Photo: shutterstock Love changes people and their lives. A person who knows it looks at the world from a different angle. Bringing with it great happiness or insane pain, it attracts those who want to experience it.
“Being in love” means plunging headlong into the pool. People with a little wisdom know that falling in love is only the beginning on the path to true feeling.
What it is?
Falling in love is a positive feeling that arises when looking at the object of sympathy.
Consciousness at this moment narrows, which leads to ignoring the shortcomings of the object.
A person idealizes him and pays attention only to his positive qualities.
This feeling is hope for possible happiness. A person experiences a bright feeling that inspires him, gives birth to love for life and everything around him.
However, a lover most often experiences feelings not for a real person, but for her image that he represents. He becomes dependent on the object of his adoration.
At the physical level, this phenomenon is explained by the functioning of certain glands in the human body.
The hormone dopamine leads to a powerful surge of emotions. It helps a person move towards his goal, overcoming obstacles.
Messengers and Messengers
For the fire of love to engulf us, the brain must send signals throughout the body. The signals are not electrical, but chemical, in the form of certain hormones, or more precisely, neurotransmitters. Scientists have also found out which ones: during romantic love, the content of dopamine, the goal hormone, as well as norepinephrine (adrenaline) increases in the blood.
At the same time, the content of serotonin, the pleasure hormone, decreases. As a result, love is strongly associated with suffering (lack of serotonin) and at the same time with high rise and inspiration (excess adrenaline). As for the main “culprit” - dopamine, it gives complete concentration on the subject of passion. He imperiously compels one to achieve a goal, to strive for the possession of such a desired object.
What are the signs?
Recognizing a person in love is quite simple ; the following signs help:
- obsessive thoughts about the object of adoration,
- frequent mood swings,
- insomnia,
- rash acts,
- redness of the face when the object of adoration appears in the room,
- loss of appetite,
- "glitter" in the eyes,
- cardiopalmus,
- anxiety, shyness.
In addition, a person partially loses the ability to think logically. He makes rash decisions and does stupid things.
It can be very difficult to concentrate on anything. Some people are drawn to creativity. They become inspired to write poetry, music, and paintings.
Signs of falling in love:
Stages
There are certain periods of relationships.
- Love. It can manifest itself differently in each person. Depending on the people, it can last for several days or six months. During this period, there is a need to wait for a meeting, a desire to constantly spend time together and communicate.
- Passion. It is born over time, when getting closer to a partner. There is a desire to possess another person, both spiritually and physically, to surrender to the partner without reserve. Every time you meet a loved one, there is a strong hormonal release. This phase takes place throughout the year.
- The height of true love. This period is characterized by a strong sense of possessiveness, the need to keep a loved one close to you. There is a desire to enter into a legal union by officially registering the relationship. For the first time, feelings of jealousy arise, complaints arise about how the partner’s inner circle lives, and the need arises to change it.
- Transition to reality. There is a fading of passion, the need to spend time with a loved one is dulled. A search for compromises arises. An attitude towards a partner appears, taking into account all his advantages and disadvantages. Also during this period, complete abandonment of a loved one and separation from him is possible.
Difference from love
There are several important differences:
- What attracts. When falling in love, a person’s physical characteristics are attracted, and love implies a craving for personality and internal qualities. Physical attraction is also there, but fades into the background.
- How it develops. Falling in love develops quickly, but love develops slowly. It is impossible to love a person without getting to know him.
- Interest . When falling in love, it flares up and then goes out, love speaks of more permanent feelings.
- Impact on humans . Falling in love plunges a person into dreams, he ceases to be responsible. Love reveals the best qualities of a person and causes the desire to become better.
- Breakups . Time and distance will lead to the disappearance of love; a person will quickly forget the object of adoration. True love will last even at a distance. People will love each other even if they separate for a while. The feelings will become even stronger, intensify.
- The basis of feelings . If this is love, a person cares only about himself, dreams of his own happiness. If this is love, a person strives to make another happy. He gives more than he receives.
An important detail that many people forget: there is no such thing as love at first sight, there is only falling in love. In any case, it will take time for love to be born. Falling in love is the first step on the path to true love.
How to distinguish love from infatuation? Find out from the video:
Where does love live?
The heart is considered to be the seat of love. In fact, the heart is not a source, but an indicator of love. Its desperate knocking, which everyone around seems to hear, its frightening interruptions let us know how strong this feeling is.
Anthropologist and Doctor of Science Helen Fisher knows where love lives. She found this out experimentally with the help of computed tomography and several dozen loving volunteers.
Love, it turns out, lives in the head, in the deepest and most ancient parts of the brain, which we inherited from our ancient ancestors - reptiles. This is where our basic, uncontrollable feelings and drives reside. It was these departments that became more active when a portrait of the object of their passion appeared before the eyes of the lovers. When they were shown a photo of a simply familiar person, no activation occurred.
But this is not chemistry yet, but physics.
3 year hypothesis
Why do they say that love lasts two or three years? There is a theory that love lasts three years. In fact, there is some truth in it , but not the whole truth.
In the first three years of a relationship, people feel intense passion and euphoria. Feelings can be bright, intense, and literally bind people to each other.
However, feelings gradually weaken, people get used to each other, and begin to see shortcomings. This leads to quarrels, scandals, which lead to emotional wounds.
As a result, love disappears, but leaving a loved one can sometimes be very difficult. People get used to each other , become attached, and remember joyful moments.
If in this case a person tries to understand his soulmate, accepts her shortcomings, a real feeling will be born that can last a lifetime.
People will enter a new stage of relationships. Three years later, love does not end, but is just beginning .
Euphoria, head in the clouds and selfishness disappear. People begin to care about each other and become truly close. Even without euphoria, they continue to be together, enjoying each other's company.
How to prove to a girl that you love her? Advice from psychologists will help you!
Is it true that love lasts 3 years? Expert opinion:
Research
Relationships that are born between people can be characterized by both habit and violent passion or crazy love. Some people, despite strong feelings, cannot spend a long time with one person, while others cannot imagine their life without their loved one, and keep tender feelings until the end of their days.
Many studies have been conducted on this topic. So Frederick Beigbeder built a theory claiming that intense love lasts three years. In his research, he took data from British scientists indicating that falling in love is a manifestation of chemical processes that occur in the human body. Love activity manifests itself under the influence of dopamine. Other studies claim that romance cannot last longer than four years, and outbursts that occur in a couple who have lived under the same roof for a long time are a manifestation of strong attachment or attraction. Scientist Fisher is convinced that love only exists for a year and a half; it is caused by increased activity in certain parts of the brain that are responsible for attraction at a basic level, for instincts; high feelings do not exist.
According to statistics, such stages of love as romance and passion really exist for no more than three years, but the desire to live with a person under the same roof can reach ten years, and cases of cohabitation are not uncommon until very old age.
When will the passion subside?
Passion is a vivid feeling that arises in both men and women. Despite the fact that passion can literally control a person and tie him to his soulmate, it cannot last forever.
Its duration depends on the person himself, his character traits, interests, and personality traits. According to psychologists, passion lasts from several weeks to one year.
Passion without love disappears quickly, this especially often happens when a couple begins to live together. Cohabitation is the best way to get to know your soulmate and not everything will suit you.
If previously a person felt passion and elevated the object of adoration , then during cohabitation he falls from heaven to earth and understands that the object of adoration is a completely ordinary, real person who is in many ways not ideal.
Creativity, moving abroad
At the encouragement of her father, the future artist learned to play the piano. Thanks to her talent and family support, the girl began to make her first progress in music school. Then she continued her education in Kyiv at the music school named after. Gliera.
After staying at home for a short time, Lyubov Zalmanovna moved to Yerevan and received her first successes. The artist had a violent disposition and could make barbs at the Soviet authorities, for which she was sent to jail. For a long time she was subjected to persecution and persecution by the KGB. Therefore, Lyubov Uspenskaya decided to leave the Soviet Union.
Together with her second husband Yuri, Lyubov emigrated to Austria, then to Italy. The artist stayed in the USA for a long time, where she continued to sing in restaurants. One of these was the Sadko establishment on Brighton Beach. At the same time, the singer began saving money for the launch of her first album. The album “Beloved” was released in 1985 and gained popularity.
In 1991, Lyubov Zalmanovna returned to her homeland, where she continued her creative career and enlisted the support of Alla Pugacheva. From that time to this day, the artist gives concerts, interviews, and acts as a jury member. A total of 15 albums were released. The singer is a laureate of the “Chanson of the Year” award.
By the way
About the benefits of courtship
The “vitality” of relationships is largely determined by the speed of their development. Once the blinding passion subsides, we suddenly discover that the object of our adoration is not without its shortcomings. Why did he change so quickly?
In fact, he did not change, it’s just that in the heat of love we had neither the time nor the opportunity to see our chosen one.
A long period of courtship allows two people to get to know each other better and at least partially insure themselves against unpleasant discoveries.
Interesting
Cure for lovesickness
Is it possible to mend a broken heart? Can. And knowledge of the chemistry of love will help with this.
Endorphins, nature's painkillers, play a key role in the bliss of shared love. They provide a general feeling of well-being. But these substances are released not only during physical contact between lovers. They are also produced during physical activity: many people are familiar with the “runner’s high” - pleasant sensations associated with exercise, sports, and movement. The joy of movement - unlike the joy of love - is available to everyone and at any time. Anyone who knows this secret will not wither away from lovesickness.
Drinking dark chocolate or lying on the sand by the sea will help increase low levels of serotonin. And now life doesn’t seem so miserable.
But what about unspent dopamine - the “hunting hormone”, which is associated with the pursuit of a goal, with the pursuit of prey? It can be spent in pursuit of victory in sports. Any hunting, including fishing and mushroom picking, is a dopamine-filled activity. Gambling is from the same series. But the best thing is a career. An excess of dopamine will allow you to quickly achieve professional growth: after using this substance, you will forget about unhappy love.
How do we fall in love?
Love as a feeling is more complex than sexual attraction. Coitus is just testosterone, estrogen, a few hormones ending in “n”, and the activity of the preoptic region of the hypothalamus.
But romantic love can be seen if you put 17 lovers in an MRI machine.
Certain brain structures—the right caudate nucleus and the right ventral tegmental area—are flooded with dopamine. These areas are associated with reward and motivation in all mammals, including humans. It is thanks to dopamine rewards that we enjoy eating tartar, learning Latin, snorting cocaine, and falling in love.
“Romantic love is not primarily an emotion, but a motivational system,” American scientists comment on the study. We don't just feel good about being close to the object of our love: dopamine wants us to make the other person happy, to believe that there is something special between us, and to protect it. This is how our brain works.
Some scientists even believe that it was this annoying desire that created civilization! There is a theory that reduces the origin of art to sexual selection: when we show intelligence, creativity, imagination, and the ability to move deftly, we are simply showing off in front of potential partners.
Personal life of Lyubov Uspenskaya
At the age of 16, Lyuba first fell in love with a much older man and, discovering that she was pregnant with twins, secretly had an abortion from her family.
And since this was very strict in those days, Uspenskaya got rid of the child in semi-underground conditions. The artist told Lera Kudryavtseva about this many years later in the program “Secret for a Million”. The singer donated the cash prize to charity. A year later, Lyubov married musician Viktor Shumilovich. Their family broke up after the young woman ended up in the maternity hospital. Pregnant (and again with twins), she gave birth, but one of the babies was born dead, the second died a couple of weeks later. Many years later, Shumilovich stated that their child could have survived, to which Ouspenskaya responded by refusing to discuss this topic and spoke harshly about her ex-husband’s inventions.
Lyubov Uspenskaya and Viktor Shumilovich
After the divorce, the singer left for Kislovodsk, then to Yerevan, and when she returned to Kiev, she met Yuri Uspensky, who at that time held a fairly high position in the administration. Yuri fell in love with Lyubov, for her sake he divorced his wife, quit his job and went abroad with her. They got married in 1978.
Wedding of Lyubov Uspenskaya and Yuri Uspensky
Uspenskaya's passion passed quite quickly: she was absorbed in work in the restaurant and dreamed of a big stage. The singer filed for divorce, kept the surname of her ex-husband, and soon met an old acquaintance, Vladimir Franz (in other sources, Vladimir Frantsevich Lisitsa), her third husband. He inspired the artist to creatively search and create her first album, becoming its producer together with Mikhail Shufutinsky. Creativity united them until the end of the eighties, but alienation set in in their personal lives. Ouspenskaya divorced again.
In the late eighties, the artist met entrepreneur Alexander Plaksin. The man conquered Lyuba with a broad gesture: the next day after they met, he drove a luxurious white car to her windows, after which he quickly proposed marriage. Their daughter Tatyana was born in 1989.
Lyubov Uspenskaya, Alexander Plakchin and their daughter Tatyana
Uspenskaya has lived with her fourth husband for more than thirty years, although in 2020 rumors appeared about their separation. Later, the artist confirmed that she was really going to file for divorce from the man who, according to her, ruined the life of her daughter and herself. Ouspenskaya also spoke about blackmail from her husband, who, she believes, wants to take her to the grave in order to take possession of her fortune.
Childhood, youth, family
Lyubov Sitsker (the singer’s maiden name) was born in the winter of 1954 in Kyiv.
The story of the acquaintance of her parents, the Jew Zalman Efromovich Sitsker and a native of Ashgabat, Elena Chaika, is not like others. The robbers, who remained unknown, fleeing from the police, threw the stolen goods over the fence of the private house where Zalman and his mother lived. As Lyubov said in the show “Spiritual Conversation,” law enforcement agencies did not figure out what was what, but simply pinned the blame on the man and the already middle-aged woman. As a result, Sitsker was sentenced to 13 years in prison.
Lyubov Uspenskaya in childhood (pictured: with her father)
In the prison hospital he met nurse Elena. A spark ran between them, the girl became pregnant. When management found out about this, the nurse was fired with a scandal. The prisoner managed to give her a note with his mother’s address in Kyiv, ordering his beloved to give birth in his small homeland and wait with the child for his return. But fate decreed otherwise.
During childbirth, on the night of February 24, Elena died from blood loss. The day before, the hospital staff celebrated Defender of the Fatherland Day, so the woman was not saved. At least, that’s what Love thought until recently. However, in the fall of 2021, in an interview with the YouTube channel “Between Us,” the singer stated for the first time that she learned from a psychic about the murder of her mother:
They told me: she was traveling on a train and they hit her in the face with a brick. I called my influential friends in Kyiv so that they would break through all the cemeteries there. There must be a registration of the name, but there is no Elena Chaika in any cemetery. My grandmother told me that in 1954 there was a hunger strike, and my mother apparently left to look for work.
Zalman’s mother took care and registered the girl as her daughter. Five years later, Lyubov’s father was released, but did not change anything. Until the age of 10, Lyuba grew up fully confident that her grandmother was her mother. It was only during a visit to the clinic that she read her medical record and learned the truth. By that time, her father had already married for the second time. Lyuba's stepmother's name was Sarah. The relationship between them was good, but still the grandmother was much closer to the girl than Zalman’s new wife.
Little Lyuba Uspenskaya
Problems with my daughter
The beginning of 2021 was difficult for the singer - the scandal surrounding her and the only daughter of the artist Tatyana Plaksina stirred up the public. Tatyana appeared on the air of the “Stars Aligned” program accusing her mother of cruelty and pressure. A little later, the girl blamed NTV producers for the incident, who allegedly forced her to slander her mother on air, holding her at the studio as a hostage and exerting psychological influence.
Lyubov Uspenskaya and Tatyana Plaksina
According to Uspenskaya, when she saw the program, she fainted, after which, gathering her strength, she explained that her daughter, after the tragedy that happened to her in 2021 [Tatyana fell off her bike, broke her jaw, went through several operations - approx. uznayvse.ru] psychological problems began. Lyubov Uspenskaya about her daughter In addition to the fact that Tatyana cannot always control herself in her statements and actions, Lyubov Zalmanovna stated that her daughter began to use marijuana, as a result of which her mood is unstable. They quarreled on domestic grounds, because of this the girl left home. Lyubvo Uspenskaya - My Hero After the scandalous program, Plaksina went to the USA to visit her father. Later, a video appeared online in which the girl behaved extremely inappropriately. In December, Tatyana said that one of the haters had created a fake page under her name. She herself lives in America and runs her own Instagram, where she eventually publicly apologized to her mother. Plaksina asked her subscribers to report the scammer so that his page would be deleted.
Return to Russia
In the spring of 1993, Lyubov Zalmanovna came to Russia to film videos for the songs “Cabriolet” and “Hussar Roulette,” but decided that she wanted to stay in her homeland and began performing concerts around the country. Soon, two new albums of the singer appeared: “Express in Monte Carlo”, and then “Don’t Forget”. Lyubov Uspenskaya - Convertible (1994) Lyubov worked tirelessly on new compositions and in 1995 released another album, “Far, Far” on the Suz label. In the same year, the video clip “Carousel” appeared, in which Uspenskaya starred together with the famous handsome man of Soviet cinema, Boris Shcherbakov. Lyubov Uspenskaya - Carousel A video was shot with him for the next composition “I’m Losing Myself.” The song brought Uspenskaya incredible popularity; it was even rumored that the actor and the singer had an affair.
Lyubov Uspenskaya and Boris Shcherbakov
In 1997, an album of the same name was released, which was a great success. The lyrics and music for the performer were written by Regina Lisits and Igor Azarov. They were also the authors of many more songs included in the singer’s subsequent albums.
Lyubov Uspenskaya in the 90s and now
For the next six years, the artist toured throughout the country and abroad, Uspenskaya’s permanent place of residence was the States, but in 2003 she finally returned to Russia. And after a long break, she released a new album, “Bitter Chocolate.” She recorded two songs - “Stronger than before” and “I will miss you very much” with Soso Pavliashvili and Slava Medyanik, respectively.
Lyubov Uspenskaya in 2000
In the same year, Uspenskaya was awarded the Chanson Prize for the first time for the song “Sky”. A year later, she received the same prize for her new composition “To the One, Tender One.” A studio album was released under the same name in 2007, which included twelve compositions. It also included two songs, “Clouds” and “Marusya Kicking Up,” written for the singer by Alexander Rosenbaum and performed with him in a duet. At the same time, a collection of the best hits “Carriage” was released. Lyubov Uspenskaya - Carriage (1994) Three years later, a new studio disc “Fly, my girl, fly” appeared in the singer’s discography. It included Leonid Agutin’s song “Run, Run,” but most of the compositions were written by Andrei Igolkin and Tatyana Belyanchikova. The title song won the “Chanson of the Year” award, as did “First Love,” sung in a duet with Slava Medyanik.
Not a single “Chanson of the Year” award is complete without Uspenskaya.
In 2012, Uspenskaya presented her next album, “The Story of One Love,” where she sang the song “Sky” in a duet with Leonid Agutin, and “Verba” with Nikolai Vasiliev. It also included the compositions “Catch the Thief”, “Kalina”, “Two People”, “Guardian Angel”. Uspenskaya and Agutin - Sky Since 2014, the singer has been actively collaborating with other popular performers. With Irina Dubtsova she recorded the song “I Love Him Too”, in Slava’s album “Frankly” a joint hit with Uspenskaya “Tablet” appeared, at “New Wave 2015” the artist sang the song “Forgetting” together with Philip Kirkorov.
With Philip Kirkorov
In 2021, her next disc, “I Still Love,” was released, which included her joint duet with Dominic Joker, “Where have you been.” In 2018, Uspenskaya, together with Nastya Kamenskikh, performed Potap’s (Alexey Potapenko) song “You haven’t forgotten,” and with the Belarusian rapper CYGO (Leonid Vakulchuk) she appeared on stage with his own composition “Panda E.” Uspenskaya and CYGO – Panda E In 2021, Lyubov Zalmanovna turned 65. But the singer again surprised her fans with her indomitable energy and talent. That year her anniversary concert took place at Crocus City, and in the summer Ouspenskaya performed in Baku at the Heat festival. Moreover, she appeared on stage riding a motorcycle in a short dress and boots. A little later, the singer amazed the audience with her extravagant outfit of lace lingerie with stockings and a see-through cape.
Fatal Lyubov Uspenskaya at the Heat 2019 award
The year also became a landmark for the release of the eleventh album, “So it’s time,” which included new versions of the artist’s old hits. Half of the songs were performed in duets with famous performers - Emin Agalarov, Leonid Agutin, Kira Dymov and others.
Biography of Lyubov Uspenskaya
Lyubov Uspenskaya is a widely known and adored chanson performer in the USSR, America, and Russia. Fans of urban romance still listen to her “Cabriolet”, “Far, Far Away”, “I’m Losing Myself”, “Lilac”, “I’ll Miss You Very Much”. Fourteen times she won the “Chanson of the Year” award with such songs as “Cigarette”, “Sky”, “To the only tender one”, “Clouds”, “Fly, my girl”. In 2021, the artist was awarded the same prize for the composition “Lyuba is always right.”
In the photo: Lyubov Uspenskaya
When true love begins
How long falling in love will last, and when love begins, directly depends on the couple. These are individual indicators. Over time, a strong attachment arises, a trusting relationship is formed, but falling in love begins to subside. You will see flaws in your partner that you had not noticed before, and you will stop idealizing him.
If at the beginning of the relationship you were attracted to a person’s physical characteristics, now the basis of attraction will be the person’s personal positions and his spiritual world. At this time, feelings should develop into love, but it happens that the couple separates. Not everyone can cope with changes in relationships. If love has nevertheless formed, then people in love begin to care about each other even more, and shortcomings cease to be the causes of conflict situations. This strong feeling can be carried throughout your life, then over time it will only become stronger.
READ Nobody loves me: the main reasons for loneliness and how to deal with it
How long is the age of love?
And scientists know this. The state of ardent love lasts on average 12-17 months. This is, in principle, enough to achieve reciprocity or receive a final refusal. If the fire of passion burned longer, it would simply burn us to the ground, which is clearly not part of nature’s plans. Happy lovers would die from exhaustion, and rejected lovers would die from unbearable suffering.
But there are no rules without exceptions. In some cases, love can last a very long time. Especially if this is unhappy love. For happy love, nature has a mechanism that turns a violent flame into an even fire of the hearth. For unhappy love there is no such mechanism - only the instinct of self-preservation. It doesn't always work.
