I haven't liked being the new girl since school. I always spent the first days in a new class or at a children's camp gritting my teeth. A week before departure, it was possible to brush aside unpleasant thoughts: a lot of time separated me from the test and future experiences seemed distant and not so inevitable.
On the eve of day X, there was no place to put off the anxiety, and it did not leave me all day. Unpleasant thoughts were spinning in my head: what if I don’t find friends in the new class? What if I do something stupid on the first day and everyone laughs at me? My mood deteriorated, it was hard to fall asleep in the evening, I didn’t want to have breakfast in the morning, and I had trouble talking to new acquaintances. Then everything somehow fell into place, and the adults said: “See, you were worried.”
As I grew up, my fear of being the new girl stayed with me, as did my social awkwardness. It’s still hard for me to talk to someone I don’t know well, I’m embarrassed to ask questions, and when I’m nervous, I talk nonsense and sometimes make inappropriate jokes. The good news is that I've somehow learned to live with it. Moreover, sometimes the only one who notices my mistakes is myself. And although the first days at a new job are still stressful for me, it turned out that joining a new team is quite a feasible task. Even for socially awkward introverts.
So, what should you do to fit into the new team? How to feel confident if the situation is not conducive to it?
Accept temporary difficulties
You will feel out of place - you can’t live without it. Even if you have everything in order with soft skills and you are the soul of the company, it still takes time to remember the names of your colleagues and understand the processes. Personally, the first few days are the hardest for me to cope with stress. Therefore, when I start a new job, I briefly lower my expectations of myself.
I know that in the first week I will definitely not do anything remarkable - simply because most of the time I will be worried and aware of what is happening. On the very first day, I skip lunch because I'm too nervous, and then I go home on shaky legs. My adaptation always goes like this - I know about it and one day I made a strong-willed decision to just come to terms with it. There is no escape from this, this is my usual path to assimilation - and there is no other way. So I'll go this way. It will be uncomfortable, but one day the bumps will end – and somehow unnoticed by me.
Accept temporary difficulties - this way you will save energy that would otherwise be spent on worrying about how you look from the outside.
Manifestations of Fear
A person with a phobia of a new job experiences a feeling of fear when it is mentioned. He takes new changes too seriously. But there are those in whom such signs are not too pronounced and noticeable to others. These people have the ability to control their own emotions. However, particularly observant colleagues may, after a while, notice the strange behavior of the newcomer. It is accompanied by the following symptoms:
- increased sweating;
- pale facial skin;
- low pressure;
- bad feeling;
- depressed mood;
- excessive fearfulness and suspicion;
- strange, atrophied facial expression;
- slight trembling;
- nausea;
- muscle weakness;
- cardiopalmus;
- hysterical laughter, etc.
External manifestation – bags under the eyes. They are clearly expressed and cannot be hidden. This indicates a sleep disorder - insomnia. This is associated with emotions, panic, anxiety. Fear of a new job causes mental disorders. The person becomes unbalanced and fearful.
Physiological manifestations of fear and anxiety
Watch
So, in the first days, I lower my demands on myself and do two things: observe my colleagues and digest information. That is, of course, I don’t eavesdrop and don’t look over my shoulder at other people’s monitors. I just look around, listen, and draw conclusions.
This way I learn a lot of important things. Is it customary to speak formally and to the point here, or can you throw in a couple of slang words and tell a story from your life? How is it customary to celebrate a birthday: bring a cake, invite everyone to a business lunch at the nearest cafe, or order pizza? Do they bring souvenirs from vacation, and if so, is it a couple of bottles of wine for everyone or a refrigerator magnet for everyone? Are there people in the company who are openly liked or disliked? For what?
Watch, and in a few days you will at least understand a little how everything works here. Knowledge of colleagues will be a bonus. You will understand who is a lover of order and who is an office rebel; distinguish talkers from silent ones, silent ones from bullies, and at the same time identify potential friends for yourself.
Work in absent-minded mode
In her book Think Like a Mathematician, Barbara Oakley writes about the existence of two modes of brain functioning: focused and diffuse.
With focused thinking, we tense up and focus on one task. In a distracted state, the brain rests and seems to think about everything in the world, processing information during the day.
You can spend hours solving a math problem and then accidentally find the answer while walking. Therefore, sometimes it is more productive to relax or talk with friends than to think about the problem.
The diffused mode is important for creativity. When we work in this state, we do not feel tension. Then insight comes to us. On the contrary, if we force ourselves to be creative, we end up with forced nonsense. Try to come up with a custom joke. It never worked out for me.
How to implement
To get into distracted mode, I pour some tea, set the timer for an hour, and imagine a conversation with a friend in a cozy cafe. I write down the entire imaginary conversation. Within an hour I have a finished draft of the article in front of me - all that remains is to edit it.
Simplified work looks like this:
- Gathering information - focused mode.
- I’m writing an article - absent-minded mode.
- Editing - focused mode.
I perform the most difficult part of the task in absent-minded mode, that is, during rest.
Ask and ask again
I'm constantly worried about how I look from the outside, and I'm afraid of seeming narrow-minded. When under stress, anxiety increases. Before asking any (even the most necessary) question, I doubt it, say it to myself and figure out whether it’s worth it. In the end, of course, I ask – and not just one question, but a whole bunch.
At first it’s hard for me to ask for help, but then, along with other difficulties, I accept this too. Google doesn't have anything about processes or traditions in a specific team, but I need this information to perform my tasks well. All that remains is to ask your colleagues. Once you flip this switch in your head, the embarrassment disappears.
What stands apart in this topic is the need to ask again. It can be difficult for me to admit that I didn’t understand the answer, but... this road also needs to be walked. If you are embarrassed to ask again, it is important to notice this feeling and come to an agreement with yourself. In the end, what would be better: to remain silent, not to seem stupid and not learn something important, or to ask again, even if it’s awkward for me? The second option always wins - both when I didn’t catch the name of a new colleague, and when I didn’t understand the technical details.
And then, if you ask a lot of questions, it means you care. Everyone will like your indifference.
Try to be social – at least a little
I know it doesn't sound very good. And yet, I strongly recommend that you step towards fear and invite colleagues to lunch or offer them help in something everyday. If your colleagues invite you somewhere, agree too. While you are eating or erasing notes from the board together, the conversation starts by itself - and now you have already forgotten why it was awkward in the first place. Here we make a small reservation: choose neutral topics and do not rush to tell how bad it was at your last job. It's better to discuss something safe like movies or pets.
What kind of people are afraid of a new job?
A special fear of a new place is typical for people of a certain type, and here we are talking not only about self-esteem. Problems with communication skills are acutely manifested in situations of a new team. Introverts often experience increased anxiety when changing jobs. Their psyche is structured in such a way that establishing social contacts occurs slowly and in some positions this is a problem. Getting to know new responsibilities and colleagues moves slowly and is not always met with understanding. Introverts know this about themselves and begin to worry in advance.
Temperament also plays a big role. Choleric and melancholic people are not able to remain balanced in stressful situations, and a new job is definitely stressful. Questions and misunderstandings that arise unsettle them, the level of anxiety rises, and emotions take over.
The worst thing is that after this they begin to feel guilty, to work themselves up even more, although in fact, it is quite likely that no one from the environment attached much importance to their behavior. And again the circle of anxiety closes. It is for such people that this notorious exit from the comfort zone is a big problem. They are terribly afraid of both a new job and moving.
The situation often gets worse when it comes to a woman on maternity leave, or a person who suffers at her real job, does not develop and feels an urgent need to change something.
Don't try to impress
The advice may seem illogical, but I’ll explain everything now. Every time I want to impress someone, it doesn't end well. I begin to closely monitor my every movement, word, position in space and because of this I become even more constrained. Therefore, no casual jokes or fresh ideas for you - just a robotic “Ha. Ha. Ha." and unnaturally long pauses.
In the first days, I am overcome by the desire to show how hard and how well I work. “Now I’ll write a business plan in a day” or “I’ll organize a conference in a week.” By the age of 25, I learned to answer myself just as cheerfully: “You can’t organize. Or you organize it, but it turns out to be complete nonsense.” There is no need to take on a bunch of tasks and heroically sit on them until midnight. Nobody expects this from you. In addition, raising the bar at the entrance is short-sighted. Everyone will think that you can work for five people, and will expect exactly this from you. It will end with overwork, persistent fatigue, or something else equally unpleasant.
In the very first days, do not try to be in front of your superiors and impress others with your wit and efficiency. Better set yourself another goal - not to aggravate your stress.
Complex phobia
In some cases, ergophobia is combined with other phobias (not only social phobia). The most popular complications:
- Erythrophobia is the fear of blushing in public and being ridiculed. Occurs due to low self-esteem. Such an employee never shows initiative and finds it difficult to interact with the team.
- Autophobia – fear of loneliness. Makes you cling to old connections, old work.
- Demophobia is the fear of large crowds of people. In this case, the patient neglects his responsibilities.
Do not lie
My first job taught me this. In an attempt to make small talk, a new colleague asked if I was familiar with the work of Leni Riefenstahl. I lied and answered “yes” so as not to seem stupid. Then he began to discuss her propaganda films with me, but, as you understand, nothing came of it. After that conversation, I watched both “Olympia” and “Triumph of the Will,” and at the same time I remembered: it’s better not to lie at a new job.
Do not embellish your skills, do not exaggerate your experience - they will believe you and give you tasks that you cannot cope with. You've already made an impression once you've been hired.
You shouldn't lie about your hobbies either. Don’t pretend to be a real runner if your jogging means running to the next metro station and back twice a month. There may be an experienced marathon runner nearby who will want to carry on a conversation with you. Or you will be offered to participate in the corporate team at the annual race, and you... Well, you know. Therefore, the truth and nothing but the truth.
Forget the word "should"
Neil Fiore believes that most motivational phrases only increase procrastination. Phrases with the word “should” are especially dangerous, for example: “I have to finish this project by Wednesday.”
As soon as we say this word, we understand: “I don’t want to do this.” We owe it to our boss, our client, our family, our country. But they would never take up this work of their own free will. When we talk about debt, the brain rebels like a naughty child.
"Nonsense! - one can rightly object. “A person has responsibilities: he must support his family, come to work, walk the dog in the morning.” But why is it necessary to say “I have to support my family”? It is better to say: “I want to provide everything necessary for my family” - this phrase emphasizes personal choice.
How to implement
Use language that takes into account your choices, desires and interests. Stop motivating yourself in an authoritarian manner. Forget the words “must”, “obligated”, “promised”.
- Must write a thesis. → I decided to write a thesis.
- Obliged to hold out in the new place. → I will enjoy new challenges.
- He promised to finish the project on Friday by 10:00. → When can I start working on the project?
It sounds naive, but the wording decides a lot.
Give yourself time
It will be hard at first. You will absorb and comprehend new information, and you will have much less energy left for work than usual. This is fine.
It’s normal to be shy and hesitant before asking your colleagues a question. It’s okay to ask again. It’s okay to joke inappropriately. Feeling tired, even if you seem to have done nothing all day, is also normal. These are temporary difficulties that we agreed to accept at the very beginning of the text.
After a few months, the tedious awkwardness will be replaced by your usual productivity. Well, okay, not a change - it’s unlikely that you will turn into a carefree, cheerful person who loves to be the center of attention. But you will definitely feel better, and going to work will no longer put you in stress.
Methods to combat ergophobia
How to get rid of fear? Psychologists do not recommend self-medication, since therapy depends on the characteristics of a particular case. It is important to conduct a comprehensive and differentiated diagnosis and select an individual treatment plan. It is important not only to correctly determine the prerequisites for the disease, but also to identify personality traits, manifestations of the phobia, and find optimal methods of relief.
The following psychological methods are used:
- cognitive behavioral psychotherapy;
- auto-training;
- meditation;
- relaxation;
- group psychotherapy;
- taking medications.
You can cope with a mild illness on your own.
Fighting a phobia at home
What to do to get rid of a phobia yourself? As self-help, psychologists recommend listening to the following recommendations:
- Change your attitude towards the stress factor. Determine what exactly is bothering you. Analyze the attitude of your colleagues to the same factor. Chat with them. It is useful to gain support from loved ones and find out how other people cope with similar anxieties.
- Practice conscious modeling. Mentally reproduce frightening situations and come up with solutions to problems. This will help prepare for stressful situations and increase overall stress resistance.
- Give yourself a motivation that will help you cope with your fear. Maybe you can get promoted at work if you learn to take initiative, give reports, etc. Or you have long wanted to go on a trip, promise yourself this as a bonus for overcoming fear.
- Think about a negative experience that still scares you. Work on your mistakes. Think about what you did wrong, what you should have done, what you are missing, what you need to work on. Conduct a written analysis and keep the results to yourself at all times.
- Identify your weaknesses, make a plan to work on them. It may be worth attending communication training or personal growth courses, or taking retraining or advanced training courses.
- Cultivate positive thinking, learn to see advantages, opportunities, advantages.
Determine what exactly interests you in your work, what you want to achieve. You must determine your needs and desires, draw up a portrait of the ideal job in your mind. Think about what you can accept and what you can’t, what kind of team you are ready to work in, what responsibility you are ready to accept. Think about what knowledge, skills and abilities you have, and what you need to learn to get your dream job.
It is important! If you cannot cope with anxiety on your own, then consult a psychologist. Don't let fear ruin your career.
Affirmations
Affirmations are positive statements for self-hypnosis. They increase confidence, self-esteem, and give strength for work. For the best effect, it is recommended to repeat affirmations in the morning and evening, or during work.
Examples of affirmations:
- I am an excellent specialist, and I will not be fired;
- I have enough knowledge and experience for a higher paying job;
- I love my job very much;
- work brings me pleasure, joy and happiness;
- my work fits my interests perfectly;
- I am always ready to take the initiative and lead even a complex project;
- my performances are good because I am confident;
- I communicate well with colleagues;
- my comrades love and appreciate me;
- my work enriches my inner world;
- I have set good work priorities;
- I work hard to become a better person;
- my boss values me and considers me a unique employee.
These attitudes will help you change your attitude towards work, find something you like, and perceive work as a favorite pastime.
Breathing techniques
In those moments when you feel increased anxiety or an impending panic attack, it is recommended to use breathing exercises. How to breathe correctly:
- Take a comfortable position lying or sitting;
- close your eyes;
- imagine a peaceful landscape;
- focus on breathing;
- take deep, long breaths (3–4 seconds) and exhales (5 seconds), hold your breath for 2–3 minutes;
- mentally relax your muscles.
Repeat until you calm down. As you inhale, think that your body is filled with positivity. As you exhale, feel the negativity coming out of you. When you inhale, inflate your stomach, when you exhale, pull it in. When you master this method, you can try another technique: inhale from the stomach to the collarbones, exhale from the collarbones to the stomach. Feel the energy moving through your body.
As additional measures, it is useful to use art therapy, aromatherapy, listening to music, warm baths, and aromatic oils. Decorate your workplace, try to improve relationships with colleagues and management. Offer to go on vacation together.
