The psychology of the winner and the psychology of the loser July 21, 2014, 00:00 | Katya Kozhevnikova
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Yesterday was International Chess Day . In this game, as in any sport, psychology is very important. The most incredible victories and the most disappointing defeats most often have psychological roots. Let's talk today about what the psychology of a winner is in sports and in everyday life. And about whether it is possible to cultivate a winner within yourself.
There is such an eastern wisdom: “Winners win before going to war, and losers seek victory on the battlefield.” Probably, in this case we are talking about strategy. But this wisdom can also be applied to psychology. Often those who are confident of their victory even before the competition win. And those who are pre-set to lose are usually left without first places.
As an illustration, I will give an example from life. Let me introduce you to my dance partner. Let's call him Dima. This man really surprised me at one time. We had just started dancing and were taking our first timid steps at competitions, although we could only compete with old stumps in grace. At one of the competitions we met my friend, let's call him Oleg. Oleg had been dancing for a long time and with high quality, and traditionally took away the cup for first place from the competition. During some break, I praised Oleg’s dancing abilities and thereby, it seems, seriously hurt my partner’s pride. “You know what,” he told me then, “he’ll never beat me again.” After this conversation, nothing seemed to change. Dima did not train anymore and, it seems, completely forgot about him. At the next competition, I jokingly reminded him of his words. "Yes? I completely forgot. So we have to win,” he replied. And he won. What at first seemed like an absurd accident immediately turned into a system. Oleg really was never able to get around Dima again.
Later I noticed this character trait in other situations. As soon as Dima’s pride was hurt, he would do something amazing and seemingly unreal. It became clear to me that he is a winner. He never looks for an excuse for why it didn’t work out, but looks for a way to achieve his goal.
Most obviously, such qualities are manifested in sports. But in everyday life they are very important. The winners get jobs, beating out more experienced candidates, pass exams even without perfect knowledge, and always get the attention of the person they need. If suddenly something doesn't go the way they want, they will always find another way to get their way. Such people don’t even really celebrate victories; for them it is a common occurrence, just one of the steps on the path to new achievements.
But much more often in the world there is another type of people. Let's call them "losers." They are not confident in themselves, or rather, they are sure in advance that they do not deserve victory. It is naturally impossible to win with such an attitude. Each new loss convinces a person that victory “does not shine” for him, there is no point in trying. They often complain about bad luck, aggressive external conditions, or their own imperfections.
Oddly enough, people choose such an unhappy role for themselves. The psychology of the loser is a kind of defense mechanism with which they avoid problems, avoid difficulties and relieve themselves of responsibility for their own lives. After all, if you are sure of defeat in advance, then there is no need to waste energy on fighting. This behavior may come from childhood. For some children, the image of a victim and pressure for pity is a way to manipulate others. They feign helplessness in order to get out of unpleasant matters. Such children grow up, but they do not always change their behavior strategy.
Of course, pure winners, like eternal losers, are quite rare in the world. Each of us has traits of both. And often our successes or failures depend on which of these traits is more pronounced. So it is useful for all of us to develop the qualities of a winner.
- Don’t dwell on failures, think first of all about successes - what you were able to achieve, what problems you solved. Write down your victories on a piece of paper and make it a rule to regularly add to this list. We often take our own successes for granted and therefore fail to remember them. But failures, on the contrary, are imprinted in the memory for a long time.
- Don't diagnose yourself. "I am always late! I never succeed!” and such categorical thoughts, repeated a hundred times, become our life attitude. Do we need such a setup? Of course not!
- Eliminate the word “I’ll try” from your vocabulary. By saying “I'll try this,” you are setting yourself up for failure.
- Do not give up. If something doesn't work out, try solving the problem in a different way.
- Take each local victory not as an end in itself, but as a step towards the next victories.
Have you ever encountered clear-cut winners and losers? Who do you consider yourself to be more of?
Katya Kozhevnikova , etoya.ru
Set goals
A person who floats through life without any goals will ultimately achieve nothing. To land on any shore, a ship must have at least some kind of map. Let it be inaccurate, let some islands on it not be marked, but in general terms you should have a guide to action in your hands. When mastering the psychology of a winner, you need to sit down and make a wish list. Then transform everything you want into specific goals. For example, your desire might look like this: I want to lose weight. The goal should be measurable and achievable, for example: I want to lose 3 kg in two months. In this spirit, reformulate all your desires. You can’t write a list of your goals in one sitting. Give it a week. Make it a habit, every time a thought, desire or idea comes to mind, to write it down in a notebook or make a note in your phone. Then, from such fragmentary desires, you will be able to form a general picture of what is interesting to you and what you really want.
Don't be afraid to take action
The goals are ready, now we need to implement them. The psychology of a winner says: don’t be afraid to take action. Any desire is not given to a person without the strength to realize it. If you strongly desire something, then you can make it happen. At this stage, you should write down all your goals step by step. When you have many projects, it is difficult to choose the main one. Prioritize what you want to do first and what you can put off until later. Now specify your actions. If you want to make renovations in the hall, then the first action should be to collect analogues. The second step is drawing up a design project. Third, drawing up an estimate and finding a construction team. When your goal is outlined step by step, taking action becomes much easier. You don't have to do all the work in a day. Take one action at a time or break large steps into smaller ones. This way you will be able to realize your plans and, most importantly, not be afraid to take the first step.
Raise your self-esteem
What is the most important thing in the psychology of a winner? A person should feel confident. Today, many young people want to appear cool and confident, but in reality they can beautifully play the role of a person they are not. Therefore, you need to improve your self-esteem. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone or boast about anything. You need to be confident and persistent. Learn to be selfish. Don't be afraid of being judged. A person lives only once, and his life should be satisfied first of all. Therefore, you should not subservient to other people, even those who have status and power. Take your uniqueness for granted. Yes, you may not be such an important person today, but nothing prevents you from becoming one. Therefore, do not think that if you lack something, it means that you are worse than others. And remember that the main character trait of a winner is high self-esteem or, if you prefer, self-confidence. But remember not to be arrogant. Always soberly assess your strengths.
The sixth rule of a winner: seize your moment of truth.
It could be some event, dream, letter
Whether this event is happy or sad, positive or negative is not so important. It will turn out for the better if you understand its purpose correctly
Turn this moment into a unique opportunity to influence your destiny.
The winner is a successful, self-sufficient, happy person. There is a popular expression: “If you want to be happy, be happy!” If you want to be a happy winner, be it!
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Talk to people more
Whether you're good at communicating with people or not, you need to do it every day. It is in establishing social contacts that a person should spend most of his time. The people around you (your team) should help you grow. There is no point in communicating with losers who constantly complain about their miserable lives and the troubles that constantly fall on their heads. Communicate more with entrepreneurs and successful individuals who will tell you that life is a wonderful gift that not everyone can appreciate. Personality is shaped by its environment. This is the school of life. By choosing the right teachers, you can successfully conquer many peaks and avoid an incredible number of pitfalls.
To find the right people, you will have to communicate a lot. Meet wherever the opportunity presents itself. Talk to people in cafes, in offices, in queues. It is impossible to say in advance where you can meet a person who will become a mentor.
What are the distinctive features of those who became winners?
Successful people always put the opportunity to be happy above all else, and not the achievement of some external, ostentatious attributes of a standard of living.
They are always flexible in making their decisions and never act in the same way. This allows them to make the best decisions in each specific situation depending on the circumstances. Even without immediately seeing possible solutions, the winner does not panic or become depressed. He understands perfectly well that he cannot know the answers to all questions, but that there is always a way out of any situation. They will never try to shift any important decisions onto the shoulders of others, relying on themselves in everything.
They live easily and sincerely enjoy life, as well as their own and others’ successes. They are able to enjoy everything that this life gives - communication, recreation, friendship, work.
At the same time, the winner always knows the value of cooperation and knows how to get along well with people, understanding that the people around him - colleagues, acquaintances - are the most valuable resource with the help of which he can achieve even more and always skillfully uses his connections when solving various problems.
Constantly learn
A person can be proud of himself only if he manages to keep up with the times. There are many opportunities today that people are missing out on. If you want to go through the school of life and master all the lessons it teaches, you need to constantly study. A person will not have enough knowledge that he received at school and college. Any job will require much more. An educated person must be well versed in his field of specialization, read a lot and be fluent in several foreign languages. Are you all doing this? Amazing. Don't have enough time to educate yourself? A person will always find time for what interests him. Are you lacking motivation? Sign up for courses, pay for them in advance - and then you will definitely be able to complete the material you are interested in quickly and efficiently. It doesn't matter which method of obtaining information you choose. The main thing is that a person does not skid in place, but moves forward.
Don't be afraid to go your own way
How to become a winner? You need to put aside fears and thoughts of what people will think of you. Most of those around you have not achieved success and are unlikely to achieve it. Do you want to be like them? If not, then do not be afraid to act and do not seek support from those people whose lives you do not admire. Are you afraid to start your own business because your friend said the idea was a failure? Who is your friend? The mechanic from the garage next door? A person who has 5 credits and who is having a hard time making ends meet? Such people are not the best advisers. If you want to hear someone's opinion, ask successful entrepreneurs. But even if they say that your idea is a failure, this does not mean that it really is. Many geniuses were not understood by their contemporaries. So don't try to please everyone. You won't be able to do it anyway. Be afraid of losing yourself and wasting your potential.
Life scenarios
Personality psychology includes at least three life scenarios.
Winner
So, let's first define what this concept means - a winner. This is the kind of person who achieves in life basically exactly what he wanted and planned. Those around him perceive him as a lucky man who was “kissed” by fate.
And it seems so to them only because he simply does not make a tragedy out of a loss. He doesn’t get hung up on it, doesn’t stop himself in further attempts to get what he wants. And he tries to take away useful experience from it, which will become a strong basis for success in the future. After all, you learn from mistakes, right?
He loves life and knows what he wants. So why not move towards a dream when it is clear what it is, what it consists of and what is needed to realize it? Moreover, if there is support from the outside, which we managed to organize, surrounding ourselves only with those who are able to think positively and be there no matter what, believing in success to the last.
Not a winner
These are individuals who are afraid to take risks and take steps towards realizing their dreams. It seems to them that if they do nothing, then nothing bad will happen. Without sticking out too much, you can remain unnoticed, which means no one will shame or scold you.
Unfortunately, the majority of the population falls into this category. And all because in childhood they only heard that they should be content with little, following the example of the saying about the tit and the crane.
Or parents brushed off some of the child’s wishes with the phrase “it’s not harmful to dream,” instead of really supporting his interest and ambitions, to become, say, an actor or musician and enrolling in the appropriate courses.
Losers
Losers include people who, even with a favorable outcome, look for problems and reasons for grief and frustration. They seem unable to notice the good, focusing on the slightest difficulties. And if they notice, they devalue it.
Therefore, if failure follows, it will be a tragedy for life. At least, in the structure of the personality it will be deposited in a large “piece”, which will complicate every attempt to move forward, becoming happy.
They have the attitude that life is pain in which there is no place for joy. That women's fate is actually bitter, and men's is a heavy burden. Options for phrases may vary, but I think you understand the meaning.
I would like to emphasize that such scenarios take up to 8 years to form, after which they can be corrected, but you will have to make every effort to get things moving from a dead point.
Therefore, pass on to your children the knowledge that you will read below. In order to instill in them from childhood the ability to enjoy life and gain useful experience even from failures, in order to use it in the future to satisfy their needs.
Self-control
What is the main skill of a winner? The ability to control your emotions. A person must be able to be calm in any situation. That's when success will await him. If a person makes decisions under an influx of feelings or emotions, he will not be able to become a winner. A person should learn to accept any news calmly, and also learn to behave with restraint in disputes and disagreements. If you keep your feelings under control, your head will be able to function normally, and everything will always go according to plan.
Once your emotions are under control, try to move a little further. Start controlling your actions and gestures. It is very difficult to simultaneously talk and think about how you stand and how your arms and legs work. But when you gain conscious control over your body, you will understand how important body language is during communication. You can read people, understand them better and even feel their mood changes.
Image of the winner
When we meet a person, we first evaluate him by his appearance. And only after that the traits of his character are revealed to us, we become witnesses to his actions. Let's dwell on the external distinctive features and try to imagine what a typical image of a winner is.
The first impression of a person is formed based on his gaze. It is the eyes that can tell us much more about their owner than he himself. You can read from the eyes how strong or weak a person is, what emotions are driving him at the moment, what thoughts are hovering in his head.
The look of a winner is a magnetic look. Such a person will never hide his eyes, look away, look down, or run around. Regardless of the situation, the winner always looks his opponent in the face, firmly accepting his gaze, like fire, towards himself.
The winner's facial expression is also a smile with lowered eyebrows, which speaks of a person's superiority. People who have a powerful source of inner strength within themselves are able to keep their facial expressions under strict control. They clearly monitor which words are best to pronounce, and the gestures of the winners are usually also thought out to the smallest detail.
- A self-confident person knows how to stand firmly on his feet, usually shoulder-width apart, with his toes slightly turned outward;
- his gait is fast, firm, rhythmic, which speaks of purposefulness, activity and energy;
- he is also distinguished by his posture: his shoulders are straightened, and his hands give the impression of strength.
- The handshake itself, moderately strong and confident, with the palm down, speaks of strength.
Learn to listen
What is the difference between a winner and a loser? The second one doesn't know how to listen. This skill is not acquired intentionally. Neither at home nor at school are children forced to pay attention to speech. Therefore, many people only superficially hear the thoughts of the interlocutor, without burdening themselves with the desire to understand the opponent’s position. People love to talk more than listen. The winner must learn a unique skill. Try to listen while someone is telling you something, rather than formulating your own thoughts. You may have some gaps in your speech at first, but later, when the habit of listening and understanding your interlocutor’s thoughts becomes stronger, you will learn to get along with people and look at one problem from different points of view.
Formula of the path, formula of life
From the physics course we all remember the path formula:
The distance is equal to the speed of movement multiplied by the time of movement.
I came to the conclusion that this is the formula for life!
The path (S) is life.
Speed of movement (V) is you: who you are, what you are like, what attitudes, thoughts, beliefs you have, what you believe in, what skills and abilities you have, what kind of relationships you have with people, who you love (in general, do you love anyone?). And here are your actions, actions, steps in reality. All this together gives you a certain speed of movement along the path of life.
Time (t) – time of life, time to live. This is the time of your entire life, and the time of certain stages, moments, milestones.
That is, in order to live, you need to use yourself (internal potential - create a mental image - and perform an external action) and set aside a certain time for the implementation of all this.
And your path is longer, the higher your speed and the more time you have. And the longer the journey, the richer your life you can live. Maybe more than one life can fit into your one life; you can live several of them. And this is the path to immortality!
* * *
From this formula of life (or life path, which is apparently the same thing), at first glance it seems that time (t) is a component that does not depend on us. If the speed of life (V) is entirely our achievements, thoughts and actions, then time is like a given given from above: you will live as long as you have allotted. In my opinion, the time of life depends entirely on us and our choice. Time is determined by health, both physical (exercise, playing sports, maintaining muscle tone, nutrition), and moral (adequacy of perception of reality, adequacy of mental processes), as well as mental (development of spiritual qualities, doing good, blissful state of mind, getting into the right mood for you: going to the theater, watching movies, listening to your favorite or interesting music, warm and sincere communication with friends and like-minded people).
Perhaps you will ask a reasonable question: what about accidents, accidental murders, and so on? Of course, all this can happen, but here, in my opinion, there are no accidents. Everyone, with their thoughts, their behavior, attracts certain situations in their life that affect the time of life, and therefore the very length of life (path).
Learn to understand people
Has this ever happened to you: you are talking to a person, and it seems that the interlocutor does not understand you at all? This often happens to those who do not know how to formulate their thoughts. You may think that you are an amazing speaker, but in reality it may turn out that you cannot connect two words. Practice more. Turn on the recorder and record your speeches. Play delusion generator. Talk for five minutes on any topic without deviating from it. The more you talk, the better you will get at it. A self-confident person who knows how to express himself clearly and convey his thoughts to his interlocutor can achieve a lot in life.
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Never be jealous
What does it mean to be a winner in life? A person who is satisfied with what he has always feels better and freer than someone who will want a lot. Winners are not those people who have everything. These are people who know how to be happy with a bird in their hands. This does not mean that the crane is not worth looking at. This means there is no need to be jealous. Everything will come to you on time if you put in enough effort. Don’t worry about other people’s money, about the fact that a person spends it unwisely, or about the fact that a neighbor has more than you. You can be inspired by the examples of rich people, but in no case envy them.
A competent presentation is the key to success
The psychology of developing successful negotiations directly depends on the additional material that you can provide when representing your interests or services. In our age of modern technology, the development of science and technology, it is not enough for serious people that you just talk. The personality psychology of a modern professional is designed in such a way that before he is ready to approve you for a position as his partner, he needs to see the finished product with his own eyes and understand the process of what you offer, from beginning to end.
Therefore, in order to succeed, it is important to arm yourself with presentation material. A layout or presentation of your proposed project will help to clearly describe all the advantages of your strategy and will inspire respect for you as a specialist and valuable personnel
In addition, presenting a presentation will prevent partners from getting bored during the meeting, being distracted by their own thoughts and underestimating what you offer. The use of additional visual aids during presentation, along with competent presentation of information, will inspire trust and respect from business partners.
