Svetlana Rozhenko 12/25/2015 The best articles about love and romance, Advice from experienced people Leave a comment 1,474 Views
They say that friendship between a man and a woman does not exist. Just recently, you were ready to argue with this statement until you were hoarse and proudly cited as an example your own relationship with a childhood friend... And today, as soon as he, so familiar and reliable, is near you, you blush, stammer and feel warmth in your chest. It happened - you fell in love. What to do next? Fight? Open up? Give up and trust fate - let everything go as it goes?
- Confess to a friend or remain silent?
- We act after choosing
How to deal with your feelings?
- How to confess?
- What to do in case of refusal
Is this really love?
We all get carried away and give in to momentary impulses. If the object of fleeting passion is not connected with you by long-time acquaintance, there are fewer problems. In the worst case, you have to endure an unpleasant explanation and run away forever: “sorry, goodbye, dear, it was a mistake...” With a loved one, the situation is different. You don’t want to risk your previous trusting relationships, because love may never work out. But you will lose a friend with whom you can share success, cry about failures, and ask for help. What are the signs to determine that the feelings raging in your chest have really overtaken you seriously and for a long time?
- You constantly think about him, regardless of whether you broke up 5 minutes or a couple of days ago.
- Previously, you were calm about your friend’s new passions, but now you are going crazy with jealousy.
- You invent excuses to meet him once again, although before you could freely not see each other for several weeks or even months.
- You constantly look at the man, catch random friendly signs of attention, and then with pleasure go over all the details of the meeting in your memory.
- You can no longer communicate with this person as carelessly as before: you hum, struggle to find words and carefully weigh each phrase before opening your mouth.
- Flirting with attractive young people who show interest in you no longer seems attractive. But you enjoy, although not without fear, imagining what will happen if He decides to kiss you or confesses his love.
- Previously, you were condescending to your friend’s passion for superhero films and sports competitions, but now you know exactly how Thor differs from Spider-Man and easily understand the rules of football.
Take a closer look: what if they have tender feelings for you too?
If your friend starts showing some of these signs—he no longer discusses his girlfriends with you, looks at you often, tends to touch you, becomes taciturn, or makes awkward remarks—you can hope for reciprocity.
Become more attractive to him
Use your charm coupled with the information you have about your lover. Perhaps, in conversations with you, he mentioned what kind of girls he likes and thereby gave you trump cards. Find out what he liked most about his ex-girlfriends, what annoyed him, and what he was willing to do for them. Don't be afraid to listen to his pleasant memories, this will give him new feelings that he will associate with you. From the information received, draw a conclusion on how to find the way to his heart. When jealousy tries to take over your mind, the thought that all his former passions are long in the past, and you are next to him, will help you come to your senses.
If your friend didn’t talk much about himself and there is not enough information, then in conversations, as if by chance, ask about his past relationships and what kind of girl he would like to see next to him. Don’t be afraid if his stories about life before you arouse feelings of jealousy and anger in your heart. Keep your emotions to yourself. Your task is not to worry, but to gradually become closer to his ideal, if this also suits you or to the extent that is acceptable for you. In many cases, this is possible even if you are very different from him. For example, if you are a brunette and he likes blondes, then it is not necessary to bleach your hair completely. It may be enough to lighten your hair a couple of shades or just add feathers. At the same time, by his reaction you will understand which one he likes more, natural or new.
Pay attention to your character and behavior. Do they correspond to the ideal of your friend, is this what your chosen one is looking for in girls? If not, then gradually change those traits of yours that you yourself would like. After all, it is important to please not only the other person, but also yourself.
Confess to a friend or remain silent?
Before you decide on anything, you need to clearly imagine the prospects. What can you gain as a result? What will you lose? And are you willing to jeopardize your existing friendship for the uncertain chance of turning it into love?
Disadvantages of active actions on your part:
- You can quietly end an unsuccessful love affair and maintain a friendly relationship with your ex-partner. But trying to stretch a strong friendship to the level of love, failing and returning to the previous relationship is almost impossible. The awkwardness will still remain. Even if a failed lover readily supports the idea of remaining friends, he will still begin to be wary of you and suspect you of residual tender feelings. And if you have every chance of building a relationship with another young man, then finding a new friend is not so easy.
- You went through a global renovation side by side, your scandalous breakup with your “ex” and a trip to the ski lodge, after which you had to faithfully visit your friend in the hospital for two weeks and draw butterflies on his cast leg. You can spend half a day together choosing a faucet of the desired design and can get drunk together in the kitchen after another failed romance. You are definitely aware of all the advantages and disadvantages of each other and are sure that there will be no surprises... Take your time! A friend who has retrained as a lover may reveal an unexpected side that you will not like at all.
Plus:
But there is still one major advantage. You are probably aware of the young man’s previous novels. Try to look at them from a different angle - not as a friend, but as a woman. Why didn't the relationship work out? How did the supposed lover treat his girlfriends? What complaints did you make? What does he expect from his girlfriend? Unlike a new contender for your heart, who needs to be recognized from scratch, here you can assume how the romance will develop.
Writing down your thoughts will help you see the situation more clearly.
Use an old psychological trick: divide the sheet into two parts and write down all the pros and cons that your confession might entail. Having a clear idea of possible prospects will make it easier for you to make a decision.
Strengthen friendships and find common interests
Use your advantages over other representatives of the fairer sex. Who, if not you, knows all the pros and cons of his character? You are aware of his hobbies and interests, you know his desires and dreams. Show your friendship, help him with something important to him. Take more interest in his affairs, support him in them, sometimes with advice, sometimes just morally. This is very valuable and attracts people.
Notice what interests you share. Common hobbies not only allow you to be close to your loved one more often, but also bring people closer together at the level of emotions, desires, and actions. In a situation where there are no common interests yet, think about which of your chosen one’s hobbies does not cause negative emotions in you and study this topic at least a little. You will have more reasons and topics for communication.
We act after choosing
Let's assume that you have already weighed everything, thought it over and made a decision. Surely it was difficult, but the main part is still ahead - it needs to be brought to life.
How to deal with your feelings?
The game is not worth the candle. A bird in the hands is better than an incomprehensible pie in the sky. They don’t look for good from good... If you decide not to give free rein to your feelings, you can give reasonable arguments for as long as you like - they will be of little use. Try to act in two directions:
- Stop communicating with the young man for a while. Find a reason to do this without arousing suspicion, because your task is to maintain friendship and not to quarrel with the object of passionate feelings?
- Keep your thoughts busy. Load yourself with work, learn an unusual hobby, or make a new acquaintance. The latter option is preferable, since during communication it is more difficult to have your head in the clouds than to bend over the keyboard or knitting. And if this is an acquaintance with a young man, it may have far-reaching and very pleasant consequences.
If possible, go on a trip. Nothing heals a broken heart like new places and experiences.
How to confess?
Most girls find it easier to courageously fight love than to admit their feelings. But this is not about you. You are a desperate person who has weighed everything, brushed aside doubts and is ready to hear a categorical “no” if necessary. However, rushing into an attack with a saber drawn is not good! A careful and thoughtful strategy will be required. What can be done?
Remind you that you are a woman
- Change your image. You hardly prepared for friendly meetings in the same way as for a date. Most likely, your friend is used to seeing you in the standard uniform of “jeans, shirt, sneakers.” Surprise him! Wear an elegant blouse with a deep neckline, a flowing skirt, stilettos... Let me see the woman in you!
- Arrange an unplanned date . Come up with a reason to go somewhere alone so that it seems like an accident. Let's say a distant relative gave you a certificate for go-kart racing, not knowing that you don't currently have a pair. Would a friend agree to join you? You can go to a club or to the beach (a great reason to show off your figure in a revealing swimsuit!), motivating the trip by the fact that you are in a low mood and need moral support. The more unexpected the proposal, the better: in an unusual environment, you have a greater chance of appearing before the young man in a different light. Let the thought flash through his mind: “Hey, it turns out I didn’t know this girl at all!”
- Hint. After you’ve had your fill of karting, dancing or swimming, consolidate your success by as if casually saying thoughtfully: “It’s so easy with you. We would be a great couple." If your friend laughs at this idea, alas, he doesn’t see you as a friend yet. If he hesitates or hesitates, consider that you have sown the necessary seed in his thoughts.
- Try to touch him more often. Tactile contact is a great force, especially when influencing a man.
- Invite a friend to be your ally. Let her one day ask the object of your passion if he is blind, if he does not notice that you have not looked at him as a friend for a long time. Important: let the man have the feeling that he was accidentally told about a secret. This will relieve him of the need to give an immediate answer, will intrigue him and force him to take a closer look at you.
Try the easiest way. Without any tricks, detours or attempts at seduction, just say: “You know... I fell in love with you. Do you think we have a future as a couple?” But remember that by asking such a question, you are going all-in. If he answers: “Sorry, but no,” it will no longer be possible to rewind everything back.
Add emotions!
Emotions experienced together not only bring people together, but create strong emotional bonds between them. Moreover, both positive and negative. Therefore, try not just to spend time together, but to create reasons for common emotions. These can be various games, including where you are partners against other friends or rivals in a game for two. Parties and holidays, various open city events are well suited. Extreme activities or even just joint hikes through beautiful, but usually inaccessible places in your city will create a lot of common emotions. In winter, ice slides, ice skating, skiing, snowball fights and similar games, both together and in a large group, give a lot of emotions. As you noticed, you don't have to spend a lot of money on this. Just think about what will be interesting to your friend and you - there are plenty of free opportunities around.
Know yourself
No matter how difficult it may be, you will have to look inside yourself in search of an answer to the question of why this happened to you. Consider the following questions:
- Why does a stranger, a stranger, seem more attractive to you than your boyfriend?
- Are you satisfied with your relationship with your boyfriend?
- Why exactly is a friend better than your boyfriend? What are its positive features?
- Perhaps you want to assert yourself as a woman by conquering another man?
- Did you fall in love with a friend at first sight or did this feeling appear gradually?
Editor's choice: What attracts men in women, what ideal should they strive for?
Spending time together
If friends fall in love with each other, they will prefer to be close all the time. There may be different situations in life when you may need the support and attention of a loved one. The better people are able to communicate, the more interesting their interactions can be.
Sometimes changing your status becomes quite difficult: you have to try to pay extra attention to yourself and take some steps. Spending time together regularly brings you closer together. People begin to trust even more and open up to each other. The ability to share secrets and mysteries helps strengthen the union. In fact, this is a very valuable acquisition that not everyone gets.
Take your relationship to the next level
Especially courageous individuals decide to radically change their lives. If friends fall in love with each other, then this is not a reason to hide their feelings. It is still recommended to open them, this way there is a greater chance of achieving mutual understanding. In the case where the attraction is mutual, it will be easier to explain. A transition to a new level of relationship is only possible if both participants want it. When there are any significant contradictions, it can be very difficult to achieve consensus. People sometimes do not understand how much they can hurt the soul of their opponent. Only by earning forgiveness can we gain mutual understanding. When a person moves from one status to another, as a rule, this is accompanied by a certain amount of stress. You need to get used to your new role, open your soul. Change is sometimes quite difficult, but it is definitely worth it.
