What is the friend zone in relationships between girls and guys?

The friend zone is a relationship between a man and a woman in which one person is in love, and the other uses it for his own purposes (knows about the feelings and manipulates them). Sometimes this means sincere friendship between a guy and a girl, in which one of the participants in the relationship is in love with the other. One way or another, there is no official term or concept in psychology, but in everyday life such a problem occurs quite often. Let’s look in more detail and in simple terms at what the friend zone is in relationships between guys and girls.

What is a friend zone

What does the concept of “friend zone” mean? In simple terms, this is a friend zone. Translated from English, the word friend zone has exactly this meaning. Now it’s impossible to say exactly who coined the term friend zone, but it is believed that the concept was first introduced in the TV series “Friends.” There the context was as follows: “If you don’t tell a girl about your feelings for too long, she will begin to perceive you only as a friend.”

What does the friend zone mean in the 21st century in youth slang, what is it for young people? Let's give a definition. This is a special type of relationship between a man and a woman, in which one person is in love, and the other takes it for granted. More often you can hear that a man finds himself in the friend zone, but girls are not immune from this.

What is it for men and women or options for exploiting the feelings of a person in the friendship zone:

use it as an alternate airfield (“If I don’t meet anyone normal before I’m 30, I’ll marry you”);
ask to fix something at home, cook a meal, give you a ride, do coursework, substitute at work, etc.;
relax/have fun/study/do something else at his/her expense;
assert oneself at the expense of another person (it’s flattering that there is someone “at your beck and call”);
attract into a love relationship so that the partner becomes jealous;
use it as a ticket to a relationship with another person (you can “extort” a lot of information about his best friend from someone who is in the friend zone).

One way or another, such relationships are unhealthy. And the one who suffers the most is the one who finds himself in the friend zone.

Why the friend zone doesn't really exist

"How so?!" - you will be indignant. After all, almost everyone has a story in their repertoire where someone takes advantage of the person they fall in love with. Some for sex, some for help - you never know how to drain someone else’s resources. But what does the friend zone have to do with it? There is no smell of friendship here on all sides. It's just one person trying to improve his life at the expense of another.

Love cannot be earned. If you are forced to do this, bargained with, lured with promises, nothing good will come of it. No need to fight windmills, just leave the battlefield.

With relationships, everything is much simpler than it seems. Let's say you are in love with a person who cannot reciprocate your feelings. He offers to remain friends, and it’s up to you to agree or refuse. At this particular moment, friendship or nothing is possible between you.

The very concept of “friend zone” here is manipulation in its purest form, but not from the side it seems. Let's take the classic situation that people love to exploit. Our hero, a good boy, rushes to his friend’s aid, stays nearby in difficult times, and spends time with her. But he does not count on symmetrical help and support, which would be logical to expect from friendship, but on sex. And the main complaint, as a rule, lies precisely in this: he did so much for her, but she “didn’t give.”

The friend zone seems to imply that there is an unspoken agreement according to which one person owes the other sex for a good attitude. So, surprise: there is no such agreement.

Sex is not a bargaining item, not a reward for anything, and not an obligation, even in marriage. And courtesies are not investments that should bring profit.

Another function that justifies the existence of the friend zone is to soften the blow to the ego. You are so good, but you were rejected. It's not because there's something wrong with you. She is the mercantile monster. The truth is somewhere in the middle. Perhaps it’s the same with you and with her. The feelings are just not mutual. There is no need to look for anything special in this.

Types of friend zone

Since there is no official concept of “friend zone” in psychology, there are no official classifications of this phenomenon. However, at the everyday level, two types of friendship zones can be distinguished:

With expressed feelings. The one who feels sympathy directly communicates this to the other.
With secret feelings. The one who feels sympathy does not talk about his feelings. Another person may or may not guess this.

It happens that one participant in a relationship knows about the feelings of the other, but pretends that nothing like that is happening. This is due to the fact that he is not ready to enter into a more serious relationship, but he also does not want to offend a person or lose a friend.

Why the friend zone is often associated with sexism

Anyone can fall in love without reciprocity. But men more often find themselves in the friend zone, and this is not due to the special prudence of their lovers. They’re just more often Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross‑sex friendship are attracted to their friends of the opposite sex, while women are just friends.

This may be partly due to the fact that men have a larger area of the brain responsible for sexual desire. But there is another important detail. It is easier for women to be friends with men because they perceive them as people suitable for this kind of relationship - interesting, fulfilling and equal. Worthy of friendship. It doesn't always work the other way around. Even the term girlfriend zone appeared. It means that the girl is interested in the man only in terms of a romantic relationship. The possibility of friendship is not even considered.

Moreover, often a girl's feelings do not matter. After all, her “no” is not taken seriously. She promises friendship, honestly makes friends, and then receives complaints and attempts to impose a feeling of guilt for “offending a sweet boy,” simply because she kept her promise. And upon closer examination, it turns out that that same “good guy” could easily turn out to be the main villain in this story. Because all his good attitude is based on the illusion that this way he can achieve what he wants.

It seems like the friend zone is a friendship zone. But it turns out that he’s not much of a friend. It is unlikely that our “good boy” will be offended that his classmate, whom he carried home drunk at five in the morning, did not sleep with him. He doesn’t count on a hot sex marathon with an acquaintance whose car urgently needed to be “lighted up” on his day off.

All of these things are normal parts of friendship. And if you agreed to it, be friends as human beings.

Julia

Understands the value of friendship.

After the divorce, I only talked a lot with one guy. We went for walks, drinking tea, coffee, wine and any liquids in general. Gallons of liquids. This dragged on for a very long time, a year to be exact. During this time, I managed to fall in love with him and move away from the divorce.

And then one day, after a beautiful evening with wine, he called me home under the pretext “I’ll give you a bottle of apricot moonshine that my dad makes.” We downed a couple of glasses, settled down in the living room on a huge sofa, he turned off the lights so that the starry sky could be seen... and turned on YouTube. We watched the clips until my patience ran out and I went home.

But I am very glad that I have such a wonderful friend. And I believe that the roles that people play in our lives are chosen not by us, but by them. If a person is given to me not as a lover, but as a comrade, I need to rejoice in him, and not in his function.

Signs

Signs of a friend zone for a guy and a girl are common.

How to tell if you are in the friend zone:

you are introduced to others as a friend, addressed to you as a friend (“everyone would like a friend like you,” “I would like a guy like you,” etc.);
you are told too many details about your personal life;
you are not invited or very rarely invited to evening walks, but at the same time they communicate with you a lot during the day;
there is almost always a third person at your meetings;
you have seen your opponent in every form and light (perhaps you are being consulted on “what to wear to impress him/her”);
your opponent is very reserved in physical contacts or, on the contrary, behaves extremely cheekily towards you (in romantic relationships, physical touches are characterized by sensuality, caution or “accident”);
sometimes you sleep in the same bed without any sexual connotation.

Note! Being in the friend zone does not exclude the possibility of sexual relations. Some men and women believe that sex is not a hindrance to friendship.

You are like a sister to me

Some guys are so afraid of responsibility and try to evade it that they come up with various excuses. Most often they are inspiring and harmless. But know that if you hear something like this from a man, then you are in the friend zone:

"I'm busy. . " (=does not respond within 2-3 days). Don't let him fool you. Even if he is sooo, no, not even like that. Even if he is sooooooooo busy, but he is interested in you, he will answer in the evening after work, the next day in the morning or at lunch. If he is silent for more than 24 hours, then you are just a friend who can wait.
“I’m so busy right now with work/study/I have a session/aliens have arrived, I need to cut a water well for them/I need to save the Earth from zombies.” No no no. These are soft excuses. It doesn’t seem to be rude, but it seems that somewhere in the girl’s heart there is a smoldering hope that everything will change soon. In most cases it will not change.
“You are a very cool friend. I appreciate you. You're an amazing girl." Run, wave your hand at him and run. Be a Goddess for another, open up the world of other men, post photos on Instagram in your underwear. Just run away from this swamp, throwing this suitcase without a handle into the kalyuzha.
He doesn't know your birthday, where you work, or what you eat for breakfast. Can you write a three-volume book about his habits and hobbies? Why do you need it?
A man often stares at girls and tells you about his love affairs.
Ignores your proposals for a meeting, makes excuses or blocks any manifestations of sympathy, and moves away from the topic of sympathy. Or, on the contrary, he has a roller coaster, then he plays with you, then he ignores you again.

Causes

Reasons why relationships don't go beyond friendship:

Indecisiveness. It happens that one or both participants in a relationship do not dare to talk honestly about everything. This is especially true for those situations where the relationship really resembles friendship.
Lack of physical traction. It happens that a person is attracted by his inner world, but is not at all interesting as a sexual object.
Fear of ruining friendships. Again, this is relevant for those relationships that are similar to real friendship, where everything is fair and no one takes advantage of anyone. In this case, the delay on the bench is due to the fear of losing a friend. After all, if a person refuses the offer to date, then it will definitely not be possible to make the relationship the same as it was before.
Self-doubt and complexes. This is true both for the one who finds himself in the friend zone and for the one who is friendzoning. For example, a girl thinks that no one can perceive her as a woman, and therefore ignores all the guy’s hints and becomes friends with him. Or a guy tries to be a friend to a girl because he is afraid of rejection and does not dare to offer more. But this rather relates to the first reason.
Psychotrauma. It happens that all the girls or guys end up in the neutral zone, because at one time a person was very disappointed in the opposite sex and is now afraid of close relationships.

The reasons for entering the friend zone are not much different for men and women.

Can friendship turn into love?

Certainly. In the same "Friends" with which we began, the love of Monica and Chandler grew out of a very real friendship. And this happens in life, but feelings originate precisely from friendship, and not from the consumer attitude that characterizes typical “victims of the friend zone.”

Maria

Married a friend.

We played together on the university team for “What? Where? When?" and were friends. Then he had an accident and was locked at home. I was sad, I went to visit him - by the way, not alone, but with someone else. He was there alone and such a sweetheart. At that time I came out of an unsuccessful relationship. Then we were still friends, but I already liked him.

I still found myself in some kind of romantic stories, because I didn’t understand whether he liked me. Then she confessed. And we started dating. It turns out that from the friendship of six people to living together and getting married, about five years passed.

How to understand that you are in the friend zone

How to understand that you are in the friend zone? The signs of a friend zone in men and women are not much different, but in each case some things are less common and some more common. Let's look at the most typical characteristics of the male and female friend zone.

What is a friend zone for men or how can a guy understand that he is in the friend zone:

he constantly sacrifices his time and interests for the sake of the girl;
he is more open in expressing his feelings than the girl;
the girl pretends that she does not understand the guy’s hints;
if sex happened “drunk,” out of pity, or as a consolation, then the girl pretends that nothing happened.

How to determine a girl's friend zone:

she is ready to help a guy at any time of the day or night, listen, call, exchange messages, come to visit;
the girl invests more in the relationship than the guy;
others perceive them as a couple;
the guy talks about his victories on the love front, and the girl not only listens, but also advises something, helps to improve relations with competitors.

Interesting! It's not just indecisive guys and girls who end up in the friend zone. Overly annoying people also run the risk of being out of work.

Definition in simple words

The friend zone is a relationship format in which one is in love, and the other perceives him exclusively as a friend.

This concept is surrounded by several myths. According to the most common one, it is impossible to get out of the friend zone. Once a person falls into it, he is forever forced to be content with only the modest role of a friend.

Other legends say that in reality there is no friendship. The object of adoration sees the torment of her unlucky lover, but does not attach any importance to it, keeping it in reserve so that she can use it if something happens. Sometimes this does happen, but this is the exception rather than the rule.

How to distinguish the friend zone from falling in love

How to distinguish the friend zone from falling in love? If you and your opponent contribute approximately equally to the relationship, then this is sympathy. If you both are embarrassed about something, behave with restraint, try to please each other, then this is also sympathy. When falling in love, both participants in the relationship think about each other’s feelings and take care of them.

The psychology of the friend zone looks especially interesting when people communicate on social networks, for example, on VK. The object of sympathy does not see anything wrong with sending a “friend” a heart emoticon. However, the color yellow and a yellow heart are believed to be a symbol of the friend zone. Although many people are sure that any heart in correspondence other than red means a friendship zone.

Interesting! There is an unofficial friend zone day. True, I was never able to find the exact date on which it is celebrated. Some people focus on February 14, and others on July 30 (International Friendship Day).

Which way to go?

How can a girl get out of a guy's friend zone? Let's look at one option that can work if properly organized, and a dozen things that should not be done at all.

Studying

Is it possible and how can a girl get out of the friend zone? Can! The first thing to do is to study the man thoroughly. For this purpose, there are a huge number of services in life and on the Internet:

In a conversation, you can carefully ask him about many things: what kind of women he likes, what behavior he expects from them, what he wants to get, what kind of relationship is ideal for him, etc.
Look at his Instagram, who likes him and comments on his photos, who he likes. Just when you look at the page of a suspected goat, do not accidentally click like on the photo so as not to get burned ☺
Draw up a natal chart with interpretation. It's good if you know his date, time and place of birth. It is this card that will help you take a closer look at his hidden character traits.
In the natal chart you can find out which girls a particular man likes. Her image is already embedded in his head at birth. For guys, the image of a muse is indicated by the Moon and Venus. We need to look at which signs are the rulers of the planets. Next, you need to enter into the search the data “the man has Venus in Taurus, Moon in Aquarius” (just change it to your data). Upon request, you can read an exemplary female image that inspires and appeals to him.
Study his zodiac sign. There are a huge number of descriptions of zodiac signs on the Internet.
View his love card. This option is also suitable for studying a man’s personality.

If you really want this man, then spend a week or two studying his characteristics. You need to become the way he likes. And when you collect all the data, you can appear in a new role. If you don't want to do all this, then don't torture yourself. Maybe not for him, but for someone else you are the whole world.

When a girl adjusts her appearance and character, the guy’s connections and stereotypes about her gradually change. But this “wow effect” only works for 15-20% of men . And it is this small percentage that wants to start a relationship with a changed girl.

change yourself

But remember that by helping others, we often help ourselves. You need to change not for the sake of someone, but only for yourself. And in the course of these changes, you will realize that you have outgrown such a “friend zone” and come out of the problem with your head held high.

Here are some more tips to think about:

Develop yourself. Study what interests you. Accumulate knowledge. They will be useful to you in the future to drive men crazy with your erudition.
Look well-groomed and expensive. We have several articles on this topic for you.
Try the “Sticky Look” technique on him to charm him.
Keep everything in balance! You don't need to worry, but worry.
Be weak as a woman, but don’t be hysterical.
You need to be easy-going, let go of situations quickly, as if you were ripping off a band-aid. And never whine or be boring.
Develop and accumulate your new interests. If you plunge headlong into study or work, then there is no time to think about the Prince who is friendzoning. He works and doesn't think about you. So, why are you doing this?
You shouldn't text him every day. If he disappears, then try to shake him up with a couple of provocative SMS.
Cultivate willpower. You will then love yourself even more for this quality!

Now you know how to get a girl out of the friend zone quickly and forever. In most cases, such changes have a beneficial effect on the girl herself. Even if she won’t be together with her cherished dream guy, it means she needed to go through this path and change something in her head. You need to look for the positives in everything.

What does not work

Almost nothing works. Here is a list of what not to do:

Present. Yes, you can give one cute card. But that's enough. There is no need to systematically shower him with gifts in the hope that he will want something with you. A girl who is wooed automatically is not interesting to a man. He should be the one pursuing you.
Ignore. This does not work. Does not work . If he doesn't care about you, then if you disappear for a day, a week or a month, then he will forget about your existence.
Vest. Maybe you are a good person by nature, you can listen and support anyone. But don’t become a man’s vest. He will cry and run on a date with Katya. And you will remain alone.
Provocative pictures on social networks. This is the bottom from which there is no way out. He will admire your bodies and will no longer want to puzzle you out, because he has already seen everything.
Don't write that you miss you. No need. He doesn't deserve this.
Do not voice your joint plans for the wedding and children that were born in your head.

After we have considered our question: how to get a girl out of the friend zone, the choice is yours. But remember that guys are attracted to those princesses who have high self-esteem, love and respect themselves. Keep shining.

Sources used:

https://omambe.ru/relationship/love/kak-vyjti-iz-frendzony
https://mansecret.net/kak-vyyti-iz-frendzony-parnyu/
https://prostolove.com/kak-parnyu-vyjti-iz-frendzony/
https://sexabout.ru/devushkam/kak-devushke-vyjti-iz-frendzony-u-parnya/
https://kikimoraki.ru/kak-vyjti-iz-frendzony-devushke/

Is it possible to get out of the friend zone?

Is it possible for a guy or a girl to get out of the friend zone? Psychologists, and even those who have learned from personal experience what a friend zone is, do not have an exact answer to this question. However, it is known that some people succeeded in this.

Here's what you can do to get out of the friend zone (advice from psychologists and recommendations from those who have left the friend zone):

Make it clear that you are not ready to be just a friend. Be direct about your feelings, stop being comfortable and always available.
Start actively meeting people of the opposite sex and telling your “friend” about it.
Develop yourself comprehensively. But it is important not to pretend to be someone who the object of sympathy supposedly likes, but to reveal your potential and gain self-confidence.

Ideally, it is better to stick to only the first point. Don’t humiliate yourself, don’t achieve, don’t prove anything. Although you can still turn your “friendship” into real friendships. For example, split the bill in a cafe in half, refuse sex (if you had it), stop constantly helping for “thank you,” etc. There is a high probability that this will speed up the resolution of the problematic situation: the one who friendzoned will completely break off the relationship or agree to date fully.

Important! If the issue is the complexes and traumas of the person who is friendzoning, then the “friend” will not be able to do anything.

A girl can also end up in the friend zone5

It is believed that it is girls who keep men close to them and play with their feelings, but psychologists have proven that this is not so. Many representatives of the strong streak consciously or accidentally give girls hope for a relationship, but manipulate them for sex, money or something else. The female friend zone is just as common, and maybe even more common, than the male friend zone.

At university, a guy can make promises to a girl, counting on her help in her studies, and at work - for completing routine, complex tasks.

Often, a girl is aware of the situation she is in, feels indifference to herself, but listens to promises of a possible happy future and idealizes a man, not wanting to notice all his shortcomings.

In this case, the logic is very simple - the lady believes that the man only needs to “work up” and then he will return to the lady of his heart, who has always been there. This is indeed possible, but only in some cases, and most often such relationships end in complete disappointment.

Using a person in love

Most often, it is the girl who accepts unnecessary advances, although the opposite situations are also not uncommon. What is a friend zone for someone who doesn't love?

This is a cold-blooded use of a person in love , shyly veiled under the phrase “this is my friend.”

All the talk about “I’m not like that, he came on his own, what can I do about it” is an attempt to put on a good face on a bad game.

The receiving party can be understood - such a pseudo-friend will rush to the rescue in the middle of the night, carry out small errands, congratulate you on all conceivable holidays, say that 10 extra kilos add grace to you, and in general, it’s nice to have a faithful dog on a short leash .

A person who respects himself will not allow such a humiliating situation for another. But there are few who are so strong in spirit.