- October 31, 2018
- Psychology of relationships
- Ksenga
Do you love your job, but lately one of your colleagues has started to annoy you? People are different, and not all of them immediately show their true nature. It should also be remembered that power changes a person for the worse. The person may become proud. How to put a colleague in his place, read below.
Understand the reasons
Every person has reasons to act the way they do. To better understand a person’s behavior, you need to lift the veil of secrecy. Think about why a once normal person behaves disrespectfully? Perhaps he has problems in his family and the constant tense atmosphere affects his state of mind. Has the person become irritable and nervous? Ask him if there is anything you can do to help. Seeing your good attitude and disposition, a colleague may pour out his soul to you, and such a monologue in itself will bring him relief. Well, if you can help, then help. When a person improves his personal life, then misunderstandings at work will remain a thing of the past.
How to put an employee in his place? You need to understand what irritates a person. A colleague may be too nervous because he feels underappreciated. If management has recently promoted many people, but a colleague has been deprived of attention, then he can use arrogance to hide his anger and disdain for his superiors.
Act calm
Is a person yelling at you? There is no point in getting annoyed by such disrespectful behavior. How to put a work colleague in his place? You should behave calmly and not lose your temper. Your melancholy appearance may initially turn on your ill-wisher even more, but pretty soon the person will come to the realization that he is standing in the middle of the room, yelling, and you are not reacting in any way to his antics. A situation like this can drive any boor into a corner. A person will humiliate himself especially strongly if the scene takes place in a crowded place. The way to react in this way is very simple. The main thing is not to forget your role and keep yourself within the bounds of decency.
How to put an arrogant colleague in his place? Does the person question you and speak rudely to you? Don’t be rude in response, take his attacks calmly. But remember that such a reaction is only acceptable if the person is clinging to you for the first time. A calm reaction to rudeness will sober up the person. This way of solving the problem will not work for a situation in which the person clings to you on a daily basis.
Phrases that can cover a person without insulting (without swearing)
Be a gentleman - leave in English, I won't be offended.
What day is it? Another idiot.
I felt like I was on a boat trip with you, and I started to feel sick.
I don’t even know how to say it more correctly. No way! I don't care about you!
Calm down, go and lie down on the rails.
Do you want to assemble steps from your stupid words in order to climb to my level?
Take it easy, teeth, they’re not nerves - they won’t recover.
I don’t understand for what sins God offended you with his mind.
I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all.
Let's play hide and seek - you'll hide and won't be found again.
Don’t worry so much, you will find your equal – a single-celled one.
I will not throw pearls before swine.
Tell me, how did you manage to escape from the orderlies?
I kept waiting for you to say something smart, but I’m afraid you won’t make me happy.
Of course you look terrible. But why else behave like this?
I wouldn’t like to upset you, but I don’t care about your opinion. I say hello to you out of the kindness of my heart.
You remind me so much of a bun. I just want to say: “Get the hell out of here!”
I would like to hear something smart, but apparently you won’t make me happy.
There is so much nastiness in you, it is not surprising that there is no room for good. Where should he fit?
Who writes you such stupid phrases? Or are you doing it yourself?
Continue... don't be shy. Maybe all this stupidity will finally come out.
Talk, talk. I am immune to imbecility.
Those who have it go crazy. This is not a threat to you.
Did you ever drop your head on the floor as a child?
Is dementia something you were born with or acquired?
Be honest
What to do if a person is rude to you every day? How to put an arrogant colleague in his place? Before you declare war on a person, you need to talk frankly with him. Take the person aside or create a situation where you are alone in the room. In a very casual tone, ask why your colleague constantly behaves inappropriately. Don't read lectures and don't expect an answer from the person. Your question will be rhetorical. Most likely, the person will not find anything to say. A person may answer that he behaves normally, and you only think his treatment is rude. But such frankness will bear fruit later. The person will think about your words at his leisure, and if he has a conscience, he will reconsider his attitude towards the people around him. Sometimes people who cross boundaries do not notice it. They just need an outside opinion so that they can take off their rose-colored glasses and see the situation for what it really is.
Personnel Responsibility
Everyone in the company must behave in accordance with the corporate culture and respect their colleagues. Three levels of responsibility can be distinguished, depending on the position:
- As an employee
Employees have a responsibility to maintain a professional work environment even in the face of disagreements with co-workers or managers. Aggression, use of obscene or offensive language, humiliation of others - all this can be considered insolent behavior. Employees who engage in these activities are subject to reprimand, termination and, in exceptional cases, legal action. Employees who feel unable or unwilling to change their behavior should consult with their Human Resources representative to discuss options.
- As colleagues
It's easy to turn a blind eye to abusive behavior around you in order to save yourself unnecessary stress. However, if left unaddressed, having a pushy employee can demoralize the team and impact productivity. This can also lead to a stressful or hostile work environment, and therefore employees have a responsibility to record incidents of insolence they witness and, if the situation does not improve, share this information with a manager, supervisor, or HR representative.
- As a leader
Managers have many responsibilities when it comes to insolent employees. The first step is to understand the behavior, counsel the employee about the unacceptable behavior, document the conversation, and outline options if the behavior continues. If the behavior persists, managers should work with Human Resources to take corrective action as outlined in company policy or, in extreme cases, terminate the offending employee.
Don't talk to me like that
Do you want to cool a person's ardor? How to put a colleague in his place? The phrase: “Don’t talk to me in that tone” will help solve many problems. Imagine the situation: you are talking with a colleague, and the person understands that in some matter he is more competent than you. At this moment, the person changes his attitude towards your personality, begins to be sarcastic and mock. You need to make it clear right away that you will not tolerate ridicule and ridicule. Cool down the person’s ardor and say that you cannot accept such an attitude, either now or in the future. The same behavior will help you avoid conflict situations when a person raises his voice at you. Take down the person's arrogance and say that you will not talk to the person until he lowers his voice. If the person missed your phrase, turn around and leave. Such a situation will show your interlocutor your personal boundaries of what is permitted, and will also help the person understand that you are responsible for your words.
Humiliating phrases to drive a person into a dead end
Look, there's a flock of sheep running! Catch up quickly, otherwise you will get beaten back again!
It seems that billions of years of evolution are an empty phrase for you.
Even if you feel wings on your back, there is no need to croak.
Don't wag your tongue, you're not a flag at a parade.
It is possible to find a common language. Just bite yours first.
You won't be correcting me, but your underpants.
Keep the ruble. If you know your worth, you will get your change back.
Drink some valerian. I became completely nervous and started throwing myself at people.
What fear. If you meet you at night, you won’t be waved away with a bucket.
Have you tried reading smart books? Helps.
I didn't herd pigs together with you.
Even flies fly around you. They know what to sit on.
It’s not for you to cling to my virtues with your shortcomings.
Aren't you afraid of death? Or do you run fast?
Our meeting today, like your life, was not planned.
They don't take offense at fools.
Crazy as a chicken of shit.
Oh this look, not burdened by the mind.
The circus left, and the clown was forgotten.
It would be better if you were friends with me, I know how to make a Voodoo doll.
And you don’t cheat on yourself: as always, not a single smart phrase. The main thing in everything is stability.
Do you know what I like about communicating with you? When you become silent, I feel how beautiful this world is.
Even if you were the last person on Earth, I wouldn’t be interested in your opinion.
I see that if the convolutions do not move, the mouth begins to move.
You’re lucky that I’m well-educated and won’t allow myself to say what a moron you are.
Treat the person the same way they treat you
Is the person acting very cold towards you? You don’t need to humiliate yourself in front of a person to earn his favor. How to put a boorish colleague in his place? Treat him the same way the person treats you. But adjust your behavior, and if a person goes beyond all reasonable boundaries, you don’t need to cross them. Does the person humiliate you or insult you? Don't repeat such vile things. But you shouldn’t feel friendly towards a person either. Whatever a person’s reasons, he must treat others with respect. If a person does not do this, he independently makes enemies for himself. A person’s bad attitude towards you will be visible from the outside, and you should not fall flat on your face. Take the blow, do not allow the person to oppress or humiliate you. You shouldn't hit back, but you should make it clear that you are not a punching bag on which to take out your bad mood.
Why do we allow our personal boundaries to be violated?
If you don't set your personal boundaries, they will do it for you. And the result is unlikely to please you.
Someone will probably think now: “I don’t allow anything, those around me violate my boundaries without asking.” No. We are responsible for almost everything that happens in our lives. And if a person has crossed the line of your personal space, then you have kindly given him the right to do so. Another question: “Why?”
Let's figure out what are the reasons why we allow another person to ignore our boundaries.
- Fear of loneliness.
This is perhaps the most common reason - fear of rejection. A colleague asks you for a car until tomorrow, and you give it (after which you blame yourself for it).
You are convinced that refusal of such a seemingly elementary request will be regarded as indifference, arrogance, hypocrisy, even betrayal, and the offended person will disappear from your life forever after this. You are afraid of the consequences of this refusal, and you allow others to trample on your own boundaries. Sound familiar? Exactly.
- Thirst for approval.
Unfortunately, the self-esteem of many people is not just below the plinth, but below the core of the Earth. That is why, in order to feel significant, these people passionately try to obtain (and, sometimes, deserve) the approval of others. And most often it doesn’t even matter whose specific one it is.
- Fear of being branded as selfish.
For some reason, selfishness is regarded in wide circles as something shameful. Like, it’s much better to pretend to be Mother Teresa, to sacrifice your interests for the sake of the interests of others (not necessarily even loved ones). And if you are not ready to give in to other people’s desires, be so kind as to go to the company of cruel, disgusting egoists.
- Fear of encountering aggression.
Insecure people, as a rule, have great difficulty building relationships with others. For them, even telling a joke in company is already stressful. Is it worth talking about an open conflict when this insecure person is subjected to pressure from another, confident person?! Therefore, it is much safer to follow the interests of another, pushing your own to hell.
- The belief that I owe something to someone.
This is where you urgently need a sofa. Found it? Sit on it as comfortably as possible, even with your legs. Now ask yourself: “What and to whom do I owe?” Hint: nothing to anyone.
Don't be afraid to be sarcastic
How to put a star-studded colleague in his place? You need to let the person understand that you shouldn’t demonstrate your inflated self-esteem at work. Sarcasm will make it clear how you feel about her.
Does a person walk around with his head always raised and pretend that he is better than everyone else? You can quote the poem in front of him: “The lower a person’s soul, the higher he lifts his nose. He reaches with his nose to where his soul has not grown.” It's a shame? Yes. Hurt? May be. But such statements help a person come down to earth and understand who he really is. Self-motivated people who are always trying to be better than everyone else are not the most pleasant people. You don't have to teach them how to live, but you will have to put them in their place from time to time. Otherwise, the person may indulge his whims and begin to ruin the life of the entire team. Keeping the person within limits will help you and other colleagues maintain friendly relations.
Definition of insolent behavior
Insolence is an action or behavior that shows disrespect for a boss or co-worker and has the potential to be offensive. In work settings, insolence is most often viewed in the context of relationships between employee and supervisor rather than between coworkers.
For example:
- Significantly raising your voice to managers or colleagues.
- Refusal to comply with a reasonable request from a supervisor.
- Negative influence on the work of others.
- Sabotage of business relationships.
In addition, arrogance can be offensive behavior, boasting, challenging the status quo in a way that harms the organization.
It is worth understanding that impudence is not a professional disagreement or a personal conversation. This is a pattern of employee behavior that is most likely toxic and has a negative impact on the team.
Public humiliation
Don't know how to put a subordinate in his place? The worst thing you can do is publicly humiliate him. It would seem, what's wrong with this? The fact is that a boss is a role model for his subordinates. And when a person is not behaving at their best, people understand what behavior they need to develop to fit in with their boss. Always do educational work alone with the person. It’s not worth reprimanding a person for mistakes in front of everyone, even if you don’t like the person or if he’s very stubborn. A colleague remembers public humiliation for the rest of his life and then intentionally, and sometimes even unconsciously, wants to take revenge on his offender.
How then can you put a person in his place? Threaten him with dismissal. After a rude or ugly behavior, take your subordinate aside and tell him that one more such mistake and you will fire him under the article. Do you think it's rude to threaten? Some people are so arrogant that until a bucket of cold water is poured on their heads, they will not be able to return to reality, but will exist in their fictional world.
How to win an argument? 10 ways to put someone in their place
Defending your opinion in a dispute is a real art, which requires us not only to be eloquent, but also to know the most simple and effective tricks to disarm our opponents. Anyone can learn these techniques, the main thing is to respect the sense of importance of all participants in the dialogue and maintain dignity.
Read on for 10 ways to put your opponent in his place!
Follow your partner's thoughts
One of the main mistakes in an argument is ignoring the comments of our counterparts, when we direct all our imagination to inventing “beautiful” answers. Very soon both participants forget about the subject of the dispute and get personal. Do not withdraw into yourself, it is better to listen carefully and look for contradictions in the words of your interlocutor - pauses of uncertainty, perverted logic, unnecessary generalizations. Find weak points in the argument and hit them there!
Fill up with clarifying questions
“Explain how you understand this? And what happens if it happens differently? The main thing in this technique is to look for contradictions, ask clarifying questions, playing the role of a “simple-minded know-nothing,” but not a cynical accuser. Pretend that you just want to figure things out, that you're not a threat, while continuing to complicate the issues. Sooner or later the opponent will merge.
Support your argument with facts
With the Internet at your fingertips, it has become easier to emerge as a winner: just google statistics on your question and show it to your interlocutor. It is easy to refute a long-proven fact if you find convincing examples. You can also increase your chances of winning by referring to the words of authoritative figures - writers, scientists, historical figures. “Benjamin Franklin himself said...” “According to statistics from Yale University...”
Play on guilt
Sometimes a well-chosen emotion devalues the most telling arguments; you just need to skillfully use this weapon. “Are you taking me for an idiot?” “I don’t believe that such an educated person as you could make such a mistake!” The trick is to get under your opponent's skin, make him doubt his knowledge, and then deflate.
Speed up your speech rate
Another option for confusing your opponent is to overwhelm him with more arguments than he would be able to process. In this case, it is best to speak quickly, leaving the person no time to think about each fact mentioned. A state of discomfort will turn off the desire to compete - and you will emerge victorious.
Use professional terminology
Not only will cumbersome phrases emphasize your competence in the matter, but they will also give weight to the spoken words. You will come across as someone who is knowledgeable about the topic. The opponent will immediately begin to wobble, fail in argumentation, look for support on the side - and lose. Another option is that he will be embarrassed to clarify the meaning of scientific words, pretending that he understood them well. This is how you catch him.
Put your opponent to shame
How to help a debater swallow false arguments, and even be ashamed of his ignorance? Play on a sense of importance, because no one wants to admit their incompetence. “You are well aware of the latest news in science!” “Of course you saw what happened yesterday?” And even if nothing happens, most will take the bait and swallow the bait. They won't want to admit that they have no idea what you're talking about here. This will be the beginning of the end.
Reduce the general to the specific
If you feel that you are being overpowered, you can always point out to your opponent that his words and arguments are his personal vision of the situation, that he has no right to speak for everyone. "It's just your opinion, buddy!" What will happen? He will have to shift from the topic of the argument to defending his claims. And whoever defends himself loses.
Partially agree with your opponent
When we are in absolute confrontation, we are easily crushed. And this is where a trick comes to the rescue - try to win over your interlocutor so that he relaxes and lets down his guard: “yes, you are absolutely right, but” or “I agree with your words and still would like to clarify.” That is, you seem to take the enemy’s side, and then push through your arguments. This removes the belligerent attitude from a person and simplifies communication.
Keep a cool head
You should not go beyond the bounds of decency, yell, insult, or become hysterical in response to provocations from the outside - this will reduce your chances of winning. Be restrained in your emotions, try to be confident, show your opponent respect and express your thoughts clearly. By interrupting, clowning, and mimicking, you show yourself to be weak and leave others a chance to manipulate your feelings. Don't make this mistake.
Remember, you are not arguing with a person, but with his position, which does not correspond to your beliefs. Find fault not with your opponent's tone, appearance or character, but with the thoughts he expresses. Explore the worldview, not the personality as a whole! If you see that a constructive argument is turning into demagoguery, that your interlocutor is trying to assert himself at your expense, ignoring common sense, put an end to it. Victory will not bring satisfaction if the goal is to humiliate a person and not to find the truth.
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Decreased self-esteem
Do you want to put a person in his place beautifully? How to do it? The person's self-esteem needs to be lowered. A person who has a lot of problems always treats himself very well and sometimes goes too far in this regard. To rein a person in a little, you should put him in an awkward situation or force him to step on his own rake. When a colleague understands that he, too, makes mistakes and is capable of doing stupid things, he will come to his senses. And if not, you will need to repeat the experiment. For what? So that a person understands that he is not a star or the king of the office, but an ordinary subordinate. Think about all the high-ranking people. The best of them never boast about their position or question themselves.
It’s not good to set someone up, but if you can’t rein in a raging person, talk to the director. A leading person can take part in your performance to cool the person down a little and put him in his place. You can blame a person for imaginary mistakes or blunders. But you shouldn’t go too far, because from high self-esteem to depression there is usually only one step.
General advice from a psychologist
In any controversial situation, try to understand the person. In the matter of insults, this rule also works. Let's look at the psychologist's advice on how to react correctly.
Master your emotions
The main goal of an aggressive person is to hurt you more. Therefore, the first advice: do not show that you are upset, control your emotions. The insult of your acquaintances will end, because the goal has not been achieved, it is not interesting to continue further.
I suggest you take Nicholas Hall's emotional intelligence test. It consists of 30 questions, the completion time is 5 minutes. The results in the second scale of “Managing your emotions” will show your level from 6 to 36.
In order to fully control your emotions, I advise you to upgrade your emotional intelligence.
Ignoring an insult
Increase your distance
If you are insulted by a stranger in order to assert yourself in front of others, do not try to prove that you are right - this will not lead to anything good. Increase your distance with this person.
“Extinguish” with a smile
If it is not possible to increase the distance, try to appear confident, confuse your opponent with your wide smile and the question: “Why are you behaving this way?” Smooth out the caustic phrases and smile.
Such a reaction will earn others respect for you, and they will be able to defend you against the offender. Remember that your peace of mind will protect you. If you “climb into the bottle”, you may not calculate the strengths and capabilities of yourself and the “aggressor”.
Make more jokes
Humor can save any situation. How to put a boorish employee in his place? Is the person being rude to you? Make a joke about the situation you find yourself in. You should not make the hero of a comedy a person who is aggressive towards you. It's better to make fun of yourself. A person who is not devoid of self-irony is valued above others. By reducing all your opponent's accusations to jokes, you deprive him of the opportunity to offend or offend you. Humor is a shield against any aggressive attack. Laugh the person off and end the conversation. There is no need to continue a discussion that is unpleasant to you. A person may be hurt by your lack of seriousness. Don't worry about the feelings of a boor. The person deserves the confusion of the soul, and one should not think that he will not be able to survive it.
Jokes will help you withstand pressure not only from colleagues, but also from management. If your director likes to find fault with little things, you can convey this idea to him in a humorous manner. But do not condemn the leader, otherwise he will have an unpleasant aftertaste from your speech and will not have the desire to somehow change the situation.
Why does a colleague behave inappropriately?
It is difficult to predict in advance how relationships with colleagues will develop. Even if this is an established, friendly team, a sarcastic or rude person may appear in it. Moreover, sometimes the behavior of well-known colleagues changes not for the better.
In the case of employment in a new organization, a newcomer is most often waiting for a pig in a poke.
Reasons for inappropriate behavior:
- complex character traits of a co-worker - inability to control oneself, irritability, arrogance, etc.;
- a colleague has a difficult life situation, which he admits or not. Constant thoughts about pressing problems lead to the fact that a person becomes uninterested in those around him or he lashes out at them;
- Delayed career growth is always perceived as painful. If other colleagues are promoted, but this person is passed over, this cannot but affect his behavior;
- disorders in human physical health. These may be diseases in which he experiences severe pain and cannot restrain himself;
- in some cases, mental illnesses lead to the fact that a familiar person ceases to control himself, his attacks are most often unconscious;
Find like-minded people
How to put a colleague in his place? You can't find a way to rein in a person who behaves disrespectfully towards the entire team? Find like-minded people. Other colleagues will be happy to support you. A collective uprising against one person will always be more effective than if you fought on your own. Remember, one in the field is not a warrior. Let the entire team take part in the re-education of the boor. Someone can make fun of him, someone can openly condemn him, and someone can bring him into a frank conversation.
Do you want quick results in re-educating the “black sheep”? Give the boorish employee an intervention. Let each of your colleagues express their opinion and provide him with their vision of the situation. Such psychological work will help a person reconsider his view of normal human relationships and think about how to change his character.
Maintain composure and restraint
Sometimes it becomes extremely difficult to resist expressing everything to a person who is deliberately trying to provoke. However, psychologists say that as soon as you show weakness and act in this way, another stream of negativity will fall on you, which will be even more difficult to cope with.
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To prevent another wave of attacks, try to remain a cool and self-possessed person. This does not mean that you should facilitate such behavior of the aggressor; it is enough to make it clear to the offender that his provocations do not bother you. And if the attacks really hit home for you, then deal with your emotions and find out why you are reacting so violently.
You can call your colleague for a frank conversation and ask why you did not please him. Give him the opportunity to speak out; usually, after such a face-to-face conversation, the conflict is resolved and a truce occurs in the team.
Ignoring
Do you want to put a colleague in his place? How to achieve your goal without much effort? Ignore the person. Let him say what he wants, don't pay attention to him. Do not approach him, do not contact him in a group conversation and do not ask his opinion. Such ignoring will soon become very noticeable not only to your offender, but also to the entire team. And if the person does not come to his senses in time, then other people from the office may join your boycott. Anyone who talks to a rude colleague must explain to him that until he behaves normally, he will not be accepted in the team. A person will change his behavior the faster the more he needs the help of one of his colleagues boycotting him.
Big game element
Rudeness can also be an element of a big game within a team - the “human pack”. When a cheerful and toothy employee constantly fights for his status, his boss may ask: “He is very playful and greyhound. Can he claim my place? Such behavior always causes more fear than desire to admire. The boss will even be glad if the subordinate stumbles a little in this struggle. It is beneficial for him to deplete the moral resources of a potential rival. And he won't defend him for the same reason. He is guided by a very simple motive: for any corporate friction to truly affect the quality of work and the creation of added value, real bullying must flare up. Therefore, any boss is ready to allow insignificant “showdowns” and minor conflicts that do not lead to a decrease in labor productivity: it is beneficial for him if a greyhound employee “breaks his teeth” on someone: he cries, screams, hysterics. He will lose part of his moral and volitional core temporarily and will cease to be a competitor.
Protect your personal information
How to put a colleague in his place? Is the person putting you down or belittling your abilities? You yourself are to blame for your troubles. The more information you give people about yourself, the more likely they are to use your words against you. Do you want to live happily and avoid scandals with colleagues? Stop sharing not only personal, but even work information with them. You are doing a project, so don’t tell others what you are working on. Laugh it off and say that you are doing something secret. When you complete the project and successfully deliver it, your colleagues will no longer be able to interfere with your triumph.
Why do some people get picked on more than others? They humiliate mainly the weak and defenseless. If you are unable to change your character, try to create the appearance of a successful person. And hiding personal information will help you with this. The fewer rumors there are about you, the more interest you will arouse among others.
Smart phrases
If your self-esteem is not at the highest level, your nerves are not very strong and you have not yet learned to resist offenders using the listed techniques, then here are a few ready-made phrases that are suitable for parrying almost any offensive words heard from a boor:
- “When a person runs out of smart thoughts, he begins to carry heresy. I see you have reached the finish line.”
- “Leave your phone number, when I need to know your opinion, I’ll definitely call you.”
- “And your own life is so uninteresting that you are interfering with mine?”
- “Step aside, think again, maybe you’ll be able to say something sensible.”
- “Go get busy, maybe you won’t ask stupid questions.”
Any rudeness can be overcome if you do not stoop to the level of the offender and be confident in your abilities.
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