What is a happy family life? Does it really exist? For some, the idea of eternal and pure love, which neither everyday difficulties nor everyday problems can break, is just an unattainable utopia, a fairy tale that you stop believing in as a child.
Standing apart are those who share completely different ideals: family harmony, mutual respect, mutual understanding. As the great Russian writer, Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy, once correctly noted, all happy families are similar to each other, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
How can you bring harmony and peace into your family life, make your household members truly happy and able to enjoy every day they live? Leading experts in the field of home psychology talk about the existence of simple secrets of family happiness, knowing which you can avoid quarrels and scandals, and they will be discussed further.
Secret No. 1. Nobody wants to live without love
The support of a marriage relationship, its foundation, is love, and it is important not to confuse it with passion. Of course, quarrels and misunderstandings happen in all families, but only love helps to overcome them, to find the right solution, a way out of the current situation.
When partners are still quite young and just starting to build a relationship, love is the only thing they need. But gradually life together begins to become more complicated; everyday problems inevitably appear in it, as well as squabbles that arise from them.
By this stage of the relationship, love must be transformed and supplemented with such elements as: mutual respect, mutual understanding. Only by acquiring a new form will it help in maintaining family peace and well-being.
Qualities
Let's look at what qualities a happy family has.
- Presence of family traditions . When people live together, they have common points of contact and habits. A tradition can be family dinners on weekends, trips to relatives for a holiday, a vacation at the dacha, or something else significant.
- Desire to share life experiences. The older generation passes on their knowledge to the younger ones, and children and grandchildren readily accept it.
- Communication with the older generation , closeness to them. Grandparents in a happy family are respected, accepted, they are part of the family.
- The ability to be grateful . This is not only the ability to say thank you, but also the internal state of the individual.
- Joint activities with children . If parents devote time to their child, this not only has a positive effect on his emotional and intellectual development, but also brings him closer together and develops trust.
- The ability to have fun and enjoy life.
- Self-sufficiency of each family member.
- Maintaining status , family hierarchy, comfortable for each family member.
A happy family will not sort things out in public, criticize the partner, or complain about the children or the older generation.
They act together , together, and this is what unites them even more strongly. There are no strong disagreements in it, because the goals are directed in one direction, and there is such a family as a single organism.
Secret No. 2. Be honest
Secrets, omissions and understatements are destructive for any relationship, not just family ones. Honesty and sincerity are exactly what you need to give your partner. No matter how complex and unattractive the truth may be, it is in any case better than lies and lies. As a rule, it is from small innocent secrets that subsequently grow secrets that can destroy families and forever undermine trust between spouses.
The key to family happiness lies in kindness, frankness, and responsiveness. The absence of these components harms relationships and leads to crisis situations.
Cooking with love!
“All happy families are alike...” Lev Nikolaevich asserted.
Not everyone will agree with this, but it is difficult to argue with the fact that there are certain common components of family happiness. These are certain constants - quantities whose values do not change regardless of the mentality of the spouses, their character traits and other characteristics. And if you imagine that family happiness is a delicious dish, then it is these unchangeable “components” that should become its ingredients. I suggest you try to “cook” family happiness using this recipe...
Secret No. 4. Spend more time together
Gradually, routine and everyday affairs take over the spouses and alienate them from each other. It is important to immediately stop this situation, to deprive it of the opportunity to progress and develop. In order not to wake up one day and realize that you have become complete strangers and strangers, you need to clearly delineate areas of responsibilities.
For example, the husband is responsible for the material well-being of the family, and the wife creates home coziness and comfort. At the same time, both of them should have enough time in their schedules to spend time together.
You should want to take a break from the world around you together, and not look for secret escape routes to take a break from each other.
Are there ideal unions?
It seems that a happy family is some kind of unattainable ideal .
You and your friends periodically conflict with loved ones, someone has financial difficulties, someone in other families gets sick.
And the question arises, are there really absolutely happy families? Yes, they are. This largely depends on the married people themselves, on their willingness to work on the relationship and maintain it.
There is probably no concept of absolute happiness, and it is not achievable. But everyone is capable of creating a good, friendly family. However, this is a lot of work, and first of all on yourself.
You cannot and do not have the right to force others to change , but you are capable of working on your attitude towards loved ones. And by changing your attitude, methods of influence, communication, you will begin to notice that family members began to behave differently.
Each person has his own concept of happiness, so it is impossible to derive a single formula, a recipe, following which you and your family will certainly be satisfied with your life together.
But if you try to bring harmony and joy to the world, then you can certainly achieve this. There are happy families, and they are made so by the people themselves, who are ready to fight for their happiness and build it.
Secret No. 5. Be understanding and patient
We live in rather unstable times, when no one can guarantee one hundred percent confidence in the future. In such conditions, fleeting falls, disappointments, failures and setbacks are inevitable.
The family should become the place in which a person can hide from all these everyday storms. Do not hesitate to show empathy, compassion and understanding towards your loved one. This is the basis of the recipe for a happy seed life.
Responsive partners, ready to lend a helping hand in any situation, act as support and support, manage to build the right relationships without quarrels and scandals.
Career vs family
Modernity is blurring the lines between genders. Not every woman manages to arrange her life according to the classic scenario: get married successfully, have children and deal exclusively with their upbringing and housekeeping; many are forced to shoulder earning money, caring for loved ones, and even typical male responsibilities like repairs on their fragile shoulders. It is difficult to judge who is to blame for this. Perhaps it is due to the fact that real men will soon be listed in the Red Book as rare “individuals”, or the reason for emancipation is hidden in upbringing: if there was no father in the family and the girl, taught by her mother’s experience, was accustomed from childhood to do everything herself (and iron the dress and hammer the nail), then she is forced to perform the solo part all her life. And this is the most common and difficult case, since the “iron lady” is in no hurry to trust a man and regain the weakness and tenderness inherent in women. She is unlikely to make a caring and sweet housewife, but those men who do not like the role of head of the family can be comfortable with such a passion. And one more weighty argument in favor of a businesswoman: she will never utter the phrase “I spent the best years of my life on you, and you...”, which can scratch the soul of any man.
However, thank God that many women look at the steering wheel of power with the same fear as at the steering wheel of a car, and perceive work as a club of interests. At work, a woman manages to learn the latest fashion trends, share culinary recipes with colleagues and find psychological help in solving family problems. Even interpersonal conflicts in male and female teams arise for different reasons. Men most often argue about work issues; women can easily get into fights because “some chicken from the next department criticized her appearance.”
Secret No. 6. Don't wash dirty linen in public
Even in the most ideal families, scandals and misunderstandings occur; this cannot be avoided. But the actions of people who have quarreled can be radically different. So, some, at the first opportunity, bring out all the details of family life, all the “dirty laundry” for everyone to see. They run to their parents and friends for advice, trying to attract a larger audience to the family problem.
Others prefer to resolve accumulated misunderstandings one on one. And the second option is the most preferable. As the Russian folk proverb says: “Another person’s family means darkness.” No one can give you correct and adequate advice that can resolve all the contradictions that exist in a relationship. Only you can do this.
How to make your husband happy in marriage
If you don't know how to make your husband happy in your marriage, here are a few tips to consider. They will help you enjoy your spouse’s good mood:
- a woman must be devoted and faithful, because betrayal can forever ruin a good attitude towards you;
- learn to be a good housewife, since it is the woman who creates home comfort;
- surprise your spouse with delicious dishes, even if they are prepared from simple ingredients;
- maintain order in the house, because a mess can ruin even the most wonderful mood;
- if your spouse comes home tired or upset from work, listen to him and support him as best you can;
- try to get up early in the morning to prepare a delicious breakfast for your husband;
- watch your appearance even at home, because appearing in front of your spouse in a holey robe and worn-out slippers is unacceptable;
- try to watch your weight, since life after marriage relaxes many women;
- never scold or discuss your husband behind his back, even with your best friends;
- try to get rid of bad habits, because a man wants to see a real woman next to him.
Following these tips is extremely easy, as you can see in practice. As a result, your feelings will be strong, so your spouse will never leave.
What stands in the way of family happiness?
Some people are sure that they are not meant for a happy family life. Such opinions are among the most common myths and misconceptions. Modern psychologists say that everyone can create a strong, happy family based on respect.
All that is needed for this is desire and effort. However, before you begin to build strong relationships, you need to find out what can hinder the achievement of family happiness. The main problems standing in the way of family happiness:
- reluctance to change, adapt to a partner, or make concessions;
- inability to admit one's own guilt;
- refusal to compromise in conflict situations;
- excessive jealousy, mistrust;
- secrets and secrets, understatement between partners;
- lack of mutual understanding and mutual respect;
- reluctance to spend time with each other.
The formula for a normal life together does not tolerate these factors. Only by eliminating them can you find family happiness.
Secrets that make a family happy
Let's start with the fact that by family we mean a man and a woman who decided to go through life next to each other.
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Family relationships are not a way to escape from hopelessness and despair, hoping that another person will fill your life with meaning. This is a mutual decision of two people to give a piece of themselves to the other in order to make the loved one happier.
But even with good intentions, it is not always possible to save a family. So, 9 secrets of psychologists that will make your family prosperous and happier.
Rules and boundaries: each of you knows that you are not allowed to go further
Of course, at first glance this seems harsh, strange, repulsive. But in practice it works. Both men and women know their partner’s personal boundaries that should not be crossed.
For example, a husband knows that raising his hand against his wife is not part of their general relationship rules. Otherwise, separation is inevitable.
Rules, frameworks and boundaries help to respect another person and not do what he doesn’t like. Boundaries will allow a woman not to dissolve in a man, but to remain herself. It is easier for both parties in such a relationship to show respect.
This may be why prenuptial agreements are becoming more common. A person knows this limit line, crossing which he will have to pay.
The ability to shut up in time
The golden rule of a happy family, according to psychologists, which is followed by a man and a woman. Sometimes, in a fit of anger and resentment, we say a lot. You will regret it later, but you will not take back what was said. You can hurt a loved one unconsciously, without wanting to offend.
The ability to shut up in time will help maintain a happy marriage for years. It’s easy to do this - go out and take a walk or make a promise to yourself that for 5 minutes you will be silent and not respond to insult with insult. This helps and it saves the relationship from breaking up.
A comfortable home is very important for a man
That's why men agree to start a family. The knowledge that you will return home in the evening to the woman you love makes you happy and gives you hope. She gives harmony, hope in a bright future, believes in it. The competition is there, outside the home.
Here he relaxes, receives the necessary support and gains strength to move on into a world where men are merciless to each other, where it is important to be competitive.
Plan - where you are heading as a family, where you are moving, goals
According to psychologists, it is important to share this before starting a family and discuss personal views on life.
Where are you going, do you have common goals and a desire to create a cozy home and raise children?
Further, already being married, the man and woman discuss these moments. Awareness of the integrity of the family and the presence of joint desires will help preserve the family.
A question of money
Money is a part of our life. A person has the attitude towards money that he wants. But when it comes to family, opinions may not coincide. And you already take into account not only your needs and desires, but also the needs of your partner.
Sit down, talk honestly and openly - what are your expectations from the financial component of the relationship, do you want your husband to support you, will you maintain a joint budget and other similar issues.
Everyone has “their own” time, in which the partner does not interfere
Psychologists advise giving this time to your significant other voluntarily. Every person in the family sometimes wants to breathe, so that no one stands over their soul. This time also helps you look at yourself separately from your partner and realize your personal preferences and aspirations. The result is strong relationships in the long term.
Spend your free time on self-development. Men do not stop educating themselves and do not give up their hobbies, even when they are married. Women, on the contrary, take care of the family, forgetting about themselves and their own interests. A husband becomes more interested in his wife when she has a favorite hobby. There will be new topics for conversation, it will be more interesting to open ourselves to each other.
My husband is my best friend
Play sports or go on a picnic with your loved one as friends. It is important that there is a feeling - what a wonderful person he is, and how lucky I am that today I am returning home with him.
Be able to ask for forgiveness and build a dialogue
We all make mistakes, but learning to ask for forgiveness can help restore relationships. It is important not to put off such conversations, but to be able to immediately talk and admit if you have made a mistake.
Over time, to build a happy relationship, it is important for a woman to be able to build a constructive dialogue with her husband. A person may misunderstand, and if misunderstandings are discussed immediately, unnecessary grievances will not accumulate.
Do you laugh together
You need to laugh not at people, but at situations. When you can look at life situations together with ease and laugh at them, then the family will be happy.
You may want to find something to do together that will bring positive emotions to both parties.
How to maintain family happiness?
Below are recommendations that will help you avoid crisis situations and prevent separation. Tips on how to maintain family happiness:
- Do not neglect your loved one, giving preference to some fleeting entertainment. For example, if the choice is between going on vacation with your spouse and going shopping with your friends, then you should refuse the latter. It is these little things and details that make up a harmonious married life.
- Be clear about your own desires and expectations. Sometimes hints may not be perceived by your chosen one, so you should speak directly about what you want. This will avoid awkward situations and dissatisfaction.
- Make concessions, there is nothing wrong with that. Of course, it’s also not worth rushing to extremes and becoming a weak-willed subject without your own opinion.
- Don't let everyday routine separate you. To prevent your relationship from becoming boring and monotonous, you need to regularly arrange holidays together. For example, go to a hotel or out of town for the weekend.
By following the recommendations listed above, you can prevent many quarrels and improve relationships.
Harmony, concept and manifestations
Harmony is a state of balance, balance.
In a harmonious family there are practically no quarrels, and if controversial situations arise, they are resolved as efficiently and beneficially as possible for all its members.
In a harmonious family, there is a feeling of calm, integrity, positive emotions are present, and if someone is upset or sick, then close people support, help to get out of emotional negativity or a difficult life situation.
In a family where there is balance, the morning begins positively, in the evening people rush home because loved ones are waiting for them there and need attention and care.
The basis of harmony, calmness and confidence that you are needed, that your loved ones will always support you, give you a smile, and help improve your mood.
Quarrels are unacceptable in such families; they upset the created balance and bring negativity into existence. Harmonious families avoid conflicts as a factor that threatens calm and integrity .
Maintain family traditions
Every family has its own traditions. They give the union some kind of intimacy, make it feel unique and unique. Let it be celebrating the New Year with the whole family, ordering pizza on Fridays, going out of town for a barbecue with the onset of spring, or traveling together. This will be your family tradition. And they, as a rule, unite and create a special atmosphere in relationships, reduce the amount of stress, quarrels and divorces and prevent boredom in everyday life. You need to make it a rule:
• Always say to each other: “good morning”, “thank you”, “have a nice day”, “good night”;
• Hugging, kissing and walking holding hands more often;
• Ask your significant other “how was your day”;
• Spend leisure time together;
• Never go to bed having quarreled and not made peace;
• Before you say offensive words, count to one hundred in your head;
• Do not try to change each other, but accept all the shortcomings of your other half;
• Do not hush up problems, but talk about them.
Truth vs lies
It is unlikely that any of us would want to be in the place of the hero of the film “Liar, Liar,” brilliantly played by Jim Carrey. Remember how a lawyer has to tell the truth and only the truth throughout the day? And how does his entire career and personal life collapse like cardboard structures because of honest words? Lies are a bright thread woven into our lives, just like success and failure. Another thing is that each of us pulls this thread for different reasons. It has been proven that men lie the most on the first date. Throwing falsehoods at your beautiful companion is as natural as adding personal qualities to your resume that are far from reality. We all want to appear better, more beautiful and smarter. Skilled liars are also found in love triangles, when they have to deceive both the wife, who believes in work pressure and meetings after six in the evening, and the mistress, who hopes for his wife’s status. However, machos and pick-up artists have perfect lying skills, and the excuses of real men can be counted on the fingers of one hand. All of them do not have a particularly fantastic plot and look rather faded compared to the background of women’s “film scripts”. Men cover up their mistakes with traffic jams, dead phones, the phrases “I’ll call you” or “Sorry, I got tired,” fishing with friends or a business trip. Women, if the need arises, are capable of writing an entire novel. Moreover, they lie not only to us, but also to themselves. And they don’t even lie, but rather embellish reality: by reducing their own weight, age, ascribing influential fans to themselves, they themselves begin to believe in their uniqueness and irresistibility.
Change your habits
The beginning of family life always reveals minor shortcomings of lovers: things scattered around the apartment, an unclosed tube of toothpaste - a classic of the family genre, a half-eaten piece of bread left on a plate or garbage that was not taken out on time. There are other habits - not everyday ones, but those relating to the characteristics of our speech, behavior at the table, punctuality, and so on. Married couples face all this at first. What to do with these habits, lovingly “brought” from your single life? Should I give them up or try to change them for the sake of my loved one?
You need to be willing to change habits and adapt to your partner so as not to see even a shadow of grief in his eyes. Under no circumstances should you issue ultimatums, but resolve the issue amicably. Try to put yourself in the place of another, understand his interests and his “truth”, because everyone has their own.
If family happiness is compared to a culinary recipe, then the main ingredients in it are: love, friendship, compromise, tradition and forgiveness. Each housewife has her own unique way of preparing this or that dish, but the basic ingredients are the same. Some people just like more peppery, salty or bland food. If you follow this recipe, you can definitely get the key to the “golden” wedding.” And in old age, stooping and shuffling, walk through the park, holding hands, and be a worthy example for the younger generation.
