Is it possible to fall in love in 49 minutes and 36 questions? As research by Arthur Aron, a professor at Stony Brook University (USA), shows, it is indeed possible to fall in love. To do this, Arthur Aron and a group of researchers developed certain questions that need to be answered and asked to each other sequentially. In the experiment, 45 minutes were allotted for questions. And then 4 minutes to look into each other's eyes. After the end of the experiment, one couple even got married [The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings].
There are other facts confirming the effectiveness of the Arthur Aron questionnaire. For example, in 2015, Mandy Len Catron shared her story in The New York Times about her experience with the 36 Questions [To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This]. She says that she conducted the experiment with her friend. They were already in love with each other and their relationship was just beginning, despite the fact that they had known each other for a long time, from university. Their experiment was conducted not in a laboratory, but in a bar. Mandy and her friend took turns answering questions and it took them over an hour and a half. After the questions, they looked into each other's eyes for four minutes. And, as Mendy herself says, Aron’s method helped them realize they were in love, create trust and feel closeness.
Arthur Aron and a group of researchers developed a system of questions - 36 in total. The questions are divided in such a way that they allow you to gradually discover and get to know each other. Questions, as if in a spiral, help to dive into a person, delicately revealing new sides, while maintaining personal boundaries. This creates the magic of intimacy with another person. And it is for this purpose that the questionnaire was developed.
The value of time increases every day, and these questions help establish a closer relationship, even if you have different views on certain things. Spend about one hour and get closer - isn't it tempting?
Where did it all start?
When Arthur Aron was a student, he fell in love with Elaine Spaulding. Soon she became his wife. They both studied to become psychologists and at that time Aron was looking for an object for his research. After meeting, Arthur and Elaine realized that they wanted to explore relationships between people, namely how intimacy, trust and love arise. There was very little information on these topics. So, in 1997, Arthur Aron, along with Elaine and a group of other researchers, conducted an experiment to intentionally create emotional intimacy between strangers in a laboratory setting. And the most interesting thing is that the experiment did not aim to create love between couples [36 Questions for Intimacy, Back Story]. However, as the experiment and subsequent use of questions showed, this is an excellent chance to fall in love.
The experiment was conducted on student volunteers from Stony Brook University. Volunteers split into pairs, took turns asking each other questions and answering them for 45 minutes, and then looked into each other’s eyes. Many attempts were made before the famous 36 questions were born. After each experience, Arthur Aron and his team of researchers determined the most effective questions to help gradually share personal information and become emotionally closer. The result is a strategically thought-out series of questions that promotes not only rapprochement, but also falling in love. Only for the second one it is necessary that the couple already like each other.
Unusual experiment
The most important sign of a spiritual connection is openness. Only by fully opening up to each other and sharing more information about yourself will you become closer and your connections strengthen. An article appeared in one of the American newspapers that if you want to love someone, then ask him special questions, and links were given to Dr. Aron's research.
Yes, during the experiment one couple actually fell in love and even got married.
But the purpose of the experiment was not this at all, but an attempt to bring people closer together. This experiment involved college students who were asked to play a game with 36 question cards divided into three parts.
It was necessary to give answers for each block within 15 minutes . At the same time, participants could not necessarily answer all the proposed questions.
Interestingly, there were more girls in the study.
But this is not even interesting, this is how it always happens.
How do 36 questions work?
Aron's full list of 36 questions was originally published in an academic journal of social psychology more than 20 years ago. The questions have not changed since then; they work and have remained relevant in our time.
The list starts with superficial questions (e.g., if you could invite anyone to dinner (a loved one, a deceased relative, a celebrity), who would you choose?) and gradually moves down to more personal ones, providing an opportunity to learn about dreams, regrets, values and priorities (you will get to know the rest of the issues a little later). Conducting an experiment, Arur Aron came to the conclusion: “Gradual self-disclosure works best. You don't want to open up quickly and completely" [36 Questions That Can Lead to Love].
Questions have three important components and help:
- show interest in the interlocutor;
- create understanding and, as a result, trust;
- establish rapport.
We can say that these are the three pillars on which it is possible to build and maintain relationships. The 36 questions are open-ended and deep, and they aim to elicit sincere and thoughtful responses. With their help you can learn a lot of new things about yourself.
A huge advantage is the short time in which you can learn more about a person than in weeks of communication:
- values;
- priorities;
- dreams;
- interests;
- character traits.
Thanks to this information, you can already say a lot about a person and even predict his behavior and the possible further development of relationships.
Consistent answers to questions allow you to see vulnerable and intimate parts that are hidden in front of other people. And such secret corners of us are revealed only to close people. It is worth noting that the questionnaire will help you fall in love only if the partners already have sympathy. Otherwise, it will simply help you become closer to each other emotionally.
Arthur Aron's questionnaire is also effective for already established couples. Answers to non-standard questions allow you to look at your partner in a new way. Unexpected pauses, emotional reactions and atypical responses awaken the senses. Exposure of weaknesses, confessions and understanding help create and strengthen emotional connections.
Questions about having children
A couple needs to be on the same page when it comes to children. There can be a lot of fighting and heartache in a relationship if one partner wants children and the other doesn't, or if you both have very different expectations for raising children.
