From this article you will learn:
- Why are so many women single after 30?
- Why is female loneliness dangerous?
- What myths and stereotypes are shrouded in the topic of relationships after 30?
- How mature women can get married at 30+
- What films will help cheer you up and lift your spirits if you're lonely?
I won't tell anyone anything
It was an ordinary corporate event. Music, drinks, intrusive or not so intrusive - depending on your luck - flirting and relevant conversations.
“In all my 38 years...” Victoria began, but never finished, encountering the strangely fixed gaze of her interlocutor. - What? Did I say something wrong?
- Well, you know, what they say is true, a woman who is able to openly state her age is capable of anything! - her interesting colleague typed.
- This is bad? - Vika decided to clarify. Just in case.
“I wouldn’t risk it with something like that!” - the answer put an end to both the relationship and the holiday.
Not talking about a woman's age is an unspoken axiom of etiquette. Once upon a time, women were offered this game. Or maybe, on the contrary, women offered it to men. Why - who will remember now. But even a modern person finds it easier to construct a series of euphemisms than to simply name a number. It’s easier to say Balzac’s, the age of elegance, slightly beyond, a berry again, than, for example, 40 or 50. Oddly enough, the latter option requires, if not courage, then at least a penchant for outrageousness. Honestly spoken words about age can create a local storm in an individual male soul.
“There are people who, in principle, do not accept direct open dialogue,” comments journalist with 30 years of experience and author of several books, Victor S. “Because it implies the same honest and open response behavior.” And just imagine: a person spent his whole life without saying a word in simplicity - he made a career using connections, built a business by pressing the right buttons. And here they offer him a completely different style of relationship. He's not afraid of him, he just doesn't understand him.
But let's not demonize men. Women play this game with the same enthusiasm. Downplaying your age - or simply keeping silent about it - is more common and calmer.
“But the most interesting thing is that when you meet a person you really like, all this nonsense about age simply disappears.” - Victor continues. - If a woman is smart and beautiful, then age is the last thing I will think about when looking at her. So, they say, the eyes give away that the woman is not 35, but 50. And let them give it away. I repeat, if she is smart, educated, beautiful, and even with bright, wise and lively eyes, then this is wonderful!
A predictable future awaits me
The next cognitive distortion is predicting the future. Most people are accustomed to thinking that the future can be predicted, and this delusion makes us despondent. We imagine a monotonous future “like everyone else’s”: routine work, wedding, children, mortgage, car, dacha. However, then it turns out that finding your person and building a strong family is not so easy. That children may not succeed the first time and even from the first year. It’s not always possible to buy an apartment even at 35. And conventional cars will soon be completely replaced by self-driving vehicles.
Apparent constancy is also a cognitive distortion. A scenario that frightens us with “oppressive monotony” is unlikely. It’s worth trying to evaluate your own predictive abilities: if at the age of 20 we imagined our 30s differently, then why do we think that we will not be mistaken in our forecast for the next decade?
There are probably more reliable methods of prediction, but they don’t always help. For example, to predict indicators in business, econometric (economic and mathematical) models based on statistics are used. As a rule, information for at least three years is used to construct them - to take into account the change of seasons, and a reliable period for the forecast will be only a third of this time period - just a year.
Let’s say we acquired such a superpower and learned to make forecasts at the level of the most advanced mathematical models. Our more or less conscious life, which we plan independently, began at the age of 18–20. Now we are about 30 - that is, we have accumulated data for 10-12 years. In this case, an econometric model could reliably predict the future only for 3–4 years, but not for 10, and especially not for a lifetime. There is simply not enough data to say what will happen in the distant future.
It will only get worse
It would be nice if everything remained as it is, but we are overtaken by an even more alarming feeling: it will get worse. We grow old, become decrepit, we learn about the existence of new doctors, the vertebrologist writes the terrible senile word “osteochondrosis” in the chart, colleagues born in 2000 come from somewhere. And if a new boss was born in 1997, it’s absolutely crazy!
The bad news is that while your cognitive abilities will continue to blossom, your sense of self will actually become worse in the coming years. Longitudinal studies have shown that the graph of life satisfaction is a U-shaped curve. Until we are 18, we are the happiest people on the planet, then the level of joy gradually decreases and reaches its minimum at about 40–45 years old, and then begins to rise again.
The good news: it will not only be worse, but also much better - it is quite possible that in the second half of the U-shaped curve you will stop comparing yourself with successful peers, forget about wrinkles and gray hair, accept your own imperfect body as it is, and you will live for your own pleasure, dancing with other old men and women, like in those pictures that you now send to your friends with the comment: “The same thing awaits us.” But first, you still have to go through all the crises.
Tunnel vision, when we see only the negative sides of any situation, is also a cognitive distortion, but it is quite easy to correct. And don't forget the previous point: we are very bad at predicting the future!
Take care of your personal life
Happiness, success, joy largely depend on how your personal life develops. So if you want to get married, have kids, or buy a house, your 30s are the right time to achieve those goals. Ask yourself what you can do in a year from now to build the personal life you dream of. And don't hesitate. Putting off family life or children is unwise. If you want kids, have them now before it's too late.
Blogger Mark Manson has a good point about this:
You do not have time. You do not have money. First you need to build a career. They are the end of your measured life... Oh, shut up already. Children are great. They make you better. They make you happier. Don't put them off until later.
Mark Manson
Forgive yourself mistakes
Chances are, you did a lot of stupid things in your 20s and teen years. Everyone makes mistakes. But now you're 30, and it's time to think about and forgive yourself for all these mistakes. People who engage in self-analysis see their weaknesses and try to avoid similar mistakes in the future.
Learn from your mistakes, forgive them and move on. Don't dwell on past mistakes.
Psychologists say that the ability to forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes is a key factor in achieving success in anything.
Start saving money. Even if just a little bit
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“Start saving and saving money little by little. I know it's a corny, boring and uninteresting proposal, but it's worth it,” writes user Cliff Gilly. “Most thirty-year-olds always have enough money to save a little and use later. The sooner you get into this habit, the easier it will be in the future.”
Get enough sleep
Look
“Keep a daily routine,” writes user Nan Waldman. — A dark room will help you relax. No gadgets with bright screens before bed. Go to bed and wake up at the same time.”
Start exercising regularly
Find time to exercise. You will thank yourself in the future. After 35 years, muscle loss begins, and due to a slowdown in metabolism, several extra pounds will appear. This is why it is especially important to start training early.
Try to move as much as possible. It doesn’t matter what you do: walking, jogging, hiking, swimming or weightlifting. The main thing is to study. Choose exactly the type of physical activity that you really enjoy: you are less likely to quit halfway through.
A happy ending awaits everyone
Initially, the word “crisis” did not have a negative connotation - it simply meant “a moment of choice.” So if you are approaching 30, remember that it is not a matter of age, but of the toxic thoughts that you produce. And it doesn’t matter how old you are: any classification of crises is arbitrary, and there is no clear correlation with the number in your passport.
In cognitive behavioral psychology there is the concept of BC connection. This term refers to the connection between beliefs—beliefs and beliefs—and consequence—consequences in the form of our experiences, emotions, and anxiety. Also distinguished is A, action, - event. Usually it seems to us that this is the cause of our troubles: I’m sad because I’m turning 30 soon, I’m worried because I still haven’t started a family, I’m worried because I’d like to work in another field. However, the cognitive model implies that it is not the situation itself, but its interpretation that causes emotions. They are always associated with thoughts - sometimes unconscious ones that come to mind automatically. Therefore, therapy necessarily begins with clarifying this connection - this is how we receive a resource to manage our emotional state.
Not everyone’s 30th birthday causes sadness, not everyone is depressed by the thought of not having a family, and some are happy to work as a waiter, although Seryoga’s classmate became a top manager in a large company. Moreover, at the age of 20, most of us did not care about all this. This means that the problem is not in reality, but in the layer that we lay between the fact and our emotional state. Therefore, by learning to monitor toxic thoughts and transform them, you can productively overcome crises. And then the moments of choice will not become a painful stage for you, but a springboard that allows you to change your life for the better.
The best is behind us
The brain takes our wording literally. “Everything” means “everything at all.” There is emptiness ahead. Nothing good awaits me anymore.
Of course, such a prospect is scary. The main thing is to realize in time that it is not something that has gone wrong with our lives. It’s just that cognitive distortions have infiltrated our reasoning and are now ruining our mood.
Any formulations that describe reality on an all-or-nothing basis are an indicator of dichotomous, black-and-white thinking.
In this case, our assessments are polar: either terrible or perfect. And since the ideal is unattainable, the assessment is always negative.
In fact, in almost every situation there is a “middle” option. It can be easily detected by using the cognitive continuum and expressing this or that quality as a percentage. This scale allows you to see that any condition definitely has degrees of gradation.
Another cognitive bias to watch out for is overgeneralization. There is some truth in your statement: some things are really behind us. But what does “best” mean? And why exactly “everything”? What is the basis for the assumption that nothing good will happen again?
The best selection of films for women 30+ about how life will still bring surprises
This best selection of films about amazing representatives of the fair sex and their incredible adventures on the path to happiness will help single women after 30 gain confidence in the future.
Eat Pray Love.
The film is an adaptation of the autobiographical story of writer Elizabeth Gilbert. Traveling around the world gives a single woman the opportunity to find answers to all her questions and experience pleasure, religion and love.
Simple difficulties.
An excellent motivational film for single mature women. 10 years have passed since the main character’s divorce, but she does not despair and again discovers the ability to love.
Frozen from Miami
. This is a fascinating story about a brave southern woman who managed to survive in the unfavorable conditions of the north, learn to get along with people and make a business revolution. The film will be of interest to single women over 30, whose career comes first.
Coco before Chanel.
The film shows the life path of an extraordinary creative personality who, with her work and charm, was able to pave the way to freedom. The inimitable Coco Chanel became famous and proved that any obstacle can be overcome.
Mona Lisa Smile
. A fascinating film about a college teacher with an independent and assertive character. She values inner freedom and teaches her students the art of living with their own minds and having their own opinions under any circumstances.
Chocolate.
The story of how a lonely, enterprising woman tries to satisfy her deepest desires. And even despite the condemnation of others, she was able to maintain kindness and humanity in her heart.
The Devil Wears Prada.
The two women have strong characters and a multifaceted inner world. They defend their value system and achieve a lot in life. The film will be interesting to those who do not give up and always strive for success.
Frida.
The story about the difficult fate of women once again proves that love, career, happiness are available to everyone. The heroine of the film, even after surviving a serious accident, was able to return to a full life and realize her creative plans.
Amelie.
A film about the best female qualities - kindness and the desire to come to the aid of one's neighbor. As a reward for spiritual generosity and purity, fate gives the lonely heroine a meeting with love.
Breakfast at Tiffany's.
The main character is trying to cope with black melancholy and find her way in life. She looks rather frivolous and has a questionable income. On each date, the girl asks the men for $50 to use the ladies' room. This film would be good to watch for single girls who dream of getting a wealthy man as their husband.
Bridget Jones's Diary
: All parts. The best film about the woman living in every representative of the fair sex. We all sometimes do unreasonable things and hope for the best.
Brooklyn.
The film tells the story of an emigrant from an Irish village who went to America in search of work. On her way, a lonely girl encounters many difficulties. The heroine in love must make a choice, but it is not easy for her.
Little women.
The film tells the story of how four sisters from the American outback grow up and transform from girls into women. It is interesting to follow the development of the plot - to find out what the heroines dream of, to experience first love and disappointments with them, to watch the formation of their worldview. Many single women over 30 will find this film useful and close.
Play like Beckham.
A film about the most beautiful football player who, despite all the obstacles, goes towards her goal. This story inspires confidence and proves that any dream can come true.
Gorgeous.
This movie can be watched over and over again. The story of an extraordinary girl who was able to prove that love changes everything, and a fairy tale turns into reality.
A girl without complexes.
A pretty, but reckless, lonely girl has a free outlook on life, she doesn’t date the same guy twice, but in her heart she dreams of meeting great love.
Everyone is crazy about Mary.
The heroine of the film is a positive girl. She has a unique gift to charm men. But it’s not easy for her to find her soul mate among a large number of fans. Mary's behavior can become an example for many single women after 30.
Diana: A love story.
All girls dream of becoming princesses. Diana is the most popular woman of her time. She was able to win the hearts of millions. This film will make you look at the world in a new way.
Princess of Monaco.
Single women over 30 should definitely watch this biographical film. Successful Hollywood actress Grace Kelly will have to make a difficult choice and become the Princess of Monaco. The sophisticated beauty has incredible wisdom and the ability for self-development.
Couture Revenge/The Dressmaker.
The story of another strong and wise woman with a difficult fate. She finds the strength to free herself from the pain and insults inflicted in childhood.
Age of Adaline
. We all strive to prolong our youth, but sometimes it becomes an obstacle to happiness. The heroine of the film, endowed with the gift of immortality, has to make a difficult choice between love and lonely eternal youth.
Gone With the Wind.
The film is about a very smart and strong lady who knows how to cope with any ups and downs of fate. Scarlett O'Hara is an American national heroine. Single girls should learn from this lady with an unbending character.
Thank you for reading this article to the end.
Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!
Be curious and do at least one thing every day that scares you.
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“Get out of the house and go on a trip now,” writes user Marie Leak, “make it as long as you can. Take photos, open up to the wind and freedom. If possible, take someone you care about with you to make it a memorable experience for the rest of your life. This must be something more than just jumping out of a plane; it must be measured not in hours and minutes, but in days. And you will smile, remembering this, even in old age, when you are creaky and feeble old men, I promise.”
Appearance
Many women and even men are concerned that from the age of thirty their skin begins to wither and lose its freshness. But in today's world, 30 is not the age to worry about.
There are many cosmetic procedures, innovative methods and care products that will help prolong youth for many years. And the beauty of a woman will not fade for a long time. In the end, there is no money for procedures, just lead a healthy lifestyle and do facial exercises. Yoga, shaping and facial massage are especially effective. It is at the age of 30 that self-confidence comes, and for many, complete satisfaction with their appearance.
Some statistics about women after 30 years
According to surveys, many single women over 30 live in big cities. About 35% of women in this age category do not have a husband or partner. Moreover, a third of these women have never been married.
Single men of a similar age category find it easier to find a wife, since there are 2.5 brides for every potential groom. It should be borne in mind that not all single men may be interested in one or another lady.
But don't get upset ahead of time. Statistics are just numbers. If we analyze the situation from the other side, we can see that thousands of women get married again after a divorce, and even having children is not a hindrance to this. So a single woman after 30 always has the opportunity to meet her future husband. Remember that your happiness is only in your hands.
Learn to meditate
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“The list of benefits from this is endless, but the least it will give you is a little time for yourself every day, and it will also help you change the way you think about your life and the people you love,” writes user Rens de Nobel. “And compared to previous decades, there are a lot of scientific papers on meditation that would be useful to read.”
Be yourself
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“Believe me, as soon as your body begins to give you signs that it is worn out and begins to fail, you will no longer have time for entertainment, and you will not get any pleasure from parties or noisy companies. And you will no longer need to try to impress everyone around you, writes user Kumar Grandi. “Always be yourself, and live in such a way that by the age of 50 you will be strong and healthy.”
