Cheating is always pain, rejection and a search for answers to numerous questions. And there are even more of them when it turns out that the wife cheated with a friend. As it turns out, men react worse when their wife leaves for someone else rather than someone else. Sometimes it comes to tragedy, as in the well-known story with David Clarke. Having learned that his wife was leaving for a friend, the deceived husband could not stand it. The shock of what he heard was so strong that David killed his soul mate, immediately repenting of it. He called the police himself and told about what happened.
Why did this happen, where does this attraction come from and what to do about it?
Why does this happen?
It is generally accepted that men cheat because of their nature, but women cheat because of significant problems. But psychologists say that cheating on both sides has serious reasons - problems in relationships or the personality of the cheater.
Men sometimes have the wrong idea about what is good and what is bad. When they describe the situation with their wife leaving, they often use the phrase: “Everything was great, but at one point it turned upside down.” It seems to them that if the wife is silent, does not break the dishes, lies next to her every evening, everything is fine. Well, just think, she refused sex a couple of times! Or twenty times. Still no reason to panic.
Meanwhile, next to a completely happy husband, a wife lives for a long time, in whose soul demons and passions are raging. Each person is unique, and it cannot be said that one reason led everyone to such a radical decision. But that it was there is no doubt. It was only from a male point of view that everything happened suddenly. In fact, it accumulated over months and years.
Are you ready to forgive?
Of course, it is important how your friend feels, but think about whether you yourself are ready to forgive the betrayal with another woman and try to restore the relationship.
It is often difficult to accept the fact that you have been betrayed. Pride is suffering greatly at the moment. Listen to yourself and determine how her cheating with another girl makes you feel.
If you want to stay with her, some things will have to change because rebuilding trust won't be easy. Start with an honest conversation about a shared future.
It is highly recommended to emphasize the importance of honesty as the basis of relationships. If you are going to rebuild trust, it is important to be completely honest with each other.
Why does a wife decide to cheat? 2
There are many reasons:
- lack of emotional intimacy with her husband. Stands out as the main one. If there is no trust and acceptance in the family, a person lives as if in a case of unspoken words and unfulfilled desires. This situation cannot last long; sooner or later an explosion occurs, which is expressed in suicide, addiction, betrayal;
- dissatisfaction with sex life. This side of family relationships plays a significant role. Even if everything else is calm, failure in sex will lead to divorce. However, experts say that it does not happen that everything is good and everything is bad in sex. It’s just that one side does not notice the problems of the other;
- lack of attention. Here we can say that no one is to blame. The husband believes that he takes care of his wife, disappearing all day at work, getting mammoth for the common hearth. And she lacks the confidence in her own attractiveness and neediness that compliments, hugs and kisses give. Feels abandoned and unwanted;
- psychological incompatibility or unpreparedness for a long-term serious relationship. This can manifest itself on the part of both men and women;
- bad habits of the husband, moral or physical violence.
The reasons may be general or deeply individual. And only one of them is the wife’s sexual preferences. Perhaps there was a situation in which she felt attracted to people of the same sex, but carefully hid it. Family life, which brought deep disappointment, led to the fact that the secret came out. And then he leaves the family, but not for another, but for another.
Ways to forget your lover
If the news of your lover's betrayal hurt you so much that you decided to break up with her because you understand that you cannot forgive her, then you will face another problem: how to forget your ex? The problem is complicated by the fact that you may still love your ex-girlfriend, that is, the breakup was forced, and you are constantly reminded of the fact of betrayal.
Ways to forget your ex:
- Throw away everything that reminds you of your ex. To think less about her and everything she has done, you need to throw away her gifts, things, photographs of her, etc.
- Stop communicating with her. It is strictly forbidden to see her, call her, or talk to her. Even on social networks we remove her from friends so that there is no temptation to become interested in her life.
- Realize the situation. Understand that only a girl left your life. Let your ability to love remain. It will come in handy when you again meet an interesting girl with whom you want to have a relationship.
- Mind your own business. Get busy with work, immerse yourself in your hobbies or daily activities, in other words, take a break.
- Play sports. You can get yourself in shape to meet your future love, thereby freeing yourself from negative emotions through strength exercises.
- Do self-hypnosis. Close your eyes and imagine that your past love is a shackle that prevents you from moving. Want to remove them, get rid of them.
Why with a friend?3
Why does a wife leave not for a man, but for a woman?
There is no accident here either. They say they drank too much and accidentally ended up both in bed. Well, why not lie like logs next to each other? That's how it all happened.
Perhaps this is how it started. And sometimes that’s where it ends. The wife does not leave her legal husband, no scandal happens. Especially when he doesn't find out.
But if the story continues, we can talk about same-sex relationships. Experts have a slightly different attitude towards lesbian love than towards male homosexuality. If homosexuality is not an acquired, but an innate property of a person, and it is impossible to cure it, then in relation to women, innateness has not been proven.
A homosexual man accepts women only as friends. Ladies, admitting their lesbian nature, are interested in men. According to those who participated in the studies, 95% of communication with men led to kissing, and 78% to sex.
The reasons are mainly acquired:
- Upbringing
If there were no men around a girl, or there were some, but they were unworthy, her idea of the male world is distorted. In this case, she has a negative attitude towards all representatives of the stronger half of humanity. Mom throws wood on the fire, convinced that men are unworthy and unfaithful parasites.
- Changing gender roles
A woman takes on so much that she exhausts herself and makes her husband weak. He becomes unable to maintain the correct gender orientation, and she becomes tired and embittered. As a result, she either transfers her resentment and anger to her daughter, or she herself goes headlong into the female world.
- Insincere and not close relationship with mother
The girl sublimates all her unspent emotionality in her relationship with her friend.
- Revenge
If there was a story in the past where a woman suffered because of betrayal or harbored a grudge against her husband, the thought of revenge begins to mature in her mind. Nothing hurts a man's pride more painfully than betrayal of him, his beloved. And if the wife leaves for a woman, it hurts even more. In this case, she consciously makes a connection with a person of the same sex.
- Lack of attention or resentment
He comes to the conclusion that men are smeared with one world, if they go to another, everything will happen again. This gives an impetus to move in the other direction.
- Dissatisfaction with sex life
Especially when the man is rude and selfish. The wife goes to her friend to heal her emotional wounds. And having met understanding, experienced tenderness and acceptance in bed, he is convinced that women are better than men. This view is confirmed by numbers - in sex with her own kind, she achieves orgasm 6 times more often than with the opposite sex.
- Inability to build relationships in a heterosexual family
Indeed, it is much easier to be in a relationship with a woman, to feel that you will always be understood, even if you don’t understand yourself very well, and will be helped in the way you need at that very moment. Are rude and tough men who understand nothing about women’s emotions capable of this? In same-sex relationships, you don’t need to spend a lot of effort to understand the motives and consequences of your partner’s actions, everything is clear and simple. If a woman does not have much experience in communicating with the strong half of humanity, she stumbles upon sharp corners, hurts herself and becomes disappointed, unable to understand male psychology. A relationship with another young lady seems to be the best way out.
- Low self-esteem
Experts say that the struggle for the chosen one has migrated from the male environment to the female environment. The girl is flattered that a serious battle is being waged for possession of her. How to resist the winner, or rather, the winner?
- External unattractiveness
Forces you to go through life, making your way through force, which is already a masculine type of behavior. It is taken into adulthood and embodied in interpersonal relationships.
- Thirst for entertainment
If a woman thinks that her life is boring and gray, a man cannot surprise and please, but wants new sensations, then she goes for such an experiment.
All these reasons lead to the husband stating that his wife cheated with a friend. And it may happen that over time she will be disappointed in her impulses and restore the status quo of her family.
But if the problems lie deeper and they are not resolved, the story drags on. That’s when the question arises completely according to Chernyshevsky.
What to do?4
Psychologists say that, by and large, it doesn’t matter whether the wife cheated with a friend or with another man. The fact of betrayal is obvious. And only the husband can decide what to do with the current situation. Of course, you can proudly turn and walk away, and then talk about the cruelty and infidelity of the entire female race. Or you can understand the situation and try to level it out.
Dos and don'ts:
- Be sure to talk first. It is impossible to correct the situation if it is not clear which way the wind is blowing. It may happen that this step will be decisive. It is important for a woman to be heard and understood. When this is achieved, the problem is easier to solve. And if both agree to work on repairing the family boat, success is guaranteed;
- In any case, a man needs to do everything to quickly get out of the state of shock and stop suffering. It is especially dangerous to remain in a stressful state for a long time, as this has a negative impact on health;
- if the situation is complicated with the inclusion of homosexual inclinations, it is better to let go of your ex-life friend and start a new page in your biography;
- maintain your own dignity in any case. Establish the reasons, but do not stoop to scandals and showdowns, do not discuss with friends and strangers, do not brand with shame on every corner. Otherwise it will be difficult to be called a man;
- think constructively. This means doing everything to solve the problem, and not stroking your ego;
- do not try to hold on, do not beg to return or stay, do not blackmail with children. A priori a losing strategy, nothing will be achieved;
- don’t wait for him to come to his senses, but start to improve his own life. Do what you love, communicate with other people, earn money;
- don’t decide for her, don’t come up with ways out of the situation. It is better to accept the situation and allow the wife to do as she wants;
- accept as an axiom that half the blame for what happened lies with the man. Having understood this, change, at least so that the situation does not repeat itself. And in general, decide for yourself what you want and don’t want. This will help you decide on a strategy for a happy life;
- but there is no point in trying to direct your ex-wife to the true path, it will only have the opposite effect;
- if you still want to get your wife back, you need to understand what her aspirations and desires are, what thoughts and emotions forced her to cheat, and change the situation, give your wife what she so lacked - care and attention;
- some experts advise to act tough. They claim that for the wife it is all a game. When he's played enough, he'll come to his senses. To make this happen faster, you need to limit her in finances, communication with children and other help. This will make you sober up and return to your family. Of course, you can follow the advice, but the result is difficult to predict.
There is a way out of any situation, the main thing is that there is a desire and desire to reach the end.
