In psychology, melancholy is considered to be a whole complex of strong negative emotions, in which we can distinguish mental longing, anxiety, sadness, boredom, despair, bad mood, hopelessness, and painful despondency. A person in such a state cannot find a place for himself, it is as if something is gnawing him from the inside, he feels alone in this world and completely lost.
Not only sleep and appetite disappear, but also the desire to do something, go somewhere, communicate with someone. The reasons can be different: parting with a loved one, death of a loved one, the desire to return to the past, living away from home and family, etc. If you do not look for a way out of this situation, in the future it leads to protracted and deep depression. There are different ways and techniques to get rid of melancholy. The main thing is to find the strength to use them.
Why do you feel sad?
Even when separation occurs by mutual decision, feelings of resentment and anxiety do not leave us. Why is this happening? The main reasons are the fear of being alone and a feeling of attachment to a partner.
One of the important human needs is the feeling of being needed by someone. As soon as a breakup occurs, the mind reacts heavily to reality. There is a feeling of mental discomfort that gives rise to melancholy. The brain continuously scrolls through pictures from the past, memories aggravate the situation. There comes an awareness of the loss of emotional and physical connection with a loved one.
It is easy to get out of a state of despair and anxiety if you learn to hear yourself, accept your fears and begin to make your desires come true. There are simple but effective ways to help you recover after a breakup.
How to survive a breakup with your loved one
Texts of prayers
There are different texts of prayers that must be chosen depending on the situation. The words in them can be changed, but the meaning must remain the same.
The painful suffering of a person is longing for the deceased.
From longing for the deceased
“Lord Jesus, you are the Lord of heaven and earth! You see everything, hear everything, watch everyone from Your Kingdom. Do not despise the impudence that I turn to You with such a request. Hear the prayers and lamentations, calm the soul and heart, break this thread connecting with the deceased (name). May Your servant rest in peace, may he be at ease and well in Your Kingdom, may he not know suffering, grief and sadness. Let the sinful soul of Your servant (your name) go in peace.
I yearned for him, I can’t spend days or nights, I’m still sad about him, his bright image does not leave the memories of past years. I can’t do this anymore, I don’t have the strength to endure this torment and suffering. See this and do not punish strictly. Forgive all past sins, I repent and ask for mercy.
Let the sadness let go, let it go far, far away, beyond the blue seas, beyond the high mountains, beyond the wide fields and impassable wilds. May he never return back. Summon bright joy, earthly goodness to replace it. I want to be calm for Your servant (name), because he is under Your wing, in Your Kingdom. I don’t want to shed any more tears, I want to celebrate life and smile.
All of us, righteous people, will fall into Your Kingdom of the Lord, so let peace and quiet reign in our souls, and not fear and sadness. Let it be so. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Now, forever and forever. Amen".
The prayer must be read 3 times a day for a month. It is advisable to visit the temple and light a candle for the repose of your soul.
From longing for a loved one
“O Almighty! Hear this request and do not refuse to fulfill it. I have the boldness to turn to You, because my soul suffers and asks for peace. Give her strength, help her cope with the pain, banish memories from her bright little head. Give hope and faith in a better outcome, help to let go of your beloved so that you don’t have to catch up with the setting sun every day. Let me reconcile and submit to fate, accept it and let go in peace of the one who is leaving, who is moving away every minute.
May his path be covered with a carpet of green grass and flowers, may their aromas fill his every day. Let him not be angry and offended, and not strictly punish the servant of God (his name), who dared to love him. And I let go of all grievances and misunderstandings, everything unsaid and unfinished. Let it no longer torment us, let it not appear in our dreams, let it not disturb our thoughts, let it not bring misty sadness to our hearts.
Let the Almighty God decide our destinies, I trust in his fair decision. May he grant us freedom and send to each of us that person who is destined by fate. Let these words be heard. From now on, forever and ever. Amen".
The prayer must be said morning and evening every day for 2 weeks. If there is no result, the procedure should be repeated for 1 month.
From melancholy and despondency
A depressed person is depressed and joyless.
“Oh green melancholy, sadness of the swamp, perish, wicked one, and take your sisters with you. Let despair, despondency, sadness and disappointment go away. Let them gather on a clear day in a green meadow, talk, consult, exchange words among themselves, and set off on a long journey. And the path is not easy. It lies through dense forests, impassable swamps, impassable wilds, high mountains and deep seas and oceans. Not everyone will make it, some of them will perish along the way.
Let the torment dissipate, scatter to the wind, longing and heartache recede. Those who get to the marshy swamp, which is located in impenetrable thickets, will sink to its very bottom, far, far away, to rinse their abyss and never get out of there. There will be no return for them, neither on the day, nor on the night, nor on holidays, nor on weekdays. And whoever survives and gets lost on the road, may never find his way back, and will remain wandering around the world restless.
Let them never meet good people on the way, let them not greet you, let them not get into your soul, let them not dig their claws into you. Let them be swept away by winter snowstorms, autumn foliage, spring showers, and let the summer sun's rays burn them to dust.
I want to forget everything and leave in the past all the memories, good and bad, obsessive thoughts, tears shed, sorrows experienced. Let them remain in yesterday, let it absorb them completely and keep them forever. May they neither today nor tomorrow come to life, may they not return back, may they not knock on the door. I will lock all the doors and windows, I will protect my soul from bad weather, I will save my heart from the cold of the past.
May there be only love and harmony, joy and happiness in this world. I will pray to the Lord God about this every day and every night. May He send His heavenly grace to us. Let it be so. From now on, forever and ever. Amen".
You need to say these words until the pain goes away and the melancholy goes away.
Accept and let go of the situation
An important step in dealing with the consequences of a breakup is accepting the current situation. Relationships are not the whole of life, but only a small part of it. People break up for various reasons. Yes, you need to cry, talk it out, let it go through yourself and let go. After breaking up with your partner, it's easy to figure out what you can do to fill your free space. Is there any room left for meetings with friends, work, hobbies? If yes, use the switching method to shift the focus to them. If not, try to bring it all back to life.
Olga
Olga is my cousin. She divorced her husband due to his financial insolvency. No, they were not poor, but they lived in an old two-room apartment with fresh but simple renovations. They also had a car - not a new one, but a lovingly cared for Nexia. Olga dressed at sales, although Igor (her husband) worked from morning to night, but the salary of a dentist in a state (free) clinic is small. Igor planned to open a private clinic in the future, looking for various part-time jobs in the evenings. But at this stage he did not have the money to purchase premises and expensive equipment (largely thanks to Olga’s appetites). Igor doted on my sister, brought her coffee in the morning, combed her hair, gave her a massage, read her a book at night, cooked food himself when he was at home, washed the dishes without persuasion and took on many household chores. But... Olya wanted diamonds, silks and the Maldives.
Having met Pavel - handsome, self-confident and rich, Olya, without hesitation for a minute, filed for divorce, calling Igor a “rogue” in parting. Pavel promised her mountains of gold, saying that she was the one he was looking for. They began to live together. Igor took the separation hard. He sold the two-room apartment and left without leaving an address. Two years have passed and... At the next get-together, Olga admitted to me: “I miss my ex” - being in a relationship with the “man of my dreams” and not needing anything, it turns out that she yearns for the “rogue”. How so?
Everything is relative:
- Now Olga brings coffee to bed in the morning.
- In response to her “I don’t have enough attention,” Pavel simply gives her money and says: “Go and have fun.”
- He is constantly busy, often goes on business trips, may not come home to spend the night, explaining this simply: “I’m working.”
- He doesn't talk to her about anything except daily matters, because he considers heart-to-heart conversations a waste of time.
In other words, Olga feels lonely and unwanted. She doesn't need money, but she absolutely lacks warmth. How to indicate the second reason? I'll call it "difference". We yearn for ex-husbands because we feel the difference between what was and is now. And it often turns out that it was better with them.
My sister asked me: “What should I do if I got everything - another, almost ideal man, life without financial restrictions, but I miss my ex?” I don’t know, Olya, I don’t know... Should I try to bring Igor back? It will be hard. And even if it works out, can you give up what you have now?
Close access to the past
The main mistake that many people make after a breakup is trying to go back to the past. Viewing photos and videos together, thinking about pleasant moments, calling and texting your ex-partner - all this provokes new attacks of apathy. If the decision to leave was deliberate and firm, then there should be no return to the past relationship. It is better to delete all photos and videos, contacts on your phone, social networks, throw away things and everything that leads to a feeling of discomfort.
I was abandoned. What to do?
Change the scenery
Leaving the city for a while, flying to the sea or visiting a friend is something that will help you switch gears and get emotional release. A change of environment has a beneficial effect on emotional imbalance. New events and acquaintances, although not for long, will captivate you. This period should be regarded not as an escape from problems, but as an opportunity for the rehabilitation of the soul.
Why does a man come back after a breakup?
When longing is for good: changing the direction of the vector
How many beautiful poems, sonnets, songs and poems were composed thanks to unrequited love! Perhaps there is a genius dormant in you too?
Or maybe there is no genius at all. But we’re not fighting for the Pulitzer Prize now, right? Creativity may be the best solution if you are looking for an answer to the question of what to do. If you miss a person, entrust your emotions to paper or keys. Spit out your feelings, put your longing into words.
Start a renovation
Apartment renovation is a suitable alternative to a change of scenery when it is not possible to leave the city. In addition, this is an opportunity to completely immerse yourself in the process of interior renovation. The pleasant chores associated with buying wallpaper, thinking through the design and purchasing new furniture will help attract thoughts and get rid of feelings of melancholy and anxiety.
On the waning moon
Stages of performing a conspiracy against melancholy:
- During the waning month, stay alone in the room and prepare two red wax candles.
- On one of them scratch your name, on the second - the person you miss and want to forget.
- At midnight, place them side by side, set them on fire and wait until they burn halfway, and then put them out.
- The next night, place them further apart, let them burn a little and put them out again. At this time, you should read “Our Father.”
- On the third day, place them even further apart, set them on fire and wait until there are no cinders left.
The remaining wax must be buried that same night at a deserted intersection of three roads. You should return home in complete silence, without turning around, otherwise this will lead to negative consequences from the ritual. Over the next few days, melancholy will decrease, sleep will normalize and your emotional state will improve.
Do what you want
The best way to distract yourself from bad thoughts is to fill your life with many events and find a way to have fun. Now is the time to take bold actions and make your dreams come true. Let it be small whims - a new hairstyle, signing up for a massage course, going to the spa or cinema, a new tattoo. This will give you the opportunity to feel your freedom and begin to enjoy it, and small joys will gradually begin to crowd out the unpleasant consequences of the breakup.
Why do men leave their wives?
On the nail
Rules for performing the ritual to get rid of sad thoughts:
- At midnight, during the waning moon, find a crevice in the wooden floor.
- Read the spell by cutting off a piece of your own nail and placing it in this hole: “Just as this nail will never again return to the finger of the servant of the Lord (you), so my soul will be left in pain and will never return again. I’ll lock what I’ve said behind a huge lock, I’ll hide the key under the floorboard - no one will ever be able to find it.”
- Read the plot 3 times in a row.
Having completed the ritual, you should immediately go to bed without saying a word. After just 10 days, a person will feel an improvement in their emotional state and a surge of strength.
Workout
Sport is a panacea for many emotional experiences. The main thing is to have fun and without harm to health. Hours of strength training or jogging in the fresh air will work like antidepressants. In addition, during sports, the body produces endorphin - the hormone of joy. As a bonus - good health and a toned body.
It is natural to experience sadness after a breakup with a loved one. To get rid of this feeling, you need to learn to love and hear yourself, understand your life goals and strive to realize them.
General Tips
There can be many reasons for separation. This includes moving, a break in a relationship, and even the death of a person. There are general recommendations that will help you cope with longing for your loved one in all these cases. Let's look at them.
Plunge yourself into your work
The best way to overcome the blues is to get busy with work. If you're used to working slapdashly, now is the time to reconsider your attitude. Work is one of the most important components in a person’s life. It is not only a source of material wealth, but also a reliable psychological support. It is through work that we feel connected to society and feel needed and useful.
Set yourself specific professional goals and start realizing them. This will not only help you take your mind off sad thoughts, but also reach a new professional level. You can enroll in advanced training courses, learn a foreign language, or master a related field. There are always opportunities for growth, no matter what you do.
Change your scenery
You can combat longing for a person from your past with new experiences. Only impressions must be vivid and emotionally rich in order to be able to push painful thoughts out of your head. Go on a trip to an unfamiliar country - the further the better. I just warn you in advance - rest should not be idle. Don't expect to lie passively on the beach for two weeks and return home with renewed thoughts.
Organize a busy program for yourself so that you don’t have a minute to think about painful thoughts. Visit museums, attractions, beautiful places. Chat with locals and immerse yourself in an unfamiliar culture. Both your head and body must be constantly busy, only then will you be able to reboot your brain.
Do some physical labor
When cats scratch at your soul, you really want to just lie buried in your pillow and do nothing. It seems that you lie down for a while and the melancholy will subside. However, this feeling is deceptive.
Idleness is the worst enemy for anyone who is overcome by sad thoughts. You kind of give the brain a signal that it’s time to turn on the energy-saving mode, and it obeys. Every day it will be more and more difficult for you to force yourself to do something. So, slowly but surely you will sink deeper and deeper into apathy.
Why does physical labor help to cope with melancholy? The fact is that the brain at a certain point in time can be focused on one thing. When we do physical work, most of the energy is directed into the muscles. There is nothing left for mental activity. Therefore, if you cannot control your thoughts, you just need to turn them off.
General cleaning, rearrangement, and gardening work are ideal for these purposes. Plunge yourself into your work, and within half an hour you will feel much better. Try to get as tired as possible and fall asleep immediately after work.
Get into the sport
Sports are another good way to stop being bored. The mechanism of its action is the same as the previous one. You need to load your body as much as possible and get as tired as possible. Strength training is best for this purpose. They are literally able to squeeze all the juice out of you, leaving no chance for painful thoughts to suck the energy out of you.
