resistant to such things, mass pressure, images of happy families everywhere and stories from friends about joint plans can play a cruel joke, the psychologist says.
Create your own rituals
These could be words in which you attach a hidden meaning that only the two of you understand, paper letters or postcards sent from each new place, or even phone sex. You can, for example, agree to exchange photos immediately after waking up or before going to bed, so as not to forget how pleasant it is to wake up and fall asleep together. Or send quotes from novels and favorite books that describe your feelings and emotions. Imagine together and find what suits your couple.
Don't shift responsibility to someone else
It happened: you have to live separately. And there is no need to blame anyone, because you both agreed to this. Therefore, the reproachful “We live this way because of you” cannot be tolerated.
Such swings are exhausting and deprive the couple of energy. And it’s not easy to maintain a fire at a distance.
Olga Poluektova.
So be prepared for difficulties and accept responsibility for your joint decision.
Trust
This is important for any relationship. Demanding proof of loyalty, checking social networks and counting likes from strangers signal a lack of trust. You need to learn to cope with surging emotions and understand that speculation may have nothing to do with reality. And also realize that your experiences today (if you don’t dwell on them) will pass tomorrow.
Discuss the issue of sex
Some couples come to an agreement and allow short-term relationships on the side. Others discuss in advance that they don’t want to know anything about cheating if it doesn’t affect the quality of the relationship. For still others, cheating is a taboo. And it is important to discuss the topic of sex, to come to a common denominator, before you agree to a long-distance relationship.
However, you cannot control your partner (read the previous paragraph), so you will have to rely on the fact that each of you values the union equally.
Assess the situation sensibly
You found out that your partner went to the movies or had dinner at a restaurant with someone else. This hurts you, you are jealous and worried. This happens, and your job is to find out why and openly discuss the situation.
Sometimes dinner is an attempt to get attention, social “strokes”, to feel significant and attractive, to escape loneliness for a while.
Olga Poluektova.
Perhaps your relationship is not in danger. Or vice versa - the partner fell in love, and he is tormented by doubts. It’s better for you to deal with this right away and evaluate whether this union can be saved, or whether futile attempts will only worsen the relationship, and it’s time to stop.
If the man is older
If the beloved is an adult man, then he is probably already experienced in matters of love and it will not be easy to surprise him with a confession. In this case, psychologists recommend using the effect of surprise.
You can call him right in the middle of the working day and tell him about your feelings, and then, if he is also not indifferent to the chosen one, in the evening he will stand on her doorstep with flowers.
You can also interest such a man by leaving a love note in a visible place or by unusual behavior during a usual dinner in a restaurant, by whispering words of love in his ear. A themed surprise gift sent to him at work via a courier service will also not leave him indifferent.
Which relationships are unlikely to survive the test of separation?
Relationships without trust
Partners strive for complete control over each other, are jealous and suppress their partner’s communication with the opposite sex or even with friends. In this case, a long-distance relationship can turn into a daily interrogation. And instead of joy and pleasure from calls, the partner will have only one desire - not to pick up the phone at all.
Immature relationships built on codependency
For those who strive to take up all the space in their partner’s life, long-distance relationships are not suitable. You don’t spend a single day apart, you have common hobbies and friends, visiting people not together is unacceptable - it can’t be otherwise! And even if someone doesn’t like something, they still have to do it. The thought of going on a separate vacation or going out with friends without you is terrifying.
What is maturity? Respect for the “separateness” of the other: everyone has their own space, personal time, hobbies, social circle.
Olga Poluektova.
In a mature relationship, partners can spend time both together and separately without any problems. And this in no way prevents them from being happy, but only strengthens the union. If there is no maturity, quarrels will begin from the moment the very possibility of a long-distance relationship is discussed, because for one person this is unacceptable in principle. “How can you leave without me!” - it’s not a fact that even arguments in favor of higher salaries can overcome this phrase.
Short relationship
If the connection between the partners is not yet strong enough, there are no clear plans for a future together, and the separation is planned for a long time, most likely, it will not be possible to maintain such a relationship. You don’t know each other that well, you haven’t gone through crisis moments hand in hand, and you’re still in the candy-bouquet period. And love at a distance is a difficult test even for couples who have lived together for years.
Any relationship is work. And distance adds many new difficulties. But if you really value your union, even temporary separation cannot destroy it.
Unusual ways of confession
Unusual methods of recognition include most of those recommended in the section for brave girls. These are both the considered musical confessions and confessions in poetry.
This also includes the following ways of declaring love:
- through a man's favorite radio station. Let him be surprised when, in the program of congratulations upon request, the presenter tells him how much he is loved by his chosen one;
- by letter by mail. Nowadays, receiving a letter of confession in the mail is like taking a train to the past - very unusual and surprising;
- making up cherished words from cups with lit small candles is very touching and effective, especially when it’s already dark around;
- order the launch of a declaration of love on the screen in a cinema before the film is shown; knowing what your beloved dreams of, help him achieve his cherished goal or fulfill his secret dream.
Short SMS to husband, boyfriend
SMS has become an integral part of modern life. Using mobile messages, it becomes possible to remind your spouse about buying groceries, congratulate relatives on the holidays, and you can express love and tenderness to your husband or boyfriend. Writing this kind of message is convenient if your loved one is on the road, at work, or any other place where talking using the phone is inconvenient.
Seeing a sweet SMS, he will definitely smile and remember his other half.
- Hello, dear. Sorry for the interruption - I just miss you like crazy. I want to tell you once again that you are the best husband in the world. You are my most important gift from fate in this life. I love you very much. I'm waiting at home.
- I don't need gold jewelry and diamonds. These are just ordinary trinkets. You are my main decoration. After meeting you, I blossom more and more every day. It's your merit. I look forward to the evening to kiss you, my love!
Control over facial expressions and intonation
It’s not enough to learn to tell a man how you feel, it’s also important to do it in the right tone! To properly show love to a man, also watch your own facial expressions. After all, you can say absolutely correct and competent things, but at the same time purse your lips contemptuously, sigh convulsively, roll your eyes and pronounce all speeches in an irritated tone. This attitude towards a man cannot go unnoticed.
Often such relationships are rooted deep in childhood. At a subconscious level, attitudes are laid when a daughter adopts her mother’s behavior towards her father, and a son embodies the behavior of his own father towards his wife. Therefore, if there was an unfavorable relationship between your parents, this can be passed on to you. You will have to really work on this to change your facial expressions and voice timbre. But, everything is quite realistic, if you have the desire, then you will correct your own behavior for the better and be able to correctly express love to a man.
