What does first love ideally give?
Even if parents and friends share stories of their first relationships with a person, this cannot fully prepare him for a similar life situation.
During first love, the body experiences severe stress associated with finding itself in a new psychological environment. That is why a person’s behavior can differ dramatically from what is usual. He experiences the strongest emotions - happiness from closeness to the object of love and at the same time fear of an incomprehensible future: how long will the euphoria last, will my partner leave me? First relationships very rarely end in marriage and love “to the grave.” However, even a story that is unsuccessful in this sense is extremely important for the formation of personality.
The experience of first love allows a person to better understand how people perceive him from the outside, and to look at himself with a new look. In addition, in these relationships, a person learns to treat those around him with maximum attention and care, because the partner is not taken for granted, unlike, for example, parents.
This is why the experience of first love is so important: it reveals and clarifies in a person many basic qualities of his character.
First relationships also help you better understand your sex life: you understand what gives you pleasure and what doesn’t, and how you should treat your partner. True, it is important to “match” here: the sexual experience gained during this period can either give you self-confidence or undermine it for many years to come.
Advice from psychologists and practical recommendations
I can’t forget my first love: what should I do? So, as we found out, it is very difficult to forget your first love, but you still need to try to do it. Experts in the field of psychology give the following recommendations in this matter:
- Stop communication. How can you ever forget about something if you're still in touch? You need to follow your own paths and not cling to the past. So, if possible, stop any contact with your first love. If this cannot be avoided, try to at least limit them as much as possible.
- Accept your breakup. Perhaps you still have somewhere in the depths of your soul the hope that you will be together and everything will be as before. But the more you think about it and build such illusions, the more difficult it will be for you. Therefore, it is important to accept that this relationship is over, it cannot be returned and it is time to move on.
- Stop talking about your past partner. If you remember him in any conversation, then how can you forget? Therefore, you should watch your words, each time it will become easier and easier.
- Remember why you broke up. If you just can’t get over the distance and keep thinking about your first love, then a good way to get rid of these shackles will be the reason for the end of your relationship. You can also remember what annoyed you about your partner, because of which you fought. You cannot forget about your love just because you remember the good things and idealize those feelings. But there were certainly conflicts, there was something we didn’t like. Try to concentrate on this.
- Stop making excuses for your partner. Perhaps the reason for the separation was betrayal or even betrayal on the part of your lover. And now you cannot forget about him, because you begin to justify his action. You start to think that you can close your eyes to this. Stop doing this! Think objectively, if he was able to do this once, then it will happen again.
- You have a chance for a happy relationship. Stop thinking that you will never meet such a person again and you will not be as comfortable with anyone.
- Take a break. Yes, at first you will often think about your past relationships. But if you constantly lie under the covers and think about how good things used to be, you will dig deeper and deeper into depressive thoughts. Try to somehow occupy yourself, get out of the house. It might even be worth going somewhere for a couple of weeks so that it reminds you of your former relationship as little as possible.
- Ask for help. Yes, sometimes it's good to be alone with your thoughts. But if you just can’t let go of the situation, then you should seek help. Parents and friends will definitely respond to your call and help you take a new path. If you understand that everything has gone too far, then do not be afraid and do not hesitate to contact a psychologist!
- Stop surveillance. There is no need to monitor your partner’s social networks or ask mutual friends about his every move. If possible, block your ex everywhere, and ask your friends to try not to mention him.
- Stay true to yourself. You may start to pretend that everything is fine and nothing is bothering you, but inside you will worry. Therefore, first it is better to turn to a loved one and talk it out. Then gradually return to your normal life.
- Use the breakup to your advantage. Instead of being sad, think better about what advantages have appeared and what opportunities have opened up for you. Now you can finally do what you have been planning for a long time. Maybe you wanted to learn something? Or try something new? Now is the best time for this. Moreover, you now have much more free time, so devote it to yourself!
- Get up off the couch already. How long can you lie down, listen to sad music and look through photos together? If you don’t want to get depressed, then you should pull yourself together. Turn on fun and energetic music, watch a motivational movie, go to the gym, go for a walk around the city, meet with friends.
- Switch to the positive. Try to do everything that will please you and make you feel more confident. Update your wardrobe, change your haircut, treat yourself to a major purchase. Go to a restaurant and have a delicious meal, sign up for courses to improve your self-esteem. Everything that brings pleasant emotions will definitely help you forget your first love.
Sources
- https://juicyworld.org/1-love/
- https://domashniy.ru/lubov-i-otnosheniya/pervaya_lyubov_chuvstva_kotorye_nikogda_ne_zabudutsya_re15/
- https://otveta.com/pervaja-ljubov-v-psihologii.html
- https://onelove.su/kak-zabyt-pervuyu-lyubov/
- https://knife.media/dangerous-first-love/
- https://psyholic.ru/otnosheniya-polov/kak-zabyt-pervuyu-lyubov.html
Romantic ideal
At the points listed above, the positive influence of first love can be considered complete. More often than not, this experience will hinder rather than help in the future if it is not properly dealt with. For example, this concerns the formation of a romantic ideal. The fact is that emotions during first love are so strong that even if it ends unsuccessfully, the image of a partner from the “early” stage can remain with you for the rest of your life. And although you will understand with your brain that your lover himself ruined everything in the end, you will often begin to compare new partners with this idealized image from the very first meetings. And no one can compare with him - and this, in turn, leads to disappointment and sadness. Therefore, it is extremely important to understand and separate emotions in your mind from the very object of your first love.
Try to make concessions
How can you best characterize adolescence? That's right, with a worldview, as if you know everything in the world better than anyone else. However, every adult understands that sometimes you need to make concessions. Even if your partner is wrong, it is important to do this. Such actions strengthen trust between people and also help to find compromise in the future.
But what happens if both young men defend their position to the end? As a rule, mutual distrust will arise first: “If he goes against me in an argument, then soon I will have to learn what betrayal is.” However, simply taking the side of your lover is enough for the relationship between people to noticeably strengthen.
Love is like trauma
The worst thing that can happen to a first relationship is an open ending. It is important that this story does not end in a grandiose quarrel, when both sides accuse each other of all mortal sins and part ways without putting a final point. Not everyone at a young age manages to find the strength to discuss what happened with their partner and come to a mutual agreement to end the relationship. Although this would greatly help in your future life - especially if you honestly talk about the strengths and weaknesses that you noticed in each other.
However, more often things are different, and the first love does not receive a logical conclusion. This leads to the fact that in the future, with every difficulty in a relationship, you will mentally return to what happened and think that you should have acted differently.
Regret is not the most pleasant feeling anyway, and even more so in this situation. The hardest thing is for those who, after first love, become depressed, since the breakup did not occur on his initiative. In this case, there is a high probability that a person will begin to associate love with pain, and this connection can ruin life more than once in the future.
It will also be difficult for people who have been deceived in their best feelings and literally betrayed - by betrayal or some other act - to build new relationships. After such an experience, a person often begins to act in one of two ways: either he wants to control each new partner with all his might, which leads to conflicts, or he completely avoids the relationship so as not to experience pain again.
Features of first love
If first love comes in youth, this is a severe test for a person’s personality, which has not yet been fully formed. And how he experiences this first great feeling will largely determine what kind of person he will become in the future.
Psychologists believe that first love is not always true. But she is truthful in her emotions, and therefore remains in a person’s memory for a lifetime. People remember their past passion, while experiencing only a slight light sadness or, conversely, joy.
It's worse if the first love remains unfinished. Then the person will begin to yearn and hope for a chance meeting. Living your whole life with regret about what didn’t happen is not much good. Therefore, it is worth letting a person go or forgiving him if he caused pain.
As a rule, such feelings are short-lived, and after the “candy-bouquet” period, a person’s eyes open. He sees in front of him not the young man or girl with whom he was in love, but a completely different person. Then disappointment comes. You shouldn’t bring up past feelings; it’s better for them to remain in your memory as bright and pure, not stained by years.
Sometimes a person becomes fixated on his first love. The feelings he experienced do not leave him. He seeks to reawaken them within himself. And they flare up, you just have to see the object of your fantasies, your first love. Why is this happening?
One of the reasons for regretting your first love may be your current unsuccessful marriage. When relationships in a family do not work out, it may seem that the past love was ideal. A person begins to imagine what would have happened if everything had turned out differently then. But is it worth looking back?
No matter what age your first love comes, it is always beautiful. The feelings that a person in love experiences are indescribable. You shouldn’t be afraid of her or close yourself off from her. And there is no need to try to forget her either. This is the experience that helps a person create new love relationships in the future.
Everything is relative
For people who become dependent on their emotions, there is another great danger in first love. As already mentioned, during this period a person experiences strong emotions that can be compared to euphoria and a feeling of absolute happiness, and many people literally “get hooked” on this feeling. Having experienced this once, you begin to expect feelings of similar intensity from each subsequent relationship, but first love cannot be repeated. At this moment, disappointment and dissatisfaction become constant companions of love. However, some find salvation in choosing eccentric and eccentric people as partners, relationships with whom are full of unpredictability. This partly brings back to life the drive experienced in first love, but such relationships simply cannot be durable.
Why can't I forget?
One of the main difficulties of first love is that this feeling can emerge in memory even years after separation. Such echoes of the past prevent you from enjoying life and forming serious relationships. There are 3 main reasons why you can’t get past love out of your head.
There are feelings
It is difficult to forget love if it is still warm in the heart. This occurs more often with non-reciprocal feelings. When the couple was dating, everyone was happy, but one partner decided that they needed to break up.
If little time has passed since the breakup, constant thoughts about your ex-passion are normal. It takes about 6 months for a person to realize and accept a breakup.
But when bright feelings prevent you from enjoying life for many years, the problem may be psychological in nature. Fixation on a former relationship can drive you crazy. If there is a negative expression of love, it is better to seek help from a psychologist.
Painful separation
A bad breakup is one of the reasons that doesn’t allow you to put an end to your first love. The most acute sensations arise in cases where the separation was influenced by external circumstances:
- Moving to another city;
- censure of public opinion;
- pressure from mom and dad.
Painful separation in such cases is accompanied by a feeling of incompleteness and understatement. It is these feelings that push a person to find past love and close the gestalt.
Lots of pleasant emotions
Youthful experiences, romantic encounters and tender confessions that a person encounters during his first love will never be repeated. Many people cannot forget not the chosen ones themselves, but the feelings associated with them.
According to statistics, about 55% of women and 30% of men try to return their first lovers. Dreams of a wonderful future with these partners help to distance oneself from everyday worries and gray everyday life.
With age, people become more cynical and callous, deprive themselves of youthful enthusiasm, and stop enjoying little things. Memories of their first kiss, a walk under the moon, or a date in the park remind them of who they were in the past. Missing those times, a person is sad that he has changed, lost his youthful enthusiasm and carefreeness.
Show more feelings
Well, one last piece of advice that can be given to people who want to build relationships in their teenage years. As a rule, most teenagers try to find a life partner just to feel loved. However, if a person does not show enough feelings, then this may lead to the idea that they simply do not exist. Therefore, even if it’s unusual for you to talk about love or walk holding hands, it’s worth overcoming your complexes in order to avoid parting with your soulmate.
We hope you now better understand why first love is the strongest. Moreover, we also wholeheartedly believe that these tips will help you build a strong relationship with your significant other and live happily for many years to come. If you feel that this person is destined for you, be sure to hold on to him. Otherwise, you will have to “sort through” partners for a long time in search of someone who is at least a little like your first love.
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Parents' mistakes
Try to minimize toxic behavior, do not shift all the blame onto the child, and do not try to minimize the significance of the teenager’s feelings. Phrases like “You need to think about studying, not about nonsense” and “This won’t last long” can only repel and scare, but do not help in any way. Do not devalue your child’s experience, do not try to find out more than the child himself is ready to tell you, and do not forbid meeting the object of his adoration.
In the modern world, in which most of our lives (and especially the lives of young people) take place on the Internet, you need to pay attention to who your child communicates with online. After all, the Internet, in addition to many advantages and benefits, is fraught with many dangers. Under the guise of an attractive girl or guy, an adult pursuing his own goals can conduct a dialogue with a teenager. This does not mean that you should ask your child who he is communicating with or look at his phone. Everything is resolved by a simple heart-to-heart conversation. Unobtrusively ask what the teenager is interested in, who he is interested in communicating with lately.
Do you have children in their teens? Do they hide their relationships with the opposite sex from you?
There are children, but they do not hide anything and completely trust my wife (husband) and me.
50%
Do you have children. It seems to us that they are being secretive, but we try not to press or put pressure on them.
0%
I have no children.
50%
Voted: 2
