Betrayal of friends - what could be more offensive! If we play with elementary associations, then next to the word “friend” we will put “faithful” or “devoted”, as next to the word “bird” - “chicken”.
In our culture, friends are practically part of the family circle, unlike Western society, where a different rule applies: friendship is friendship, but individual interests come first.
What does “betray” mean? Literally it means “to cease to be faithful, to give up, to abandon.”
We experience the first trauma of betrayal with our parents: for example, the mother pays more attention to the father than to the child. Or younger children appear in the family. The baby begins to feel abandoned, abandoned and unnecessary.
As adults, we often react as we did in childhood: with resentment, anger and despair. The betrayal of a friend hurts no less than the “betrayal” of parents, and even more.
It would seem that a friend is someone who certainly must remain faithful. Finally you have found a person you can trust! And here - stop.
Stories about betrayal often run through this theme: he or she “should” have loved you and put you at the center of their world, as if friends were parents obligated to sacrifice their interests for you.
Friendship and betrayal are almost always a story about childhood trauma. This mechanism in psychology is called projection: we “put on” the image of a mother who should be faithful to us.
And if friends in some circumstances put themselves first, and not friendship, then it hurts us very much: a friend has betrayed us! Although, by and large, you did not sign any oaths of allegiance in blood.
At the same time, expecting a minimum of loyalty from friends is quite an adequate thing. Faza Rosta analyzed 10 stories about friends and betrayal that are impossible to predict! The collapse of expectations always happens suddenly.
Best friend slept with his wife
Nikolai and I have been friends since seventh grade. Then I had problems with the older boys: they made some claims against me and were going to beat me after school.
And Kolya said: I will be with you. And if they beat you, then let them beat me too. Otherwise, what are friends for? I will remember this for the rest of my life!
And now I’m 40 years old, and I accidentally saw a message on my wife’s Viber. Kolya wrote: “Darling, the apartment will be free. Tell Seryozha that you will go to the cosmetologist. I miss your lace panties!”
I beat Nikolai and divorced my wife. I don't believe in friendship anymore. I believe that friendship and betrayal are synonymous.
Sergey, 40 years old
How to survive?
The plot about the betrayal of the best friend and wife is archetypal, that is, it occurs at all times. But such circumstances fall out of the blue on the participants in the events themselves.
Sergei experienced a double betrayal: the loss of both a friend and a woman. It's unlikely that anything can be fixed here. It is important to find the resource within yourself to leave this situation in the past.
In psychoanalysis, such a plot is associated with an unresolved Oedipus complex. What does it mean? The boy enters into competition with his father for his mother's love. Does this sound like the plot of this story?
The unprocessed “Oedipus” can be repressed into the unconscious and “shoot out” in just such situations.
Psychoanalysis is psychoanalysis, but this does not change the fact that the friend and wife acted, to put it mildly, shamelessly. Forgiving is not necessary, but letting go and moving on is the right thing to do.
Is it true that everyone betrays
I dare say yes. At least once in his life, a person will commit betrayal for the benefit of his own comfort. Sometimes this happens completely unconsciously and thoughtlessly. But if you have a healthy psyche and a bright mind, you are friends with people not for profit, then cases of betrayal are reduced to a minimum. After all, you can betray not only a living being, but your faith, religion, and country. Don't think that by betraying you automatically become a bad person. On the contrary, analyze all your weaknesses and motive for action. You shouldn’t put the stigma on yourself that “people don’t change.” This will make your inner core thicker and you will no longer give in to such disgusting actions.
In fact, the person who betrayed thinks about what he did at least once. Here it is important for the traitor to realize the consequences of his actions and work through this issue.
Every person has had a treacherous act at least once in their life.
Girlfriend flirts with my boyfriend
In my first year at the institute, I fell in love with a young man with whom my best friend Alena was in love. They didn’t have anything yet, but Alenka already considered it hers.
He invited me to dance at one of the parties. I agreed, although I knew that my friend had a crush on him. But I believed that there was nothing seditious in one dance.
What started here! Alena threw me into complete hysterics. They never started dating that guy, but I remember that scandal well. She accused me of betrayal, although in the end we made peace.
And we agreed, as it seemed to me, for the rest of our lives: not to fight off each other’s guys.
Now I live with a young man. And it seems to me that Alena is actively making eyes at him! I tell her: how can this be? She replies that nothing like that happened, and it seemed to me. However, “it seemed to me” both the second and third time.
In the end, I broke up with her. And now I'm grieving. How to survive a friend's betrayal?
Tatyana, 25 years old
How to survive?
It's a shame that an agreement was concluded - not to beat off the guys, but one of the partners, it turns out, violated it. Although there are a lot of nuances in this situation.
Maybe the friend really didn’t try to fight off the young man, but simply behaved in accordance with her instinctive feminine program?
Sometimes flirting is just a way to have a good time and doesn't mean anything more. Many women flirt unconsciously, and blaming them for it is useless.
It is important for Tatyana to have a heart-to-heart talk with her friend and find out: does Alena understand how her behavior looks from the outside?
There is also a question about relationships in couples. Stories about betrayal by friends may turn out to be stories about distrust of a partner.
Friendship is like a knife: stories of teenagers who survived the betrayal of friends
The life of a teenager is not only about studying and preparing for exams. The life of a teenager is a search for the unknown, a journey to the land of something new, filled with the bright colors of communication. And without friends, it can be quite difficult to overcome all the obstacles on the path to knowledge. Friends are those people who are always there, and sometimes they know a lot more than their parents. But sometimes friends stop being friends. Story-news correspondent Olga Kamenshchikova talked with people who experienced betrayal and asked for advice from a psychologist.
“He who betrays once will betray twice”
photo from the heroine’s personal archive
Daria Rybakova, 14 years old:
I don't have that many friends. I have always had excellent relations with them. I couldn’t even think that something like this could happen. But who in this world has not experienced betrayal? There are very few such people, and they are very lucky to have friends. But I, like many others, had to go through it.
Losing one of my friends, much less my loved ones, was a big blow for me. This was a person dear to me, whom I trusted, whom I loved: my best friend. We met at school and have been good friends ever since. As soon as I woke up, I wrote to her first, we went for walks, watched movies and laughed constantly, we were always together. There was a desire to see and hear this man. I tried to help her with all her problems and support her. She turned a blind eye to all her shortcomings. She protected and protected from haters. We were an example of ideal friendship for many.
But at one point this man betrayed me. She believed the gossip that her classmates spread. And no matter how I tried to explain everything, they either simply did not believe my words, or turned them around so that I was again to blame. For me it was a betrayal. A real friend wouldn't do that. Then we stopped walking, and the once close person constantly avoided me. She found a replacement for me among others. I began to feel superfluous. Since then, I stopped considering this person a friend.
I was hurt and offended. I understood that I had lost someone very dear to me. There were no breakdowns or hysterics, I just sat in tears and remembered all the moments I experienced with this person. There were a lot of emotions. But my family and friends helped me cope with all this. Also my friends who have always been there for me.
Perhaps now I could forgive this person, but I would not trust him again. After all, he who betrays once will betray twice.
Photo of psychologist Renata Viktorovna Bukatkina
“The conclusion “He who betrays once will betray twice” is not entirely true. I, you, and any person - no one can be responsible for another, nor can they claim that a person will commit the same act in the future. It all depends on what principles a person adheres to, whether he can learn a lesson from the situation. The same can be said about whether to forgive a person or not. Life values and understanding of the situation are of great importance here. It makes no sense to speak for people in general,” says private practice psychologist Renata Bukatkina.
"That is life"
Kirill Lisov, 14 years old:
I have countless acquaintances. But there are very few friends whom I can really trust. Perhaps because it is quite difficult to trust people now. Letting them close to you is very dangerous. After all, even those to whom you trusted the most intimate things can simply give up on you.
I talked with this man for a very long time. We had known each other for about seven years and had been good friends for two years. She was my friend. She became the closest person to me. We walked and talked on the phone for hours. As stupid as it may sound, I began to feel sympathy for her. I tried my best to show it. In the end, I confessed to her. She did not reciprocate and turned her back to me.
It was painful. But it became even more painful when she returned to me a couple of months later. She said she was ready to become my girlfriend. Everything could have been fine, but she left. A few days into our relationship, she told me to leave her alone. It was a big blow. A shot to the heart. We could have remained friends, but we finally stopped communicating.
I couldn't cope with this pain. Even now it's difficult for me. Although I forgave that girl a long time ago. But this is not enough. Memories choke you from the inside. It is impossible to erase them. And I can't handle them.
But I learned a lesson from this situation. I realized that you can't trust people. Even the closest and dearest friends can hurt. There is no escape from this. That is life.
“This situation cannot be regarded as a betrayal. This situation is an example of misunderstanding between young people. It's quite normal to have no relationship experience. The fact that the young man closed himself off from everyone is natural. It takes time to rethink and learn from this situation. And life experience, unfortunately, and maybe fortunately, is not inherited. Everyone finds their own “rake in life” and beats them until they learn their lesson,” comments psychologist Renata Bukatkina
“You shouldn’t do this”
photo from the heroine’s personal archive
Ekaterina Kuzovleva, 15 years old:
I am a very sociable and open person. I love meeting people and making new friends. So it's no surprise that I have a lot of them. But there are much fewer close people whom I trust. These people are time-tested, I never doubted them.
But it so happened that one of the people closest to me betrayed me. I was friends with this man for more than six years. We met her at a dance. She was my closest friend. We always had fun. If something happened, we cried together. We shared joy and sorrow. They trusted each other completely. But suddenly she made new friends. The person close to me did not have time to communicate with me. They forgot about me.
But the most terrible moment was when I found out that my friend was telling all my secrets. It was terribly unpleasant. And it hurts a lot. But as if nothing had happened, she returned to me. She took advantage of my kindness and generosity. And then I forgot. That's how our friendship ended.
I was very upset. I asked myself questions, I didn’t understand why I deserved to be treated this way. All I needed was support and mutual understanding. I cried at night. Even now I sometimes cry from pain. But my mother helps me cope with it. She is my support and support. Friends also played an important role, but I couldn’t have done it without my mother.
I forgave this man a long time ago. After all, he gave me experience. And the concept of how to act should not. He served as a good anti-example for me. Thanks to this man, I realized that it is worth appreciating and taking care of your friends.
“The mother did the right thing in this story by supporting her daughter. It is necessary for children to feel supported by their parents. There must be unconditional trust between parents and children, so that the latter, when finding themselves in difficult situations, do not hide it from their elders, but can seek help and advice. There are no guidelines for supporting children. The main thing here is to understand your child’s feelings and be able to support,” notes psychologist Renata Bukatkina.
friendshipteenagersbetrayalpsychologist
A friend got married!
Of course, this sounds a little strange, but I consider it a betrayal... The marriage of my best friend.
Not marriage itself, of course, but the fact that after marriage she completely stopped giving me time and does not take my feelings into account.
We have been friends since childhood and spent almost all our free time together. And now she even reacts dryly to my phone calls. I don't demand that she go with me to concerts and restaurants every day like I used to.
But is a man a reason to cut a girlfriend out of life?
Marina, 32 years old
How to survive?
Oh, this jealousy! Like a three-year-old child who suddenly realized that mom and dad were closing their bedroom door for some reason.
Unfortunately, everything in this life sometimes ends: both youthful friendship and blissful ignorance that someone can belong to you entirely.
If Marina can accept the fact that her friend, in fact, does not owe her anything, the relationship will be able to improve and move into a new format. Friendship can be not only youthful, but also adult: with respect for the personal space of the other.
To understand and to forgive?
This conclusion suggests itself. From childhood we are taught to forgive offenders, to be kinder and more tolerant of other people's weaknesses and mistakes. There is, of course, a rational grain in this: by doing this, you will cope with the pain faster. As you know, hidden resentment lives for a very long time and slowly but surely destroys us from the inside.
But all this is in theory. But in reality, forgiving a loved one for betrayal can be very, very difficult. Especially if you have a lot in common. Some people, moreover, have a keen sense of justice, and in their understanding, betrayal is precisely what can never be forgiven. And this also makes sense: any relationship should be built on trust, and after betrayal it is extremely difficult to trust someone again.
How to be? The truth, as usual, is somewhere in the middle. Speaking globally, by communicating closely with people, we have to learn to accept them with all their shortcomings and weaknesses. And don't demand too much from them. In each particular case, the technique that is called coping in psychology works most effectively. In other words, it is necessary to experience and extract useful experience from the situation to the maximum. It is worth sensibly assessing how dear this person is to you and whether you are ready to give him another chance. If the trauma caused was too painful, and you feel that you are not yet ready to forget what happened, it makes sense to end the relationship, at least for a while.
What you definitely shouldn’t do is go to extremes. You should not give in to negative emotions - resentment, self-pity, guilt, depression. All this significantly delays the “recovery” process. But it is also pointless to immediately step over the inflicted insult. “By pushing your experiences into the far corner, you will not get rid of them, and you will suffer from the consequences for a long time.
Friends spread gossip
My friends and I are like in the movie “The Irony of Fate” - we go to the bathhouse. And not only on December 31, but every week. The conversations we have in the sauna are the most intimate.
I thought that I could trust my men, and the content of our conversations would not go beyond these walls. But the reality turned out to be sadder.
It turns out that my (now ex) friend Sasha was telling his wife about my problems with my girlfriend, and my friend Dima (also ex) managed to tell his mutual acquaintances what a loser I am because I don’t earn much.
Sergey, 24 years old
How to survive?
If there was no agreement to keep a secret, then there is no one and nothing to blame. It seems that Sergei is ashamed of his problems and does not want them to be known to a wide circle. A completely understandable desire!
It is possible that the friends did not want to offend at all: they were simply not aware of how intimate things were being shared with them, and how important confidentiality was.
Although discussing someone behind their back is, in any case, basic bad manners.
Where can betrayal occur?
Betrayal is a special act of violating life’s attitudes, according to some, even treachery. Such phenomena are widespread everywhere. Let's look at the most relevant and obvious examples of betrayal in our lives:
- Love Bond - When you enter into a relationship with your partner, you make a kind of promise that you will love each other forever. This always happens by the mutual will of the two parties and the promise is based on the mutual trust of the partners. But, unfortunately, there are also cases of broken love promises. If someone cheats for personal gain or for evil, then there can no longer be any question of trust in such a relationship. The betrayer in the eyes of the other half becomes an empty place and an offender;
- Friendship relationships - how can you betray a friend if you become the closest people to each other? Sometimes they trust their deepest secrets to friends because they are sure that they will find support in them and not condemnation, as can happen in a family. When a complete stranger becomes practically a member of the family, betrayal on his part sticks like a knife in the back. Again, deliberate betrayal due to misunderstandings, envy and stupidity can lead to unfortunate events. Most likely, a person will no longer be able to trust his former friend, since he will always be ready for disappointment;
- Family ties - it happens that some relatives live richer than others and completely forget about their relatives, who may need their help. This may sound mercantile, but help is not only about material benefits. You can give away things and shoes that you no longer wear. But most of these relatives prefer to simply forget about the existence of their relatives and retire to their small family. Or adult children, when they grow up, completely forget about their elderly parents and do not help them in any way.
- Work – at work it’s every man for himself and it’s very rare to meet those who find close people. Always be alert and remember that everyone is looking for financial gain for themselves and they do not care how they achieve it.
- High treason is another type of betrayal. Traitors to the homeland reveal state secrets, the country's impending plans in order to make it more vulnerable to rival countries.
We write a lot about different types of relationships between people and about psychological trauma. I would like to note that domestic violence, the topic of which is most relevant now, is always accompanied by betrayal. For example, a child is betrayed by his parent when he raises his hand to his child or uses other forms of violence.
A friend gave up on business
I am 35 years old and have always been an employee. And so I wanted to finally start working for myself! For a long time I couldn’t figure out what kind of business to open - all the ideas seemed somehow unprofitable.
But one day it dawned on me: why reinvent the wheel? You can follow the beaten path! And I took out the money I had saved, added some credit, and opened a hamburger stand not far from my house.
The location was good: there was not a single street food outlet in the surrounding area.
But this did not last long. I have a friend, Alexey. I even considered him a friend. He knew about all my plans, moreover, he advised a bank where I could get a loan at low interest rates.
And suddenly! A few months after I started trading, he opened his own shawarma stall. Where would you think? 100 meters from my hamburgers! He could not help but understand that he would take clients away from me.
I think he should have at least discussed his plans with me! I think my ex-friend betrayed me.
Vasily, 35 years old
How to survive?
Of course, the person could not help but understand that he would compete with his friend. On the other hand, he himself will have to compete.
In the context of business, this is called the free market, but in the context of relationships, the friend’s action is not the most disrespectful.
It is difficult to call such behavior with the big word “betrayal”: it is unlikely that Vasily and his comrade owe each other anything. At the same time, the situation shows quite clearly: in a friend’s value system, money is more important than relationships.
And a discrepancy in fundamental things usually brings friendship to naught even without any specific actions.
How to deal with betrayal
Treat it as another lesson in your life, from which you need to take only useful things. The experience gained may be painful, but it will help to cope with similar situations in the future. It will take time to resolve the consequences. But it is precisely this that will give immunity to the next negativity from other people.
Betrayal is difficult for anyone to survive
My friend fired me from her job
For a long time I could not find something to do that I liked and was unemployed. One day, my friend, who manages a fairly large company, suggested: Anya, how about I hire you as my assistant?
According to a friend, she cannot trust anyone, since each of her colleagues is aiming for her chair. And she could trust me as a family member.
I, a stupid woman, agreed. I thought - why not help? And then it began. My friend sent me a barrage of criticism.
Either I sent the documents at the wrong time, then I didn’t answer her call in the middle of the night, or I looked at my colleague with the wrong look. A friend set me some absolutely impossible tasks!
One fine day she told me: “Anya, I’m disappointed in you and have to fire you.” It was like a bolt from the blue!
During my time working in this company, I was forced to refuse two very tempting offers. I didn’t want to quit and betray my friend! And it turned out that she betrayed me.
Anna, 31 years old
How to survive?
Business hierarchical relationships with friends or relatives are always fraught with tension.
Expectations are high on both sides: the boss often expects selfless devotion and sacrifice from his subordinate friend, while the subordinate friend expects concessions and special conditions.
In addition, questions not of friendship, but of status come to the fore: why is she, the boss, commanding me? On what basis does a subordinate behave in a familiar manner?
Both lose! Issues of work, status and hierarchy have destroyed more than one friendship.
Why? Because in close relationships we often dissolve our boundaries, but at work we try to strictly observe them. This results in a dangerous confusion of contexts.
Why did this happen to me?
Treat a quarrel philosophically, even if it led to a break in the relationship. Maybe this situation is useful for you, as it will help strengthen your spirit? You shouldn't fall into despair. “All people are bad, life is not a success...” - these thoughts are absolutely groundless. Such thoughts will generally teach you to subconsciously push away new people. But a new friend, real and faithful, may already be on the way.
Normal relationships are possible when people give each other a certain amount of freedom. And by claiming too much for a friend’s time and attention, we can only ruin the relationship.
The shock of betrayal will soon pass. If the friendship has cooled, then both are to blame. Therefore, take the situation as a lesson for the future. When you find a new friend, try not to bare your whole soul to him. Don't isolate yourself in your grief. Seek communication with others, turn your attention to family members: parents, children, brothers and sisters. You don't have to tell them about your grief. Just know that loved ones do not betray.
The most reliable friend is yourself.
Think about how many difficulties and misunderstandings you have already experienced. Value yourself as a reasonable person who can cope with any trouble. When you see yourself standing above the problem, you will understand that life goes on and the best friends are yet to come.
Read more: How to forgive betrayal
A friend didn’t help me get a good job
For several months I dreamed of taking the position of sales director in a foreign company. Legends were made about this company in our circles - they spoke well of literally everything: from the size of bonuses to the scope of corporate events.
But most importantly, I liked the product itself. This was what I know how to sell and want to sell. It seemed to me that this job was literally created for me. But there was never an opportunity to get there.
And then I find out that the head of the HR department in that company is my old friend from college. We didn’t communicate for some time, but we didn’t quarrel, and I still have the warmest memories of my student friendship.
I thought I had caught my luck by the tail! But my friend refused my request to recommend my candidacy to management. He motivated the refusal by saying that he would feel embarrassed if I failed to cope with the tasks.
I've never encountered anything like this! In my understanding, friends should help! Otherwise, it turns out that your friend betrayed you?
Andrey, 30 years old
How to survive?
One gets the feeling that Andrei confused betrayal with elementary refusal. There is nothing unexpected in the fact that the person did not want to mix friendly and business relationships.
Each of us has the right to take care of our status and reputation, even to the detriment of the interests of others. The friend didn’t want to take risks: what if Andrei turned out to be incompetent? Then the reputation of the HR person who recommended him will suffer.
For adults, refusal is usually not a reason to break off friendships.
How to help someone get out of depression
According to psychologists, the first step is to determine whether a person really suffers from depression. Often people themselves are not aware of their depression. Mostly people who are just very tired complain of depression. A person who is depressed will never say so himself. He does not complain of fatigue, personal or professional problems, he lives an ordinary life, but the world around him becomes indifferent to him.
To help someone who is depressed
, you need to act carefully and unobtrusively. Sometimes persistence is necessary, but only in certain cases.
If one of your loved ones has unexpectedly changed, become withdrawn and is trying to reduce any communication to a minimum, then it is quite possible that these are manifestations of depression. And to help him, try to get him out of his voluntary confinement. Moreover, this must be done in such a way that the person understands that his company is extremely necessary for you. Say, for example, that you cannot move the car yourself, and he will help you a lot by correcting your actions. Or that you are afraid to go alone to make any serious purchase.
Call this person more often, ask about his affairs and plans. And also constantly consult with him, if necessary, then pretend that without his help you will not be able to cope with your problems. Give him a reason to feel important.
If the attempts you make do not lead to the desired result, still try not to leave the person alone. The feeling of being “abandoned” will only worsen his condition.
Important to remember! People who experience severe pain because of someone's betrayal sometimes tend to take it out on their loved ones. But such behavior is destructive. Those you care about are not to blame. If you offend them, you will greatly regret it later.
A friend complained to her boss
Over the past couple of years, I have become close friends with my colleague. We have almost the same positions, we are both account managers in an advertising agency. We became such close friends that I began to trust her with all my secrets!
Once I made a big mistake in my work. I quickly corrected it, and no one knew about the existence of the error except my friend.
But one day at a planning meeting, my boss publicly reprimanded me! It turns out he learned everything from my colleague. I think that I have encountered betrayal, and I do not need such friendship.
Katerina, 29 years old
How to survive?
It’s a shame when you are “surrendered” to your mother, teacher, boss. Perhaps the friend was guided by her own career interests, perhaps she wanted to increase her importance in the eyes of her boss.
But whatever her motives, betrayal remains betrayal. Here all that remains is to sympathize and advise not to give up trusting people in the future.
How to avoid sin?
Human relationships are complex, as is life in general. Betrayal is a great sin, and if you want to prevent it from entering your life, start by working on yourself. Think about it, have you ever deceived someone? In fact, living correctly and with a clear conscience is not at all difficult and very pleasant. Try to avoid gossip and do not participate in conversations that discuss third parties. It’s better to nip your curiosity in the bud than to risk your friendship and personal life. Try to get rid of the habit of telling strangers anything about your loved ones. Take a responsible approach to any promises and oaths, and if you make them, try to keep your word at all costs.
A particularly sensitive issue is adultery. Indeed, sometimes feelings in a marriage fade away, and at this moment one of the spouses may fall in love again with someone else. In such situations, you should act according to honor and not start a new relationship until the relationship in the family is clarified and a decision is made to divorce.
Friend didn't help with money
My school friend became a fairly wealthy man. And I work in an average job with an average salary. Money issues have never been an obstacle to our friendship.
In any case, my salary allows me to pay for myself in a restaurant, and I have never envied big money.
But one day I needed a large sum for my mother’s treatment abroad. I wanted to borrow from Dmitry, but he said that his principle is not to help with money and not to lend. In the end everything was fine with my mother, but our friendship came to an end.
Mikhail, 42 years old
How to survive?
A classic phrase can be said about such a story: a friend did not help in trouble. We live in a society in which well-known laws apply: do not do evil, do good.
Helping a friend, and even a friend in need, is one of these unspoken cultural norms.
Given the context of the situation, such behavior can be called antisocial. Of course, our world is quite cruel, but there should be warmth and support in it!
It is difficult to survive the betrayal of a friend, but time is always a good doctor.
Reaction to betrayal
- Get angry and take revenge. The most hasty and wrong decision. You can only do stupid things in anger. You get angry, harm your emotional state, and try to do something worse to someone else than they did to you. And in the end you make an enemy for yourself. For what? After all, the relationship cannot be restored. Just forget about the traitor.
Do not make fast conclusions. First, find out how your friend views this situation.
- Be offended, leave and not remember this person. Resentment is an uninvited guest, it comes without an invitation, suddenly. When you are offended by someone, you harbor bad thoughts and even curses in your heart towards the other person. But everything comes back. Do you really want to reap the bad in your life? So all the complaints are only to yourself.
- Hold a grudge and try to forgive, although it doesn’t work. To finally forgive, you need to learn how to do it. The process is complex and lengthy. It is believed that you have forgiven a person when you remember him or the evil he committed calmly, without rage, as a past stage of life that taught you something useful. Humility is submission, and forgiveness gives inner freedom.
- Forgive from the bottom of your heart and let go of your ex-friend on all 4 sides. This is the best way out for the betrayed. Some may consider this a weakness, but in fact this decision will help the victim ultimately gain inner peace and freedom from wrong thoughts and uncontrollable actions. People who believe in God are taught the highest degree of forgiveness - blessing those who offend.
My friend won't give me a large sum
My story is as old as time. I lent a large sum of money to a friend; she needed it for her children’s education. We agreed that he would give it back in a year.
After the specified time, she stopped answering my calls and messages. Another year has passed. I don't feel sorry for the money as much as I feel for the relationship. 20 years of friendship!
Svetlana, 39 years old
How to survive?
Indeed, money does not buy happiness. But in them too! Svetlana should contact law enforcement. Still, embezzling other people's money is a real crime.
The friendship has come to an end anyway; it is unlikely that after such deception it is possible to restore the relationship. Betrayal can hurt our feelings even more than financial abuse. And taking possession of someone else's property is violence.
It is important to find the strength to move on: to continue to believe in friendship, love and people.
If one friend turns out to be a traitor, this does not mean that loyalty does not exist in principle. Team Growth Phase, Growth Phase
Is there any benefit
While relationships are generally better if there are fewer rather than more instances of betrayal, there is one significant relationship benefit that can be derived from the experience of betrayal: betrayal and the behavior of both partners in response to it provide an excellent opportunity to assess the partner's motives. in relation to yourself.
Because betrayal typically pits the motives of the victim and the perpetrator against each other, it often creates circumstances in which people may evaluate a partner's willingness to work to improve the relationship. For example, if the perpetrator of the betrayal is clearly upset by the pain caused to the victim and sincerely makes amends, the victim may become more confident in the relationship than before the betrayal occurred. Likewise, if the victim forgives the betrayal despite having every right to hold a grudge, the perpetrator learns valuable information about the victim's commitment to the relationship. In short, while betrayal often hurts relationships, it can sometimes provide an opportunity to strengthen them.
