The man is silent, why? Being silent doesn't mean he's angry

Men and women are creatures from different planets. He is from Mars, she is from Venus. And if the ladies prefer to sort things out verbally, then the “Martians” believe that in any incomprehensible situation it is worth keeping silent.

If you are a man, then this is normal for you. But what about a woman who is left in this gloomy silence, alone with her thoughts? Don't panic! Being ignored by your loved one is not yet a reason to think about breaking up. Let's look deeper into male psychology and answer the question: why is he silent and what to do about it?

Habit of silence

“Why is the man silent?” - a woman who has had to face a similar problem often asks herself. After all, such behavior of a lover leads girls to a depressed state of mind. Often ladies in such cases say to their spouses, sons or brothers: “If you speak out, it will become much easier.” But in reality, such tactics mostly help women who are wondering why men are silent. Representatives of the stronger sex need only one thing: to be left alone in the end and allowed to look at the ceiling until they can find a way out of a difficult situation. They do not want to talk about their own difficulties with relatives, wives, or even more so with psychotherapists, because they consider such behavior a sign of weakness.

Are there talkative men?

Of course they do. But in the minority. There are professions that require talkativeness (TV presenters, trainers, coaches, psychologists, etc.). But they also have time to speak out at work, but at home they want to remain silent.

There is another type of men - talkers who like to talk and speculate. But, as a rule, this bothers even women.

He who talks a lot does little. And this, by the way, is one of the indicators of a real rogue.

As a rule, they lack masculine qualities - toughness, purposefulness, determination. And very often this is a category of men whom I would not recommend choosing as a companion.

Tendency to silence as a character trait

In fact, ladies who are wondering why a man is silent should appreciate this quality in their chosen ones. Representatives of the stronger sex who love silence often have a strong character and developed strong-willed qualities. They are accustomed to spending their precious time not on idle talk, but on useful things.

“Why does a man look and remain silent?” - the ladies think anxiously, while the silence of the chosen one should please them. After all, a real man who proves his own feelings with actions, and not with beautiful words, can become a worthy life partner. But in practice, it often turns out that a woman thoughtlessly falls into the trap of a talker who knows how to beautifully juggle compliments and promises. This leads to the lady ultimately being disappointed. A word always remains just an empty phrase if it is not supported by concrete actions.

Psychologist's advice

1. Give the man more personal space.
2. Let him get bored, don’t bother him if he doesn’t come back in 2 days, have a serious conversation.
3. Before the conversation, get yourself in order.
4. Present information without emotion, honestly, listen carefully, with respect.
5. You can write a message 1 time. Then wait patiently for an answer.
6. A man loves his condition next to a woman. If he feels like a hero, a provider and a protector, he will hold on to her strongly. It is necessary to allow the guy to help and give sincere compliments.

Why does a man alternately show interest and then ignore? This is an attempt at manipulation and a bad joke on a girl’s self-esteem.

Important! A woman should value herself, feel confident, and have adequate self-esteem. True love for the world and others begins with yourself.

A man in some cases can love and ignore. However, demonstrative and prolonged ignoring is not love, but indifference to the feelings of a partner.

Reluctance to talk as a sign of impending separation

But the answer to the question of why a man is silent does not always lie in the characteristics of his personality. In cases where the relationship between a man and a woman has completely exhausted itself, and they no longer have anything to talk about with each other, representatives of the stronger sex also prefer to reduce communication to a minimum.

This happens when partners have passed a certain point of no return and become complete strangers to each other. The woman herself often brings a love affair to such a state with her own hands. She starts scandals out of the blue and constantly makes excessive demands on her chosen one. All this leads to the fact that the relationship dies, and she becomes a stranger to the man.

Even if a man continues to love such a lady, he may prefer silence to conversation. After all, if you start talking, then any dialogue will turn into a quarrel. This often happens if a girl has a hot-tempered, conflictual character.

Can a man love and ignore

This actually happens simultaneously in the following cases:

• If a man has psychological problems that prevent him from speaking out (timidity, inability to communicate with women, trauma received in past relationships);
• Fear (of being rejected, gossip or dismissal at work, taking initiative);
• Resentment;
• At the initial stage, when he takes a closer look at the girl, he comprehends his feelings ;
• He is in love , but something in the woman’s behavior contradicts his views on the world;
• Cools down and recovers after a quarrel . Usually in this case the man will not ignore for long. After 3 hours, maximum a day, he is again ready to communicate, ask for forgiveness or wait for an apology, depending on who was wrong.

On a note. The one who loves often apologizes, because for him maintaining the relationship is more important than his own rightness.

Fatigue

Often the answer to the question “Why are men silent?” simple: this behavior is due to ordinary fatigue. If the chosen one works from morning until late at night, and then he also has to listen to lectures from management, then by the evening he will have only one desire: to be a little quiet. And if a woman loves her partner, then she should treat his need for rest with understanding. There is no need to force him to waste his remaining energy on communication. When he rests, he himself will show a desire to talk.

Be wiser!

• If there was a serious quarrel the day before and your man fell silent, this does not mean that he is offended. He is not offended, but thinks! And, no, that frying pan has nothing to do with it. Most likely, he will “move away” after some time and return to you rested and calmed down. Yes, yes, when a man is silent, he calms down. Therefore, try not to touch him, don’t bother with questions like “What’s going on here?”, but let him go for a walk. In the meantime, mind your own business. In general, in any unclear situation, take care of yourself.
• Is he having problems at work? If attempts to talk irritate a man, then do not aggravate the situation and leave him alone. It is the woman who always needs to “speak out” and discuss the problem with relatives and friends. And he again needs to be silent in order to mentally solve the problem. At such moments, the presence of any person (including you) can simply irritate him. Later he will be grateful to you for your understanding.
• You write him an SMS: “Darling, I love you...”, and in response there is silence? You immediately begin to be offended and draw far-reaching conclusions... And in vain! He may simply be busy at work, in a meeting, or watching football with friends in the pub. The difference between the sexes again appears: we women are emotional creatures, we need everything at once, and men are more reasonable and serious. And this does not mean at all that you are not in first place for him and are not at all important. He will definitely call back when he is free, but a little later.

Failure

Another reason why a man is silent about his feelings may be failure in some area of ​​life. He could fail to complete a work project, fail to fulfill a promise, or miss out on a lucrative deal. Or maybe his colleague managed to buy a more expensive car.

A sign that signals such a situation may be the words of a man, which he casually throws under his breath: “Stupid,” “Well, I’m a loser,” “How could I.”

Such quiet phrases should serve as a decoding for a woman of the true reason for silence. They should also be used as a guide to action. As if inadvertently, a girl should start praising her man, telling him various unobtrusive compliments. The chosen one must see that the woman does not doubt his wisdom and abilities for a second. In this case, the reason why the man is silent in response is on the surface: he is simply waiting for the woman to tell him how good he is.

What should you do to resume dialogue with your man?

Not everything is as complicated as it might seem. Below are some recommendations on how to outline a plan of action for your couple to overcome the problem that has arisen.

Break out of your daily routine

The best way to do this is to spend a weekend together, but not in a place where it is difficult to achieve unity due to different attitudes towards another culture and where conflict is likely. The telephone, everyday life and professional life usually have no place on vacation.

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This automatically helps you focus on each other. However, in this case, there is a risk of falling into a list of grievances and inappropriately throwing out all your disappointment. If vacation isn't an option, lunch at a restaurant or a long walk can also be a good opportunity to socialize.

Having a secret

Another reason for silence is secret. Often a woman immediately thinks of the worst: he probably has someone else, or he spent all the family savings on booze.

In this situation, the main thing for a woman is to be patient and wait until her partner tells him everything. There is no need to pretend that this situation does not concern you at all: after all, such behavior will still cause concern in any person. But a man must understand that he has every right to his own secrets, and his beloved does not control his thoughts. She knows her worth and therefore will not even think about possible betrayals or flirting on the side.

Also in this case, it is necessary to pay attention to an important point: if a man prefers to keep some information secret, this means that he does not completely trust his beloved. Perhaps, at some time in the past, she allowed herself to scold him in front of other people, or to spill his secret to her friends. All that can be done in this situation is to pull yourself together and wait. Everything secret, one way or another, always becomes clear.

How do you react to his silence?

Usually the darkest thoughts begin to creep into your head: “He doesn’t love me, he’s going to leave me, he’s found a mistress.” Of course, it’s easier to imagine all the worst. After all, a woman herself is silent only in two cases: when she is afraid of hurting another with a refusal, or when she no longer wants to have anything in common with a person. Which is basically the same thing...

Have you already made a big deal? Exhale and learn the lesson: if a man faces a problem or conflict, then he needs to calm down and think about the situation. And since he cannot do two things at the same time (think and speak), he is silent, since his speech apparatus is turned off while he is thinking. Fortune telling with chamomile and coffee grounds will brighten up your anticipation. You can play solitaire and re-read the compatibility of zodiac signs. In general, get zen.

Why do men remain silent after a quarrel? Physiological reasons

Often after conflicts, representatives of the stronger sex prefer to be in silence. This also drives women crazy: after all, after omissions, they, on the contrary, want to put everything in its place, bring the dialogue to its logical conclusion. After the conflict, the question of why the man is silent and does not answer takes on a dramatic character. Often the lady herself begins to try to get her chosen one to talk, but in this case the conflict can only get worse.

You shouldn’t do this, because in reality, representatives of the stronger sex who prefer to remain silent after a conflict are saving their strength. Men and women experience quarrels differently, with the stronger sex being more vulnerable. At the beginning of a conflict, its representatives' heart rate increases sharply and their blood pressure becomes higher. They remain in this state longer than women. The heart begins to beat in men 20-30 beats faster than usual. And such changes occur rapidly in the body, so that a man cannot restore his condition after a conflict for a very long time.

Women, on the other hand, feel more comfortable voicing complaints. If the weaker sex keeps silent about grievances, they eventually develop into psychosomatic diseases - such as stomach ulcers and colitis. Psychologists do not recommend that ladies accumulate negative experiences within themselves. You can release them only by talking about them. But it is not necessary to do this in a conflicting manner. It is always better to talk about your needs using “I” messages, doing it in a calm tone. For example, instead of blaming a man for coming home too late, it is better to say: “I get very worried when you come home after midnight.” In addition, working with a psychologist can be of significant help.

We have looked at most of the reasons why a man is silent. The psychology of the stronger sex differs from the behavior of beautiful ladies. This must be kept in mind during a showdown and never bring your chosen one to a state of white heat. After all, the very behavior of a lady often provokes the stronger sex into silence.

If a woman lives peacefully with her lover, without quarrels and conflicts, the question of why the man is silent should not worry her. After all, there is no reason to believe that his current isolation lurks a threat to the relationship. The members of the couple must learn to understand each other without unnecessary words. With your loved one, you need to not only enjoy long conversations, but also be silent together.

Relationship phases

To understand this system, you need to look again at the individual phases of the relationship:

Infatuation phase

Constantly talking about the past and future plans and spending time together is how it all starts. The main thing: when you are with a man, you put aside your own needs and try new things for the sake of your partner.

Negotiation phase

At this stage, both recognize their partner's weaknesses. This stage is also called “grinding in” - very aptly. Both grumble and criticize, but also spend a lot of time together. Nowadays, everyone increasingly realizes their own desires.

Waiting phase

The following topics are discussed at this stage: accepting each other's shortcomings and reaching compromises or resignation/silence. The daily routine drowns out the exchange of feelings, changes and relationships. In most cases, people only talk about daily organization, home and work life, what to watch on TV, what the children are doing, etc.

Silence may be a sign that:

• that everyone lives their own life, and partnership is only a relationship of convenience;
• that both have resigned themselves, but they still have desires that they think they will no longer be able to fulfill;
• that external goals, such as a career or hobby, are temporarily more important to them.

Why are people silent in relationships?

Photo by John Diez: Pexels
First, it’s worth figuring out what provokes people into silence and the inability to talk. Let's look at the possible reasons:

• As an attempt to reduce the intensity of the conflict.

Let's say the conflict has reached its climax and arrows of anger and aggression are flying between you, you do not hold back in your expressions and hurtful words. One of the partners decides to remain silent.

First of all, in order to have the opportunity to calm down a little.

In this case, it is really necessary, because only a temporary lull can protect you from rash words that will later be difficult to forget.

• Like punishment.

When they are offended by their partner, some use silence to teach a lesson. It seems to them that such tactics can create a feeling of guilt in their partner’s soul. In fact, often, the partner doesn’t even understand what’s going on.

Our views on the world around us and relationships tend to differ with the opposite sex. Therefore, if your loved one behaved incorrectly in your opinion, his point of view on this matter may be the opposite. And he will only be perplexed, and not feel guilty.

• In the form of manipulation.

Sometimes silence is used as a means of achieving what you want. Let's say you want your partner to agree to some event. He is not ready, you get offended and fall silent. It is difficult for a person to stay in a tense environment for a long time and he is forced to agree to your terms.

If the manipulation is successful, there is a possibility that such behavior will be consolidated in the relationship. That is, if your partner agrees under the pressure of silence to your request, you may resort to the systematic use of such a technique.

• Like an attempt to escape from conflict.

There are people for whom any showdown, even if the situation is calm and there is a simple conversation ahead, is a reason to hide in “your shell.” They are afraid, do not accept and do not know how to express their emotions, feelings, and also adequately respond to the experiences of other people.

In this case, silence acts as a defensive reaction. Simply put, a person runs away from any manifestations and emotions. This attitude was imposed from childhood, when parents did not allow their feelings to be broadcast to the world because it irritated them.

• As a product of upbringing.

Silence in general may also be imposed by parents. When a person, even in a positive environment for himself, prefers to spend time in silence and not share anything personal.

• If it is impossible to resolve the conflict.

When the situation has reached a dead end, there are no more thoughts left to resolve the conflict, the person becomes silent from the inability to offer something to his partner. They say about such situations that they “give up.”

Painful silence

• Because of fear.

Conflicts can escalate into open aggression, which poses a threat to life and health. Let’s say a woman living with a tyrant husband, who has been subjected to physical or psychological violence for many years, in an acute situation will prefer to remain silent so as not to provoke her already stressed-out spouse.

• Like waiting for the problem to resolve itself.

Sometimes a person does not expect the conflict to be resolved. He is sure that a little time will pass and the conflict will disappear. This is a childish infantile position in which he is not only incapable of taking responsibility. But he doesn’t even shift it to his partner, hoping for a miracle.

If you want to talk to him

Your man is silent, but at the same time he makes an effort for your well-being, provides for you, gives you gifts, do you have wonderful sex? So rejoice! Actions are much more important than words!

And pay attention to how talkative and sociable you are? Maybe in your relationship you're the only one doing the talking.

The best way to get a person to talk is to show sincere interest in him and ask the right question. Or give him a compliment.

I tell you what kind of compliments men like in the free author’s course Man: Honest Instructions.

If you yourself like to be silent...

If you use silence in a relationship with a man, understand the reasons for this behavior and try to follow some rules:

• Understand that silence is destructive and destructive to your relationships.
• Try not to be offended by little things, life is so wonderful and you shouldn’t waste it on empty insults.
• If something is unpleasant to you, it is better to tell the man about it directly, perhaps he will hear you and there will be no reason for offense.
• Be sincere and open. Don’t isolate yourself, a loved one is with you, trust him.
• At some points it is worth understanding your partner. Don't be selfish.
• Silence kills feelings. Slowly, little by little, but it leads to a point where it will be difficult to hear and understand each other.
• Focus on your partner's positive qualities. Everyone makes mistakes, but everyone also has many advantages that are much more valuable than the unpleasant moments.

Don't be silent, don't avoid, don't be afraid, don't put pressure. Learn to speak, because in our world there is a problem where two people, without even trying to hear each other, did not maintain their relationship.

Conversation is the only sure way to find, return, resurrect and love again, someone who is truly dear to you.