Parenting in the family: authoritarian, liberal and other styles

Family education styles are different systems of educational influence of parents on children. Depending on them, children in the family can behave differently: obey their elders unquestioningly or be free in almost any decision, discuss their problems with their parents or hush them up, offer their own solutions to a particular situation or remain silent, knowing that everything no one will listen anyway. The behavior of parents can also be different: from rigid and unshakable frames and boundaries to absolute disinterest in the lives of their offspring.

The classification of family education styles and their characteristics are presented in the table:

Depending on the parenting style, family relationships and the personality of children are formed. The democratic style is considered the most correct, but not every parent is ready and able to negotiate with their children, since they did not have the opportunity to learn this in their childhood. Raised in authoritarian or overprotective families, they subconsciously build the same relationships with their own children. Diagnosis of family parenting style can be carried out by a psychologist or teacher with the help of conversations and special testing.

Parenting styles in the family (psychological portrait)

Let's together recreate the psychological portraits of this or that parenting style, and you will determine in what conditions you yourself grew up, and what you now use in your upbringing as a parent.

Strict rules - authoritarian approach

Often parents treat their children with great severity, punishing them for the slightest mistakes. The instructions of the mother and father must be strictly followed. The child's point of view is not taken into account. Children are punished for bad behavior without any explanation. The dictatorial model of upbringing presupposes extremely strict restrictions on the independence of children and a “cold” attitude towards them. Parents believe that this method will allow them to raise an obedient, responsible and efficient person. However, as a rule, the result does not meet expectations.

Using an authoritarian parenting style often has the following consequences:

• Children with a powerful inner core begin to actively rebel, quarrel with their suppressive parents, and strive for independence and freedom at any cost. As teenagers, they often fall into “bad” companies and run away from home, expressing their protest.
• A child with a weak character is afraid of his mother and father, and experiences a strong fear of punishment. In the future, such children become unsure of themselves, overly timid, joyless and withdrawn.
• Some follow the example of their parents and subsequently create families using a well-known parenting model.

Mom and dad who practice dictatorial style should understand that they cannot put pressure on the baby, they need to allow the child to be independent, then he will be able to express himself better.

Literature

If difficulties arise during the upbringing process, parents should not let the situation take its course. Firstly, you should not be embarrassed to ask for help from a professional - a family or child psychologist or psychotherapist will help solve any problem. Secondly, there are thematic, very interesting books that will certainly tell you a lot of new things about the child’s psyche. What can be recommended from the literature on this issue:

1. G. P. Shalaeva and O. G. Sazonova “Rules of behavior for well-mannered children.”
2. M. Ibuka “After three it’s too late.”
3. O. Makhovskaya “100 parenting mistakes that are easy to avoid.”
4. Yu. Gippenreiter “The most important book for parents.”
5. E. Belonoshchenko “Born with character” and others.

The Constitution of the country in which the family lives should also become a reference book. For example, in the Russian Federation, the responsibilities of parents regarding education are enshrined at the legislative level. They are contained in Article 44 of the Federal Law “On Education in the Russian Federation”. Date: 12/29/2012. Search under number 273-FZ. The latest updated version is from 05/01/2019.

In the same way, the responsibility of parents for raising children is spelled out at the legislative level in the “Code of the Russian Federation on Administrative Offences”. Date - 12/30/2001. Search under number 195-FZ. The latest updated version is from 05/29/2019.

Whatever child you want to raise, the main thing is to do it without yelling and punishment. Only by respecting and loving him is it possible to grow a full-fledged, self-sufficient, self-confident person.

Liberal model

This style is also called permissive. It is usually used in families where parents are overly indulgent. They do not forbid anything for children, do not impose any restrictions on them, and strive in every possible way to show how much they love them. A child who has been brought up this way often manifests himself in the following ways:

• does not deny himself anything;
• avoids physical and mental labor;
• demonstrates impulsiveness;
• shows aggression;
• has high self-esteem;
• likes to show off;
• characterized by increased conflict.

The liberal parenting style cannot be called the optimal model. Parents should understand that it is not suitable for everyone. The following options for personal development are possible:

• An independent, decisive and active person with normal self-esteem, distinguished by some detachment. He does not know what attachment is, avoids close relationships, cares exclusively about himself. This is a loner who prefers to keep people at a distance, not letting anyone too close.
• An antisocial personality who does not accept any social framework. Such a person knows no restrictions, he is sure that he can get away with anything. Often such people connect their lives with crime, do not keep their word and show irresponsibility.

To choose the optimal model, it is very important to take into account the natural inclinations of the baby. Psychologists still recommend spending more time with your son or daughter and introducing at least simple rules and responsibilities. Under no circumstances should the baby be allowed to remain without the slightest control.

Overprotective parents

Parents with increased anxiety transfer their feelings to the baby, all the time expecting that something bad might happen. They do their best to protect him from possible troubles by introducing numerous restrictions. The child is prohibited from communicating with “unfavorable” peers, going for walks in the evening, or playing sports.

This style can manifest itself in completely different ways. Sometimes these are attempts to “tie” the baby to yourself and control him all the time. Sometimes anxious adults are overly concerned about their child’s health. Some parents treat their child like a small child, even when he becomes a teenager.

The method of education greatly influences the situation in the family. Often, adults manage to take care of their children, protecting them from difficulties even when they are presented with homework or responsibilities around the house. Such an educational method ultimately leads to the following development options:

• A person is convinced of his own superiority over others. Since childhood, he has become accustomed to manipulating others and treats them with great distrust. At the same time, he makes high demands on people, not giving them the right to make mistakes and not taking into account their point of view.
• Not a self-sufficient person, prone to dependent behavior. A person who is unable to solve his problems on his own. He is helpless, uninitiative, and cannot make decisions without relying on someone else’s opinion.

Parents who have realized that they are prone to overprotection should not be upset or worried about this. It is better for them to listen to some recommendations from experts. Psychologists advise anxious adults:

• Find some middle ground. All children need attention and care, but there is no need to overdo it either.
• Do not try to solve all of your child’s problems. It is better to give him valuable advice and help him overcome the difficulties that have arisen.
• Do not interfere with the interaction of your son or daughter with peers, do not limit the child’s communication to just one family;
• Accustom your child to discipline, but do not prevent him from showing independence.

The future lies in partnerships

It is much easier to build authoritarianism in a married couple than, through many difficulties, to try to create your own cozy home on the basis of mutual understanding and respect, equality and support.

A democratic family is the future of any developed community. According to statistics, in most developed countries the policy of creating such marital unions is positive.

As proof of the perfection of partnerships, it can be noted that democracy is characteristic of the urban population, and authoritarianism is characteristic of people in rural areas, where traditions are of paramount importance. And according to tradition, the husband is “in power” when the wife does all the housework and obeys (sometimes tolerates) her husband.

There are, of course, other types of family relationships, but democracy is objectively the best solution for consolidating the marital union in the 21st century.

Chaotic and indifferent style

In the case of a chaotic style, parents have different opinions regarding the parenting model. Each family member has their own point of view and considers it the only correct one. Often the mother experiences emotional swings. In such situations, children become uncontrollable and do not take into account parental demands. They suffer from imbalance and do not feel protected. They want to somehow organize the world around them. As adults, they are usually characterized by irresponsibility and childishness.

An indifferent approach to education assumes the absence of any control on the part of adults. The same goes for the relationships themselves. Parents do not interact with their children in any way, do not engage with them. Either they work too much or they don't care what their children turn out to be. Everyone is busy with their own personal problems. This behavior causes the development of a negative self-esteem in the child, who feels unimportant and useless.

Definitions

Pedagogy and psychology of child upbringing are represented by the most numerous systems and schools. And each of them formulates its own definition of this process, depending on what ideas they put into it.

The definition most often used is that of the Russian-Soviet scientist and physiologist Ivan Petrovich Pavlov. It corresponds to the historical and philosophical approach in pedagogy and psychology and is politically neutral compared to many others. In his opinion, raising a child is the purposeful and time-extended formation of socially necessary relationships to a whole range of formations and substances of the surrounding world: nature, country, people and oneself.

There is no politicization in the term of the world famous educator, teacher and writer Anton Semyonovich Makarenko. His definition of education is one of the simplest. In his opinion, this is the creation of sustainable habits of behavior. Moreover, the scientist-practitioner paid special attention to the fact that learning is a completely different, separate process, the essence of which is different.

Soviet psychologist L. S. Vygotsky, on the contrary, believed that in many situations teaching and upbringing are not only closely intertwined, but also replace each other.

For Western psychological and pedagogical concepts, growing up is not progress, but regression, because the child joins the vicious world of drugs, violence, social inequality and evil. An adult is initially perceived as a sinner who does not have the right to raise pure and innocent little “angels”. He can only teach. This, in fact, is what teachers do in numerous clubs, sections, studios and, of course, schools.

There are so many concepts and so many points of view on what proper upbringing is. This concept has changed over thousands of years and largely depends on society, culture, country, and politics. And yet, psychologists and teachers highlight some common points.

The most favorable method

The democratic type of education is considered the most favorable for the development of the future generation. Children get the opportunity to learn to be independent and at the same time disciplined and responsible. The child has his own responsibilities, but his interests are not infringed.

Adults respect the child’s point of view and take him into account when making important decisions. They are aware of the age-related characteristics of the baby and do not expect anything impossible from him. If necessary, parents justify their own requirements and are always ready to hear the child’s arguments. They do not take away his right to choose and at the same time impose a certain responsibility.

The child does not suffer from excessive guardianship; major conflicts do not occur in such families. Children listen to mom and dad, who explain to them what can and cannot be done.

The democratic style of upbringing in the family is characterized by such a feature as moderation. Kids do not show excessive aggression, but at the same time they have excellent prerequisites for becoming leaders. They are able to control others, but they themselves cannot be manipulated. This approach is also called the authoritative parenting style.

Typically, such children are morally stable, purposeful, open and sociable, they easily adapt to social life. However, it is worth mentioning those traits that are observed only in a small part of the offspring in the families described. This is altruism, sensitivity, empathy.

An authoritative style implies respect for the attitudes of the little person. It is important for parents to learn to be friends with the baby without losing their own authority in his eyes, so that the baby can trust them in the future.

Eidemiller's types of abnormal parenting

In his classification, E. G. Eidemiller relied on such factors as the emotional presence of parents in the lives of children, the quality of care provided and the level of control, taking into account the age of the children and their personal characteristics. The author identifies the following abnormal parenting styles:

• Hypoprotection - care is minimal, sometimes the child is left without any supervision at all. Children are sorely lacking in attention. In some cases, control is formal, but in reality the child does not receive any care or there is so little care that the baby constantly experiences a lack of attention.
• Pandering hyperprotection - the baby is a beacon. Adults fulfill his every whim literally in the blink of an eye. As a result of this attitude, a person is formed who strives to take a leadership position, but does not want to do anything for this.
• Dominant hyperprotection - the baby is the center of attention of the mother and father, who always forbid him something. The little man has no opportunity to show his independence and learn to take responsibility for his actions.
• Increased moral responsibility - parents make impossible demands on the child that do not correspond to his age. For example, the child is given responsibility for the life and health of other family members, or unconditional sincerity is expected from him. As a rule, such adults ignore the child’s personal interests and do not understand his true needs.
• Emotional rejection - parents take out accumulated negativity on their children, treat them cruelly, disrespect them, and are constantly dissatisfied with something. The child’s needs are not taken into account; the baby constantly hears that someone is better than him. Sometimes adults try to hide their true attitude towards the baby, trying to compensate for the lack of love with excessive care, but at the same time they still remain emotionally unavailable and cold. This is the case when the baby is a burden.

Problems

Education in the modern, rapidly changing world encounters certain problems associated with the realities of today. They need to be taken into account by both parents and teachers. The most common difficulties encountered:

• lack of free time, which limits communication between family members;
• craze for gadgets, addiction to computer games and phones;
• the widespread spread of the Internet, which does not always bring benefits for the fragile child’s psyche;
• a large number of divorces, destruction of family values;
• the power of money;
• social stratification among classmates, when one half walks around with the latest iPhone model, and the second with push-button phones or without them at all.

In such conditions of modern life, it is quite difficult to raise children correctly, but it is quite possible. Each of the above problems can be solved, unless parents make a mistake in prioritizing.

Absolute harmony

Such upbringing involves accepting the baby as he is. Adults do not impose their vision of life on him and do not strive to correct minor shortcomings. There are prohibitions in the family that apply to all members, but there are few such restrictions.

Children's needs are satisfied within reasonable limits, which does not lead to infringement of the interests of elders. The child chooses his own development path. Adults do not put pressure on him and do not force him to attend clubs that the baby does not like, while encouraging the baby’s independence. If the need arises, they give advice to the baby.

Thus, there are different styles of parenting in the family. If parents want to raise a self-sufficient person with healthy self-esteem, they should learn to optimally combine democracy and control, without overdoing it. A wise and empathic parent always feels which educational method is best to use for a small person with specific natural inclinations.

Forms

To raise a child to be a full-fledged and successful person, he needs to be developed in many ways. If, for example, we place the main emphasis on occupational therapy, then moral, mental, patriotic and many other aspects will be left aside. Therefore, initially, various forms of education need to be included in classes from an early age.

Kindergarten teachers and school teachers try to use different forms of education to develop a multifaceted personality. However, each of them should be given equal attention by parents at home.