Sense of self-importance - what it is, how to get rid of it

Before starting business communication with any person, we strive to collect information about what he is like: what is his social status, significance, prestige.

In other words, what is its significance.

Let us agree to understand by significance authority, importance, social status, significance, value, prestige, materiality, value, etc.

On the Internet, it is customary to divide significance into objective and subjective. At the same time, by objective significance we understand the assessment of a person by his image, intelligence, worldview, by his skills and habits, and by subjective significance - the value, importance, significance of a person for you, depending on his position in your field. That is, first you can make an assessment of the objective significance of a person, and then, taking into account his significance in your field, a subjective one.

This division, in my opinion, is not correct, because, by definition:

The method of assessing the significance of a person in different societies is different, since the evaluation criteria are different.

For example, there are ethnic peoples where a man is assessed by his ability to obtain material values. He stole it, rammed it home - that means, well done, eagle! The moral aspect of the method of extracting valuables does not matter. This is not acceptable for civilized peoples.

The significance may change when the object of evaluation is in a different territory.

I have a friend, Ivanovich, an elderly man who lives all year round in a house on a lake where there is wonderful fishing. About ten years ago, he was approached by a certain director of the holding, a “green” millionaire (whose importance, in the territory where he lives and works, is extremely high). He comes to Ivanovich quite often, drives away the guards; they fish, cook fish soup over a fire, and drink. They like to communicate. I think both consider each other friends. The interesting thing is that in the territory where they communicate, Ivanovich’s importance is higher. While fishing, it happens that Ivanovich even shouts at the millionaire.

It is human nature to constantly monitor one’s own importance through self-esteem. We evaluate ourselves and make social conclusions. For example, it is psychologically difficult for us to become friends with a person whose importance is much higher than ours. If he is the first to take a step towards establishing a relationship, we are happy and willingly meet him halfway.

If a person whose importance is much lower than ours tries to force himself on us as a friend, we, as a rule, try to avoid this.

What is self-importance

A sense of self-importance or self-importance is not called inflated self-esteem. This is a person’s belief that he is the best among those around him. In his opinion, the people around him have a low level of intelligence, have achieved nothing in life, do not know and cannot do anything.

A person with FWS is not only confident in his superiority. He convinces others of him, imposing his opinion as the only correct one, reducing conversations to his beloved, constantly talking about successes and achievements. He finds excuses for mistakes and blunders. He thinks exclusively about himself, neglecting the desires and needs of other people. To put it simply, he is a real egoist.

People with an inflated sense of their own importance and significance behave aggressively and constantly get involved in disputes, trying by any means to prove the correctness of their words. They also strive to always be the center of attention. And in achieving this, they openly ridicule, humiliate, and criticize others.

Interestingly, HF is characteristic of both adolescents and older people. It just manifests itself in different ways:

For some, a sense of self-importance manifests itself like the flu - a couple of days have passed. It does not interfere with your normal lifestyle, work and daily activities.
In some people, heart failure takes a chronic form, occurring from time to time. Such people have a certain amount of awareness and therefore can get rid of the obsessive thought of superiority. But not forever. The improvements last until the next “attack”.
The third stage of CVS is chronic and at the same time active. A person is 100% sure that there is no one better and more important than him in the world.

Psychologists believe that an inflated sense of self-importance is a disease. And there is a logical explanation for this opinion: a person suffers not only morally, but also physically.

In fact, a sense of self-importance is a kind of protection that a person suffering from self-doubt and low self-esteem puts on himself. Think about it: if he is confident in himself and his abilities, will he strive to attract more attention to himself? No, that's no use. He leads a correct lifestyle, lives in complete harmony with himself. People who are insecure about themselves experience internal discomfort, which they try to drown out with the help of praise from others, humiliation, criticism and insults of others.

Consequences of feeling self-important

An inadequate opinion of yourself brings with it a lot of unpleasant consequences:

unfriendly attitude from others;
deterioration or even complete breakdown of relationships;
decreased performance;
loneliness;
a deep sense of resentment towards the whole world;
self-deprecation;
health problems.

People suffering from anxiety disorders only at first put on a mask of courtesy and kindness. At some point it flies off, revealing its true face. And this always happens, because wherever they are, sick pride follows them. And the moment it comes out, their problems begin.

What does it mean to have no sense of importance?

The complete absence of emergency situations is freedom. Such a person cannot be offended, humiliated, insulted or enraged in any other way. He does not have negative emotions in relation to imaginary problems. It’s as if he looks at the world not through cloudy, but through absolutely transparent glass. Such people are usually very energetic and confident. Those who suffer from PWS are heavy, clumsy and empty.

Portrait of a man with increased heart rate

So, we found out what HRV means and how it manifests itself. But what is the portrait of a person with increased heart rate? Inflated self-esteem leaves an imprint on the psychological portrait of every person:

Arrogance and pride;
He does not feel shame (or in an improved form “Spanish shame”) from his actions, since he believes that everything he does is right;
Sullenness, including a sullen look;
Increased emotionality, sudden mood swings;
Is in a negative mood most of the time;
Tries to shift the conversation to topics related to himself - when discussing your problems, he will always turn attention to himself;
They constantly insert their “expert” and most correct opinion.

It is important to understand that CSV is not always a story about how a person tries to show his best sides. There are situations when people with social problems behave in the opposite way - they complain, manipulate, cry, that is, they try to attract attention with their problems of a “universal” scale.

How does the heart rate manifest itself?

Psychologists identify 16 of the most striking manifestations of a sense of self-importance.

Guru

A person is haunted by an obsessive desire to constantly teach the people around him. More and more often the phrase is heard from his lips: “I already know this better than you.” It is pronounced with a bit of irony and a condescending smile on the face. At the same time, the interlocutor is often interrupted, not allowing him to say a word. This is especially true when he tells generally known information.

Dispute

A person with CVS strives everywhere to prove he is right, to convince others of the correctness of his opinion. He behaves this way, trying to protect an invented image. This is how he hides his insecurities.

It is interesting that a sense of self-importance prompts one to argue not only with obvious opponents. People conduct dialogues within themselves, simulating conflict situations of varying complexity.

Justification

Like arguing, making excuses is a defense. A person with CVS strives to look better than others in everything; he cannot lose his image. That's why he tries to find excuses for mistakes and mistakes.

Sometimes making excuses is an attempt to hide the feeling of guilt for what happened.

Attention

In any company, a person with an excessive sense of self-importance will draw all attention to himself. He shows off his purchases, shows off, tries to joke or say something witty. We can say that he is engaged in self-promotion. It looks something like this: “I am better than those present here. I have come, look at me, love me, admire me.”

Shyness

This manifestation of emergency response is exactly the opposite of the previous one. Triggered by self-doubt. Appears in turns demanding attention. In some situations a person is shy, and in others, on the contrary, he behaves defiantly.

Anger, malice, irritability

An individual with FSN always gets irritated when an opinion is expressed that does not coincide with his own. He also gets angry in ordinary ordinary situations, for example, when he is distracted, interrupted or prevented from passing by slowly walking in front.

Vindictiveness

It is this character trait that is behind many critical remarks, sarcasm, jokes and malice. A person takes revenge for those offensive words that were spoken to him. Interestingly, this does not happen immediately. Sometimes people already forget about what happened. But an individual with a sense of self-importance remembers everything. Resentment lurks in the depths of his soul and at an opportune moment comes out.

Sometimes, by the way, revenge is justified by seemingly noble goals, in particular, to restore justice or set one on the right path.

False modesty

A person with SWS does not know how to accept compliments. He refuses, but at the same time tries to present himself as even better, to receive even more praise.

Ingratiation

Most often it manifests itself in communication with managers. The boss appears as someone tall and important. Therefore, you need to earn his favor. This is exactly what a person with an excessive sense of self-importance thinks about. He is afraid that management will think badly of him.

Finding faults in others

This sign of self-importance is the most common. The individual believes that only he knows how to behave and act in a given situation. This is what he is trying to convey to the people around him. At the same time, he adds that he has no right to condemn others for their actions or shows imaginary indifference.

It turns out that a person spends time not on himself, but on carefully studying the stupidity of strangers, perhaps even people unfamiliar to him.

Bad-good

It's about reacting to negative feedback and praise. In the first case, emotional distress leads to irritation, resentment, and attempts to justify oneself. In the second - the pleasure of realizing one’s superiority and significance. Plus, there is gratitude to the one who praised.

Heroism

This is perhaps the funniest manifestation of self-importance. It does not appear immediately, but after years. A person considers himself a hero who single-handedly went out to fight the whole world and its stupidity. In fact, this is a struggle with one's own stupidity. And, by the way, there is nothing heroic about her.

Fear, doubt, concern

A person with HF is always preoccupied. This could be appearance, the presence or absence of certain things and material values, the attitude of others. He worries that he won’t have time to buy the product he likes, that they didn’t look at him the right way, that he looks bad.

When concerns are mild, people constantly expect a better life and the evaluation of their words and actions.

Regret, self-flagellation

It concerns not only actions. These feelings also affect the sense of self-importance. The person realizes that something is wrong with him. Perhaps he realizes that he acted badly and offended his loved ones. He worries about this and considers himself bad.

Narcissism

This sign of heart failure manifests itself in different ways. Sometimes an individual fantasizes about his own importance. He imagines himself as a great hero, scientist, speaker, etc., one who catches the admiring glances of his fans. It also happens that he tries to imagine how other people look at him. More often, as you guessed, this is a look full of respect.

Who is better

A person with a sense of self-importance loves to compete with others. Competitions can be ordinary, when he boasts of his achievements, or in a perverted form, when he tries to prove that in this situation it was more difficult for him than anyone else. Surely among your friends there are also people who devalue what happened to you. Instead, they tell a story about how they dealt with more difficult circumstances.

How to tame your emergency response

A sense of self-importance can play a bad joke on you. Therefore, it is important to keep this quality under control and not allow it to become an irritant when communicating in society. Let's look at how you can control the degree of your own importance.

How to lower heart rate

Do you often hear accusations that your heart rate is high? Do people find it difficult to contact you? Do you yourself experience discomfort from this? Then you should really think about lowering your sense of self-importance. Let's look at how this can be achieved:

As a basic exercise that will help you understand the reasons for this behavior, we can suggest the following. Make a list of what positive and negative consequences your manifestation of emotional distress brings to you. Analyze this list and draw a conclusion. You need to realize that increased expression of this feeling has extremely negative consequences for your life;
Ask your friends and family for advice - ask what traits of your character irritate them. Of course, without fanaticism. At this stage, you only need to realize that with your behavior you can offend and affect the feelings of people close to you;
Try to remember which people you have hurt with your behavior. Contact them and try to make amends. The main point is that you not only apologize, but also try to show positive traits - sensitivity, consideration, caring, kindness, friendliness, etc.;
You must form a new attitude towards yourself and towards people - strive to enter into new social connections, try doing charity work or volunteering. Such activities will really help you embrace new areas of your life. The simplest thing is to help an animal shelter and adopt a homeless animal.

If you realize that your attempts are ineffective, contact a psychologist. He will help you work through the problem.

In case of advanced cases, contact a specialist

How to increase heart rate

A sense of self-importance is necessary for everyone. However, it must be objective and moderate. Therefore, people with low self-esteem need to increase it. Let's look at what to do if you don't have the proper level of self-esteem:

Use the same advice as for lowering heart rate. You just need to describe your qualities. Try to think about what you can value and respect yourself for. Analyze what emotions and actions you will commit towards others. It is necessary to make a list without unnecessary self-humiliation, self-flagellation and other emotions that underestimate you;
Try to take on more leading roles. This applies not only to work, but to simple communication. Stop hiding behind other people. Try to be the initiator of communication and meetings;
Don't be afraid to assert your personal boundaries;
Express your own opinion, even if it does not agree with the majority opinion;
Express yourself and develop yourself.

Such actions will help you gain self-love. However, if your attempts are unsuccessful, also contact a psychologist - he will find the reasons for your isolation and complexes.

Is it good or bad?

It is impossible to answer this question unequivocally. Self-esteem plays an important role in the life of every person. But if it is excessively high, problems begin in communicating with others. By the way, at a reduced rate too.

People think that a person with a sense of self-importance is confident in himself. They perceive him as a strong-willed, strong-willed person. They think that such a person takes an active position in life and because of this he defends his opinion so fiercely.

But there is also the other side of the coin. FSA entails nervousness, irritability, and conflict. And these qualities affect communication with family and friends.

How to communicate with an emergency person

Any relationship between people is built on a model of mutual benefit. Therefore, it is normal to try to receive only good and positive emotions from communication, as well as special benefits. However, communication with a person with a negative personality is complicated by the special manifestations of his personality. It seems that such contacts in general cannot bring anything good to you and your psyche. Let's look at the features of communication with a person with an emergency situation:

The easiest way is to stop communicating. However, if your relative or loved one is the owner of an overestimated HRV, then this option may not be suitable for you;
Try to resolve the problem diplomatically. The first step is to talk to the person who is making you feel uncomfortable. Express your position correctly – “I feel disappointed/sad when you…”. It is necessary for your interlocutor to understand exactly what you are experiencing from his behavior;
When you bring a problem to a person, try to avoid quarrels and conflicts;
Show understanding to the person with an emergency – listen, provide help and support. Perhaps his behavior is just a protective mask;
If such a person is, for example, in your team and is considered an outcast, become the one who stops ignoring him. Perhaps it is in front of you that this person will truly open up;
Have you tried every possible method? Nothing works? Is communication still problematic? Reduce the amount of such communication. Communicate with the emergency person only when necessary.

Communication is always an exchange of resources, so it is better to stop or reduce communication with irritable people

How to get rid of self-importance

So, how can you get rid of an inflated sense of self-importance? First, understand that you need to do this. Deliverance begins with the desire to change. The second step is to fill the space vacated in the subconscious. Why not engage in, for example, self-development so that you have something to be proud of in the truest sense of the word?

There are other tips:

Accept the fact that every now and then you want to reproach someone for something, humiliate, tease, while showing your superiority.
Try to get rid of the desire to make yourself look better than others. Turn your attention to something else, think about the good.
Always mean what you say. Choose your words, because with them you can either encourage and support, or hurt. Never forget this!

And perhaps most importantly, know that the world does not revolve around you. There are millions of people living on the planet, each of whom has the right to their own opinion, even if it is completely different from yours.

Personalization

Each person is a unique individual. Let your interlocutor feel it. Brian Tracy said that the main secret of charm is to make a person feel like a million dollars.

Call the person by name, remember small details of past conversations, ask how his training or work on a new book is going. Remember the person's characteristics and show that you remember them. Show that a person is not one in a thousand, but one in a million.

We advise you to develop your memory and learn to remember names, for example.

Example from life

Now in my social circle there are no people with an inflated sense of self-importance. But there was a moment when I was in close contact with a girl whose sense of self-importance was very clearly expressed. It was simply impossible to communicate normally with her. It all came down to discussing what had happened or was happening to her, her achievements, successes or problems. She always interrupted other people's words. It turns out that during the meeting we had to listen to a monologue. And if someone tried to tell something about themselves, the girl would immediately interrupt him, turning the conversation either to another topic or to herself. The latter happened more often.

The most interesting thing is that in fact this girl has never achieved anything in life. Moreover, despite her sociability and apparent friendliness, over time, many friends and acquaintances limited or completely stopped communicating with her. They were simply tired of constantly listening to her stories about herself.

Social significance.

As can be seen from the definitions given in the figure, the social significance of a person can be huge or small. It can also be positive or negative, but here everything depends on the ideas accepted in society about good and bad.

If, for example, we consider the social significance of my friend Ivanovich, who lives alone on the lake, mine, and Chubais, then we can say the following:

The social significance of Chubais is very great. It has a huge impact on the lives of the country's population. But it is negative, because he is destroying the country in which he lives.

My social significance is not great; I am a simple teacher and do not have much influence on the course of affairs in society. But it is positive, because I give knowledge to students, and this is a necessary thing.

Ivanovich’s social significance is zero but positive - this also happens.

Attention

Know how to listen to a person. Learn to notice the peculiarities of his behavior, distinguish between his emotions, understand what is interesting to him and what is not. Develop empathy. For people to tell you more, for them to tell you the most important things, for them to open up to you completely, sometimes it’s enough just to listen to them.

You must be not only a talented storyteller, but also a talented listener. Then your interlocutors will feel important.

Service

One of the most powerful ways. Find out what needs your interlocutor has and try to satisfy them if you can. Teach a person something, give advice, give a hint. Offer your help and fulfill the request.

Remember: serving does not mean being served. You can provide services and various kinds of assistance without humiliating yourself, but, on the contrary, increasing your authority. After all, only a strong and confident person is capable of helping others.

Provide a service, and the person will definitely feel important. At least for you.