How can a woman avoid losing herself in a relationship with a man?

It is almost impossible for a woman who does not value herself to attract a worthy man into her life. Why? It's simple: if you don't believe in yourself, it's unlikely that anyone else can instill that faith in you. Valuing yourself does not mean foaming at the mouth to prove to everyone how cool and worthy you are. Doesn't mean you have to force your husband or boyfriend to show how much he needs you. This is about something completely different - about self-love. Today I will help you figure out why it is so important to value yourself and how to learn to do it.

From this article you will learn:

• How is your attitude towards yourself formed?
• How does an insecure woman behave?
• Mistakes a woman makes when trying to improve her self-esteem.
• What will help boost women's self-esteem?

In order for you to better understand the topic of today’s article, I have recorded a video guide for you that will help you understand what it means to value yourself and how to learn to respect yourself in a relationship. Be sure to watch it after reading this material. If you like the video, don't forget to like and subscribe to my YouTube channel.

Where does self-esteem come from?

What does it mean to value yourself? There are misconceptions about what actions you need to do to be appreciated. Some people think that if you show others with your whole appearance how much you love yourself, or say phrases in front of the mirror like: “I am a goddess,” “I am cool, and everyone appreciates me,” this will somehow improve their self-esteem.

Others are sure that you need to strive by any means to receive confirmation of your worth from the man who is nearby. They begin to demand attention, compliments and gifts from him, believing that they thereby increase their importance in his eyes. In my opinion, such actions create the illusion of value. Let's figure out where self-esteem comes from? Of course, from childhood.

A child’s normal self-esteem is formed if the parents built a correct and comfortable relationship with him, in which important truths were conveyed to the child verbally and non-verbally: “You are our child. We see you, we listen to you, you are valuable to us. You are worthy and loved. Are you okay". Based on certain attitudes, the child develops an attitude towards himself.

But most of us heard the exact opposite as children. Why do you think? Because in their childhood, parents also did not hear words of support and did not feel their importance. And if a person does not value and love himself, it means that he does not have the resource to build harmonious relationships with his children.

And what happens? From not knowing how to behave correctly with a child, parents, without even realizing it, killed his self-esteem. When a child felt bad, he experienced negative emotions, perhaps cried - his parents could ignore him. When a child did something “wrong,” he was criticized: “You are behaving incorrectly, look at Sasha/Dasha/Masha! This is how it should be”, “Don’t stand out, be discreet”, “What’s wrong with you? It’s time to grow up and stop doing stupid things.” And now this child has grown up. With low self-esteem, with the awareness that something is wrong with him. He grew up and began to be surprised by the adult reality into which he found himself.

Ways to show self-respect

I think most people have more or less an idea of ​​what self-respect is. But only a few are familiar with the ways of its manifestation.

How to start respecting and appreciating yourself:

1. Healthy self-reflection. Think about what makes you happy and what is stopping you from being happy right now. Identify your current psychological problems and get rid of them.
2. Healthy lifestyle. Self-respect means taking care not only of the psyche, but also of the body. Create a daily routine, rearrange your diet, start playing sports, relax.
3. Honesty with yourself and others. If you have already figured out what gives you the strength to live and what takes it away, then continue on the path of healthy self-analysis. Get rid of those relationships and activities that do not make you happier.
4. Self-knowledge and search for purpose. Determine your abilities and inclinations. Don't force yourself to do something you don't feel like doing. Self-respect presupposes freedom of expression. At the same time, study your strengths and weaknesses, learn to learn from mistakes.
5. Friendship with emotions. Any emotion, especially negative, helps in self-development. Emotions and feelings help us understand our needs and values ​​and set priorities. Therefore, it is important not to suppress your emotions, but to live and study them.
6. Changes. Don't limit yourself and don't let others limit you. Change, grow, try new things.
7. Active life position. Learn to say “no,” express your opinions, and assert personal boundaries. If you spend energy on things you don't like or on recovering from interactions with toxic people, then you will have no energy left for anything else. At best, you will remain at the same level as you are now. At worst, you will become an even more unhappy and insecure person with a bunch of psychosomatic diseases.

A person who has self-respect allows himself to be himself. He knows that you can’t please everyone, that the concept of the norm is relative, that no one can know better than him what is good and what is bad for him. Therefore, he does what he wants (of course, within the framework of the law and without violating the personal boundaries of other people), and is guided by his own feelings and emotions. Try different things and you will understand what suits you.

How does self-esteem affect relationships with men?

Just imagine what a woman with low self-esteem thinks about? There is no love in her “adult” world, there are a lot of unanswered questions in her head, and she doesn’t know what to do. “Why don’t men look after me?”, “Why has my husband/boyfriend stopped being attentive?”, “Why do men treat me badly?” She lives, suffers from this and does not even realize that the answer to all her questions is very simple: “A man cannot treat you better than you treat yourself.”

Let's think further: how a woman with low self-esteem begins to behave in an attempt to change her life. What is she thinking? “Now I’ll tell him that I need his attention, and the man will give it to me.” And she begins to demand that her partner recognize her value, but for some reason it doesn’t work. The man does not begin to appreciate her more.

And then she chooses a different strategy: “I will try, I will prove to him that I am worthy of his love and attention. I will become the best wife, and they will love me.” But this does not make a woman happy, because she forces herself to become better. She is trying to change not for herself, but for someone.

If you recognize yourself at this point, I recommend reading my article with analyzes of characters from the popular series “Why Women Kill.” There the type of “deserving” of love is described in detail. I'm sure you will find it useful.

I really “like” another absolutely typical female position: “That’s it, from tomorrow I will appreciate and love myself!” And after reading a couple of posts on Instagram, she begins to convince herself how great she is, and begins writing statuses on social networks: “I’m alone at home. I am a queen!”, “I love myself! Is it true. Look how strong it is,” and backs up his loud statuses with beautiful selfies. Yes, of course, positive affirmations can inspire you for a while, but in the long run they will not change the structure of your attitude towards yourself.

Maintain your individuality

Marilyn Atkinson, a famous psychologist and author of numerous books, claims that a happy couple should spend 12 hours a week together, and the rest of the time can be devoted to their interests, affairs, and hobbies.

A person’s passion for some business or personal development makes his life varied, complete, and allows him to preserve his individuality

A woman should not become a shadow of a man, and this will certainly happen if she forgets about her interests and gives up her affairs for his sake. It is important to be able to find a balance between relationships and your individuality .

Don't isolate yourself in your little world of relationships with your partner. Don’t leave your social circle for a man, because contact with other people develops us and allows us to gain new experiences.

Is it possible to increase self-esteem by improving your business skills?

Women often try to increase their self-esteem by developing their business skills. I'll explain with an example. The woman thinks: “I have low self-esteem, and this does not suit me. But I will work on myself, develop and become, for example, a master of sports in fitness! This will help me boost my confidence!” She achieves this goal and increases her self-confidence to some extent. But this does not affect her entire life. Being a great specialist, she can still remain the same unhappy woman who “for some reason has no luck” with men.

Many women live by this “achiever” pattern. They deservedly believe: “I have a good job/business, everything is working out, and this means that everything is fine with my self-esteem.” Yes. But if you are unhappy in your personal life, it is very important to understand that with business self-esteem and career achievements you do not fall asleep at night and do not wake up in the morning. Business self-esteem is not the self-esteem in the context of which you build relationships with the opposite sex.

As a rule, such women try to compensate for dislike of themselves with the help of another person. What do they think? “I’m now going to find a person who will see how great I am and will treat me better than anyone in my life! He will appreciate and respect me.” And at first, when a man is in love and enchanted, perhaps this will be the case. But sooner or later he will get tired of servicing other people’s injuries and being a savior. He will leave, and the woman will still not be able to understand what is wrong with her. And again he will go “to war” to win love.

When a woman does not have an understanding of her own worth, she begins to fight for love and demand too much from her chosen one. But normal relationships cannot exist in this format. After all, love is not about war, it is about harmony.

If you have recognized yourself and want to understand how to become the woman who is truly loved and appreciated, and how to learn to respect yourself in a relationship, I invite you to my free online course “Man: Honest Instructions.” Register using the link right now. The course starts every Monday and lasts several days.

Stop worrying about what he likes

A woman who values ​​herself in a relationship with a man does not think about how to please him: what she should be like, how to behave, how to dress. She is sure that she is worthy of love for who she is. Learn to enjoy life without fear and doubt.

Don't try to constantly please him: you are worthy of love just the way you are.

Selfishness or self-love?

I want you not to confuse two completely different concepts: selfishness and self-love. Selfishness is when a person thinks only about himself and his desires, without paying attention to others. And self-love is when a person initially thinks about himself, and then about others. How it works?

When a woman begins to pay attention to herself, take care of herself and invest her energy in herself, she has something to share with the world - she is in harmony with herself. And by devoting her life to someone else, a woman sacrifices herself and begins to “earn” self-love from this world.

I am categorically convinced that self-love and self-understanding have nothing to do with selfishness. Remember this please.

What does it mean to respect yourself

What does it mean to respect yourself? Respecting yourself in psychology means loving, appreciating and praising yourself, taking care of yourself. People are used to thinking that respect must be earned. However, in psychology it is considered right to respect yourself, as well as to love – unconditionally.

At the same time, we must not forget that self-respect is closely related to self-esteem, and it is formed against the background of assessment from other people and on the basis of self-analysis. If others have been convincing a person for a long time that he is unworthy, and he and other people assessed most of his actions as bad, then there is no need to talk about unconditional self-respect - disrespect for oneself is formed.

Important! Self-respect is formed in childhood on the basis of the attitude of others towards the child. If he was told that he was bad and unworthy, then the person grows up with a feeling of disrespect for himself.

How to boost self-confidence?

How to work on self-esteem and make it normal? It is clear that we cannot change the past, change our parents or erase memories from our memory. But we can change the way we view ourselves by working with our past. In the free online course “Man: Honest Instructions”, as well as in the paid program “The Way of a Woman”, I talk in detail about psychological techniques with which you can change your own attitude towards yourself. Therefore, if you have not taken my free course yet, register.

I am sure you will not regret the time spent and will enjoy viewing information that is useful to you. I hope this article was also useful and informative for you. And if you read it to the end and made honest conclusions about yourself, you are on the right path to your internal transformations and a harmonious life in which there is room for mutual love.

Advice from psychologists

1. The status of the one and only must always be maintained. If a man ceases to realize what value is in his hands, then what kind of respect can we talk about?
2. Spouses should spend more time together. Of course, if the husband lies on the sofa and reads the newspaper, and the wife sits and watches TV, then this is called side by side, but a family dinner with a conversation about the past day is together.
3. There is no need to be shy about talking about your feelings. Men tend to express their emotions in action, and therefore a woman should understand that such actions are confirmation of her husband’s respect for her.
4. A woman is the weaker sex and there is no need to forget nails in the closet or change light bulbs. Don’t carry heavy bags from the market, ask for help, who will take care of you if not you yourself. Be a little more cunning and affectionate, don’t spoil your husband, make him appreciate and respect the woman!
5. There is no need to escalate a petty quarrel into a serious conflict and divorce. Maybe your husband came home from work tired, and therefore didn’t see your new hairstyle or eyebrows. These are banal examples, but sometimes such little things drive a woman crazy and provoke family conflicts.
6. If everything was great yesterday, but today it’s bad, we need to look together for the reason for this phenomenon. You can’t leave it to chance and you can’t get rid of the problem yourself either. Maybe a woman has begun to have a consumerist attitude towards her husband, she is only interested in money, then what kind of self-respect can we talk about?
7. Always look after yourself, be on top, then the man will never look the other way and dare not offend you. Then sexual relations will be in order, and the husband’s disposition will be at the proper level.
8. No fortune tellers or love spells can restore the relationship and make the husband respect his wife. Such a decision cannot be considered as salvation, because fortune tellers are also people with mercantile interests, information for you, and money for me.
9. To make your husband respect you, educate yourself. If you don’t have a job, find one, sign up for a massage course or learn a foreign language, get a driver’s license, show your spouse that you are a strong and confident woman, then he is unlikely to offend you!
10. Try not to waste money. Manage your household affairs competently, keep your home and body in order, prepare meals, don’t be lazy, invent, fantasize, so that your husband flies home like on wings, and doesn’t stay late at work talking with his secretary.

Respect or submission?

The above recommendations should not be taken literally. This does not mean that a girl should be soft, submissive, gentle and not contradict her husband in anything. We are talking about normal men who are ready to build respectful relationships. If you live with a gigolo or a womanizer, then the listed rules do not apply to them. Also, you shouldn’t go to extremes, forgive a man everything, look into a man’s mouth and fulfill his whims. Learn to distinguish between you: respect or humility? Let's list the reasons when you should run away from a man:

Raises his hand to the girl. The proverb “hitting means loving” is not true. It all starts with a harmless incident, a man simply pours negativity on his beloved. Then she asks for an apology, explaining that she simply fell under the hot hand. Next time he'll let you hit me. After a couple of years, this behavior will become a habit. There will be no more apologies, but only further reproaches and complaints. There will never be respect in the described scenario.

Rudeness and humiliation. Appears among friends or acquaintances. The guy makes fun of you, gives you offensive nicknames, tells stories where you don’t look in the best light. This behavior is typical for many men. Some do this deliberately, asserting themselves at the expense of the girl, others do not understand that they are hurting their beloved. Talk to the young man, describe how you feel and ask him to stop such attacks. If a man has apologized and is trying to improve, then there is a future in your relationship. I ignored your words, then there will be no more respect, don’t waste your time on a rude person.

Respect is the foundation of any relationship. Love fades, passion passes, interests change. Work on the foundation from the moment the relationship begins, laying brick by brick. Its strength determines how long and happy the relationship will be between a couple, husband and wife. If time is lost, then use the recommendations given to make a man respect himself.

Why don't men respect women?

The surveys conducted showed surprising results. The men responded that the main thing they expect from women is love. Therefore, girls are no longer respected on the first date, without recognizing the women as faithful and loving wives. It turns out that ladies form a similar attitude through their behavior.

Let's list the reasons why men don't respect women?

Mercantile interest. The stronger sex does not like it when a romantic dinner turns into an interrogation. At the same time, the girl is interested in her financial situation, her position, the number of apartments and cars. It seems that the woman sees a fat wallet in front of her, and not a person. Dummy. Men are attracted to smart, well-read and developed women. If a girl does not have hobbies, interests and goals in life, then after a couple of meetings with her she will become boring. Such girls are used to getting money without doing anything. They expect gifts and make a living at the expense of men. It turns out that the young man buys a girl. Demanding respect after this is stupid and wrong. "I'm doing it all myself." It is so inherent that the stronger sex pursues lovely ladies. Previously, men resorted to tricks: they found out the address of their beloved, sang serenades under the window, gave flowers, and avoided rivals. The women were left to give the competitors a smile and make a choice. Today, girls do not allow men to perform feats. They pay the restaurant bill themselves, invite them on dates, and organize weekend trips. Don't take away the male role, let the guy prove himself.

If you build relationships according to the described scenarios, then correct the situation. In addition to desires to build relationships, get married and gain respect, add actions. Learn to respect yourself and then others. Train daily, take someone you know and find qualities worthy of respect. Gradually, you will acquire the skill of seeing a person, and not a bag of money or a potential husband.

Reasons for losing respectful relationships

Psychologists say that it is important for a man to know that his chosen one is truly passionate about him, his leadership qualities and strength. But often guys are faced with the fact that girls are only attracted to their status and material wealth. This is certainly the fault of the stronger sex, since men are often ready to “buy” the attention of beauties. For those who have a certain set of feelings at the head of a healthy relationship, such a situation is completely unacceptable, and such a girl is unlikely to be respected. Commercialism is always in plain sight; it is difficult to hide in communication, and even more so in relationships. The consumer attitude generates a response; in this case there is no point in talking about respect.

But what if for a guy this has become a certain prism through which he looks at women? It is easy to dispel his doubts with real and sincere words and feelings. Sometimes you shouldn’t avoid direct conversations; in fact, men value such dialogue and some openness dearly. You can say directly: “Your achievements cannot remain unnoticed, and every woman is very pleased to be next to a strong and successful person. But it was the qualities of your character, your abilities that allowed you to achieve this, and it attracts you to you like a magnet.” You need to learn not to be afraid of open conversations and express your thoughts correctly. This fact definitely deserves attention and can play an important role at the initial stage of the relationship.

There is a certain set of feminine qualities that are respected by men. This is internal culture, education, determination and self-esteem. It is worth saying that without the latter quality, you will have to wait quite a long time to be respected, since first of all, a girl must respect herself and achieve such attitude from others. Of course, men are pleased to be in the company of a girl who is not stupid and interesting, so it is worth developing yourself, becoming interested in the hobbies and hobbies of your chosen one and sharing his interests with him. This fact will help you earn goodwill and appreciate such rare qualities in you.