Calling by name: why it is important for us to hear our name

The ability to communicate with other people is the key to your personal and professional success. It is this quality that allows you to arouse the interest, sympathy, trust of another person, win him over to your side, and extract some benefit from the situation.

What and how you say is of great importance in the communication process. One of the magic words that greatly influences the atmosphere and mutual perception is the name of your interlocutor. Calling by name is not just a formal display of politeness. This word attracts the interlocutor to you, like a magnet, makes you listen carefully to your words, believe them and take them into account. When a person addresses his counterpart by name, he makes him feel the most positive emotions that arise on a subconscious level. Based on these feelings, a trusting relationship arises between people, which helps to better hear each other, understand, and come to a positive and beneficial decision.

The power of a name

The fact that every person is pleased to hear his own name has long been noticed by psychologists and is successfully used as a win-win communication technique. A person hears his own name from childhood and strongly associates his personality with it. It includes appearance, spiritual and mental qualities, feelings, emotions, intelligence, abilities, abilities and skills. Calling by name implies special attention to a specific person, an expression of respect, recognition of significance and individuality. Such an attitude towards a loved one, a stranger, a casual interlocutor or a business partner will definitely find a positive response.

This is why calling a person by name is so important:

The name evokes the most pleasant associations - with childhood, maternal love, approval, spiritual comfort, warmth;
Hearing your name is a confirmation of importance, attention, respect for your own personality;
Calling by name evokes pleasant emotions, in response to which a positive attitude, sympathy, trust and respect for the interlocutor arises.

Calling by first name, patronymic or simply by name serves as confirmation of the importance of the interlocutor, recognition of qualities, advantages, capabilities, status. Such a move gives him moral satisfaction and helps to sway him in your direction. After all, a person who was able to appreciate and recognize our merits and talents is himself perceived as the owner of important positive qualities and intelligence, attracts and wins over us.

Snowball

The use of the “Snowball” game is popular in group classes. One of the participants says his name; the next one in the circle repeats the name of the previous participant and then names his own; the next one repeats the names of the two previous participants, and then his own; The last participant repeats the names of all group members and introduces himself. It's fun, interesting and helps you remember the names of group members faster. You can complicate this game by saying not only your name, but also, for example, your favorite fruit.

How to correctly address your interlocutor by name

Whether you can call a person by name or not depends on how he introduced himself. Addressing by first name and patronymic will be appropriate when communicating with a person whom you are seeing for the first time, older in age, higher in status or position. If the interlocutor did not specify how to contact him, then you can ask about it yourself. If you are going for an interview, preparing to meet business partners, new colleagues or students, or the parents of a loved one, be sure to find out and remember the names of the people with whom you will communicate. Calling a new person by his first name lays a solid foundation for a good relationship. In order for your interlocutor to be pleased to hear your name, you must follow the rules for using this magic word:

Use a person's name more often when talking to him. It is better to start any appeal by mentioning the name, this will allow you to capture the attention of your interlocutor from the first seconds;
Avoid excessive familiarity by using a reduced form, or calling only by name an older or unfamiliar person or boss, unless he himself has expressed such a desire;
Remember the names of the people around you, if necessary, write them down in a notebook, use the association method. Your natural poor memory will be perceived as a sign of disrespect, and the response is not difficult to predict;
Be at the appropriate level, especially in a business meeting. It is necessary to address the interlocutor as he introduced himself, and to adhere to the same level, taking into account the importance of the meeting, the status of the participants, and your position. Even if you are a junior specialist, you should still introduce yourself not as Sasha, but as Alexander or Alexander Petrovich, depending on your age category.

Ron Clark on the importance of knowing names

Dale Carnegie.
How to win friends and influence people. Ron Clark had several of his rules that required students to address people by name.

Rule 23. Quickly learn the names of all the teachers in the school and greet them by saying, for example: “Good morning, Mr. Graham” or “Good afternoon, Mrs. Ortiz. What a beautiful dress."

Rule 29. W. When the waiter introduces himself to you, remember his name. Always address him by name throughout the meal.

Rule 33: When we visit different places, we meet different people. When I introduce you to people, make sure you remember their names. As we leave, shake these people's hands and thank them, calling them by name.

Moreover, Ron Clark demanded to know and use not only the names of teachers, but also technical workers (cooks, watchmen, watchmen, cleaners). To help the children cope with this task, Ron Clark distributed booklets with photographs and names of all school staff, and organized role-playing games with the names and photographs of educational organization staff.

This rule allows students to improve relationships with school staff and makes children more pleasant in the eyes of the staff. On the other hand, this allows children to feel at home at school, calm and confident.

Do you know the name of the janitor at your school? Nick Vujicic knows.

Nick Vujicic at SYNERGY GLOBAL FORUM 2021.

Ron Clark Academy educates children from 5th to 8th grade. At the end of each school year, all students and staff must take a test to determine the names of incoming fifth-graders. Staff must know the names of all pupils' parents.

Ron Clark makes a big deal about knowing each other's names because it ties into another rule: "We are family." Everyone in the family knows each other's names. One fifth-grader, after the first day at school, where all the staff and students knew her first and last name and pronounced them correctly when addressing her, told her mother: “I feel like I died and went to school heaven.”

Of course, remembering hundreds or thousands of names is quite difficult. Ron Clark once found himself in a very awkward situation. At the autumn ball he saw the father of an underachieving student. Ron Clark walked up to him, hugged him and addressed him in his own style:

“It’s important for me to tell you that I love Cindy.” I think she is a very well-mannered and special girl, but her academic achievements are low. She does not keep a reading diary, she has not completed her homework twice this week, she is failing in all subjects except physical education. This requires all of us, everyone, to join forces and help Cindy succeed in her studies.

My father looked at me and said:

“Wow, Mr. Clark, I'm really worried about Cindy's situation and I'll do anything to help her, but I'm Will's father.

Calling by name is the key to a successful relationship

Why is calling a person by name so important? The significance of your own name stems from the subconscious and is inextricably linked with a positive self-perception. Calling by name is a simple and effective way to attract the attention of another person, overcome hostility and mistrust, arouse sympathy, build a productive dialogue, and get the desired result. This is the key that opens the door to new opportunities, harmonious personal relationships, professional growth and success, and personal development.

How to remember names

Google Contacts allows you to save any information about a person.
To remember the names of a large number of people, it is better to use modern technology. Google, Microsoft and Apple offer their users the Contacts service. This is a convenient tool for recording the last name, first name and patronymic of all your friends. Also in these services you can indicate additional information about people: phone number, email address, date of birth, place of work and position, photograph, family ties, home and work address, circumstances of acquaintance and any significant information. Using a smartphone, you can always remember a person’s name and use it in communication.

Separately, it is worth noting the Microsoft Outlook program, which has a “Contacts” section, which provides ample opportunities for managing information about people. Detailed recommendations for working with this program can be found in Gleb Arkhangelsky’s book “Time Formula. Time management in Outlook 2013."

Social networks can also be of great help here. Add me as a friend on VKontakte, Facebook, Instagram and it will be easier for you to remember my name when you meet.

How to minimize name errors

It's good to say that clients need to keep track of names in the database and configure a bunch of things. It seems to me that it would be good for mailing services to take care of proper personalization. After one marketer in our service mixed up the columns with first and middle names when importing, sending a congratulatory SMS, users began to complain about the familiar address. Well, who would like an SMS like: “Borisovich, congratulations to you...”

To avoid such annoying cases and typos in customer names, we have added simple functionality

FN100 - checking the validity of names

In order for the correct name to be substituted in mailings, you need to click: “Add exact name”

After this, in the contact cards you will see a filled field that can be used in letters.

Instead of %FIRSTNAME%, you need to use the %FN100% variable in letters. If a user has a name that does not exist in nature or in our dictionary, it will not be used in the letter. This way you won't get into trouble with name substitution or offend your subscriber by using the name incorrectly.

Addressing a stranger

In Russia, in the cultural tradition, forms such as “girl”, “woman”, “young man” and so on are used to address strangers.

In the culture of European countries, special stable forms of linguistic expressions have developed, for example, “Mr. Doctor”, “Frau Baker”, “Mrs. Professor”. In the Russian language there are no uniform national standards of address, such as “Mrs. - Mister”, “Senior - Señorina”. But under the influence of the culture of Western countries, simplified forms are used such as “Mr,” “Doctor,” “Professor,” “Client,” “Co-founder,” and so on.

Currently, new official addresses have appeared that unite representatives of all classes and parties: “compatriots”, “fellow citizens”, “Russians”. They are used to attract the attention of the public and only in the plural.

Social networks have adopted an informal form of communication. After this, as a rule, they move straight to the topic of conversation. For example, “Hi! What are you doing tonight?" The most common form is “you,” which is also used in conversations with older people, for example, “Will you go online today?”

"You" or "You"

In the Russian language, speech etiquette is traditionally dominated by the “you” address, which expresses a respectful and polite attitude towards the interlocutor. This form is used when addressing a person in official situations: at work, in institutions, in public places. Predominantly “you” is addressed if:

this is an unfamiliar and unfamiliar person;
the speakers have official relationships (colleague, teacher-student, boss-subordinate);
the interlocutor is older in age or occupies a higher official position;
a person is an official in a specific establishment, enterprise or institution.

The “you” form predominates in informal communication: at home, among friends, on vacation. That is, this is how they address:

to a person well known;
children and young people;
unfamiliar peers in children's and youth communication environments;
towards your children.

An extremely gross violation of ethics and norms of speech communication, as well as an indicator of bad manners, is calling “you” to service personnel or a person who is older in age.

Shape selection

When choosing a form of addressing people in Russian, the following factors are taken into account:

the nature of the situation (semi-official, official, informal);
degree of familiarity (unfamiliar, familiar, unfamiliar, well known);
characteristics of the speaker (man or woman, subordinate or boss, junior or senior);
attitude towards the interlocutor (neutral, respectful, polite, familiar).

Commas

Depending on its place in the sentence and intonation, a single address is separated by commas, exclamation point or question mark .

If the address is at the beginning of a sentence , it is separated by a comma or an exclamation mark, in accordance with the intonation.

Example: “Friends, I have important news for you!”
Example: “People! Why are you silent?".

At the end of the sentence, the address is separated by a comma. It is followed by a sign corresponding to the intonation of the statement.

Example: “You and I need to talk, son.”
Example: “We have prepared a pleasant surprise for you, dear!”
Example: “What made you laugh so much, Natasha?”

In the middle part of the sentence, the address is separated by two commas on both sides.

Example: “This time, Andrei Petrovich, I will not agree with you.”
Example: “Come quickly, friends, sit down!”

In common circulation

The use of dependent words is common. It is usually distributed with the following definitions: “dear”, “beloved”, “my dear” and others.

If the definition is before the reference, it is not separated from it by a comma . If it follows a reference, then a comma is placed between them .

Example: “My dear sister, I will come to see you soon.”
Example: “Grandma, dear, don’t worry about us.”

A common appeal may be divided into other words. Each part of the address must be separated by commas .

Example: “Hush, daughter, don’t cry, honey.”

Pronoun as an address

Usually, personal pronouns of the second person (“you”, “you”) perform the function of a subject, but can also act as an address. They are often found in colloquial speech.

Example: “Tomorrow we are going to a social gathering and you guys are coming to join us.” The pronoun “you” as the subject.
Example: “Hey, you! What you need?". The pronoun “you” performs the function of address.

A pronoun can be found as part of a common address, between the definition and the word being defined. The entire address is isolated; the pronoun is not highlighted separately .

Example: “Get some rest, my good girl!”

The pronominal particle “o” is not separated from the address , which is followed by a subordinate attributive clause.

Example: “O you, with whose memory the bloody world will be full for a long, long time...”. (A.S. Pushkin)

Several requests

Several requests are always separated by commas, less often by exclamation marks .

Example: “Vanya, son, call me as soon as you can.”
Example: “Neighbor! Zinaida Stepanovna! Wait!”

Homogeneous addresses connected by the conjunction “and” or “yes” are not separated by a comma .

Example: “Fedya and Kolya, you are twenty minutes late.”

If in homogeneous addresses there is a repeating conjunction , then a comma is not placed before the first conjunction .

Example: “Now stop arguing, both Masha and Lena!”

If several references to one person are in different places in a sentence, then each of them requires separation by commas .

Example: “Sergey, my friend, advise me about a good restaurant.”

Handling particles and interjections

The particles “o” and “ah” are not separated by a comma . Unlike an interjection, the particle is pronounced together with subsequent words, as a single combination.

Example: “I’m so glad to see you, oh my dear!”
Example: “Oh little sister, you and I are so similar!”

Interjections (including "ah", "hey") are always separated by a comma . They can be distinguished from particles by their intonation. The interjection has independence; it is always pronounced separately from other words. It is emphasized, and after it there is a pause.

Example: “Oh, mom, don’t be angry with me!”
Example: “Oh, dear friend, you are very mistaken!”
Example: "Hey guy, what's going on here?"

If a repeated reference is preceded by the particle “a” (“yes”) , then it is not separated from it by a comma . However, it is preceded by a comma .

Example: “Girl, girl, haven’t you lost your handkerchief?”

The interjection “a” is usually used before a single address , so a comma is placed after it .

Example: “Ah, Sashka! How did you end up here?

If the address is preceded by the word “hello” or any other etiquette interjection , then it is not part of the address. It is followed by a comma .

Example: “Hello, Pavel Ivanovich!”
Example: “Good afternoon, Elena Viktorovna!”
Example: “Thanks, guys!”
Example: “Goodbye, friends!”

do not apply to addresses and are not separated by commas : “God forbid”, “Glory to you, Lord”, “Lord have mercy”, “Lord forgive”, “God forbid” and others.

Appeal as a separate offer

An address in the form of a separate sentence is used if you need to call someone or attract their attention. Emotionality and targeted appeal are expressed using an exclamation mark or ellipsis .

Example: “Daddy!”
Example: “Tanya...My Tanya...”.

The history of the formation of a generally recognized form of address in the Russian language

The first norms of speech etiquette appeared at the beginning of the 18th century and were set out in the textbook “Indications for Everyday Conduct,” which was compiled by order of Peter I. For example, the father, according to what was written in the book, should have been called “Sovereign Father,” and the mother should be called “Empress Mother.”

In the 18th century, a European style of behavior and treatment was established in Russia. A form of speech etiquette using “You” has also appeared. Formal expressions such as “dear madam” and “dear sir” were also used. This is how they addressed strangers; all official official documents began with this form. After a while, an abbreviated version of the language appeared in the form of “sir” and “madam”.

At the service, stable formulas were used: “Your Excellency”, “Your Honor”. Members of the royal family were addressed as “Your Highness”, the emperor and his wife – “Your Imperial Majesty”, the counts – “Your Excellency”, the princes – “Your Grace”.

After the October Revolution, such addresses to people as “comrade”, “citizen”, “citizen” came into use. After the collapse of the USSR, the first of them lost popularity and is practically not used in speech etiquette, with the exception of the Russian army.

Forms of address that attract attention

There are formulas of speech etiquette, the main goal of which is to attract the attention of an interlocutor or a group of people. For example, “young man”, “man”, “girl” and so on.

If it is necessary to interest a group of people, set phrases are used: “Dear ladies and gentlemen!”, “Colleagues!”, “Friends!”, “Guys!”, “Citizens!”, “Dear compatriots!”. The specific form of address in this case depends on the audience.