How to understand and what to do if the relationship has reached a dead end?

Hand in hand, the joy of first meetings - it seems that it’s hard to breathe without each other, let alone live a day. I want not to part, to stroke, hug, admire and talk endlessly. About what? Nothing. There is no one around, just the two of you.

But the period of falling in love gradually passes, the couple enters the phase of a stable relationship, when feelings are tested for strength by jointly solving everyday problems and overcoming difficulties. A period of stability begins; for some couples it is painted in positive, bright colors. They still can’t live without communication, they call back throughout the day: “How are you? I miss. Until the evening".

For others, pastel colors of light, translucent watercolors predominate: everything is calm, without splashes, and sometimes even dull in an autumnal way. The couple is kept together more by friendly feelings, force of habit, than by love. Increasingly, the need to resolve issues of living together causes irritation, both understand that the warmth has gone somewhere, a dead end. What's next?

How to understand that a relationship has reached a dead end?

Is it possible to return that feeling of falling in love that was at the very beginning? Is it necessary? Some of your significant other's actions are disappointing, and this is easily explained. At the first stage of a relationship, a person experiences a feeling of euphoria; he sees his partner through rose-colored glasses. The day comes when the flair subsides. It’s as if you woke up from a long sleep and suddenly realized that you imagined everything differently. How to understand that a relationship has reached a dead end? What to do, look for a way out or break up? What do psychologists advise on how to do the right thing?

The impasse that many couples go through is invariably accompanied by a showdown. Everyone is trying to claim their rights. If your family exhibits at least a few of the signs listed below, it’s time to urgently become a crisis manager and try to stop the process of alienation.

To all attempts to talk, your loved one responds with excuses - no time, tired from work, unwell. However, all signs of malaise instantly disappear if friends call or appear on the doorstep.
You sleep together, but intimacy happens less and less. A short kiss goodnight and no continuation. Perhaps your spouse is having an affair. Adultery is a fairly common reason for cooling off.
Reluctance to compromise. In order to avoid another quarrel, you try to give in every time, but he firmly stands his ground and does not want to meet you halfway. Perhaps he is tired of endless internal wars, has already decided to break up and is simply waiting for an opportunity to tell you about it, or is he wondering how to get out of the impasse?
Cooling down in sex invariably becomes the cause of emotional alienation. The man doesn’t let you in on his business, and you, in turn, don’t really want to tell him about yours.
The partner’s dissatisfaction with the whole world: work, you, home, his responsibilities and even the weather. This may be indirect evidence that the man has developed a spiritual attachment, and he is no longer bothered by what is happening here. Mentally he is in a new life.
Continuing a relationship out of pity is doomed to failure. If it is not love, but a feeling of compassion that keeps you close to your partner, sooner or later everything will end. It's better to do it now without wasting time. First, try living apart, at a distance.
Low self-esteem. The woman fears that she will be left alone and does not want to change her status; for years she has endured rudeness and rudeness from her husband. From a psychological point of view, she is a dependent partner. Nothing good will come from such a relationship; there is no point in continuing.
A well-known situation is when a couple has been living together for a long time and running a household, but the guy is in no hurry to get married, coming up with new excuses despite the birth of children. The girl waits patiently for a marriage proposal, but nothing happens. Perhaps, under the pressure of circumstances, he will be forced to marry, but it will not be his decision.

Signs of a dead-end relationship

Crises in family life periodically overtake every couple. It is important to overcome them correctly. Some families go through difficult stages at certain periods of time:

in three years;
in the seventh year;
after ten years of marriage.

Sometimes both partners are overtaken by a midlife crisis, which cannot but affect the quality of the relationship between husband and wife. To answer the question “why age-related crises occur,” you need to read specialized literature or contact a professional psychologist.

Some families collapse suddenly, others go a long way before the crisis. Many people do not know what to do in this case. There are several obvious signs that a relationship is reaching a dead end.

Mistrust

Firstly, trust disappears even from the slightest lie. The consequence of deception is understatement, secrecy, and coldness between partners. Adultery also destroys faith in a loved one. If after cheating a guy begs for forgiveness, he will still suffer. The deceived party will never trust the traitor.

Secondly, the cause of mistrust can be low self-esteem. An insecure person tries to control everything and suspects his partner of cheating.

In both cases, the man and woman feel unhappy, which will result in a logical phenomenon - a dead end.

Frequent conflicts

Lack of respect gives rise to frequent quarrels. Once loving spouses are not shy in their expressions, are not afraid of offending their partner, and do not listen to each other. Warmth and care gradually leave the relationship.

Sharp words and insults are remembered for a long time. If such behavior becomes the everyday norm, we can say that the relationship has outlived its usefulness and is coming to an end. Perhaps this is a way out and salvation, otherwise quarrels will inevitably end in assault, especially from a man.

Indifference

Loss of interest in your partner is the first sign that the relationship has reached the point of no return and has begun to reach a dead end. Even conflicts are not so scary, because they are a manifestation of emotions. It is almost impossible to overcome indifference and restore warmth, sincere interest, and find common ground. Often people continue to live together because of children, a shared apartment or financial obligations. Being together but not feeling happy is a real dead end.

Lack of respect

In all relationships, passion, tenderness, and romanticism weaken over time, and caring for each other comes first. In her parents' family, a girl should be taught to consider a guy's opinion important. All strong unions, in which people trust their partner, forgive mistakes and quarrel without insulting, are built on respect. Men react especially sharply to its absence.

Causes of discord in relationships

Different life priorities. For example, a man is ambitious and plans to achieve heights in his career; he has long defined a strategy for achieving abandoned goals. Professional self-realization comes first for him. It is for this reason that many young people are hostile to conversations about marriage and attempts at pressure from relatives, and if their beloved begins to insist, they break off the relationship.
The period of “grinding in” of characters in life together is very stormy and aggressive. Both personalities turned out to be strong, no one wants to give up leadership. Everyone tries to convey their point of view to their partner, to shout out, and does not want to remain silent. Life becomes unbearable due to the daily war of characters.
Relationship crisis. The couple was united by a feeling of love, but everyday life became the cause of cooling of feelings and disappointment. Both realized that this was not how they imagined their life together.

How to interrupt the alienation that has arisen

You need to understand - does the relationship have potential? To do this, it is important to see a man as he is - not through the prism of accumulated bad experience or your expectations, but through understanding his psyche as it is.

Is he developed in his properties (which means he is able to realize himself, to take place in society) or not very well. If you are sufficiently developed (and often this is the case), then temporary bad states due to accumulated dissatisfaction are not a hindrance. A man will be able to fulfill his masculine role, provide you with a sense of security and safety, and respond to your love with action and feeling, as soon as you create the conditions for this.

At the “System-Vector Psychology” training, you will be able to figure this out without anyone’s “good” advice, based on the knowledge you have gained about the human soul.

Continue or break up?

Has your relationship with your husband reached a dead end? What should I do, continue or break up? There may be nothing left to save. It is impossible to do without discussing the current situation. Psychologists identify two ways of development of events.

Both were tired of endless quarrels and showdowns over the slightest reason. There is no way to reach consensus. Parting becomes a release from moral suffering.

Conflicts and scandals against the background of emotional attachment. During a quarrel, the parties are ready to kill each other, but they cannot imagine living apart; there is a strong emotional connection between them.
Conflict periods in such couples are repeated with a certain cyclicity, similar to a kind of spiral. Remove the excessive importance of what is happening, do not think about how to get out of the deadlock, because solving the problem does not depend only on you. See the situation as a pause. Move towards solving the problem gradually.

Are they not looking for good from good?

The longer a woman thinks this way, the louder her soul screams: “Save me from my husband!” A House is built around a husband - and a woman feels uncomfortable and uncomfortable in the house. Any return to the family, for example, from work, is associated with possible troubles.

And if one’s home ceases to be home, then where to go, where to look for shelter? And the woman begins, most often unconsciously, to put into practice the idea of salvation. There are many options for escaping from your husband - here are the most popular ones.

Career

If a married woman devotes herself too zealously to work, especially a job she doesn’t really love, this is the first sign of problems in the family.

Slack at work

Things distract, take away internal resources, and sometimes bring desired pleasure. And if a woman is a born careerist, then an unsuccessful marriage and no matter which husband will fade into the background.

Internet

This option is life-saving for a housewife.

Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash

In virtual reality, you can not only cry to your girlfriends or reflect on social networks, but also find new interesting acquaintances.

Children

An obvious solution for a woman raising a small child.

Photo by Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash

And when children grow up, the idea of completely devoting yourself to them, and then to their children, is a great way to put an end to not only your current marriage, but also your personal life.

Lover

What is commonly called betrayal is already the result - the process consists of finding a man who will turn out to be the cherished “savior”. This is the most logical way of escape - one man is replaced by another.

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

Rescue from her husband often begins on the Internet: a married woman is actively looking for acquaintances, sometimes hiding the fact of marriage. She can also go to parties with friends and even to strangers. A woman urgently needs feelings and understanding: there are none left in the marriage.

She is not always looking for sex - it is more important to find friendship, support, care in another man. After all, he is a potential replacement for her husband and, in the end, can save him completely - help him get a divorce and build a new relationship.

Frequent changes of partners, constant infidelity for the sake of sex or the desire to annoy your spouse is another story, and it arises when the confrontation with your husband is serious and the marriage has finally turned into a formality.

For men, building relationships with married women is fraught. When a woman puts the responsibility of saving her on her lover, he falls into a trap. A woman, plunging into the role of a victim, will drown the savior in her feelings, which she considers sincere.

Photo by Jon Asato on Unsplash

At the same time, she is not ready to leave her husband: he provides for her and the children financially, but the man she loves now provides “morally”. And the worse the relationship with your spouse, the more demands will be made on the savior.

And since such a lady is a victim, she will put off the divorce until the last minute, because she feels sorry for her husband, even if he is unloved. Even if the new beloved man has wavered and has already agreed to a serious relationship.

How to get out of a deadlock?

Give yourself the word to restrain your emotions, take control of them. If you feel like you can't help yourself, ask your husband to discuss the situation next time. If you can turn a quarrel into a joke, you are a genius in the field of family relationships.

Don't blame or try to prove yourself right. Why not try to hear your partner, you have a motive - to save the family. Not everything he says will be to your liking, just take note.

Learn to talk about feelings without blaming. Women are dominated by emotions, men experience a lot in silence. Agree to take care of what connects you. For example, instead of accusing me of ingratitude, open your soul - I tried really hard, but you didn’t even notice, I’m so offended!

If your loved one left for a rival

Is it possible to detect a guy's cheating? Easily. And if the reason for the breakup with your loved one is betrayal, it will be difficult to get him back. A competent psychological approach will be required. You can use an arsenal of all feminine remedies. But it’s better to get advice from a family relations specialist. You will receive competent advice on how to get to know your rival better. How to turn its advantages and disadvantages to your advantage.

But don't try to get it back right away. Let him forget a little the reason for your painful separation.

Ruthlessly remove everything that came before. Change not only your appearance, but also your outlook. It’s not enough to look attractive, feminine and sensual, you also have to be just like that. Your new image should be a surprise for him.

Find a reason to meet. Say that you don't mind if he comes with a new passion. But it is at this moment that you must look better than your opponent. He will definitely compare you. What if the comparison is not in her favor? He will think that he left you in vain.

During communication, be calm and confident, but he should intuitively feel your attraction to him. You will feel that he wants to reciprocate your feelings. Make an appointment to meet after some time. But the rival should not be nearby. If you notice that contact has been established, then let him listen to your opinion on the former relationship. Invite him to speak out too. If this happens, then the chances of returning your loved one will certainly appear.

What should a woman do?

First of all, don't despair. Give yourself time to calm down and try to understand that relationships are a two-person job. No matter how much you want everything to work out, if the young man does not seek to compromise, your efforts will be in vain.

Develop yourself, learn languages, smile at every new day and never live only as a man. A little time will pass and you will understand that this relationship had no prospects. It’s good that they ended before you managed to start a family and have children from him.

Another outcome is also possible: your loved one will understand that he cannot imagine life without you, and everything will gradually improve by itself, without titanic efforts and moral losses.

You must always remember the good!

Even if everything has become bad in a relationship, you need to try to forget the grievances and start thinking positively. You are together, which means you fell in love with each other, lit a light in each soul, rejoiced at every minute spent together, so what happened?

Have a heart-to-heart talk, remember all the good things, concentrate not on the negative, but on the positive, start every day with a smile, not with hysterics. It is important to insist on the good and lead your partner to it.

Perhaps you need to diversify your sex life, add zest to it, stop being shy and be a joy for your husband, so that he does not allow the thought of looking away.

If you want to be together even after quarrels and misunderstandings arise, then you will do everything possible to maintain the relationship. If not, then why hold each other back, it means this is not your person, not your other half.

And you, dear men, give gifts to your loved ones, pamper them, let your dear woman feel great with new cosmetics or a dress. These are small things, but sometimes they play a key role in a relationship.

And you women, stop nagging men over trifles, give them freedom of action, let them decide what to do with the financial situation of the family, let them make responsible decisions, let them feel like masters.

What should a man do?

Has your relationship with your wife reached a dead end? Assess how important family is to you. Don't make assumptions, learn the art of communication. Analyze what you have achieved in life and what goals you set for yourself in the future. Perhaps your wife has a lot to do with her support and inspiration.

Don’t try to dot all the i’s at once. Be interested in her life, how her day went, what she plans for the evening, how she would like to spend the weekend. Do not limit yourself to verbal contacts, hug, stroke the head, it calms and relaxes.

When the emotions calm down a little, directly - does she want you to be together or has she decided to break up? Not everything is in your hands, but a lot depends on a sincere desire to improve relationships and save the family.

If love is one way?

Passions are boiling, the heart is being torn to pieces, it is hard to imagine how just yesterday a dear and close person is today so alien and distant... The story is as old as the world, but every case is a new drama.

But you need to live on, and here the agony of love’s torment begins... One wise man said that there is nothing worse than an abandoned woman, and life shows us that you cannot find a more stupid creature. Where do reason and self-control suddenly go... Instead of creating a favorable climate for themselves to “lick their wounds,” girls sometimes do things that, years later, they themselves are amazed at how they managed to do this. Fortune tellers and sorcerers begin to visit, for whom this contingent is the main source of income. A man who has been wounded by love is often subjected to persecution and psychological attacks, in the form of hysterics and persuasion to “start all over again.” And probably only in isolated cases does the victim of unrequited love not fall into alcoholic oblivion...

But all the methods have been tested, but the expected result has not been achieved. He left and nothing can be done about it. You still have to live on.

So how can you live if you don’t succeed as you want? There is only one answer - to live as it turns out... Do not set impossible tasks and do not wait for fairy-tale endings. And the most important thing is not to sit back and revel in your grief, but to look for something interesting and positive in every moment of your life. Don't build sand castles and don't withdraw into yourself. Girls, girls, women, honey, just do something!!! Communicate with family, friends and preferably new people. Look for things in life that will make you smile more often.

Remember – it’s better to make mistakes and gain experience than to sit back!!! After all, every moment of life you live is unique and irrevocable, so live it to the fullest no matter what! And the person who left you deserves only oblivion...

He left you. And you love him. You can't live without him. You write to him every day with the hope that he will return to you. But it turns out to be in vain, he already has another toy.

How to survive all this? How to forget him? I also had such a situation in my life. Now I’ll tell you how I dealt with the problem.

If you love him, but he is no longer there

So, in these difficult moments, it seems to a person that life has completely lost its meaning and nothing good is expected in the future. These heavy thoughts haunt me; I don’t want to sleep, eat, or work. It is not at all surprising that in such a situation many make irreparable mistakes. How to soften the severity of separation?

I think you, like any other woman, made plans for a happy future together, in your dreams you pictured a family, children, and suddenly... like a bolt from the blue, a person disappears, pull yourself together!!!! Since he left, then he is superfluous in your destiny and he is not yours - it’s just a test drive for a happy family and your happy future.

Parting with a person who was special to you, who continues to occupy a place in your heart, if, of course, your feelings for him were sincere, is always painful. And surviving a breakup is difficult not only for those who were asked to break up, but also for those who initiated the breakup. Probably, you will be begged to return, and you yourself will hesitate in the correctness of your decision, but people do not break up out of the blue - do not forget about this. We offer the top 7 tips to help you survive the first weeks after a breakup.

First of all, you need to make a promise to yourself, to act with dignity and reason and not to do anything stupid. It is better to write down this oath and stick it to the mirror so that it constantly reminds you of the promise and restrains you from various nonsense. This method may not seem too serious, but practice shows its effectiveness.
Leaving go. Decide firmly whether you really want to separate forever or whether this is just a temporary separation. If, after weighing all the pros and cons of your ex-chosen one, you still came to the conclusion that he was wonderful and you are ready to fight for the relationship, fight. If not, then think about why you broke up, remind yourself of the reasons for your decision. Imagine that the shortcomings that you could not come to terms with now will irritate you even more over time. Be glad you saved yourself from this irritation.
Let all your pain pour out, do not accumulate resentment. Cry into your pillow at night, scream, break dishes, write poetry. Find any other method that suits you. Don't isolate yourself. Find a way out for your grief, do not let it remain forever in your heart and on your soul as a heavy burden, and most importantly, so that in the future you do not have to resort to treatment for acute psychosis.
Change your surroundings. If possible, go to another city for the weekend. Check out new places. It’s better to travel with a group of tourists – it’s more fun.
Convince yourself that everything is being done for the better, that this is the only right decision for you. Try to realize that you are the winner, that he is not worthy, that a later separation would be more painful. Look for all the positives of your breakup and repeat them in your mind over and over again. And don’t even let the thought creep into your head that there is no life without him. And if such thoughts do appear, repeat that this is temporary and that it will soon pass. Remember all his shortcomings, think about them constantly, do not be afraid to exaggerate something. This is exactly what can help you now. And when the number of his sins becomes enormous, thank fate for saving you from this person in such a timely manner.
You can start making repairs, getting rid of old furniture, remodeling, and designing your apartment.
You should not call your ex-other half under any pretext. Since this call will not help you find your lost peace of mind, on the contrary, it will cause an influx of memories, you will feel an acute lack of his warmth, attention and love. There is no need to call even when you still have his things. It is better to pass them on through friends without making contact yourself.
Memories are not your friend, don’t poison yourself with them. Avoid going to places that remind you of your ex-lover. Protect yourself from random encounters with him, as they say: “Out of sight, out of mind”! Remove things from your home that remind you of him (frames with shared photographs, delete joint photos from social networks, his gifts - vases, figurines), the less you remember about events related to him, the better and calmer your soul will be. Throw away or hide anything that reminds you of him. Because as soon as you see photos together and other little things, you will remember how you were together. It’s better to cut everything off and not remind anyone. It's a pity to throw it away? Give it to someone... gave things, toys? Take it to the orphanage for the kids.
The first couple of days I sat at home and cried for hours. It's just necessary at a time like this. Cry, feel sorry for yourself a little. Just no more than two days.
Throw yourself into your work. May you only have the strength to crawl to bed. The work will not leave time for melancholy and tears, for useless calls, tears, persuasion or accusations, which you might later regret, and therefore will thereby preserve your dignity, pride and self-respect. An interesting project will be a good help in getting out of depression. Work will help you take your mind off things, just don’t throw yourself into it forever.
You spent a lot of time with your loved one, after the breakup there was a void in your life - the evenings have probably become less eventful, there may be a lack of communication, and you will feel lonely. It's time to start devoting more time to friends, restoring old friendships, visiting and having bachelorette parties. In the first days after breaking up, you can ask your sister or close friend to live with you, let her be like your personal psychiatrist for a while. And the presence of a loved one nearby, the need to take care that he is comfortable, will distract you from sad thoughts.
You can find abandoned people like you on the Internet, chat with them, complain, pour out your soul. This is also useful.
The next thing I did was meet my friend and drink a little alcohol. This is not necessary, it is allowed in small quantities in order to relax. Have fun. Gather your friends and go to a cafe or to the cinema with a group. If you don't like noisy companies... sit at home, grab your favorite movies and ice cream and spend a quiet, relaxing evening. And you can go to a disco or concert, where at least for a while you won’t think about him. Try to distract yourself. Your girlfriends and friends will help you with this. Go with them to a cafe, cinema or club, or better yet, change the environment altogether - if there is such an opportunity, buy a ticket to another city, country, travel. Distract yourself, if you've never gone to a gym, buy a membership! You will kill three birds with one stone: get yourself in shape, get distracted, and find new friends.
Find and take full advantage of being alone. Believe me, there are not so few of them. Convince yourself that now you are not alone, you are free. And now there are more roads in life’s path before you. Love yourself, pamper yourself, allow yourself everything that was previously denied for some reason: clothes, massage, seaside holidays, discos. Let him see that you can not only live without him, but also become more beautiful, interesting and, most importantly, happy!
Go out looking beautiful and well-groomed. Wear your favorite clothes and don't forget about makeup. Suddenly on the way you will meet your ex-lover. Let him not think that you can do just fine without him and live happily. One of the popular aphorisms of our time is “Lose weight, learn languages, grow your hair, and don’t talk about your past.” Surely now after work there is a lot of free time. It can be usefully spent in the gym, or, for example, by making face masks or foot baths at home. Taking care of your health and beauty will not be superfluous - who knows, suddenly very soon you will have a new object of attention.
If it seems that this city smells like your ex, then you need to temporarily change your place of residence. I did just that. I went to another place where I met some funny guys. As a result, I fell in love with one of them and forgot about unhappy love, which is what I wish for you.
Time heals, believe me, you will understand this later. The main thing is not to be alone all the time - communicate with people you are interested in, smile, in general - enjoy life! Then you will be ready to meet your true love.
You shouldn’t find out from your Ex what was wrong and why he left! For one simple reason - it will give nothing but disappointment. Because, in most cases, they don’t blame themselves, they blame us! (For example, I’m tired of you, you’re insipid, the spark in our relationship has disappeared, I met someone else, you stopped exciting me, I’m tired of you with your quirks, the list is huge). Therefore, you should not go into the jungle of masochism and look for the reason in yourself, and in any breakup, both partners are equally to blame, but you should not ask what is your fault, have respect for yourself!
Learn. Make a plan for yourself, in which you write down what you would like to learn and what you need to do for this. Take a floristry or scratching course. Hire a tutor and eventually conquer this English language, and if you conquer it, conquer a new one.
Help others. Caring about other people will help you take your mind off things and look at your problems from a different angle. It’s likely that someone is much worse off than you right now. Find out who in your city needs help: maybe it will be kids from an orphanage who could use new toys, sweets and attention. Or maybe you will go to a local shelter and ask its director how to help people without a fixed place of residence. Or maybe your lonely neighbor, a pensioner, needs communication, and you and she will have a wonderful evening drinking a cup of tea and watching old Soviet comedies.

It is important to understand that a break is not the end, but rather the beginning of something new, brighter and happier. Open your heart to new love, and it will certainly come to you...

But most importantly, try not to become embittered at the entire world around you. Believe me: the black stripe will definitely be followed by a white stripe, bringing with it new happiness, new love and new life!