Find each of these bros for yourself, and life will sparkle with new colors!
Still from the movie "Exes: Best Friends!"
Love is, of course, wonderful, but without friendship it’s nowhere. You probably have a best friend, and maybe even more than one, whom you love simply for being there, without thinking about it.
But if you think about it a little, the cool people who brighten up our lives and make it better can be roughly divided into six categories. Of course, one person can combine two or three types at once (or even all at once), but let’s see which bros will be useful to each guy.
Friends are selfish
They don’t bother you with problems, but they burden you with their good mood and joyful events. When late on Sunday evening you, tired from “resting” at the stove, washing machine and children’s homework, are ready to fall into bed to get at least eight hours of sleep before the work week, the doorbell rings. On the threshold, with a mountain of goodies and a couple of bottles of champagne, are the “egoists”. They bought a new car and want to tell you this good news.
Photo by Giovanna Gomes on Unsplash
Or... you invite only very close people to some celebration, because you want a holiday, but your financial situation leaves much to be desired. But they come without warning, accompanied by two or three other people. You have to urgently review the seating arrangement of guests, take dishes out of cabinets, and bring chairs.
They show up without warning and stay with you as long as they need you. And no amount of tricks can change this. But they are fun and not boring.
Life coach friend
This is the friend who “has it all under control,” and even if he doesn’t, he pretends with a poker face that he has everything under control, and the world agrees with him. This friend gives practical advice, similar to carbon dioxide, which is converted into oxygen for you.
Whether he draws his wisdom from experience, age or pure genius is not so important - what is important is the support that he is always ready to give you without pressure or moralizing.
What is friendship like?
Friends can be different. Some people you text and call every day to share a fresh joke or silly idea. You call others once a year. One of your friends is the person you would like to be like. You sincerely like others, but, in general, do not cause admiration.
This is exactly how your friends treat you. For one, you are a friend who always gives good advice or can give you money before payday. And someone perceives you as an attorney - a person to whom they can reveal the most precious secret.
We get different things from different relationships. And that's okay.
Perhaps one of the best and at the same time most laconic classifications of friendly relations belongs to Aristotle. The philosopher described it in his “Nicomachean Ethics Three kinds of friendship, corresponding to the three motives Perfect friendship is that whose motive is the good.”
The ancient Greek thinker imagined friendship in the form of a kind of pyramid.
At its lower level, where emotional ties are weakest, there is a rational type of partnership, based on mutual usefulness in work or social life. This is how colleagues, partners in business projects, or simply those who can provide each other with any kind of service become friends.
The next step is friendship based on admiration. In this case, you become attached to the person because you see qualities in him that delight you. For example, a sharp mind or a good sense of humor.
Aristotle called the highest level perfect friendship. These relationships are based solely on spiritual intimacy. There is no other underlying reason for them than a sincere, inexplicable attraction to each other.
The three types of friendship are not mutually exclusive. For example, you can mutually benefit from communicating with a person who also admires you for some of his traits. However, it is important to define relationships at the most pronounced level.
Favorite drinking buddy
This friend's superpower is that all you need is one call and he's right there! These kinds of friends are rare in the sense that it's not just about drinking alcohol together, but also about a special "chemistry" between you, thanks to which you can have philosophical discussions all night, do unforgettable stupid things and hug tightly when the evening ends increased emotionality awakens in you. A tough day always ends on a positive note with them because you are a team!
Irreplaceable: 8 types of friends you desperately need
Do your friends disappoint you from time to time? Do you feel like something is missing in your relationship? You are not alone. Researcher Tom Rath and Gallup discovered something interesting: No single friend can satisfy all of your relationship needs.
Some of your friends are great listeners... but they aren't always there when you need them. Others are very loyal... but not very helpful when problems arise. And so on.
Different friends give us different things. But sometimes, even with a large group of friends, you still don't get everything you need to feel supported in life. It's like food: to be healthy you need different food groups - you can't just eat cookies for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
"Friendship" is a rather vague word. You may not even know what you want from a relationship for it to be fulfilling - you just know that something is missing. That's where the gap is.
So Rath and Gallup got to work. They surveyed more than a thousand people to determine the types of "vital friends" - those whose disappearance would significantly reduce your satisfaction with life.
What do these types of friends give us? How do they complement our lives? What do we expect from friends in order to feel satisfied?
Rath describes the results of these studies in the book “Vital Friends: The People You Can't Afford to Live Without.”
It turns out there are 8 types of “vital friends.” Many of us are lacking in some of them, and therefore we often feel disappointed, it seems to us that we do not get everything we need. (You will have to collect all the Pokemon to win the game called "life".)
So, let's break down these 8 types and find out what they are, where you can meet the ones you're missing, and how to strengthen the relationships with the ones you already have. We'll also look at what you need to do to be better at the role you play in the lives of others.
1) Builder
Do you need a coach. Someone who motivates you and encourages you to take it to the next level. That supportive friend who believes in your potential and won't let you rest on your laurels.
From the book “Irreplaceable Friends”:
When you're wondering how to get better at something you're already good at, talk to a Builder. Like the best coaches and managers, these are the friends who inspire you to achieve more every day.
Are you missing a Builder in your life? We all need that person who pushes us to be who we can be. Ask people for advice often, and see who gives clear answers and supports you. Who will ask in a week how things are going? This is your new Builder.
Want to make your Builder better? Tell him about your goals and problems. Tell him you appreciate his support... and give him permission to kick you if you slow down.
What if you are a Builder? How can you be more helpful to your friends? Find out what they are capable of and offer to help. Stay in touch with them if goals that are important to them slip away. Some people need a supportive voice to help them cope.
My friend Jodi is an exemplary Builder. I tend to only do things that interest or excite me. So my life can become a little unbalanced. (And I'm still downplaying the size of the tsunami.) When I neglect the things that allow me to breathe out or make life more worthwhile, Jody reminds and supports... and then nags me relentlessly. That's why I always do what she says...
With time.
Builders motivate you and keep you moving forward. And who sings your praises to those around you?
2) Champion
We all need a friend who isn't afraid to play the cheerleader. Someone who cares about us and describes us to others in a way that makes us blush.
From "Irreplaceable Friends":
Champions are those who stand up for you and what you believe in. These are the friends who sing your praises. Champions are true friends with whom you can safely share your experiences. They are intolerant of deception. When you achieve success, they are proud of you and share it with others.
Do you need a Champion in your life? Look for people who always praise others. They are usually very humble and kind. When you find it, say “Hello.”
Want to help your Champion help you? Keep him updated on what you are doing and what your goals are. And don’t forget to thank him when his help bears fruit. Champions live for this.
How can you improve if you are a Champion? Ask your friends what their concerns are and how you can help. Think of different ways to help them. Maybe you praise their excellent work in the office - have you ever praised them in front of their spouses?
Luckily I have Andy. Andy tells people about me in such a way that I want to get to know myself. And he does this for all his friends. I can say that they were all very lucky. But Andy would just tell you how great they all are.
3) Companion
Who loves the same weird things as you? Which of your friends makes you roll up your sleeves and start working with a vengeance?
From "Irreplaceable Friends":
A colleague is a friend with similar interests. It could be sports, hobbies, religion, work, food, movies or music. When you talk with a Companion, you feel on the same page, and this can serve as the basis for a long-term relationship.
How to find a Companion? Let the people around you learn more about your interests and see who else is interested in cryptozoology or 19th-century existentialism. Attend events where similar enthusiasts gather.
How to encourage your current Companion? Send him articles about your common interests and then discuss them over a cup of coffee.
What do you need to do to become a better Companion? Schedule regular meetings to work on a common plan to achieve global domination.
My buddy Mike is a visual master. When I said I wanted to send my publisher some ideas for my book cover, Mike fired up Photoshop. When I needed a photo of the author for the book mentioned, Mike was the one who took it. And following my own recommendation above, I really need to schedule time to meet with him regularly.
So your Clyde has Bonnie. Do you have someone you can call late at night when things get serious and your heart is heavy?
4) Companion
Simply put: best friend. Someone who not only keeps you going, but literally helps you go. The person who will stick around when everyone else wisely runs for cover.
From "Irreplaceable Friends":
A companion is always there, no matter the circumstances. When something happens in your life - good or bad - this is one of the first people you call. From time to time, a true Companion may anticipate your aspirations—thoughts, feelings, and actions—before you yourself are aware of them. Companions take pride in your relationship and they will make sacrifices for you. They are the friends you would risk your life for. If you're looking for lifelong friendships, look no further than Companion.
How to find a Companion? Think about which of your current friends you want to develop a deeper relationship with. Spend more time with them. Open up and be vulnerable.
How to strengthen your relationship with your current Companion? Don't talk nonsense. Discuss deep aspects of your life: fears, dreams, future.
How can you become a better Companion? Create a safe space for your friend to discuss anything. And when times get tough, reach out. Don't wait to be asked for help.
Jason is my best friend. If there is anything in my life that should be envied, it is our friendship. He's the one who often tells me things like, “Eric, what you're about to do is crazy, you have little chance of success, and it's illegal in most NATO countries. I know you'll do it anyway. If you succeed, I will be proud of you. If not, call me, even if it is very late. I'm with you". And I call often. And he always answers.
So you have a best friend. But who will introduce you to new friends?
5) Messenger
No matter what the problem is, they know someone who can help. They make friends more often than most people apologize. Even if they were locked in solitary confinement with no one to talk to, they would become best friends with the guard.
From the book “Irreplaceable Friends”:
Friends who play the role of Connector always invite you to lunch, dinner, or other events where you can meet new people. This greatly expands your network and provides access to new resources. When you need something—a job, a doctor, a friend, or a date—the Messenger points you in the right direction. He seems to know everyone.
What do you need to include a Messenger in your life? Look for people who know everyone in the current situation. Don't be afraid to introduce yourself to them - they love meeting new people.
What's the best way to use your Connector? It's easy: just ask him to meet you.
If you are a Messenger, how can you better help your friends? Be proactive. Don't wait for them to ask for help. Think about who they would benefit from meeting and offer to introduce them. Or just throw a party and have everyone chat with each other.
My friend Gautam knows more fascinating people than I know people in general. Not only was he the subject of one of the stories in my book, but he also introduced me to two other people whose stories I told in the book. While I was writing this, Gautam made 6 new friends.
6) Energizer
This friend is a funny guy. The person you always laugh with. Someone who always knows a great place to go or an amazing thing to do.
From "Irreplaceable Friends":
Energizers can quickly bring you back to your senses when you're feeling down. They always say and do things that make you feel better. The Energizer has a remarkable ability to understand exactly what you need.
How to find the next great Energizer? Look for a person who looks like the life of the party in any situation. After basking in their neon glow, introduce yourself.
Want to power up your Energizer even more? Tell him how much you appreciate his enthusiasm. Respond with positivity to positivity.
Do you want to become the best Energizer? As in the case of the Messenger, be proactive. Find those who are feeling down and work your magic.
My friend... Oh, damn. I don't think I have an Energizer. Well, that explains a lot. I better go get acquainted with the soul of the company, IMMEDIATELY...
So you have a friend who always makes you smile. But who always introduces you to new ideas?
7) Enlightener
They send you interesting articles. They force you to question your hypotheses. Talking to them makes your brain do things like the dreams in the movie Inception.
From "Irreplaceable Friends":
Enlighteners are friends who expand your horizons and encourage you to embrace new ideas, opportunities, cultures, and new people. They challenge you to think innovatively and help you create positive change.
How to find the Enlightener? Share your ideas with more people. See who regularly offers new points of view and let them crack your skull.
How can you help your Enlightener work on your cauldron? Encourage him to play devil's advocate with your ideas—and never criticize his feedback. Take some time to mull over his suggestions to fully understand them and show respect.
What if you are an Enlightener? Listen - and offer hypotheses. Send your friends ideas you have and let them compare them with their interests.
My friend Nick always challenges every idea. We walk for an absurdly long time and he responds to everything I say with “But what if...?” He always makes me think really hard. I still like him.
So you have someone who is challenging you. But who helps you plan how to reach your next life stage?
Navigator
Sometimes it seems that you are Dante, you are in hell - and then you need Virgil. This is your GPS system when you don't know how to get onto the highway of life.
From "Irreplaceable Friends":
Navigators are friends who give you advice and keep you moving in the right direction. They help you see a positive future while keeping things realistic. They are the ideal friends with whom you can share your goals and dreams; when you do this, you will continue to learn and grow.
Do you need a Life Navigator? Ask people around you about themselves. Find out more about what they did and the challenges they overcame. You'll be surprised how many of them have been in your shoes—or have had similar experiences that can help you find answers.
Do you want your current Navigator to improve its GPS? Talk to him when you are faced with important decisions. Share your goals and dreams. Ask him how he would act in a similar situation.
As a Navigator, how can you help your friends? Again, be proactive. Offer help and advice if they encounter problems in an area in which you have experience.
This year would have been much more difficult without my friend Ryan Holiday. He offered guidance on how to launch a book, advised on what new projects to start and how to deal with life's big challenges. He's the only person I know who reads more books than me, and unlike me, his lips don't move when he reads them.
Some of your friends may play multiple roles. And you can play different roles for your friends. It is perfectly.
For most of my friends, I am an Enlightener. But for some I am a Companion or Companion. (After four espressos, I can be an Energizer.) Define who you are to your friends. And become the best in your role.
Find the roles that are missing in your friend group and work to strengthen the relationships with the ones you have. It's like a heist movie where you need a burglar, a driver, a computer expert and a comical scene to get the job done.
Life is pretty hard, which means you need love and support to get through it.
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Patient Greedy Listener (TPL)
This friend is like a vacuum cleaner bag that listens to all your bullshit, which makes the rest of your comrades' ears droop. TJS are well equipped with the art of nodding and understanding - just what you need when you are temporarily “out of order” after breaking up with a girlfriend or losing your job.
However, we remind you that it is wrong to treat people in a consumerist manner. Perhaps your friend is not really that interested in everything you tell him. Try to show interest and participation in his life.
