“I would forget the taverns forever
And I would have given up writing poetry.
Just touch your hand subtly
And your hair is the color of autumn..."
Lines from Sergei Yesenin’s poem so accurately describe this state - when the heart beats, bursting out of the chest, and love covers a wave of admiration and delight from the other half. Willingness to turn your life upside down, just to be closer and see each other more often, to move mountains for the sake of one smile and a response look, shrouded in the haze of love. This is the best time of a relationship between two people, so how long does the candy-bouquet period last?
Stages of the candy-bouquet period
Psychologists compare the beginning of this period to intoxication. It seems to lovers that they cannot live without each other for a day. Hormones are raging, the world is seen in rainbow colors, there is strength for many achievements. And you think that you have definitely met your soul mate. How do such emotions arise?
- First stage.
It is also called “blind love”. The partners are crazy about each other. They are ready to make dates every day. And it doesn’t matter where they meet: in the park or at the station. Lovers just want to enjoy and immerse themselves even more in euphoria. - Second phase.
At this stage of the candy-bouquet period in a relationship, the girl does not care whether her beloved calls first or not. She herself copes well with the role of initiator. All stereotypes fade into the background. The lady sees nothing wrong with chatting on the phone with her beloved. But the main thing here is not to overdo it. After all, excessive intrusiveness can push the gentleman away. - Third stage.
The duration of this stage of the candy-bouquet period is longer than the others. Partners slowly let each other into their lives and introduce each other to friends and family. Many people's rose-colored glasses fall off. You will learn more about your chosen one’s environment. Some you like, some not so much. Naturally, you look at your loved one differently.
Courtship theory
For several thousand years, the rules of behavior during this phase have not changed significantly. The active side was always the man. His goal was to interest and attract a woman. This distribution of positions is due to the fact that the female is responsible for the offspring, therefore it is her choice that determines whether the couple will have healthy and strong children.
The first step has always remained the prerogative of the strong half of humanity. Even today, in the 21st century, only part of Europe and the North American continent have moved away from these stereotypes. There, the privilege of being the first to choose a companion is given to the lady.
Nature is the foundation that was laid during the candy-bouquet period. How long it lasts, in theory, depends on the woman. From time immemorial, the male’s goal was one thing - to move on to mating as soon as possible and look for the next “prey,” while for the opposite sex it was important to make sure that the potential partner was better than all other gentlemen.
Therefore, there is no point in being offended by men for seeking to find more partners. Their natural task is to organize mating with a given object and quickly move on to the next one. This system was imposed by nature, and even primitive people lived by such rules.
How to understand that the candy-bouquet period has passed
You will feel it yourself. For example, you will more calmly endure a day without your loved one. Or you will begin to calmly go about your business without the participation of your chosen one. Frederic Beigbeder, author of the book “Love Lives for 3 Years,” argued that you can enjoy a romantic relationship for three years. And then the routine.
But you understand that this is not an axiom. In fact, it is difficult to predict when the candy-bouquet period will end. However, there are universal signs that the passions have gradually subsided.
- Domestic disagreements.
As soon as the hormonal levels return to normal, you suddenly notice that your partner is untidy, he snores and does not clean up the dishes. This is the beginning of “grinding in” to each other. He also sees all your shortcomings. Don't be upset. All partners undergo everyday life tests. Some are successful, some are not so successful. - Comparison with past relationships
. After the candy-bouquet period, many men and women involuntarily rely on previous experience. It's like they're testing themselves. For example, girls often conduct an internal monologue. “What was it like with your ex?”, “Did I experience the same feelings when I saw him every day?” - The desire to remake the chosen one.
When the blinders come off, you see that this is not the hero of your novel. But the attachment seems to have formed, and you don’t want to part because of some nonsense. Immediately there is a need to “make it out of what is.” It is unclear how long the candy-bouquet period will last. But I want to fight the shortcomings of my loved one now. - Lack of strong sexual desire.
But let me make a reservation right away that this is a completely normal phenomenon. The physical attraction and passion that existed at the beginning of the relationship are gradually replaced by the desire to care and communicate spiritually. In other words, emotional intimacy comes to the fore. - The need for personal space
. When the “butterflies in your stomach” have calmed down a little, you sometimes begin to get annoyed by the constant presence of your beloved. You realize that you want to be alone, go for a walk with a friend, or read a book. Men have a similar desire. What to do if the candy-bouquet period is over? But the relationship continues.
Next, I will tell you about simple ways to bring back romance and former passion if you feel that boredom has reigned in your couple.
Love lives for three years? How, just three?i
This is all, of course, good, but nothing lasts an infinite amount of time, no matter how much people love to talk about the karmic unity of souls for an entire eternity. Moreover, the state of euphoria and total satisfaction is caused in a rather simple way - by hormones. Each meeting with the person to whom your heart is given is a dose of the drug that enters the brain; moreover, to receive it, even thoughts about the object of love are enough.
Why does the human body have such an amusing mechanism as putting oneself on the needle of dependence on another person? This is how nature guarantees us safety from extinction as a species. This fire of the heart provokes the desire to reproduce - intimacy occurs, pregnancy and, all-e-op!, a new person is born. Everything is ready, humanity will not die out! But it is not nature to raise and raise a child, but the mother, so the state of butterflies fluttering in the stomach passes so that with a sober mind one can begin to look for food and conditions for caring for the child. This is how this incredible state of falling in love is explained prosaically and pragmatically.
Beigbeder wrote his book, the title of which soon became a national stereotype, based only on his own experience, because his relationship did not last longer than three years. This is exactly the same as if someone writes a book “My kettle boils in three minutes,” but my kettle boils in five, because everyone’s conditions are different. Yes, statistical studies have indicated that the release of “love hormones” is most active in the first three years of a relationship; it is this state that is called the candy-bouquet period, the first stage of love.
How to return the candy-bouquet period
It’s easier for girls to “reboot” relationships. You have all the “trump cards” for this: natural femininity, empathy, wisdom.
Start with yourself
It is selfish to expect your gentleman to always pamper you and give you surprises. Take the initiative. Surprise your loved one with spontaneous joys. For example, take time off from work early and organize a trip to an amusement park or a movie. It all depends on your imagination and creativity.
Thank your partner
Warm words inspire a man to do great things and instill confidence in him. Let's say a partner quickly realizes that there is an always dissatisfied lady next to him. How long do you think the candy-bouquet period will last? Perhaps just a couple of months. So if you want novelty and lightness to reign in a couple for as long as possible, give compliments and thank your partner for every little thing.
Play cat and mouse
Representatives of the stronger sex really dislike boredom in relationships. As soon as a man realizes that you have disappeared into him, he immediately loses interest. When one of the partners falls into love addiction, this is a road to nowhere. Your task is to constantly warm up the feelings of your chosen one. But not with the help of manipulation and claims, but in a feminine way.
Take care of yourself, meet with friends, don’t forget about your hobbies. As soon as a man feels that you have begun to move away, his testosterone will immediately increase. Voila - and before you again is a passionate “macho” who is ready to do the craziest things.
And, of course, use your main weapon - flirting. In the online course “The Art of Female Flirting,” we analyze the most effective tricks. How to constantly keep your lover's attention? What can you say to make your partner fulfill all your desires? How to behave in order to build an ideal love relationship? Answers on the course by Pavel Rakov.
In the meantime, I invite you to discuss the topic of the article. Is it possible to maintain passion and intrigue in a relationship after the candy-bouquet period?
Hormonal storm
The man literally “lost his head” from love. Circumstances just turned out well. Perhaps you experienced an exciting adventure together, met on the “appropriate” day of your cycle, fell into his type, in short, a man’s hormones are playing. He is sincerely ready to bring the whole world to your feet, just to be with you as often and as close as possible. Since such a state activates all systems of the body, it is a huge stress, and a person cannot be in it all the time.
Sooner or later, the man will return to normal and begin to think and act more soberly. That's when the real acquaintance begins. You will no longer be constantly in the center of his attention and occupy all his thoughts. This, of course, can be perceived as rejection, but it is not. On the contrary, coming out of the merger allows partners to build a much healthier relationship in which there is room for two unique individuals, not only in their similarities, but also in their differences.
Sweetness of the second phase
On average, the first segment lasts from several weeks to a maximum of a year. Then the lovers live in a state of constant euphoria. The feeling of shame is dulled, but attachment arises. The candy-bouquet period reaches its peak. The partners are absolutely open, but nevertheless remain interesting and new to each other. This stage includes everything that will bring a smile to the face of your loved one.
Methods that can help at this time include surprises. It is worth noting that this period involves not only one-sided influence. Guys are no less sentimental at heart than girls, so they also want attention, gifts and even sweets.
During this stage, the most romantic dates, the most emotional proposals and life-changing decisions occur. In addition to love, friendship arises in a couple, which becomes the key to support and trust. This phase can last on average from one to three years.
Laws and rituals
The candy-bouquet period is a kind of courtship stage, which is inherent by nature in the character of all intelligent beings. The theory of flirting is as old as human history.
In addition to natural needs, both parties involved in a relationship must obey certain principles. If in fish the courtship process is not complete without so-called dancing, and in insects - without singing, then humans have their own rituals.
One of them is to preen. The next feat, which, apparently, a man is completely ready for only during the period of courtship, is submission. He demonstrates to the woman his willingness to fulfill all her whims. That is why the candy-bouquet period is so sweet for young ladies and so unbearable for the stronger half of humanity. For her part, the lady plays the role of a defenseless and weak creature in order to develop a sense of self-confidence in her boyfriend.
