How to conduct a dialogue and not lose interest in the conversation: the basic rules of a good interlocutor

Mutual understanding is a very delicate thing, and here it is important not only to conduct a dialogue, but also to be able to listen to the interlocutor. Paradoxically, this is not given to everyone, but if desired, communication can be learned. Do you want to know if you can find a common language with others? Take the test.

Read more

The art of maintaining a conversation can come in handy in the most unexpected situations. When meeting for the first time, at a social party, at an interview and even business negotiations that take place in an informal setting. It would seem that it could be simpler than chatting about all sorts of nonsense. But for some reason, this simple activity plunges many of us into a real stupor. And while we freeze, remain awkwardly silent, frantically come up with unfunny jokes, all the attention is attracted to those who behave in an easy and relaxed manner. How to learn to conduct small talk?

Homework

Well, we discussed the weather and the wonderful evening in the purple sunset, what next? Often people get stuck at the initial stage of a conversation. If no one can develop the dialogue further, awkward long pauses begin, unfunny jokes are used, but they only make the situation worse. What to talk about later, after the weather? It is worth preparing for this stage in advance. If you are going to an art exhibition, it would be a good idea to spend at least 30 minutes studying the subject of the exhibition. Several little-known facts can be presented to the interlocutor along with the phrase: “Did you hear that...” and the continuation of the conversation will not take long. Facts are usually followed by an exchange of opinions and impressions. Thus, you can find a lot in common with your interlocutor.

Completion

The most important thing to remember about learning how to communicate with people is to try to meet new people. Reading useful material like this article is just a help. You need to constantly take action to develop communication skills.

• keep starting conversations,
• be tactful
• polite,
• smile,
• take initiative
• maintain eye contact,
• ask questions
• The main thing is to listen carefully to your interlocutor,
• think about him
• be relaxed
• move forward and don't expect results.

So forget about what other people think about you and learn! Remember: we learn valuable lessons not only from successful attempts, but also from failed ones. Please share your experience in the comments.

Don't block the air

Some of us are so terribly afraid of drowning a conversation in silence that we start commenting non-stop on everything we see and hear. And some, in their unceremonious brightness, go even further - they begin to “shoot” jokes like from a machine gun. But people usually get tired of chatterboxes quickly, and endless jokes and witticisms in unfamiliar company can look inappropriate and stupid. But almost all strangers love a grateful listener. So be aware of this and learn to maintain a delicate balance between silence and chatter.

Third: ask open-ended questions.

Act like real journalists. Start your questions with “what,” “where,” “when,” and “how.” If you ask a simple question, you will get a simple answer. If you ask, “Were you scared?” - the interlocutor will react to the strongest word in the question, in this case “scared”, and the answer will be “yes” or “no”. “Are you angry?” - “Yes, I was angry.” Let the interlocutor tell it himself. He knows better what he felt. Better ask: “What was it like?” “How did you feel?” The other person will have to shut up for a second and really think, and then you will get a much more interesting answer.

Changing direction

It also happens that it is not you, but someone who imposes their society and topics of conversation on you. For 5 minutes you can still endure stories about the deep meaning of a large blot on a white sheet of paper, but if the degree of patience goes off scale, then the need arises to gently get rid of the unpleasant interlocutor. In this case, the phrase “Sorry, I need to find one person” is perfect for leaving. But you can use another technique - turn the tide of history and gently shift the conversation to a topic that interests you. Then the annoying interlocutor can leave on his own.

Small talk generator

Recently, a comic generator of small talk, or a real generator of nonsense, as it is also called, appeared on the Internet. You enter any word into the window and the program spits out an incoherent tirade of nonsense with the addition of the entered word. It’s a joke, of course, but you know what’s in every joke.

If you feel that an eloquent talker is not for you, and you are not given the opportunity to shine in public with eloquent, pompous reasoning, then perhaps the following thought will console you: often empty gossips who gracefully join any company and so can wag their tongues for hours at social events These same companies change elegantly and with lightning speed. While many truly bright personalities often fade away in public. Great scientists, writers and even statesmen more than once felt like little children when they had to casually chat about nonsense in secular society.

In general, probably, the main secret of charm in relation to any situation lies in only one thing - naturalness. Freeing your mind from prejudices and stereotypes is the only way to be an interesting person, regardless of company and society.

Where can you find topics for an interesting conversation?

The most interesting conversation happens when you don’t even know what you’re going to talk about with the person. Because such a conversation is like a roller coaster: it goes up sharply, then flies down, and then turns sharply to the right at great speed. This is not the same as having a boring conversation according to a plan.

But how to communicate with people so that it is interesting? Where can I get topics for conversation? And how to develop the conversation in an interesting and exciting direction? How to make contact?

1. Look around and find something interesting. Let's say you are at a meeting with a lot of people. At such meetings there are a huge number of potential interlocutors, so: go up to a stranger or your friend and ask him for what purpose he came here. At the same time, share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

1. Remember fascinating stories from life. If you want to be a very interesting conversationalist, memorize some of them. Having worked on pauses in the right places, changes in intonation, etc. When you start a conversation you will worry less.

1. Ask yourself: what could I ask the other person? And try to repeat it until you find something interesting. Our brain is designed in such a way that initially it gives the simplest and most obvious solutions, but over time it begins to dig deeper and deeper. Using this question will help you have a meaningful dialogue.

1. As a last resort, use standard questions: cinema, music, sports, etc. These topics can also be developed in an interesting direction.

How to develop a conversation and make it interesting? Listen to your interlocutor and ask about the details of the story, you can ask clarifying questions. It's all in the details - that's usually the fun part. Plus, you'll show the person that you're listening to them and not just standing in front of them and nodding. The ability to listen and hear your interlocutor will give you a lot of topics for communication with a new interlocutor.

Fourth: go with the flow.

Thoughts will come into your head and you need to learn to let them go. Often during an interview, you can hear a guest talking about something for a few minutes, and then the host asks him a question that is not related to the topic or that the guest has already answered. That is, the presenter stopped listening a few minutes ago, because he was coming up with this incredibly smart question and trying not to forget it under any circumstances. And we make the same mistake. We are talking with our interlocutor, and then suddenly we remember that the other day we met Hugh Jackman in a cafe.

And we immediately stop listening. Thoughts and ideas will come to your mind. Let them come, learn to let them go.

Differences in communication between men and women

The structure of the male and female psyches is different. Women are considered more talkative, while men are always considered silent. But this is a myth, a misconception. Practice shows that women can also be silent, and sometimes men cannot be talked over. Therefore, we will look at the main differences in communication between these two sexes.

1. The woman is focused on the communication process. It often doesn’t matter to her what to talk about, it is important that this process continues and does not end. Men are tuned to the result of the exchange of information. This is why sometimes it is difficult for the stronger sex to make many friends, since you cannot talk to many people about common activities.
2. Observations have shown that women are better listeners. They will sympathize, nod, shake their heads. Such manifestations are not typical for men unless they are trained to do so. The male population tends to interrupt and give an answer without fully listening to the question.
3. Men are brief in their statements. Women tend to use artistic expression and description. They can repeat the same question several times, while men do not see the need for this.

But these differences are relative. If a man wants to become a business coach, manager or any other specialist who needs to speak in front of a large audience, he can develop his communication skills, gradually become easier to communicate with, and earn the “audience award.” And some women want to become sociable and self-confident, since excess shyness gets in the way.

Tenth rule: be brief.

[Good conversation is like a miniskirt: short enough to keep you interested, but long enough to cover what's important.
— My sister] Can be summarized into one simple principle: be considerate of other people.

I grew up in the family of a very famous grandfather, and we had a kind of ritual at home. Various people often came to my grandfather to talk, and when they left, my mother used to come up and ask: “Do you know who it was? This woman is Miss America's runner-up. And this man is the mayor of Sacramento. This is a Pulitzer Prize winner, and this is a Russian ballet dancer.” And I grew up believing that everyone had some wonderful, weird secret. This is what helps me be a good broadcaster. I try to keep my mouth shut and my mind open more often than not, I'm always ready to be surprised and I'm never disappointed.

Do the same. Go and talk to people, listen to them, and most importantly, be prepared to be surprised.

Types of negotiations

In this section we will look at the main types and types of negotiations, their styles and format.

The main classification of negotiations distinguishes two types - positional and rational.

Positional negotiations

In this type of negotiation, you need to understand the positions of both parties and discuss their views on solving the problem.

There are two types of positional negotiation format:

• Soft - helps to reach an agreement and maintain favorable relationships. This can sometimes lead to ineffective solutions when parties make concessions to obtain a compromise.
• Hard - each side stands on its own, ignoring the position of the interlocutor.

For example, discussing the cost of renting a premises, when the tenant asks to reduce the price, and the landlord has already voiced his position. Opponents may come to a consensus, while agreeing to concessions, or may not achieve a positive result.

The most successful strategy in positional negotiations is a balance between the two formats, namely the desire to achieve the desired result while maintaining a positive relationship with the opponent. At the end of the article you will find useful tips and recommendations on how to negotiate competently.

Rational negotiations

They are also called principled negotiations, in which it is important to discuss and explore the interests of all parties. Partners develop solutions and achieve effective results. Each of them always wins more than they lose - unlike positional negotiations.

Participants can invite a third party to evaluate the solution - experts, economists, intermediaries or analysts.

Examples of rational negotiations. Building and maintaining international relationships or creating a common business - for example, a sports nutrition company and a supplier of fitness products open a center specializing in promoting a healthy lifestyle and related products.

The flip side of principled negotiations in international relations can be separate negotiations that are conducted with the enemy secretly from the allied states or without their consent, for example, to resolve military issues.

How to negotiate correctly:

• Outline the interests of the two parties and the subject of negotiations. Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and see the problem from his side, and if you have any doubts, immediately discuss the details.
• To reach an agreement, focus on common interests, not differences in positions.
• Work out mutually beneficial conditions and options for solving the problem. Don't be afraid to propose what you think is a "stupid" idea. Collaborative discussion can be compared to brainstorming, which helps to find unique and interesting business solutions.
• Evaluate the outcome of negotiations using objective criteria - these include, for example, available market statistics and pricing data.

Automation of email newsletters

Send chains of trigger messages: welcome, abandoned cart, reactivation, combining email, SMS and web push within one chain.

Set up trigger mailings

Test #2:

Your friend doesn't want to go to your party. You still want to convince her to come. Decide which phrase you will use for which type of people.

Test No. 1

Read what 6 different people say about their vacation. Based on them, determine the type of interests of each person.

If you have problems communicating, don't withdraw, speak up

This statement sounds strange, but it works. If you comment on the music being played, the interior design or the food served, and your interlocutors agree with your opinion, but are in no hurry to continue the conversation, continue to develop the topic you started, changing the emphasis a little. We talked about music - think about the soundtrack of some popular film that would sound most relevant now. If you discussed design, ask what colors your interlocutors prefer in the interior of the kitchen or living room. The conversation turned to food, you can discuss the specialties of your interlocutors. If all else fails, simply ask: “How do you know the host/hostess of the evening?”

Psychologists have another piece of advice: repeat the last thing your interlocutor said. This method for maintaining small talk is very effective. You can say, “I listened carefully to you. You said such and such. Agree that this is only one point of view. I think that ….". Make yourself a little closer to your interlocutor, speak in his words - this way you will win over the other person, which means you will allow him to feel more comfortable. This is all good for small talk.

Read more on gastronom.ru: Bon appetit, when and where it is appropriate to speak, and when it is prohibited

How to be an interesting conversationalist in any situation

Schools don’t teach you how to become an interesting person to others, but having learned a few simple rules today, you can easily “improve your skills” as an interlocutor. To begin with, there are two main conditions that you should remember:

1. You need to interest your opponent with the very first words, the first phrase.
2. Try to be brief. Too long monologues become tiresome and reduce the level of attentiveness and assimilation of the material.

INTERESTING FACT: According to research by German scientists, half of adults do not understand the meaning of a sentence if it consists of 13 words, while children have difficulty understanding phrases of more than 8 words.

Rules for conducting business negotiations

1. Set realistic goals and objectives. For example, if you want to attract an investor, evaluate his capital and think about the maximum and minimum amount he is willing to invest.
2. Try to adhere to democratic communication , do not show your power and authority, so as not to once again turn your interlocutor against you.
3. Study the background of your future opponent. Read about it on social networks or look for data through search networks, and also interview your friends. Analyze and find out what the weaknesses and strengths of the interlocutor are, what interests and needs he has, and also assess his financial condition. If you are engaged in the production of radio-controlled trains, and the future investor has a railway station in the lobby of the company, perhaps you will be able to come to an agreement with him faster.
4. When giving a speech to your opponent, back up your words with exact numbers. People want to clearly understand how much money they will spend and when they will receive a profit.
5. Ask questions and ask again if something is unclear . If you and your interlocutor work in different fields or have a big age difference, you may not find a common language from the first word.
6. Write down talking points and important information. This will help avoid ambiguity—and if there is any, you can ask follow-up questions at the end of the conversation based on your notes.
7. Don't make excuses to your opponent and don't show your weakness. If you are confused about any answer, calm down, drink some water and start again.
8. Avoid conflicts and disputes. If the interlocutor deliberately provokes a conflict, redirect the conversation in a different direction.
9. If the conversation drags on, take a break to defuse the situation. Concluding an agreement with a large company may require not one, but several meetings - so don’t worry if you don’t come to an agreement the first time.
10. Avoid being intrusive and give your opponent time to think about your words to make an informed decision.
11. Keep your promises. For example, if you predict the business will pay off in a year, achieve it.

Memo. You can cheat a little and ask for a larger amount, and then reduce it to the desired amount.

Focus on remembering new names

Very often, during small talk, the most important thing is to remember names. Agree, if you cannot remember the name of a person with whom you have already been introduced twice, this is not comme il faut at all.

After the introduction, repeat the name of your new friend 1-2 times. This can be done silently or out loud, greeting the person by name. This will make it easier for your brain to process the information. If someone has an unusual or rare name, ask them to repeat it again - clarify the meaning of the name or the history of its origin. Of course, when meeting someone, say your name clearly and moderately loudly.

If you have forgotten the name of a new acquaintance, discreetly ask one of the guests for help or listen to how the person is called in conversation. If all else fails, don't panic or get upset. Just say, “I can’t believe it, but I forgot your name,” or “I was so caught up in our conversation that I forgot your name.” This kind of forgetfulness is common and most people will forgive and understand you.