In this article we will tell you:
- The meaning of the phrase “to woo a man”
- Tips for winning over men
- Pros and cons of women's initiative
- 5 feminine tricks to win over men
- 7 reasons to pass the initiative into male hands
It is generally accepted that the man initiates the relationship. An invitation to a date, courtship, a cherished declaration of love, a marriage proposal - he must be responsible for all this. But what should girls do if the long-awaited prince is not on the horizon or he is not active? Of course, take the initiative into your own hands.
Women are naturally endowed with the ability to seduce and know many tricks to attract attention and win favor. It’s just that many people don’t know whether it’s worth pursuing a man, because sympathy may not be mutual. Our article will help you understand the intricacies of relationships.
Initiative in relationships - pros and cons
For unclear reasons, we have a strong image of a strong and efficient man who overcomes any obstacles in his path to gain the attention of a charming representative of the fairer sex.
And every girl wants a man, just by looking at her and talking to her at least once, to start trying to win her, shower her with gifts, shower her with bouquets of roses, never miss the opportunity to see her, call her every day, every hour, be there everywhere and always... and only then will she open her heart and soul to him. In this model of behavior, a woman’s initiative in a relationship is not supported and is not considered as a communication option.
This is an example of an ideal model of behavior, which, unfortunately, is quite rare in real life. Initiative in a relationship shows a man's level of interest in you. Or your level of interest in a man. Very often we can see that not the most beautiful, but active girl marries a nice guy, and those girls who were waiting for initiative from a guy or a man continue to wait for years and cannot find a good partner.
Unnecessary attention
There is a category of men who do not hide the fact that proactive girls are their type. She met me herself, she suggested going on a date, she organized everything herself.
Don't you think that independence is too much?
Don’t forget: there are men who like to shift responsibility and initiative onto a woman’s shoulders. And so that she is independent from other people’s opinions, and preferably financially independent too.
Alphonsas, mama's boys, henpecked men, rogues - these are the people a woman attracts into her life, taking over male functions.
Such an initiative is absolutely NO if you want to see a normal, strong, worthy man next to you.
These are the main situations in which your initiative will turn against you.
Now is the time to talk about how to take the initiative and not go too far to the point of intrusiveness.
If a man does not show initiative in a relationship
In fact, many women expect this kind of attitude and behavior, while taking a position of passively awaiting action. On the one hand, all this is true, and women do not need to be too active and openly show their sympathy, love and passion, much less start chasing a man or openly inviting him on dates. But...how should you act if a man does not show initiative in a relationship?
It is worth noting that many men are not at all against female activity in relationships, even for it, but only a woman needs to act carefully and unobtrusively, because many are wary of too intense an attack.
It is no secret that the same representatives of the stronger sex cannot be found. Some people like the initiative in a relationship that comes from the girl, while others, on the contrary, like to take the first steps only on their own.
Should a woman take the initiative by inviting someone they like somewhere? Here it is worth remembering that men are by nature efficient, assertive, and when they want something, want something, and they need something, they will actually make every effort to achieve their goal. And this is true - you've probably seen situations where a man himself began to court a girl and acted very persistently - so that she didn't even think about being active in the relationship herself. This suggests that the man really had a strong interest in this woman, and that is why he began to act on his own.
A woman’s initiative in a relationship is more of a hint that communication can be continued, rather than direct actions to conquer the object of her affection. How can a woman carry out this hint? First of all, look attractive (attractive for a man, that is, feminine), be able to communicate, create comfort when communicating with her, be able to support the initiative that comes from a man, and so on.
It follows from this that the main goal of a woman is to make such an impression on her chosen one that he wants to make all his efforts and begins to take the initiative himself.
Imbalance
Providing, earning and solving are men’s tasks. If in a relationship your initiative takes over, it will end badly.
No, you can blame everything on his “difficult period.” Place him in your apartment, earn money for two and decide everything yourself. But be prepared for the fact that very soon you will become a “man in a skirt.”
Being proactive means encouraging a man to act, but not doing it for him. A woman needs to express her desire, softly and femininely. Then the man himself will want to fulfill it.
A normal man will leave such a relationship or “break” under her yoke. He will take a comfortable position, relax and stop feeling like a man.
How to show initiative in a relationship?
What do men look at when they see a woman? Why are they immediately ready to do anything for one girl, but she won’t even look at another, even if she is the most attractive beauty? Why does initiative always show up in relationships with one girl, but not with the other?
Women are mistaken that a man will be active just because she is simply next to him. This opinion is not always true. A man will do this if you manage to touch his masculine feelings, penetrate his heart, lure him into the world of love and passion, present him with a feeling of his uniqueness, specialness. A woman can also be told whether to take the initiative by her intuition, which will tell you whether a man likes you or not. Therefore, pay attention to your sixth sense.
It often happens that a man likes a certain female type, for example, when a girl has long hair, or a beautiful voice, or a special way of communicating. This is very individual, so it’s difficult to say right away what exactly will impress a man. But if you really coincide with his vision of an ideal woman, then you will have no questions about whether he will invite you somewhere or not - of course, he will.
If you don’t know exactly how to attract a particular man, go by the general rule - men like feminine girls. Feminine clothing style is the basis of your image. Therefore, wear dresses (not jeans), let your hair down, use makeup and emphasize your strengths and do not show your weaknesses. Pay attention to the manner of communication - it should be feminine and soft. Don’t argue, don’t shout, don’t make trouble with a man, don’t challenge him to an argument, and so on. It should be pleasant to communicate with you, and a man should not enter into a competition with you to see who is smarter.
Prejudice
The relationship between a couple is formed during acquaintance. And this is where most women fall into the trap.
The old social attitude works: the first step is humiliating. You need to wait until the man matures. In the same way, stereotypes whisper in his ear that he MUST take the first step himself.
While you are in standby mode, for every worthy man there will be 10 proactive girls who will be able to attract his attention. And one of them will definitely take a vacant place in his life.
Is it possible to wait until old age?
Read also: 5 Things NOT to do for men
But you are not a psychotherapist for a man and not his mother.
Your role is the Beloved Woman! A woman for whom a man is ready to do great deeds, literally and figuratively. A woman with whom he is not bored, and whom he desperately wants. And now the most important and main question: “How to become the Beloved woman for the Man of your dreams?” First of all, right now, honestly answer the question: “Is this really the best period in our relationship?”
Are you together only because you are a comfortable, understanding woman for him? If you see that you have to make an effort to interest your loved one, just stop. Stop and start observing. If you are really dear to this particular man, then he will definitely show up! And if not? What if you stop taking the initiative and he disappears? Hurt! Hard! Scary! But......Next!
I am absolutely sure that it is possible to form a happy and harmonious relationship while maintaining love, passion and mutual interest. And this is only one way - the correct distribution of roles.
Your task is to SHINE!
Stay attractive, bright and happy. That's all there is to it. No heart-to-heart conversations, clarification of the status of your relationship, plans for the future and complaints. You fill your life to capacity. And when a man wants to fit into her, you make this time as happy and fulfilling as possible . How?
Allowing a man to open up, appreciating how he tries for you, enjoying his manifestation, without criticizing or deciding anything for him. And one more important rule. Less is better than more. This means that it is better to leave a little early rather than delay communication. It is better to end the conversation first and leave the man emotionally hungry than to let him get bored and leave you.
I have long noted that behind a strong emotional infatuation with a man or the results of children is a woman’s general dissatisfaction with her personal and life results. I have prepared a well-known coaching tool, the Wheel of Life Balance, specifically for women. Give yourself 30 minutes to your loved one. And take an audit of your life.
Conventionally, I identified the main sectors of a woman’s life, specifically not including relationships with a man. Your task is quite simple. Describe each sector by asking yourself:
Did you like the guy
Games of being a hard-to-get woman have long lost their relevance. You don’t have to wait passively for a man to notice you and approach you first. The fact that you are able to start a conversation yourself does not make you more approachable and certainly does not diminish your dignity.
If we want to live in a world of gender equality, we need to abandon the idea that the leading role in relationships belongs exclusively to men. He is not the hunter, and you are not the prey - you are just two people who liked each other. You'd be surprised how many guys love girls who can put their foot down and not wait for someone to win them over.
Read also: ABOUT ASSHOLES - An amazing article about manipulators in love relationships
What do I want from... (sector name) ideally?
Then determine the point where you are right now. And then make an action plan for moving from your current situation to your desired one. Take a friend as your assistant or create a circle of women and support each other.
Start living life to the fullest, and then the man of your dreams will definitely pay attention to you, and you, shining, will enjoy his presence and your fulfilling life. Our main task, as Women, is to change the destructive male role and let Love and happy harmonious relationships into our lives.
Why do men expect initiative from women?
Photo by Wesner Rodrigues: Pexels
It is believed that a man is responsible for courtship, showing signs of attention and initiative. In any case, that’s what the weaker sex would like. Previously, young people were more dominant in this matter. However, now, under the influence of changes in modern society, this is no longer considered an unchangeable postulate.
Let's look at what specifically influenced men:
- Upbringing.
Education is the basis for human development. Personal qualities, including attitudes towards women, are shaped primarily by the family.
As a rule, this is the example of the father. As well as knowledge, experience, moral principles passed down from the older generation.
If the mother is the dominant figure in the family, and the father is passive and inactive, most likely the child will absorb this model of behavior and will wait for initiative from his chosen one.
The situation is similar if the boy grew up with his mother and grandmother (parents are divorced). There is also a risk of raising a man who lacks initiative, if the mother and grandmother try to do everything for the child, not allowing him to make decisions. It seems to them that they convey care and love in this way, but in the future this negatively affects the formation of masculine qualities.
- Social influence.
This includes both the influence of friends and the influence of the media on the formation of a person’s position. If a man is subject to the influence of others, he can adopt an attitude towards a particular situation from the outside.
Let's say, having found himself in a company where young people are disdainful of women, he gradually adopts their point of view and begins to treat them the same way. Accordingly, when he meets his chosen one, he has no desire to care for her and achieve her.
The media also creates a distorted position, presenting women as treacherous “hunters,” which, as a rule, has no relation to reality.
- Character traits.
Personality characteristics can play a key role in the issue of initiative and determination. Personal temperament and character traits (natural or acquired modesty) are reflected in courage and self-confidence.
5 reasons why a man doesn't make the first move
The presence of modesty and shyness is not considered a disadvantage, because it does not characterize a person in a negative way. Perhaps he is shy only when meeting someone, but in life he is an active and good person.
- Changes in women's nature.
Men are not the only ones who have undergone changes. Women have also undergone transformations: they have become more self-sufficient, courageous, and more often strive for financial and psychological independence.
Having become stronger and more whole, they acquired a number of qualities that can repel a man. For example, self-confidence, assertiveness, lack of flexibility, having your own opinion. Not all men can respect and understand the existence of these qualities.
You don't have fun in bed
Despite our superficial similarities, our bodies are designed and work differently, so there is no one-size-fits-all way for all women to enjoy sex. If you don't get an orgasm, you can only fix it together with your partner, so he should know about your problem. Remember that sex is not a way to satisfy a partner, but a mutual action, and the pleasure from it should also be mutual. A man does not read your thoughts, and besides, many of them are not even able to determine whether their partner has achieved orgasm or not. Don't be afraid to say you need more stimulation or suggest trying new positions. We have already told you what to do if a guy does not respond to your requests for sex.
Initiative is punishable
“You can’t show them that you love them! Even to her own husband,” admits Ekaterina, 55 years old. “They sit on your neck and don’t give you a penny!”
There is also some truth in her words, this is confirmed by a recent social survey among Russians aged 25 to 50. Single and divorced men were asked why they were in no hurry to start a family. About 80% responded that they had difficulty making a choice: there are too many beautiful, successful, free women around who are ready to do almost anything for the illusory prospect of marriage.
In male vernacular it sounds: “You yourself have spoiled us with your availability.”
Alas, this accessibility is largely due to our life realities. In “advanced” Europe and wealthy America, the equality of men and women is actively supported by public opinion. In Russia, a single woman, no matter how successful she has achieved in her career, is not poked or tried to humiliate unless she is lazy. “Baba” should be with her husband, and even if he is inferior, he is his own. This position is largely shared by the public.
It is believed that a woman needs marriage more. It’s no wonder that as soon as a lady takes the initiative, a man who is already confident in his irresistibility (often without reason) begins to feel like just the center of the universe. Russian psychologists with a feminist bias believe that for a happy life, it is important for women not so much to be proactive as to fight for further emancipation, for society to recognize “women’s right to be alone.”
Should you show initiative to a man first?
There can be many situations related to this: somewhere you liked a new and unfamiliar person, sometimes you are interested in your friend or colleague, and sometimes your old friend suddenly becomes attractive. Each case has its own nuances. Let's look at them in order.
Is it acceptable for a woman to take the initiative in principle?
At the present stage of life, everyone understands that women’s initiative exists, and what kind of initiative it is! Women just come up with all sorts of things to do in order to attract attention, and for many everything works out and ends well. But there is a question among more modest girls: to what extent should initiative go and how do men perceive it, for whom normal and serious relationships are important, and not adventures for several times?
Of course, everyone knows that men are “hunters” who prefer conquests, but they often like the girl to be able to take the initiative. This is a game, it’s interesting, it’s intriguing, it excites thoughts and imagination. In the end, it catches you and makes you, willy-nilly, start thinking about this particular girl with special interest and attention.
So there's nothing wrong with liking someone and wanting to take the first steps. What's wrong with showing that a man likes you? Nothing - just pleasure and the so-called “drive”.
This is often quite useful. For example, if both are shy, then someone should be first. And if a young man is especially timid, but has noticed you for a long time, should he leave this sympathy only in his hearts? And it happens that this or that man, due to some circumstances (age difference, different social or financial status, long-term acquaintance, work relationship) does not imply the possibility of a relationship with you, but then again - and here is his long-awaited chance. Or maybe, because of his busyness, work, haste and heaps of things to do, he simply never thought that such an interesting woman was next to him.
However, it may also happen that too obvious an initiative will scare off the gentleman, his interest may quickly disappear, all the romance and intrigue will quickly disappear.
What is the danger of frank confessions or active onslaught?
There are many situations when a girl hesitates, thinks, does not show anything to a young man, and then decides - I’ll write or tell him everything, and whatever happens. This happens especially often among teenagers or very young girls. “If he cares about me even just a little, then he will definitely react somehow,” she thinks. But such confessions “head-on” often do not give positive results, which further confuses the female sex, causing them to become disillusioned with everything and fall into deep depression. But if you had acted differently, the man’s reaction could have been completely different.
Why does this tactic fail?
Firstly, you risk taking the person by surprise. Throw everything at him, and suddenly he doesn’t know what to answer, how to react, he behaves wrong... Hesitation... And that’s it, it will become difficult for both. It’s easier to retreat than to react somehow.
Secondly, a man is such a “beast” that he loves to hunt, run, and get. Give him a frank opportunity to start courting you - his interest will be at its best. And if you directly and frankly present him with a fact, then he may no longer want to act at all. In addition, there are those who consider this inappropriate, indecent, and annoying. And many more teenagers or very young boys quickly become “arrogant” from such actions. “She came running,” “she’s in love with me,” they imagine and begin to use this to prove their popularity to themselves and others. And at this time the girl may find herself in an absurd situation: the young man will first respond, and then “shit” and cause pain.
Thirdly, suddenly, for example, he once felt sympathy for you, but now it has passed, or he has an interest, but it is still so rudimentary that it needs to be developed little by little. Or you are in the same company (firm, group, class), and therefore he has not yet decided to get closer under such conditions. Or maybe he will never be interested in you at all, and he has completely different tastes. After all, anything can happen that you don’t know and don’t assume. So, if you flirt, nothing bad will happen, you didn’t do anything “like that.” And if you open up, then, without receiving reciprocity, you will find yourself in a difficult situation for yourself: it will be uncomfortable, and how to communicate later is also a problem.
Therefore, it is always better to first quietly “test the waters”, and only then begin to act carefully.
What should precede proactive actions?
Before you decide to take any steps towards your “cherished” man, you need to understand your feelings and possibilities in this regard. The fact is that actions of this kind must come, so to speak, “from the depths of the soul.” That is, if you think that a woman’s initiative is not particularly acceptable, stupid and indecent, or you have never tried to attract a man on your own, then nothing promising may come of your actions. You will be tense, stiff and unnatural. Your actions and “attempts” may seem ridiculous and, accordingly, will not bring the desired results. When you feel that such “methods” are for you, and you sincerely want to try something, then feel free to get down to business!
So, if you don’t yet feel 100% ready to take the first step, try to work with yourself, tune yourself to the “right wave”, and even better, read something, watch some romantic films where the heroines can easily and naturally attract the men they are interested in. Even watch their facial expressions, movements, postures, manners - all this will definitely be useful to you.
If you liked a stranger
All men are different - some like proactive girls, while others just want to “hunt” themselves. Since you don’t yet know what kind of man you are, start with the easiest option, so there will be the least chance of making a mistake.
1. Look at him a little more carefully one day, hold your gaze. Watch his reaction.
2. Then you can smile slightly when you meet - as if it were just a reaction to a familiar face.
3. If this person works with you in the same office building or lives in the same area and you often cross paths in a store, sports center, etc., then someday you can simply say hello first. Let it look just as random - they reacted to an acquaintance.
4. If a man is outside the area of frequent access, but you know where he is and what he is doing, then try to come up with a reason why you could contact him “on business.”
When a man is at least initially interested in you as a woman, and you show him your sympathy as a man. Even if it’s just one glance, it’s a good step! And then, if your chosen one shows even a drop of interest in you, he won’t keep you waiting.
If you want to win the attention of a man you know
When relationships and communication already exist, it will be much easier to express yourself. However, even here you need to act very carefully in order to avoid awkwardness in case of failure.
Start small - show interest, show attention. For example, you can flirt, smile especially in some places, and feel embarrassed in others - well, in general, you know what women usually do in such cases. That is, you need to let the man know that you are interested in him, that he has a chance to take initiative towards you.
Let this be the first step. Look at his reaction. Perhaps he will immediately manifest himself in a similar way or begin some kind of activity towards you. Or maybe you'll notice that it's not worth it. Or maybe he will also flirt with you on a similar level. Then next time you can be more open. And so gradually, gradually you will win his attention and stir up interest.
Flirt, give subtle hints, but slip away for a moment so that you can assess the scale and severity of the backlash. Do not go with the same obvious pressure, it is better to play “cat and mouse”. This way you won’t “scare” the man, and you will maintain additional interest in yourself. And you don’t have to wait for some unknown reaction to your complete openness and frank steps.
The main thing is to make it clear that you liked the communication with this particular man, that you feel good with him, that you are interested in him, that you like him in some way or are attracted to you in some way. Let it even be some kind of everyday detail: for example, his hobby, or his special skills, or the coincidence of your tastes. Put emphasis on something, and then he will understand that there is some kind of zest in it for you.
When interest awakened in a former fan
It happens that once a young man or man showed you signs of attention, but for some reason they were not interesting to you. Maybe a peer at a young age seemed too young, maybe at that time there were completely different interests, or maybe the person himself was simply different then, but now he has changed for the better - he has become successful, has become prettier externally, grown internally, etc. . In general, now you look at him with completely different eyes and want reciprocity, and he, it would seem, has completely forgotten about past feelings. What to do? Is it possible to somehow return what was, it’s not for nothing that they say that first love never passes and that strong unrealized feelings still lie dormant in us. Maybe they can be woken up somehow?
1. To begin with, just make yourself known, come up with some reason or just get in touch, because there is nothing wrong with maintaining contact, old comrades don’t need to lose track of each other.
2. Offer to meet and just chat, remember the “past”. And if such a gesture is not entirely convenient, then you can find some kind of “deed” in relation to this man: ask for advice, help, consultation.
3. After the initial “usual” contact, begin to gradually show signs of attention, demonstrate that there is “something else” in your communication.
4. Try to model the situation so that your meetings continue. For example, if you need to consult, then don’t let it end all at once. If you just met, then why not take a little walk “just like that.”
Even if your chosen one still has feelings for you, now he will be very careful. It is clear that a man who has not received a response to his sympathy all the past time will also be afraid to be persistent and will look closely at your actions and your emotions. So don’t “impose” too actively - this is not the best principle of action for a lady. Move forward in your intentions slowly, but at the same time making it clear that today you are not playing, that your hints and flirting are quite serious and have good reasons. Show that you are not one of those who “rushes into embrasures,” but you are also ready to “keep at gunpoint” someone who is truly interesting and necessary to you.
Offer sex!
Women's initiative in sex definitely turns men on! It works flawlessly if you follow the correct dosage.
But remember an important nuance. If you take all the initiative upon yourself, a logical question will arise: “He doesn’t want me?”
Bring an element of surprise and slight intrigue into your sex life, but nothing more. And don’t forget to take into account his wishes and preferences.
Meet first?
If you read my articles and watch videos, you probably know my opinion.
Therefore, I advise my students to do this - to approach the man first and say: “Hello. I like you. I will be glad to our communication.”
Better yet, standing on the other side of the street, with a smile, wave your hand to the man you like. And watch his reaction.
This is one of the training practices as part of my author's online course The Way of a Woman. Try it and write about the results in the comments. I'm very interested to know what you can do.
Remember, men are very quick to recognize nonverbal cues. And only your radiant smile can already say that you are happy, open to new acquaintances and interested in him.
Chat casually about everything under the sun
Remember: you need to make an impression during an interview, but on a date you need to open up your vulnerability zones to each other. Nothing brings people closer together than a mutual demonstration of trust. If you see that a man is very nervous when communicating with you, tell him about something that makes you worry. The sooner you give up the pointless game of who likes who more, the better. Breaking the ice, creating an atmosphere of emotional comfort and just casually chatting about everything in the world - this is your goal.
School love
Until the mid-80s of the last century, more than 40% of couples who decided to get married began their relationship with school friendship.
Who knows, maybe this happened precisely thanks to the courage of those very girls who decided to make revelations. They played Tatyana, and the boys of those times learned to feel like Onegin. No matter how depraved the teenager was, noble nobility always won. A real example from my father's life. “Zhenya, they say terrible things about you,” Lenochka wrote to him, “but I know that you are good, and I still love you.”
If only the girl knew how much the boy lives up to the terrible things they say about him! In any case, when he showed the note to his best friend, he suggested that he find the most secluded bushes for a date with Lenochka and stand “on the spot.” However, Oneginism, fortunately, prevailed. Having met the girl in love after school, he simply walked her home, carrying her briefcase, and kissed her tenderly on the cheek goodbye. He married someone else, but Lenochka’s confession is carefully kept in his soul all his life. Perhaps it was this that helped him get out of the company of street punks, begin to actively study and consciously build his life, thanks to which he achieved a very high status.
Should a woman take the initiative in a relationship with a man? Is it possible to open her soul and talk about her feelings? Each of us constantly asks this question. And the answer is different for everyone.
