When falling in love passes and the first passions subside, the question arises: is this really what many films, books and songs are devoted to? Is this just a habit? Why does love pass? How do you understand that the feelings have passed and nothing can be fixed? Read about it in my article on the website!
The birth of love is a wonderful period. Every timid glance and accidental touch of hands causes a storm of emotions. But time passes, and dates under the moon are replacing everyday affairs, and instead of flirty SMS, partners send each other dry reminders to go to the store or pay bills. Does this mean that the feelings have faded?
What it is?
Falling in love is a positive feeling that arises when looking at the object of sympathy.
Consciousness at this moment narrows, which leads to ignoring the shortcomings of the object.
A person idealizes him and pays attention only to his positive qualities.
This feeling is hope for possible happiness. A person experiences a bright feeling that inspires him, gives birth to love for life and everything around him.
However, a lover most often experiences feelings not for a real person, but for her image that he represents. He becomes dependent on the object of his adoration.
At the physical level, this phenomenon is explained by the functioning of certain glands in the human body.
The hormone dopamine leads to a powerful surge of emotions. It helps a person move towards his goal, overcoming obstacles.
What if it’s not mutual?
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Some experts say that unrequited love causes irreparable harm to the body, while others say that it is even beneficial. It is believed that if the person we like does not reciprocate, of all the “romantic” hormones in the body, only dopamine is produced. Its excess causes stress, sleep disturbance and depression. Also, unrequited feelings can become a catalyst for psychological illnesses that would not normally manifest themselves, so if your condition begins to get out of control, talk to a psychologist about it.
In case of unhappy love, doctors advise not to concentrate on negative feelings, but to distract from them: for example, go in for sports, art, or change the environment.
What are the signs?
Recognizing a person in love is quite simple ; the following signs help:
- obsessive thoughts about the object of adoration,
- frequent mood swings,
- insomnia,
- rash acts,
- redness of the face when the object of adoration appears in the room,
- loss of appetite,
- "glitter" in the eyes,
- cardiopalmus,
- anxiety, shyness.
In addition, a person partially loses the ability to think logically. He makes rash decisions and does stupid things.
It can be very difficult to concentrate on anything. Some people are drawn to creativity. They become inspired to write poetry, music, and paintings.
Signs of falling in love:
Where do bright feelings come from?
The most important role in the generation of passion and intense romantic feelings is played by The neurobiology of love dopamine, writes Semir Zeki, professor of neurobiology at University College London. By acting on certain receptors in the brain, this neurotransmitter motivates us to fulfill our desires and achieve goals - usually they are associated with something useful for life. For example, with reproduction (respectively, the desire to acquire an object of passion) or with obtaining new knowledge, impressions, experience: the better you know the situation and the more you can do, the higher the chances of survival.
Dopamine is associated with the joy of new experiences, travel, overcoming danger, the desire to grow in salary and my desire to finish this article. Dopamine and monogamy receptors for dopamine D2 are responsible for our love impulses - they are backed up by D1, which block interest in other potential partners.
So, we abandon friends, lose productivity, cannot tear ourselves away from each other, orgasms make our vision darken. But this is temporary.
Difference from love
There are several important differences:
- What attracts. When falling in love, a person’s physical characteristics are attracted, and love implies a craving for personality and internal qualities. Physical attraction is also there, but fades into the background.
- How it develops. Falling in love develops quickly, but love develops slowly. It is impossible to love a person without getting to know him.
- Interest . When falling in love, it flares up and then goes out, love speaks of more permanent feelings.
- Impact on humans . Falling in love plunges a person into dreams, he ceases to be responsible. Love reveals the best qualities of a person and causes the desire to become better.
- Breakups . Time and distance will lead to the disappearance of love; a person will quickly forget the object of adoration. True love will last even at a distance. People will love each other even if they separate for a while. The feelings will become even stronger, intensify.
- The basis of feelings . If this is love, a person cares only about himself, dreams of his own happiness. If this is love, a person strives to make another happy. He gives more than he receives.
An important detail that many people forget: there is no such thing as love at first sight, there is only falling in love. In any case, it will take time for love to be born. Falling in love is the first step on the path to true love.
How to distinguish love from infatuation? Find out from the video:
How common hobbies transform into desire
According to the two-factor theory of emotions Two-factor theory of emotions - Wikipedia and the Excitation-transfer theory, the brain has an interesting tendency to interpret average-intensity sensations depending on the context. This was first proven in an experiment with two bridges. Two groups of men walked across different bridges: a stable one and a shaky one. In both cases, the participants were met by an attractive girl who asked questions from the questionnaire and left her number. Men who met a girl on a dangerous bridge called and made an appointment more often.
Researchers believe that in a relatively safe situation, the brain is able to mistake mild fear for excitement (if there is someone exciting nearby) and happily spend the produced dopamine on it. This may work with other stimuli and neurotransmitters as well.
In another experiment, Enhancement of Experienced Sexual Arousal in Response to Erotic Stimuli Through Misattribution of Unrelated Residual Excitation, subjects from different groups first received physical activity - light, moderate and strong - and then watched erotica. Participants in the second group became aroused the fastest. The remnants of excitement caused by sports, at the right opportunity, were transformed into sexual desire.
3 year hypothesis
Why do they say that love lasts two or three years? There is a theory that love lasts three years. In fact, there is some truth in it , but not the whole truth.
In the first three years of a relationship, people feel intense passion and euphoria. Feelings can be bright, intense, and literally bind people to each other.
However, feelings gradually weaken, people get used to each other, and begin to see shortcomings. This leads to quarrels, scandals, which lead to emotional wounds.
As a result, love disappears, but leaving a loved one can sometimes be very difficult. People get used to each other , become attached, and remember joyful moments.
If in this case a person tries to understand his soulmate, accepts her shortcomings, a real feeling will be born that can last a lifetime.
People will enter a new stage of relationships. Three years later, love does not end, but is just beginning .
Euphoria, head in the clouds and selfishness disappear. People begin to care about each other and become truly close. Even without euphoria, they continue to be together, enjoying each other's company.
How to prove to a girl that you love her? Advice from psychologists will help you!
Is it true that love lasts 3 years? Expert opinion:
Responsibility
If a loving man decides to stay with friends after work, he will definitely inform his wife about this. Not because of the “heel”. But because he understands: his wife will worry about his long absence. Or perhaps she will wait a long time, not going to bed or having dinner without him.
If a girl wants to buy herself another dress, realizing that the budget is limited and her boyfriend urgently needs a new shirt, she will hold off on buying her item. Because he knows: she still has several dresses, but his old clothes are no longer good for anything and clearly require updating.
To love means to accept responsibility for the feelings and well-being of your partner.
The actions of a loving person do not contradict the main principles of her couple. She respects the opinion of her loved one and always takes him into account. “Will I hurt you?”, “Will this be good for us?”, even “How will this affect his/her image?” — phrases that indicate love.
When will the passion subside?
Passion is a vivid feeling that arises in both men and women. Despite the fact that passion can literally control a person and tie him to his soulmate, it cannot last forever.
Its duration depends on the person himself, his character traits, interests, and personality traits. According to psychologists, passion lasts from several weeks to one year.
Passion without love disappears quickly, this especially often happens when a couple begins to live together. Cohabitation is the best way to get to know your soulmate and not everything will suit you.
If previously a person felt passion and elevated the object of adoration , then during cohabitation he falls from heaven to earth and understands that the object of adoration is a completely ordinary, real person who is in many ways not ideal.
How love changes over time
If the subsiding dopamine wave has not revealed a pile of garbage on the shore from misunderstanding and disappointment, then it makes sense to talk about vasopressin and oxytocin. They are your invitation cards to a cozy family life.
These social molecules form THE ROLE OF OXYTOCIN AND VASOPRESSIN IN ATTACHMENT related warmth, tenderness, and give a feeling of calm and security next to loved ones. Oxytocin is released at the dating stage, plays a big role in the formation of attachment and, unlike dopamine, does not leave you after a year of relationship.
Oxytocin is especially active in women (it is associated with maternal feelings and is involved in lactation), and in men vasopressin, which is chemically similar to it, plays an important role. It forms paternal feelings and “turns on” care, as well as aggression towards other candidates for a partner. Women are also familiar with the feeling of vasopressin ownership, although to a lesser extent.
A strong surge in oxytocin and/or vasopressin is detrimental to dopamine, according to Daniel Lieberman, a psychiatrist and author of the book Dopamine: The Most Essential Hormone. This is partly why immediately after the birth of a child you usually don’t really want sex. But moderate concentrations of these substances promote the release of SERIAL MONOGAMY AND CLANDESTINE ADULTERY dopamine, which is associated with arousal, notes Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher.
In long-term relationships, areas of the brain associated with sympathy are also activated. Friendship The Anatomy of Friendship relies on them, which is accompanied by the release of opioids and endorphins (they act on opioid receptors).
Like vasopressin and oxytocin, in moderate quantities these substances additionally activate Oxytocin Enhances Brain Reward System Responses in Men Viewing the Face of Their Female Partner dopamine (and with it sexual desire). Therefore, strong friendship is a component of passion. And also loyalty. According to the paper The Influence of Endogenous Opioids on the Relationship between Testosterone and Romantic Bonding by researchers at Oklahoma State University, friendship-related opioids appear to lower testosterone levels in both men, but especially so in men because they naturally have more testosterone. (by the way, vasopressin and oxytocin have a similar effect). Meanwhile, this hormone is tightly intertwined with sexual desire and supports the desire to find someone to procreate. Those who are in successful relationships, and especially those who are raising children, have lower testosterone levels than those who are single.
But in men (less often in women), who lack something in the family, testosterone increases, they begin to desire intimacy more strongly. And given that not everything is going well in a relationship, they often resort to connections on the side, experts conclude.
This should not be taken as an excuse for cheating.
In the end, successfully married people can cheat even with low testosterone, but those with high concentrations can still remain faithful. Because cheating is primarily a choice, not biology.
