Quarrel with a friend: what you can quarrel about and how to make peace

Despite the fact that everyone constantly argues about whether female friendship exists, every representative of the fair sex has one to whom you can tell absolutely any secrets. You can cry to her, she will be there in both sorrow and joy, you can go shopping and to the cinema with her. This is a dear and close person... exactly until a scandal occurs.

A quarrel with a friend can arise either due to a serious reason or out of nowhere. But in any case, she makes further communication almost impossible, both roar, get offended, and develop new complexes in themselves because of what they said to each other. Even after reconciliation, an unpleasant aftertaste remains, which makes itself felt every now and then.

How to make quarrels less frequent? Is it possible to avoid them altogether? And how to behave if this does happen? Psychologists have answers to all these questions in the form of step-by-step instructions.

Quarrel - destroys or strengthens

Reconsider your attitude towards quarrels. Most people perceive them as negative, don't repeat their mistakes. In psychology, this is a release of negative energy that accumulates from time to time when communicating with absolutely any person. If this does not happen, the consequences can be very dire:

depression;
anger, irritation, psychosis, nervous breakdowns;
development of complexes;
termination of communication without explanation.

Therefore, it is much better to throw out all this negativity from time to time, but in portions, restraining yourself within the bounds of decency. It turns out that a quarrel is a release of accumulated tension, and after reconciliation, the relationship will become even stronger. Think along these lines and don’t treat these conflicts as something destructive and negative.

Example from practice. The two girls, college students, had been friends since elementary school and were inseparable. Upon completion of their studies, one of them was going to go to work in her specialty, the second was going to study further at the university in her field (teachers and parents insisted on this). However, a friend dissuaded her from this because she knew that she was doing this to please adults, although she herself had dreamed of a different profession all her life. They constantly had quarrels about this until the relationship broke off forever.

Everything ended well: the second girl realized that her friend discouraged her from going to university not out of envy, but because she wanted a better life for her. Thanks to her support, after college she was able to retrain for the profession in which she saw herself and become successful. This is one example of how a quarrel between best friends carried not a destructive charge, but a positive one. According to statistics, in 85% of cases this happens in women, it’s just that not everyone understands it.

Is it worth putting up with your girlfriend in principle?

So, let's assume that there is a conflict between you and your friend, and now you are thinking about how to make peace with her. And perhaps the thought creeps into your head: “Should I put up with her in principle? Maybe it’s easier to leave everything as it is?”

Oddly enough, both options can be reasonable in different cases. In general, to make a final decision, you can use the following tips:

Leaving everything as it is after a strong quarrel makes sense if the conflict has revealed serious contradictions in your life positions. It’s sad, but people change with age, and sometimes those who a few years ago understood each other perfectly now speak different languages. Such a relationship will give both sides nothing but misunderstandings and constant quarrels based on fundamental differences in views. In a case like this, no matter how painful it may be, it may make sense to use the argument to end the friendship. But of course, you must analyze the situation very carefully to make such a serious decision.
If there is at least some chance that you will continue to be able to communicate interestingly and productively, then, of course, it is very necessary to make peace with your friend. Friends are wonderful gifts of fate, which definitely should not be abandoned because of an absurd quarrel that does not indicate the meaninglessness of your relationship as a whole. Even if it’s difficult, painful, or you have to step on the throat of your own song, strong friendship is worth such efforts.

Your wishes

Once you look at the quarrel from a different angle, it may be enough to make peace. If such a desire does not arise, answer yourself honestly the question: do you personally want this? Understand that female friendships, like relationships with the opposite sex, can simply become obsolete. You don’t need to think that if you sat on the same potty in kindergarten, you will definitely walk hand in hand until old age. The reasons for separation may be different. That's not the point.

If you quarreled with your friend again, analyze your desires. Do you need this relationship, do you want to renew it, what connects you and does your friendship have a future. If the answers to most of these questions are negative, there is no point in reviving something that has already “died.” Talk openly with her and move on with your lives, but without each other.

If you offended me greatly

To apologize to a girl and melt her heart if you messed up badly, you need to try very hard. The main thing is not to utter pompous words, not to promise to be “good” for the rest of your life. Speak from your heart, in your own words, honestly with your friend and yourself.

The algorithm of actions may be as follows:

Admit your guilt. Explain why you made a mistake, that you are fully aware of the inadmissibility of such a thing. Don’t look for the reason for the misconduct in the girl, dig deeper: lack of upbringing, bad example of friends, and so on.
Apologize in simple words. Speak sincerely and honestly, briefly.
Promise your loved one that you will try not to repeat the mistakes. Surely the girl won’t believe it right away. The guy’s task is to convince her of the sincerity of the words spoken.
If the girl insists on breaking up and does not forgive, tell her that you really value your relationship with her. Promise that you will make any sacrifices to save the couple, achieve trust and forgiveness.
Use tactile contact. When the girl softens a little, take her hand and put your arm around her shoulders.
Don’t push your loved one, don’t demand an answer right away. The girl needs time to cool down and forgive a strong offense.

Causes

If a quarrel with your best friend upset you and you want to make peace as quickly as possible, but don’t know how to do it, think about the reason for your discord. After all, further actions will depend on it.

Things you might quarrel about:

excessive touchiness (low self-esteem, internal complexes) of one of the friends;
envy (one is the head of the department, the second is a gray mouse in the office);
different views on life;
pride, conceit, narcissism, high self-esteem;
jealousy (and not only towards men, but also towards other women who claim to be a potential girlfriend);
finances (borrowed and doesn’t pay back, only one person always pays for everything, etc.).

As practice shows, these are the most common causes of quarrels between friends. Which one came between you? Were you able to determine it? Let's move on to the next step of the instructions.

Who is guilty

In 90% of cases, women will answer that she, the second girlfriend, is to blame for the quarrel. It is always more difficult to admit one's own wrongdoings. However, do not chop rashly. First you need to calm down:

Let go of the situation for a while, stop thinking about it and stressing yourself out.
Don’t write or call your friend for 5-6 hours, take a break from the heated relationship, cool down.
Read, listen to your favorite music, watch a good movie, be alone or chat with your family.

And only after that answer the question, which of you is really to blame. Look at the situation from the outside. She said that your loved one is not worthy of you, that he has a lot of shortcomings and in general he is cheating on you right and left? It’s a shame to hear this from a friend when you have a great relationship with your boyfriend (husband). However, put yourself in her place and remember again everything she said. Doesn't your significant other have any downsides? They are probably visible to others more clearly than to you.

Just think that she didn’t say that out of envy or a desire to quarrel between you. This happens, but rarely. She cares about you and wants you to be happy.

When answering this question, remember one golden rule: if friends quarrel, in most cases both are to blame. And if each stops blaming the other, it will be easier to make peace.

How to make peace with a girl after a breakup if she doesn’t want to?

If you talentedly missed all the previous advice, your relationship has collapsed, and the girl doesn’t even want to see you, the question of how to make peace with the girl you love will constantly be spinning in your head.

The rule of gradual rapprochement works for all types of quarrels, and the larger the incident, the longer the break stage will be required, so do not rush to besiege your girlfriend’s home, and also do not create information spam from your calls and messages - give her time. And if at first she refuses to even meet, talk and correspond with you, then after a certain break she may agree to talk.

While the relationship is in a state of silence, study the cause of your quarrel as much as possible, remember whether there were similar disagreements before (perhaps nothing has changed and the girl is simply desperate, not seeing any prospects), consider the situation from all sides and look at the problem through the girl’s eyes .

How to make peace with a girl if you seriously offended her? Discuss the critical situation, the events that led to it, admit your mistakes and apologize. Talk about your feelings about what is happening and about the girl, that this relationship is important to you, how you feel now. Be sure to offer to renew the relationship.

Be prepared for refusal, or for the fact that they will not agree with your point of view - it is mutual respect and willingness to accept the partner’s choice that makes up a strong relationship. If you pretend to understand and repent of everything, and if the girl refuses to immediately resume the relationship, you begin to threaten, shout and force, arguing that you took the first step and now she must return, then with such behavior you cross out even the emerging possibility of reconciliation. If you show that you respect and accept her choice, even though you wanted something different, then over time the situation may turn in a favorable direction.

Small quarrels are easier to resolve, large ones can lead to separation, so it is worth preventing such situations - do not criticize the girl, her behavior and appearance in front of strangers; find activities to do together; try to discuss emerging controversial issues without waiting for them to snowball; praise your beloved, give her compliments just like that, and not just when a conflict is brewing and there will be fewer difficult situations. It is always worth remembering that both are to blame in a conflict; no one is completely innocent. How can you prevent a brewing quarrel? Try to avoid topics whose occurrence leads to quarrels, take the conversation in a different direction at the first bell. If alarming notes are already sounding, say that you need time to think and go for a walk - this way you yourself will cool down and look at the situation more adequately, and the girl will calm down during the time-out.

Preventing serious quarrels and breakups is more difficult work than it might seem, requiring daily attention and sensitivity to your inner state and the state of your partner, but these worries are worth it.

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What to do

Usually, after going through the above stages, you will already want to make peace even after a strong quarrel. But how exactly to do this? Start from the reason.

Pride

If one of your friends considers himself better than the other (in terms of social status, career growth, marital status, moral principles), this can hardly be called friendship. But if it is perennial, it means there is something above all this that has connected you for so many years. And you’ve probably already learned to put up with a crown on the head of one of you, so cool down and just continue communicating as if nothing happened.

If the cause of quarrels is your friend’s pride and inflated self-esteem, still make sure that in the heat of the conflict she does not humiliate you. If it constantly comes to this, the relationship is not worth renewing.

Resentment

Did you say something offensive to your friend? Apologize sincerely, give her a nice gift (chocolate, bottle of wine), admit that you were wrong. Knowing that she is so sensitive and vulnerable, next time think about what you say. And in general, if she has low self-esteem and gets hung up on any negative word, try to help her get rid of her internal complexes.

Did the quarrel happen because you were offended? You will have to work with your own self-esteem (we have already told you how to do this). What if what your friend said is true and needs to be corrected? If you are sure that her words are unfounded, let them pass you by - you are above this.

Envy

If you quarreled because she was jealous of your ideal relationship with a man, think: are you showing it off too much? Especially knowing that your friend is now having problems with her personal life? This also applies to any other areas. Do not be provocateurs of envy and there will be no conflicts. What to do? Go and explain to her that not everything is as good with you as she thought.

If you are envious, this is a reason to seriously think about why she was able to achieve the desired position, while your career stands in one place. Maybe we need to stop blaming her for getting into this chair in a not entirely honest way, and start working on herself? How to make friends in this case? Call, apologize, express admiration for her determination and ask for advice on how you can change your life for the better.

Outlook on life

She is an Orthodox believer, and you are an atheist? Or is she a vegetarian to the core, and you can’t live without fast food? If the reason for your constant quarrels is antagonistic views on life, avoid these topics and do not try to change it. And making peace in such cases is easier than ever. Treat her to something nice: invite her to dinner and make her favorite vegan arugula salad.

Jealousy

If the reason is jealousy towards a man (she has someone), she should not start quarrels, like “Oh, you traded me for him,” but wait patiently until their candy-bouquet period ends. Everyday life, grinding, gray everyday life will begin, and guess who she will run to with all these problems? Of course, to you.

If you have a man and they are jealous of you, reassure your friend, explain to her that this relationship will not affect your friendship. Pay more attention to her, show her that she still means a lot to you - and the conflict will be resolved.

If the reason for the quarrel is jealousy towards other women claiming to be a friend, then you need to let go of the situation and not throw tantrums. True relationships will stand the test, but if not, that means it’s not destiny, and you shouldn’t regret it.

Finance

This issue must be resolved openly, without hints or circumlocutions. All grievances and complaints should be expressed, but in a calm tone. If both value friendship, a compromise will definitely be found.

How to make peace with your girlfriend if you had a big fight with her

Try to analyze the situation to understand what exactly happened. To improve your relationship, guys, be self-critical and even if you are sure that nothing is to blame, take some responsibility for what happened. In any conflict of any couple there is always the fault of both.

Whatever your level of responsibility, as a man, after a quarrel you should apologize. But one word “sorry” will not be enough.

Be sincere in your repentance, and do not just work off the offense. Girls are very sensitive, they easily recognize falsehood in words.

If your relationship has broken down to such an extent that simple conversation cannot help, then you have committed a serious offense. Before asking for forgiveness, open the way to your girlfriend's heart. To make peace with a girl with whom he had a fight, it would be good for a guy to do this with a pleasant surprise or gift. It doesn't have to be anything significant. Sometimes a bouquet of flowers or an invitation to dinner will help. Perhaps after this, she will listen to you favorably

Do not think that asking for forgiveness is the height of humiliation or something shameful for you. If you are wondering how to improve your relationship with a girl, it means you care that you are in a quarrel. You miss her and would rather return to your old relationship. Admitting your guilt and asking for forgiveness is an act worthy of a real man.

Does she accept you, but still continues to “sulk” after a quarrel? Organize an activity that will keep her distracted and entertained.

Give more compliments than usual

Start a conversation about how you value your relationship and why bringing back peace is so important to you

Try to talk about plans, at least for the near future. Girls love to plan relationships. This gives them a guarantee of stability and allows them to relax a little.

If your relationship is starting to get back on track, take a romantic weekend getaway. Somewhere and just the two of you. This will help you finally get closer.

10.

And if everything has calmed down and no one remembers the quarrel anymore, start thinking about how you should treat each other in order to prevent such conflicts from happening again. Learn to negotiate, hear each other, respect other people's opinions.

Methods of reconciliation

When going to reconcile with a friend, think about how best to do it. You used a cheat sheet from psychologists and you know about the creative function of a quarrel, and that there is no one to blame for what happened. And she may still be upset and offended. Therefore, it is not always advisable to run to her with open arms - you can stumble upon a wall of ignorance and silence.

How to make peace with a friend:

apologize in person and explain your behavior (words) during a quarrel;
write a letter (if she is not yet ready for a personal meeting);
give a gift (you know better what will make her melt);
sit down and talk openly, find a compromise and dot the i’s (this approach is required after serious quarrels);
joke kindly, treat the conflict with humor (if you are sure that she will understand it);
When meeting, pretend that nothing happened and continue to communicate in the usual tone.

Do not think that by taking the first step you are humiliating yourself. Instead, you are showing your maturity and demonstrating how important this relationship is to you.

It's hard to say - you can always write

How to make peace with your best friend if direct contact with her is excluded? For example, she doesn’t want to see you and avoids you in every possible way, or you feel so guilty that you don’t find the courage to look her in the eyes. Even in such a situation, a solution can be found. You probably have access to her social networks or at least a mobile phone. So why not take advantage of at least this thread leading to a truce? Write her an SMS or personal message on VK with words of repentance, apologize for your statements, your behavior that offended your friend. Likewise, the prose in such a personal message will be a good option for an apology. For example:

“My dear friend, I really want us to quickly resolve all the misunderstandings between us! Forgive me if I was wrong about something! We have been friends for many years, and can resentment really come between us? Let’s not remember what happened and preserve our friendship for many years to come!”;

“Today I quarreled with a friend... Out of my stupidity, I offended my loved one... Darling, please forgive me, I was wrong! I am very sad and hurt at the thought that I could lose you. I promise to value our friendship and not do such stupid things again!”;

“Girlfriend, forgive me for my words. At that moment, I didn’t even understand that I could upset you so much... I miss you very much, I miss your voice and laughter. I hope that you will forgive me, and we will walk together again, chat and laugh... Do you remember how good we are together? “I remember, and I’m very sad without you... I would really like you to forgive me.”

You can write a similar message to a friend in your own words, and she is unlikely to remain indifferent.

Video “How to apologize to a friend”:

Fiasco

Unfortunately, quarrels between friends do not always end in reconciliation. In some situations it is simply impossible. You shouldn’t go through humiliation just to get the relationship back if:

the friend returned the gift (this means a final break);
stole your boyfriend or husband;
told others unpleasant things about you;
never asked for forgiveness and never took the first step towards reconciliation;
lied to you often and a lot;
I didn’t trust you with everything, at the same time I had 5-6 more similar friends;
used your finances without restrictions, without investing a penny in joint events;
poured out her soul to you, never sincerely interested in your affairs.

These are extreme situations, indicating that the woman you thought was your friend may not be one at all. Such things cannot be forgiven.

If you have a quarrel with a friend, the best decision is to abstract yourself for a while, and then look at it from the outside in order to objectively evaluate it. Follow the instructions from psychologists, and then reconciliation will not take long to arrive.

How to reconcile friends?

If two girlfriends or two friends have a strong quarrel with each other, you can sympathize with their mutual friend: he will know all the details of the conflict and will probably not feel too good when he realizes that choosing a side in it will mean the loss of communication with one of the girlfriends (with one of friends).

But there is a way out: you can try to bring them to reconciliation:

Talk to each of them separately. Try to convince them that they need to meet and talk. Tell your vision of the conflict, but do not take sides, and offer several compromise options. Perhaps these conversations will allow them to look at the situation differently and make peace.
If none of them is ready to discuss the conflict alone with the other, you can try getting together as a group and discussing the situation together.
Tell them that it is unpleasant for you to see them quarrel, remind them how much they valued joint communication before the conflict. Try to prevent a repeat scandal in your presence. Ask clarifying questions (“Why do you think that she…”, “What would you do in her place?”), offer compromise options (“Why don’t you try…”, “Have you thought about such an option as ..."), and perhaps you will be able to reconcile them. During the dialogue, try to remain calm.