Increasingly, a tendency has begun to emerge when it is not the guy who is running away from seriousness and everyday problems, but it is the girl who does not want a relationship. The male ego is at a loss - how can this be?
Unfortunately, the reality is that the fair sex is wary of persistent admirers who try to gain attention and affection in any way.
And there may be many factors here, including a psychological block or negative previous experience. If you are really interested in a girl, reduce your ardor and try to figure out the problem - it is advisable to do this together; through a frank conversation you can solve any problem.
The girl does nothing for the relationship
The girl is not invested in the relationship, but you, naturally, are. Why? Because in order for a relationship to exist, someone must invest. That is, either she, or you, or both of you invest. In this case, you invest. How is it shown? This manifests itself in many situations when your interests, your desires come in third place. And you can adapt in various matters. You invest financially, emotionally, you reconcile more often, you spend more physical effort on something to pick her up, pick her up. There are a lot of options here. Do you understand what I am talking about. There are two options here as to what the root cause of such a story is.
Option #1. Failed balance of significance. That is, the woman just doesn’t love you. And do you love her.
Option #2. When a woman is basically unable to give in the process of a relationship. This is not uncommon. In the second case, this relationship is disastrous. You can change them to a certain percentage, but they will never be healthy and harmonious.
In the first option, we are able to do this, but the man does not ask the question of modifying anything. On the contrary, he has a very significant fear of loss. Therefore, he begins to adjust more and more and try to please, which leads to an undesirable ending. Here I would like to make an emphasis right away. You must understand very clearly that over time she will leave you. That is, if now your importance is already low, she is not invested, that is, there is an uncomfortable relationship, it’s a matter of time before she becomes interested in someone else or simply leaves.
Even if you are already dating someone, this material will be useful to you.
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Today, not all men want to build a serious and strong relationship with a specific girl, preferring instead fleeting affairs that last from a week to several months.
Sometimes this may be a conscious choice in favor of career or other priorities, and sometimes it is due to an obsessive fear of commitment, which, in the opinion of these men, comes with a relationship.
Moreover, sometimes such fears develop into a real phobia, forcing many guys to periodically break up with girls in order not to let them get too close. In this case, it would be wise to consult with a psychotherapist who works with such situations, or read our material.
In it, we have collected several signs that you are afraid of commitment and are not ready for a serious relationship, as well as four tips on what exactly you need to do about it.
Jealousy
I want to point out right away that there are men who are already manic with jealousy. Typically, a man has had a painful experience in the past, someone cheated on him. And he begins to suspect each one, and out of the blue. Moreover, there were stories when a man in a subsequent relationship already occupied a strong position, the woman was suitable for the relationship, and nevertheless he began to be jealous, act out his previous scenario, which he did not survive, which led to the fact that he failed the balance of significance, and she left him.
But I will not discuss these situations now. That is, we are talking about justified jealousy. The most key idea: a woman should not give you reasons to worry. Whatever they are. Whether it was leisure time, when she and her friend went to a bar or nightclub. Are you uncomfortable? Uncomfortable. So this shouldn't happen. Why does she put her own interests and entertainment above your experiences? Or we are talking about suspiciously close communication with a male colleague. Is it confusing to you? Does this bother you? So this shouldn't happen.
What's the worst deal? What do men usually do? On the one hand, they are negative and jealous, but at the same time they do not prohibit. That is, he just created a scandal and hysterics, she still continues to communicate with this colleague, she still went to the club, you have also become brain-chewing and guilty. They will tell you that you are jealous, that you do not let her rest, that you are simply jealous of a colleague with whom, in principle, nothing can happen. “Yes, he actually has a wife. What are you talking about, honey? Here again there are two options.
Option #1. All the same. Or is it a failed balance of significance, when your interests are no longer taken into account. You're afraid of losing her. You'll be patient.
Option #2. When a woman is not suitable for a relationship. That is, she is a consumer of emotional resources, she will always flirt with everyone. The boundaries of acceptable behavior have been erased. This will absolutely always happen. In theory, yes, we did this during consultations. Although I warned you in advance. There were situations when a woman was unsuitable, we tied her to us. And it seems like she is trying to comply with the designated framework that we set for her. That is, there seems to be no reason for jealousy anymore. But its essence has not changed. That is, as soon as the balance of significance sways, or she will simply break up with you, as soon as she gets out of the conditions that we create for her, she will begin to do the same. That is, we must look a little deeper.
Narrow range of interests
“I don’t want to meet anyone” is the favorite “excuse” of people who do not want to leave their home and, instead of communicating with others, prefer watching TV series or computer games. If you understand that your circle of acquaintances is incredibly narrow, then change this situation. Go out to social events more often, join a club that suits your interests, or meet people on the street. Don't be afraid to try something new. You need to come out of your cocoon and not be afraid of real life. This is the only way you will understand what a wonderful world you live in.
Conflicts
Your relationship is just beginning, a month, two, three have passed, and you can no longer share anything. This is an extremely negative sign. Because the first few months are a bouquet-and-candy period, when problems, in principle, do not arise, you have nothing to share, you have just met. If during this period of time difficulties and problems already arise, the relationship simply has no future. If conflicts begin to occur after a year, two, five years, this needs to be sorted out. The root cause needs to be established. As a result, a similar story arose. Here again there are two options.
Option #1. There may be a situation where it is a failed balance of significance. I have already voiced this. Now I’ll throw in a link about turning points in relationships, take a look, it’s very interesting. That is, she started a new job, the balance of importance went down, a conflict situation. She liked someone else, she started earning more, there are a lot of situations where this can manifest itself. That is, we find the root cause and make a decision for ourselves - whether we will change it or not at all.
Option #2. When a man took an extremely strong position initially, at the very beginning of the relationship. And a year, two, three years pass, there seem to be conflicts, but they are resolved very simply. But the woman’s character is complex. What will happen next? Just give her the opportunity to bite you, let her feel that you are in a vulnerable position, she will devour you. This can happen at any stage of the relationship. And this is again a quality of her personality that we should have identified from the very beginning.
Different values
You simply have different worldviews, aspirations, goals, and ways to achieve them. Here the question immediately arises: didn’t you know this? Initially I didn’t pay attention to this. Someone may say: “Yes, she has changed, she was not like that!” Not true. A woman at 18-19 years old is already formed. And we constantly say that a woman makes decisions based on emotions. 95 percent of men do the same. This is a blind choice.
What an ass she has, that's why I love her. He knew her character from the beginning, that she was problematic. Very often in consultations you can hear the following phrase: “I know she’s problematic, but I want to!” This is the result, that’s why you and I met. There are no miracles. You don’t need to think that you are the one who can change her. There is no need to think that something will suddenly change for the better. It will not happen.
If you look in different directions in life, a problem will arise. And the more serious the relationship, the longer it lasts, the more problems will arise. And it's scary. Why? Because as the relationship develops, the value of a mistake and the pain of parting only increases.
Integration into each other is more significant; for the most part, the man is already married and already has children. And then the thought comes to him: “If there were no children, I would leave her and not think twice about it, but there are children.” What were you thinking about before? I don’t mean to judge, because at present there is absolutely no information, no resources that can give a man the right guidelines, the right model for building relationships.
It is therefore inevitable that getting into these situations will happen. Over the past three or four months, the number of requests with the same story has sharply increased. This is a situation when a man comes in who has never had problems with women. That is, he has all the attributes of a high-ranking male, he looks good, he goes to the gym, he has his own business, everything is perfect for him. He is not deprived of the attention of women.
And what kind of woman does he choose? Of course, unusable. This is a woman who also has a very attractive appearance, she is not a fool, but a man does not make an assessment based on personality traits. And at a certain stage, since the man knows how to build relationships, everything seems to be fine.
But a year passes, two, three, four and problems, of course, arise. It is broken off and severely broken off. There are many such stories. And if we enter into a discussion with this man, he does not want to choose a suitable woman for himself, it seems boring to him, not interesting, he needs drive, emotions.
And who is able to give it to him? Well, of course, a problematic woman. I chose - this is the result. That is, what is the root cause? Not understanding how difficult it is nowadays to form relationships that won't fall apart. It seems to him that he chose this one because she is beautiful. And everything seems to be fine now, and it seems like it’s still being invested, but it’s not starting to go deeper. Problem will happen.
There are stories when men say that women’s financial needs are such that he cannot realize them or satisfy them. Again, where did these requests come from? She was a simpleton and became a princess? Well, that doesn't happen.
What to do
Okay, if we are talking about what, in fact, should you do if you are in a relationship that does not satisfy you?
And men don't do anything. They just endure it, sometimes they try to talk. It doesn't get any better. Well, it seems fine. It won't be normal. She will leave you. In all the scenarios that we have listed, separation is a matter of time.
What should I do? It is not possible to immediately say what to do. It’s like going to the gym and saying: “Coach, how can I get pumped up quickly, in a month?” “Well, we can start planning a training program, nutrition and a lot of other things, but you also need to learn the technique of doing exercises and implement many other tasks. And not just one piece of advice." It's the same story here. Well, my advice won't help you. That is, if you want to dive into this topic, write, contact us, and we will do the work.
If we're talking about ending a relationship, is it worth it? In many situations, absolutely. But the man doesn’t have the soul to end this relationship. Let's be honest. Will not be enough. With rare, rare exceptions.
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Childhood trauma
The roots of most psychological problems should be sought in childhood. Why does a person become unsociable? A person who does not like to be in society may experience many complexes imposed by his parents. Even in adult life, a person cannot always cope with suggestions that have taken root in the mind. If your mother told you as a child that you were a naughty child and no one would love you, you could remember this phrase and take it literally. Your mother may have instilled in you an inferiority complex, for example due to incoherent speech. Parents who have missed the correct production of sounds in their child can make their child inferior and, moreover, complex. Remember all the complexes that your parents imposed on you. And then try to create new, positive psychological attitudes. Psychological work can help eliminate your communication problems and make you a happier, more fulfilled person.
