How to put a manipulator in his place - I’ll tell you in simple words

Manipulation is a strange subject. It seems like they are trying to control you. But it’s embarrassing and uncomfortable for you. It's a shame to defend yourself. It's a shame to refuse. And when we succumb to manipulation, we regret it, get angry and make a promise to ourselves - “never again!”

Never - easy to say, but difficult to do. And the whole point is that there are 2 types of manipulation.

The first is simple, without pronounced attacks. We talked about it in the previous article.

And the second is aggressive manipulation. In such cases, the manipulator:

• behaves aggressively;
• does not accept your refusal and continues to “put pressure” on you;
• deceives you.

In this case, “heavy artillery” is precisely what is needed—counter-manipulation.

short video on the topic of manipulation (5 minutes)

Shield from manipulation

You come to work, and the boss tells you:

- You are our best employee! Therefore, we will put you to work at the most unprofitable point! Who, if not you, will cope with this?

What should be done?

1. Track your feelings. I am glad that my superiors appreciate me. I'm afraid of letting my colleagues down.
2. Take a break. “Thank you very much, I’ll think about it until tomorrow.”
3. Ask yourself the question “why?” Why should I agree to this?
4. Realize your desires. Yes, I am interested in this task. But only if my efforts are rewarded.
5. Think through your answer based on your goals. “Thank you for your trust. Let’s discuss increasing my salary due to the additional workload.”
6. Maintain internal balance during a conversation. Speak to the point. At this moment, if the interlocutor is ready for a constructive solution to the issue, he will compromise: “Okay, we will increase your salary by 10%.”

In most cases, this shield is enough for you. He will help you make the right decision and not promise too much, which you will regret later.

If you refuse or doubt, a simple shield against manipulation will not work. In this case, the opponent is trying to bend you, get you emotional and deprive you of your sense of balance. In this case, it remains to exit the communication with dignity:

Don't get emotional in response. They are trying to unbalance you so that you switch to an emotional dialogue: “Me? But you..." One of my life hacks in this situation is to “play like a fool” and answer neutrally: “good”, “it happens” and the catchphrase “what do you mean?” This puts the attacker into a stupor, and you get time to normalize your breathing and think about how to take communication in a different direction or not to get involved in further communication at all.

Manipulation Shield is a basic technique. If he doesn’t help, we fight the manipulator with his own weapons.

The shield does not help with aggressive manipulators. Therefore, if you feel increasing pressure, it’s time to take away from the enemy his own weapon - manipulation.

Download the manipulation guide

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How to resist a manipulator in a relationship: 4 main rules

The best defense is laughter and your firm position, that is, complete confidence in yourself and your actions. Laugh at his attempts to manipulate. Let him know that you have seen through him and stop this behavior immediately. Manipulators are afraid of this, because they lose control over the victim. You cannot humiliate yourself, follow his lead, or accept his conditions, especially when you don’t like these actions at all.

For example, you want to communicate with your childhood friend, but the man is against it and says nasty things about her. Close this topic. Tell him that if he values ​​you, let him not insult those you love, but keep an eye on his social circle. Laugh at the fact that he chooses who you want to be friends with and who you don’t. You’ve been a grown girl for a long time and you decide this issue yourself.

Remember that in a healthy relationship there are no total prohibitions on communication, certain clothes, incomprehensible control and eternal suffering of a woman. This is not the norm. You will find many recommendations on how to build a healthy relationship with a man in the “Ideal love relationship” section.

Rules that will help you resist the manipulator:

Always be happy and cheerful, smile more often

If a man says something offensive to you, sets conditions, intimidates you, laugh at his words. He attacked the wrong one. Yes, it's not easy, but it works. When a man is an inveterate blackmailer, how else can you communicate with him? Don’t play by his rules, but surprise him with a confident rebuff.

Love yourself

Let him say, who needs you, if only, if only. You should know that you are a unique person, an attractive woman. Constantly engage in self-development, regardless of a man’s opinion. And if he gaslights you and you begin to doubt yourself, share these feelings with loved ones or visit a psychologist.

Don't be afraid to break up

Yes, most often it will not be possible to build a normal relationship with a manipulator. Alas. It is almost impossible to rehabilitate this man. Break up gracefully and cross him out of your life once and for all. Yes, it's hard again. But it’s better than gradually drowning yourself in a swamp.

Of course, if your chosen one only occasionally uses manipulation, then you can try to talk and quickly stop such behavior. Then there are chances. Provided that you are, by and large, comfortable and calm with him. And if you recognize a manipulator based on a combination of several signs, I recommend looking for a more worthy match.

Don't be shy to say that this can't happen to you.

For example, that you don’t understand his jokes and you don’t like them. How to resist manipulation? Build personal boundaries. More self-confidence, girls.

Often a woman who has long been under the influence of a professional manipulator needs psychological help and support from loved ones. Don’t brush aside the opinions of others if everyone tells you one thing - run. In general, any attempts to control your behavior, to quietly persuade you to do something, even under a plausible pretext, are important to clearly monitor. Listen to yourself and your feelings.

Of course, you can encounter manipulation not only in relationships between a man and a woman. Parents often manipulate their children, and superiors manipulate their subordinates. Manipulators are not always incorrigible abusers. It is worth distinguishing a dangerous type from not very good inclinations or imposed beliefs from childhood. But in any case, it’s difficult with manipulators. We need to work through these attitudes, reach a new level of communication, and learn to recognize the true desires of ourselves and those around us.

And if you often find yourself in the role of a victim, change your inner beliefs, start loving and respecting yourself, choose the right men. How? I teach this in the online training “Secrets of Women’s Happiness”. Sign up for the next stream. Follow the announcements here on my official website of the Pavel Rakov shopping center.

Girls, do you have your own ways to resist manipulation in communication? Share with us in the comments.

What is Turbo Gopher?

Turbo Gopher is a super-powerful system for clearing the mind of garbage:

• Your negative emotions - fears, anxiety, envy, jealousy, resentment, etc.,
• Limiting ideas and beliefs
• Negative attitudes,
• Complexes
• Emotional traumas
• Dependencies and
• Everything that prevents you from being happy and taking your life into your own hands.

Turbo-Gopher works with the emotional charge of your internal problems. It discharges traumatic episodes of the past, eliminating them in an environmentally friendly manner, rather than smoothing them over. The problem is that the average person has thousands of these episodes. In Turbo Gopher, for the first time, the huge hidden computing power of the subconscious was used to process your internal problems, which allows you to “shovel” the past in just a few months and work through those episodes that you don’t even remember anymore.

What’s great is that you don’t need to dive back into painful episodes of the past and relive them - you just need to point out them with your attention, and the subconscious mind itself will work through them according to the given algorithms that you will receive after you start working on this system.

Finally, Turbo Gopher is a system for self-improvement . With this system, you don't need psychologists, therapists, self-development gurus, lectures, seminars, blogs or YouTube videos. All you need is the desire for maximum inner freedom and the willingness to seriously work on yourself.

Turbo gopher is not a system for everyone. It requires a lot of work from a person and a willingness to make big changes, but rewards this with dramatic changes for the better in almost all areas of life. Freedom from automatic response, freedom from dependence on approval, acceptance and attention, immunity to all sorts of manipulative tactics, emotional balance, improved relationships, radically increased awareness and self-sufficiency - these are just some of the many natural bonuses from working on yourself using this system.

If you want to clear your brain of garbage as much as possible, stop fooling yourself, free yourself from all grievances, gain self-sufficiency and emotional balance and - as a bonus - forgive and let go of the person who is trying to manipulate you and never fall for this kind of manipulation again - subscribe to the FREE newsletter about the system here and download the PDF manual for the system.

Secret 6. Don't play his games!

In the manipulator’s arsenal there are methods that seem less cumbersome at first glance - for example, accusations of excessive emotionality. Let's say he unleashes a stream of caustic jokes, supposedly you are “chubby”, “you can drown in folds.” Like any woman, you hear hints of excess weight - and it's painful. “Have I gained weight?” - you ask worriedly. “Calm down, I’m just joking, you’re overreacting,” the joker calms down complacently. Stop, it doesn’t calm you down, it blocks your fair reaction, and at the same time kills your self-esteem. The message of his words is: “Don’t feel like that, don’t feel anything at all.”

This leads to an unpleasant phenomenon - emotional numbness, you are simply afraid to voice your worries and grievances, because they are probably wrong. And you live in limbo - it hurts, it’s alarming, it’s offensive, but you can’t talk about it. Imagine how quickly your personal stability capitulates. In return for peace of mind, you will receive passive aggression, you will begin to criticize those whom you consider weaker - the negativity will somehow break out. Turning into an angry critic is not a good prospect. And all because you were forbidden to be offended, rebel, or talk about true feelings. Run!

Secret 5. Don't try to save him!

Your well-being is at risk. Even if the matter is not about property, the plot still emerges as vile...

Build up your armor: you won’t be able to remain pure and good in the eyes of the manipulator , just because he projects his dirt onto you. And here’s another thing: give up hope of proving to the gaslighter that it’s his fault. There is an Eastern proverb about this: “The hardest person to wake up is the one who doesn’t want to wake up.” The gaslighter doesn’t just sleep, he lives in this delusional reality - there, in the stinking lie, he belongs. But you don't. Run!

Experience of living with a manipulative husband: reviews

Experience of living with a manipulative husband:

• Inga : the beautiful fairy tale turned into a thriller within six months after the wedding. At first, I justified my husband for being excessively jealous, protective and demanding in everyday life. Everyone wanted to be better and meet his high standards. The story ended sadly - with a miscarriage and a nervous breakdown. Thanks to the doctors who obliged us to visit a psychologist. The husband was hesitant for the first few months, but over time the specialist got through to him. Many years have passed since then and our relations have improved significantly. But the husband still looks at his family with incomprehension and wonders how he could not notice the toxic relationship of his parents for so many years.
• Maria : I am the ideal wife for a manipulative husband. Without parents, relatives or any support. I realized that he was pushing me around when I went on maternity leave. But when I went to work, all hell broke loose. I tried to be obedient and submissive, but it all ended with a ringing slap in the cheek at the office, because I did not answer his call, and there was no money in my account to call back. In the morning, the boss silently handed over a business card from a center for the rehabilitation of mothers with children. I burst into tears, but he didn’t convince me to move and start from scratch, until my husband started beating the child too. The other day I saw his new wife with a black eye and tear-stained eyes. Thanks to the kind people who helped me escape without looking back.

Marriage problems? You will be interested in our articles:

• My husband beats me, but there is nowhere to go - what to do and where to go: phone number of the Crisis Center, Trust Center, reviews
• Why the husband doesn’t want to work: psychology, reasons, reviews. The idle husband doesn’t want to work - what should I do?
• How to build relationships if a man is younger than a woman: pros and cons, opinions of psychologists