The psychologist named 4 main styles of parental behavior

Psychologists and teachers told COLADY more about parenting styles

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The liberal type of relationship between adults and children is inherent in the most democratic families. This type of relationship is based on the fact that parents are the authority, but they listen to the opinions of their children and take them into account. In a family where a liberal type of communication reigns, the child observes discipline and certain rules, but at the same time he knows that his parents will always listen and support him. Children who grew up in such a family are usually very responsive, know how to control themselves, are independent, and confident. This type of communication in the family is considered very effective, as it helps not to lose contact with the child.
Indifferent parental style is the most anarchic. In a family where a permissive style of communication reigns, anarchy most often flourishes, since the child is given too much freedom. The child becomes a dictator for his own parents and does not take anyone in his family seriously. Parents in such families most often spoil their children a lot and allow them more than they allow other children. The first consequences of such communication in the family will begin immediately after the child goes to kindergarten. In kindergartens there are clear rules, and children in such families are not accustomed to any rules at all. The older a child raised in a “permissive family” becomes, the more problems there will be. These children are not used to restrictions and believe that they can do whatever they want. If a parent wants to maintain a normal relationship with such a child, then boundaries should be set for the child and forced to follow the rules of behavior. You cannot start scolding a child when you are already tired of his disobedience. It is better to do this when you are calm and able to explain everything without unnecessary emotions - this will help the child understand what exactly you expect from him.
The authoritarian type of relationship between adults and children in the family is based on strict submission and violence. This type of relationship implies that parents expect too much from their children. Children in such a family usually have extremely low self-esteem, and sometimes they have complexes about their skills and their appearance. Parents in such families behave very freely and are completely confident in their authority. They believe that children should completely obey them. Moreover, quite often it happens that the parent cannot even explain his demands, but simply puts pressure on the child with his authority. Read also: Negative consequences of family conflicts for a child. For offenses and non-compliance with the rules, the child is severely punished. Sometimes they punish for no reason - simply because the parent is not in the mood. Authoritative parents do not show feelings for their child, so very often children begin to doubt whether they love him at all. Such parents do not give the child the right to choose (very often even work and a spouse are the parents’ choice). Children of authoritative parents are accustomed to obeying unquestioningly, so it is quite difficult for them at school and at work - weak people are not liked in teams.

In their pure form, these types of relationships can be found very rarely. Most often, families combine several communication styles. The father may be authoritarian, but the mother adheres to “democracy” and freedom of choice.

Authoritative style: features, consequences, recommendations

The authoritative style of raising children is one of the most common among modern families. Its essence lies in the fact that both parents and children live according to the same family laws. In families that adhere to such a development system, the elders are more loyal to the younger ones, parents listen to the opinions of their children in various everyday or life situations, everyone has the right to choose and vote. Everyone is always ready to help, there is no misunderstanding or tension in relationships, parents are open and happy to make contact with their children. A feature of the authoritative style is the complete absence of any hierarchy; all members of a small social group are equal to each other.

With an authoritative method of educating the individual, the child develops harmoniously; at a more mature age, his talents and characteristics manifest themselves more clearly than with other models of upbringing, and family ties with elders only become stronger. Children whose parents adhere to this model of upbringing grow up to be independent, sensitive, responsible, able to admit their own mistakes and take responsibility for them. They also clearly understand the essence of the concepts of “punishment” and “reward”; they are not familiar with physical (violent) punishment, but this does not mean that they are spoiled. When raising the next generation, such children will never be encouraged to simply and unnecessarily pampered.

Key characteristics of the authoritative style:

Spaces of freedom increase as the child grows and his behavior improves. They expand as a child can grasp them.
Parents pay attention to the normal behavior of children, highlight exceptional ones, ignore minor mistakes, and correct and punish major deviations.
The rules and goals are clear.
This is a style that implies an appropriate emotional relationship.
Parents are confident in themselves and are not afraid to communicate with their children, although they are not susceptible to blackmail.
They are consistent, not arbitrary.
They have patience.

Consequences of the personality formation of children raised in an authoritarian style:

High level of self-esteem and independence.
They have adequate habits.
They make decisions calmly and based on personal criteria.
They are less dependent on the peer group, maintaining a higher level of influence in the family and greater ability to persuade children.
They take the initiative to complete new tasks because they are confident in themselves.
Therefore, they are more creative and innovative people.

Psychologists recommend this model as one of the most suitable for education, because when following the rules of this system, the process of both the development of the child’s personality and the re-education and modeling of discipline in parents occurs, which is also one of the main aspects of raising children. The authoritative parenting style is especially suitable for those parents who are completely lost and do not know how to raise their child.

Indifferent style: features, consequences, recommendations

Detachment, coldness, indifference - all these words are characteristics of an indifferent system of raising children. The peculiarity of this method lies in the provision of absolute freedom to the child, in the reluctance or inability of the parent to participate in the development of his child. Adults in this model of upbringing are divided into two types: the first satisfy the child’s primary needs (food, clothing, a roof over their head), the second do not even do this. Both options are united by complete detachment and indifference to the fate of the child.

What are the consequences of an indifferent parenting style? Unfortunately, they are quite deplorable. Being in a family that adheres to this model of upbringing, the child does not receive proper affection and care, he lacks attention, and this can lead to the fact that he will grow up to be an embittered person prone to antisocial behavior. The personality will be very closed, because the process of socialization did not take place; in childhood he was simply not taught to communicate with people. The disadvantages of this style of parenting also include: addiction to alcohol and drugs, suicidal tendencies, predisposition to depression. In addition, it will be very difficult for such a person to fall in love and start a family, because he simply will not know what people experience when they fall in love and how parental warm feelings are manifested.

Characteristic features of the style:

Parents do not pay attention to the various behavior of the child: normal, exceptional or erroneous.
Low level of demand.
Parental responsibilities are transferred to others in the child's environment (homework, other family members, schools, etc.).

Consequences of personality development of children raised in this style:

If children learn anything, it happens by accident.
Children do not acquire adequate habits and do not have adequate levels of demand.
They look for support from other people outside the family circle, without finding it within the family.
They have high levels of anxiety and low self-confidence.
Low self-esteem.

Psychologists do not advise resorting to such a method of raising children, because an indifferent system has a huge number of negative influences on a person, the child’s psyche suffers, and the consequences of such upbringing in the future will greatly interfere with the individual’s interaction with society.

Good father and mother have good children

A small human being needs parental love, which provides him with life and security. As you grow older, it becomes not only a source of well-being, but also performs a support function and affects emotional and mental health.

Attention

It is important for a child to feel cared for. Sometimes he even forgives shouting and beatings, but the lack of warmth and detachment is difficult to forgive. Children from such families more often than others end up in bad company and join the ranks of drug addicts and alcoholics. Correct mental formation occurs only on the basis of love. Moral behavior and balance of character are born from deep psychological contact.

Parents should be interested in everything, even the naive problems of the child, they need to observe all the changes in his consciousness. Manifestations of such contact are variable, depend on age, individuality and do not arise by themselves. Relationships need to be actively built.

Studying specialized literature, consultations with psychologists, knowledge of methods and methods of education are necessary, but not enough. Mutual understanding and contact are established if the elders are sincere, only in this way will the child feel affection and care. Each family builds its own system of interaction, individual conditions that influence the development of the child’s personality.

Union-fortress: “Both in joy and in sorrow”

Priorities. These partners are tightly connected to each other, they experience hardships and joys together, dreaming of “living happily and dying on the same day.” Sharing each other's tastes, they always try to come to a common opinion.

Their individuality stems from the word “we”: together they work to ensure that the husband achieves professional success (the wife often does not work), and also educates the children. Partners value consensus and unity of opinions. A good couple, they believe, is one within which there are almost no disagreements.

Distribution of roles. One of the partners’ tasks is to reduce the number of reasons for dissatisfaction. Their daily life consists of many rituals: there is a place and time for everything, and the roles of each family member are clearly defined. Here, more often than in other unions, responsibilities are distributed depending on the gender of the spouse: it is assumed that the wife takes care of the house, and the husband earns money. Nevertheless, partners make decisions together.

Relations with the world. The wife rarely goes out. She tends to view influences from the outside world—new ideas and trends—as more of a threat. The husband shows more interest in innovations, different ways of living and ways of thinking. He is a kind of “authorized representative” of the couple, who is responsible for “external relations” and the social integration of the family. The wife is rather focused on “internal issues”: security, care, tenderness. This complementarity increases the dependence of family members on each other.

Advantages and disadvantages. The main trump card of a fortress family is stability. When partners take on certain responsibilities, life becomes more harmonious. Spouses try to avoid clashes by giving up some of their positions. When solving problems, they prefer traditional, proven methods. Peaceful life in the “fortress” borders on routine. Such relationships can become “numb” if the partners do not start new projects from time to time.

Style 5

The spouses conduct peaceful negotiations, patiently listening to each other and respecting the wishes of the “opponent.” During the negotiations, it turns out that the husband, for example, wanted to announce his promotion to a circle of close people, and therefore insisted on a family dinner. The wife dreamed of confessing her eternal love to her husband in a romantic setting (autumn forest, golden foliage) and saying that she was pregnant. As a result, they spend a wonderful day in the forest with their parents and close friends, celebrating two significant events at once!

Experts highlight the style of cooperation here.

Style 4

Each spouse stands on his own and tries his best to realize his desire. Orders, screams, reproaches, accusations, hysterics, and tears are used. Both husband and wife insist on their option, in no way wanting to make concessions. A dispute flares up: “Either dinner with the family, or nothing. And if you love me, you will agree!” and in response: “If you loved me, this conversation would not even begin. That’s it, I’m calling my friends and inviting them!” The dispute turns into a conflict: “Well, if you don’t want to give in, then what kind of relationship can we talk about?”

There is a style of rivalry with all the ensuing consequences.

Love and relationships: 6 steps to ideal.

There are several simple tips on how to make a love relationship comfortable, long-lasting, and almost ideal. There is no universal recipe, but there are tips that definitely won’t hurt to listen to.

Break traditions.

Almost all relationships suffer from routine, routine, and predictability. And when it gets boring, someone else meets. This will not happen if you add fuel to the fire at the right time. For example, surprise. Didn't take out the trash again? Hide a trash can in the closet. Half an hour late again? Sing stupid songs for the next half hour. And about how you can diversify your leisure time, write - not rewrite.

Touch.

Oddly enough, sex, kissing during a meeting and hugging goodbye are not enough to create a special connection. Gentle stroking of the hand while watching a movie or preparing dinner is a completely different matter. Magic appears when we remove an eyelash from the cheeks of our loved ones, cover them with a blanket at night or massage our feet.

Look for a compromise.

Even the most harmonious couple does not see eye to eye on everything. And this is wonderful, because it is not boring, interesting, and always unpredictable. The main thing is to find a compromise. For example, he is used to spending Saturday evening watching an interesting film, and she is used to SUP surfing. You can alternate entertainment or meet in the middle: a woman is engaged in active sports on the water, and a man is watching his favorite blockbuster on the shore.

Listen and hear.

Psychologists have proven that most conflicts are caused by misunderstandings. It’s as if people are talking but not hearing each other. This is partly true. During the parterre's remark, we think about what we will say in response to him. A simple rule will help you get out of a blind corner - always repeat the words of your interlocutor, ending with the phrase: “Did I understand correctly?”

Support.

This is not about saying, “You did the right thing,” despite your own opinion. But emotional support is priceless, so you should always stand on the side of the partner. That is, listen to his arguments, feelings, try to understand. Mutual support gives a feeling of security, confidence, and brings people closer together.

Authoritarian style: features, consequences, recommendations

An authoritarian parenting style is the complete opposite of an authoritative one. His main task is to achieve complete submission from the child, to drive him into the framework of life, and not allow him to take a single step on his own. With this model of upbringing, parents take on a dominant role, occupying a very advantageous position, but completely forgetting that the child must express himself. For them, it is not so much the mental state of the baby that is important, but the level of his education and obedience. Adults destroy children's individuality, which has an extremely negative impact on both the child's psyche and his relationship with his parents. By constantly reproaching the child, scolding him and forbidding him everything, adults will achieve the absolute destruction of mutual understanding and love between generations.

If a child is raised according to an authoritarian method, he will never be able to express his opinion on certain issues, he will only indulge everyone and everyone, trying to please and at the same time stepping on the throat of his own pride. Personal self-esteem will also suffer. Even if the child is the most talented, smart, responsible in the world, he will never admit it, he will constantly blame and humiliate himself, thinking that he is insignificant, and this will be solely the parent’s fault.

Having matured, a person can begin to run away from his own self-destruction, go into a state where the brain is clouded, that is, begin to take drugs, constantly drink and other harmful consequences for which the parents of this person are to blame.

Main characteristics of the authoritarian style:

A style in which there are a large number of clearly defined rules, and there are also consequences for non-compliance.
Children are given insufficient attention, which is not enough to develop normal behavior in children. Only exceptions and deviations from the norm are taken into account, no matter how minimal they may be.
Mistakes are not allowed, even if they are necessary to do something right.
In a family, it is very difficult to combine power with dialogue between parents and children.
Several expressions of affection.
Inability to listen to children.

Consequences of the personality formation of children raised in an authoritarian style:

They feel resentment towards their teachers, reacting with falsehood or rebellion.
The main criterion for decision making is to avoid punishment.
Children, as a rule, are conformist people, not very creative, with a low level of autonomy, and in need of external control (passive people).
Low levels of self-esteem and anxiety.

Experts recommend not using this technique with a child. An authoritarian parenting style can be used, but only in a “gentle mode” and in extreme cases. If the state of mental health of the child is important to parents, then psychologists advise choosing a different way of upbringing.