Self-esteem is a person’s idea of his capabilities, strengths and weaknesses, personal qualities, abilities, skills, appearance in comparison with others. Self-confidence directly depends on the level of self-esteem - and this is a key point in achieving success.
Self-esteem is formed from childhood - as soon as the child begins to understand himself. He copies the behavior, worldview and self-esteem of his parents. The atmosphere in the family plays an important role. A child who is loved and supported grows up to be self-sufficient and treat himself adequately. But if parents are overprotective or, conversely, dismissive, self-esteem will be low. Subsequently, it increases or decreases depending on the experience gained, relationships with others, or as a result of working on oneself.
We suggest taking a self-esteem test to determine how you perceive yourself and your capabilities.
Rosenberg Self-Affirmation Scale
Personal self-esteem can change under the influence of various factors. You can check your level of self-esteem using the Rosenberg technique. Indicators on the questionnaire determine whether an individual has depression, excessive anxiety, signs of a leader, and activity in communication.
The subject must indicate his attitude to the given statements on a scale:
- I completely agree;
- agree;
- disagree;
- I absolutely disagree.
The test consists of the following statements:
- I consider myself a worthy person, no worse than others.
- They constantly feel like a failure.
- I have good qualities.
- Able to do something as well as others.
- I have nothing to be proud of.
- I treat myself well.
- Satisfied with his own personality.
- I wish I had more respect for myself.
- Sometimes I feel useless.
- I often think that I am bad at everything.
Points are awarded for each answer. The Rosenberg self-esteem test will show your attitude towards yourself in the form of the sum of points received by the subject.
Comparing yourself with others
Psychology does not recommend comparing yourself with other people. But the essence of self-esteem is comparison, spontaneous and inevitable. The more often an insecure woman compares herself with other representatives of the fair sex, the lower her self-esteem will be.
It is more correct to compare yourself not with other individuals, but with yourself, but some time ago. Use photographs or video materials for this if it comes to appearance. The best judges of culinary achievements will be your family and friends, and the best judges of professionalism will be your management and colleagues.
Dembo-Rubinstein test
A vertical line is drawn on the sheet, indicating a feeling, for example, happiness. The top of the line corresponds to the happiest person, and the bottom to the unhappy one.
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The subject must draw a line on the line that will indicate his current level. A satisfactory level of development is marked with a circle, and the place corresponding to an objective assessment of capabilities is marked with a cross.
The technique contains a scale of health, mental development, character and happiness.
To make the test more convenient, the height of the line should be 100 mm, and a point is awarded for each mm. First you need to complete the test, and only then read the interpretation of the results, otherwise this will affect the honesty of the answers.
As a result, you can find out the main parameters of self-esteem:
- Height. If the result is 75-100 points, then self-esteem is inflated, and the person is closed to gaining new experience and does not accept his mistakes and the comments of other people. Scores below 50 are obtained by individuals with low self-esteem.
- Level of aspiration. It is marked with a cross on the scale. Real results are 60-90 points. If a higher score is received, then the person assesses his capabilities unrealistically and uncritically. Indicators below 60 points indicate low aspirations and unfavorable personality development.
Normal self-esteem on the scale is above the middle. The ideal indicator is a circle slightly below the top plus, and (x) between them.
Methods to increase self-esteem
A woman who does not respect herself does not have a good personal life, problems at work and in the family.
It is more difficult to increase a woman's self-esteem at 40 than at 20 or 30.
Especially if she is single - she does not have a partner and children. To change the situation, you will have to try.
Ways to increase self-esteem:
- Change your social circle. Exclude from it those who make you feel weak, worthless, and unsure of yourself.
- Engage in self-development. Anything is suitable – from beading courses to higher education or mastering a new profession. The main rule is to constantly learn or do something new for yourself.
- Do something “beyond the pale” for you - jump with a parachute, scuba dive to the bottom of the ocean, or go through a quest with friends. Let the adrenaline go wild with emotions.
- Find a job you love. By feeling needed by others, you will gain self-respect.
- Learn to love yourself, despite your plump legs, short stature or other individual characteristics.
- Set a rule - buy yourself a new thing every month. Not only for children, husband or loved one, but also for yourself. Take care of yourself. Manicure, pedicure, hairstyle, makeup, depilation - everything must be flawless.
Only a confident woman can be truly happy. There will be a desire to live, to enjoy every day you live and to give this joy to others.
Read our article for more details on how to increase self-esteem →
Sonerson test
This method of identifying low self-esteem was proposed by psychologist Marilyn Sonerson.
More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.
You can take the test online; the higher the score, the lower your self-esteem:
- 0-7 points indicate an ideal state, independence and autonomy;
- 8-15 points indicate average self-esteem. In this case, a person sometimes worries about his appearance and the opinions of others;
- 16-25 – low self-esteem;
- 26-50 points signal excessively low self-esteem, which causes mental and physical discomfort.
The Sonerson test will help you identify problems with self-confidence and find out at what stage you need the help of a psychologist.
A high self-evaluation
Inflated self-esteem is not common in women. This is the lot of the male half of humanity. Sometimes women who want to get rid of low self-esteem acquire signs of overestimating themselves without noticing or wanting it.
“Symptoms” of high female self-esteem:
- unshakable confidence in one’s rightness;
- blaming other people and circumstances for your own failures;
- excessive pride;
- inability to apologize;
- constant competition with colleagues, friends, family;
- expressing your point of view, even if it is not asked;
- frequent use of the pronoun “I”;
- idealizing oneself in everything;
- mistakes and failures “knock such a woman out of the saddle” for a long time and irritate her;
- fear of looking defenseless, weak;
- unhealthy selfishness;
- arrogant, commanding tone when communicating.
A woman’s increased self-esteem forces her to constantly “be on her toes”, trying to prove to others her strength and exclusivity. This doesn't make a woman happy. Her life resembles a constant pursuit. Problems among representatives of the fair sex with high self-esteem are no less common than among women who lack self-confidence.
Ponomarenko test
Diagnosis of personal problems is carried out using a special form. It shows character traits, a total of 15 positive and the same number of opposite ones.
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In the middle of the form there are columns numbered from 1 to 7; the choice must be made depending on how pronounced the pair of qualities is:
- The column with number 1 says that the person does not have a drop of anger.
- The seventh column shows a person who is 100% evil.
- The fourth is chosen by people with an average position of kindness and anger.
- The third says that the subject is more kind than evil, and the second says the opposite.
The closer the column is to the right or left side of the properties, the more pronounced they are.
Testing consists of several stages:
- First, select the column number, indicating it with a cross.
- Return to the first pair of characteristics and indicate the desired properties with a circle.
- Finally, the results are processed. In each pair, the position of the real state and the desired state is considered.
At the final stage, the difference in the positions of all 15 digits is summed up and the results are compared with the key.
If a problem is discovered, the person considers himself worthless, insignificant, and often speaks self-deprecatingly. It is also difficult for him to accept compliments, refuse another person, and defend his opinion. This condition is inherent in asthenics.
The reasons for low self-esteem are hidden in childhood, when the child is scolded for the slightest offense, reacts to him aggressively and irritably, and is not supported. A problem can also arise in an adult due to unpleasant events in life, for example, dismissal from work or financial insolvency.
The type of temperament also influences your attitude towards yourself. Sanguine and phlegmatic people usually have a stable psychological state, while for choleric people it constantly fluctuates. Melancholic people always have low self-esteem. Therefore, they need to develop confidence.
Dissatisfaction with yourself and your appearance
Self-esteem is the result of comparison.
Russians are dissatisfied with their appearance:
- 75% figure;
- 44% cellulite;
- 40% body hair;
- 17% by a certain part of the body (nose, ears, chin, etc.).
72% of women surveyed believe that there is no need for the services of a plastic surgeon.
If you don’t love yourself as you are now, there will always be a reason for grief: your neighbor is slimmer, your colleague has longer legs, your sister has wrinkle-free skin, and so on ad infinitum. The result is a shattered nervous system for the woman and her partner, since he will have to constantly listen to this nonsense.
Dissatisfaction with appearance in most women occurs in childhood, adolescence or after childbirth, when a woman’s physiology undergoes drastic changes. It intensifies with age.
According to sociological surveys, 7 out of 10 women in Russia are dissatisfied with their appearance. Only 7% of women are confident in their beauty. 60% of respondents need compliments, that is, maintaining self-esteem.
Raising self-esteem by adjusting appearance is considered effective by most women. To achieve the goal, modern drugs and cosmetology procedures, fitness, diets, and plastic surgery come to the rescue.
Gorbatov test
Low self-esteem of a woman or man requires treatment. They try to increase confidence through training and sessions with a psychologist.
Violations can be recognized using the Gorbatov test. It is based on ideas about personality traits. These qualities are taken into account during education.
A task consisting of several stages will help you understand your own ideas about the ideal:
- The sheet is divided into 4 parts and each is signed with Roman numerals. The subject receives 4 sets of positive character traits and in each set he must highlight the most valuable and significant ones. They are written out in a column along with the number. In this way, all qualities are processed.
- At the second stage, they carefully consider the written qualities and find those that they possess in reality. They are circled.
After this, the result is calculated: the real qualities are divided by the number of ideal ones and multiplied by 100%. If the result is 0-10 points for men and 0-15 for women, then self-esteem is inadequately low. The higher the result, the less self-doubt.
More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.
Diffidence
A woman who does not value herself tries to smooth out conflict situations at any cost, allowing people to demonstrate open disrespect for her. She hopes that in this case she will avoid such treatment in the future. But her actions today provoke the offenders, who feel permissiveness and impunity, to behave more rudely and unceremoniously with her the next time they meet.
The opposite of shy people are hostile but self-doubting individuals. Even in a small dispute, they make desperate attempts to prove that they are right at any cost. This is their defensive reaction, so they hide the feeling of inferiority.
Uncertainty harms talented individuals, preventing them from fully revealing their abilities. Gifted people first of all need to get rid of this deficiency with the help of trainings and exercises recommended by psychologists. Their success depends on it.
Uncertainty manifests itself not so much in self-criticism, as is commonly believed, but in relationships with other people. A confident person does not need regular confirmation of self-esteem, endless analysis of other people's opinions about themselves. He does not need approval, he believes in his own strength.
If a person lacks basic self-confidence, his self-esteem constantly changes from “I am God” to “I am worthless” depending on the situation. It is difficult to communicate with such people.
Difficulties in communicating with an insecure woman:
- “We are responsible for those we have tamed.” She will suffer if you did not answer her call or did not dial her number yourself. You'll have to constantly tell her how good she looks, cooks, runs a house, drives a car, feeding her ego. They will force you to feel guilty even for something you didn’t do. You will have to empathize with her, because she has no one closer to you. And that means you must...
- Suspicion and increased sensitivity. Get ready for such a lady to be offended several times a day. In this case, you must guess the reason that caused such a reaction yourself. An accidental glance, an unliked photo on her page on social networks, your statement about a new employee in the team - everything can cause resentment in an insecure woman.
- Relationship addiction. Insecure people, and women in particular, are afraid of being alone. Even for a day, for an hour, for a few minutes. Therefore, they rush headlong into relationships, friendly or romantic. The entire environment should feed the ego of the “vulnerable creature”, which, in turn, will secretly tell the whole world in great detail about your relationship. People with low self-esteem fantasize a lot and expect this from every acquaintance. When expectations are not met, they fall into deep depression, feeling sorry for themselves.
A woman’s low self-esteem makes communication difficult.
Awareness of the existing problem by the lady herself will allow her to fight this shortcoming together with her partner or friends.
Kazantseva's test
The provisions are read to the subject, and he must write down three possible answers: “yes”, “no”, “I don’t know”. Choose the option that best matches the behavior. Answers are given quickly, without hesitation.
Examples:
- I always expect success.
- No self-confidence.
- In terms of abilities and resourcefulness, I do not lag behind those around me.
- Periodically they feel useless.
- It seems like I can't achieve anything.
- I often do things that I regret.
- I don't worry about possible failures.
- Various obstacles always prevent me from successfully completing assignments.
- I think that someone always needs me.
- I think I do worse than others.
- I'm usually lucky.
You can find out your own level of self-esteem after calculating the results. First, they count how many affirmative answers there are with odd numbers, and then with even numbers. The second number is subtracted from the first number. The result can range from -10 to +10. If the score is from -10 to -4, then self-esteem is low, and from -3 to +3 - average. Individuals with a high level of self-confidence receive more values.
Unable to accept gifts and attentions
A woman with an underestimated ability does not consider herself worthy of love and does not allow the idea that the opposite sex may have sincere feelings for her. Therefore, she feels “out of place” when they present her with flowers, gifts, or try to get to know her.
Before you diagnose yourself with depression and low self-esteem, make sure you are not surrounded by idiots. (Sigmund Freud)
Compliments are said to praise a woman and focus attention on her merits. But it’s different with an insecure lady. She will take them for flattery, deception or mockery. You don’t have to expect gratitude from her for the nice words. A representative of the fair half of humanity will pretend that she ignored your words or will change the topic of conversation.
Adapted version of Eysenck's technique
To identify deviations in the perception of one’s own personality, a technique is used that contains a description of various mental states. If a person feels this often, he gives 2 points, occasionally - 1, never - 0.
First group:
- I feel insecure.
- I blush over trifles.
- I sleep restlessly.
- I get discouraged easily.
- I'm worried about possible troubles.
- I'm afraid of difficulties.
- I constantly dig into the shortcomings.
- I'm easily convinced.
- Suspicious.
- I can't bear the wait.
Second group:
- Often even a simple situation seems hopeless.
- I get discouraged because of troubles.
- I blame myself for big failures.
- I don't learn from misfortunes.
- I refuse to fight, considering it useless.
- I feel helpless.
- I often despair.
- Confused by difficulties.
- In difficult moments, I behave like a child in order to gain pity.
- I believe that my shortcomings cannot be overcome.
Third group:
- The last word is always mine.
- I often interrupt my interlocutors.
- I get angry easily.
- I make comments to others.
- I'm trying to be an authority figure.
- I'm not content with little.
- I can't control my anger well.
- I prefer control to submission.
- I gesture sharply and rudely.
- Revengeful.
Fourth group:
- It's hard to change habits.
- It's difficult to switch attention.
- I am wary of innovations.
- It's hard to convince.
- I suffer from obsessive thoughts.
- It's difficult to get close to people.
- I get upset, even if plans are slightly disrupted.
- Often stubborn.
- I rarely take risks.
- I often deviate from my daily routine.
The results can be determined after calculating the sum of points.
Similar techniques are often used to study student self-esteem. This allows them to form an image of themselves, correct uncertainty, and learn to correctly assess their own personality.
Distortion of self-esteem arises as a result of discrepancies between aspirations and actual achievements. The greater the claims, the more success a person must achieve in order to satisfy them.
Leary test
The method allows you to explore a person’s idea of his own personality. Each of them needs to be assessed as follows: if the definition corresponds to ideas about oneself, a plus is placed opposite it, and if not, a minus. You must answer questions sincerely.
Upon completion, points are calculated using the key to the questionnaire (the difference between ideas about a person and the desired image is important). The maximum result is 16 points.
Types of personal characteristics identified during testing:
- Authoritarian. If a person scores from 13 to 16 points, then he is distinguished by authority, increased despoticism, and is a leader in all types of activities. They love to teach others and do not take advice from others. From 9 to 12 points are scored by energetic, competent people who demand respect for themselves. 0-8 points indicate a self-confident person, but he will not necessarily be a leader.
- Selfish. 13-16 shows the desire to be above others, prudence and independence. Such a person likes to shift responsibility to others and is boastful and arrogant. From 0 to 12 for people with egoistic traits and a tendency to compete.
- Aggressive. 13-16 points indicate a person’s harshness and hostility towards others. This often leads to antisocial behavior. 9-12 means that a person is frank and strictly evaluates others, often mocks and criticizes. 0-8 points indicate stubbornness, perseverance, perseverance and energy.
- Suspicious. 13-16 points are scored by individuals with a schizoid character type, who have an aloof attitude towards the world, doubt everything and are always dissatisfied. 9-12 points indicate difficulties in contacts with people due to uncertainty, fear of the bad attitude of others, secrecy and isolation. 0-8 speaks of being critical of yourself and the entire world around you.
- Subordinate. 13-16 points are scored by people who are submissive and prone to low self-esteem. They always give in to others, and put themselves in last place, feel guilty for any reason, are passive and try to find support for themselves. 9-12 – the subject is shy and timid, has a predisposition to subordination, always follows the orders of others and does not have an opinion.
- Dependent. 13-16 indicates self-doubt, anxiety, dependence on other people's opinions. 9-12 points are scored by obedient, fearful and helpless individuals who are unable to resist. 0-8 – a person is distinguished by his gentle character and gullibility, often admires others.
- Friendly. 9-16 – the individual strives to gain social approval and be good to everyone. 0-8 – often compromises in conflict situations, follows all rules and conventions, wants to be the center of attention. Warm and friendly in his relationships with others.
- Altruistic. Hyper-responsible people score 9-16 points. They always sacrifice their interests, impose help and are overly active. But this is only a mask that hides the opposite type. 0-8 points indicate selflessness and emotional attitude towards others. This is a kind person who always encourages and calms in a difficult situation.
The first four results are obtained by people who are accustomed to defending their opinions and occupying leading positions. The other four options paint the opposite picture.
Tests to determine self-esteem are also administered to adolescents. This period is considered the optimal phase for working with self-esteem. This is associated with the formation of a full-fledged self-awareness. Parents should provide the opportunity to talk openly about exciting topics and conduct dialogue on equal terms, supporting the teenager in solving problems.
At the age of 9-12 years, aggression and parental rejection, combined with low self-esteem, can lead to serious disturbances in personality formation.
At a young age, self-esteem is based on the opinions of others. It is installed without critical analysis. This influence is very significant.
Low self-esteem
Four out of ten women in Russia place excessive demands on themselves, based on the opinions of others and stereotypes imposed by the media. Having failed to achieve their goal, they become isolated in their flaws and shortcomings. They believe that they are not able to evoke sincere love, and they experience feelings of dissatisfaction, uncertainty, and inferiority.
A woman’s low self-esteem makes her succumb to difficulties, not realizing her capabilities, and suffer from an inferiority complex. She is afraid of the opposite sex because of her perceived unattractiveness.
Modesty turns into self-humiliation, hostility to external appearance.
A woman becomes fixated on the physical features of her body, be it fatness, short stature, a large nose or protruding ears. Everything is perceived by her as ugliness.
Manifestations of low self-esteem:
- inability to refuse requests from relatives, colleagues, acquaintances, even to the detriment of one’s own interests;
- lack of faith in one's own strengths and capabilities;
- constant complaints about one’s lot, fate, getting used to the role of a victim, broadcasting it at the first opportunity;
- excessive sensitivity to criticism;
- hesitation when making decisions, the desire for “everything to be decided by itself”;
- surrounding oneself with people who confirm the helplessness and worthlessness of a woman’s existence;
- unreasonable jealousy towards a partner, friends, family.
Sometimes low self-esteem manifests itself in one area of life. A woman who has not realized herself professionally becomes a domestic tyrant for her household. And, conversely, if there are problems in her personal life, she takes it out on her work colleagues.
Stop factors for increasing a woman’s self-esteem:
- Convenience of the situation, fear of showing autonomy and independence. “If my husband understands that I can do everything myself and earn money, he will leave me.”
- Fear of looking selfish in the eyes of family and friends. A person is inconvenient when it is impossible to manipulate him, but he is not an egoist.
- Fear of losing your job if you express an opinion different from the generally accepted one.
The requirement to treat oneself with respect does not degrade a person.
A confident person is willing to take reasonable risks and gives himself the right to make mistakes. An insecure person believes that he must be perfect in everything - and therefore constantly marks time. (Andrey Yashurin)
By protecting your boundaries, you do not become a selfish person. You are becoming an adult.