...A hand placed on the shoulder in time as a sign of support. A timid touch on your sleeve from an unfamiliar girl: “Do you happen to know how to find.?” A friend who, just by touching your hand, can change your seemingly spoiled mood for the whole day... Maybe we are also capable of crushing someone’s long-boring armor with a friendly touch?
Remember how on New Year's Eve the Nutcracker came to life from Marie's touch? And how did Sleeping Beauty awaken from her sleep thanks to the prince’s kiss? Do you remember the outstretched hands of God and Adam in Michelangelo’s fresco in the Sistine Chapel? And again: “He approached, he picked her up and took her by the hand, and immediately the fever left her...” When Zeus healed Io of madness, he stretched out his hand over her, and she gave birth to Epaphus. Apollo, as a healing god, also extended his hand over the sick.
Photo by Paige Cody
Such a wonderful power of touch is reflected even in language: in Greek, hands and divine powers are denoted by one word. I also remember a phrase that came to us from the Middle Ages: “The hands of the King are the hands of a healer.” Kings and emperors healed illness by the laying on of hands, and in books one can find examples of people being miraculously healed by the touch of a real magician king. In England and France this continued until the end of the Middle Ages. And there is also the miracle of the blessing of loving fatherly hands: “Isaac laid his hands on Jacob’s head with love, solemnly blessing him...”
Psychologists say that for us adults, to maintain a normal state of mind, we need at least eight hugs a day from a loved one who is significant to us. As for children, they literally need the encouraging touch of an adult. And just as when there is a lack of oxygen, a person begins to suffocate, and when there is a lack of affection, a person begins to get sick. Touch emphasizes closeness, attention, support, and allows a person to feel his importance and necessity.
Photo by David Núñez
These are facts that we can state. But still, I really want to understand what these mysterious laws of touch are that force us to seek, ask, silently demand this fleeting connection of two people. Why is this so dear to us? Is it because, as Plato said, we used to be one whole, and now halves roam the world, eager to find wholeness?..
The language of touch is the most productive communication
Why do we need to touch our interlocutor, what does touch give us, what lies behind it? This topic will not leave anyone indifferent, because contact between people occurs every day.
Sign language is called non-verbal. Nonverbal types of communication are no less important than verbal ones, since you can still control words over words, but not always over gestures.
Let's consider what types of nonverbal communication exist.
- Kinetic signals. This type refers to postures, body movements, gait and facial expressions. When talking, people add communication with kinetic gestures, helping to place semantic and emotional accents.
- Tactile actions. These are touches in the form of an encouraging pat on the shoulder, stroking, handshake and kiss. They are also important because they show the nature of social and personal relationships between people.
- Visual signals. A look can tell even more than a touch. How long the interlocutor looks into your eyes, how often he turns away, and the look itself can tell a lot about the interlocutor’s attitude towards you.
- Spatial position of the interlocutor. The nature of the conversation depends on its location. A one-on-one conversation requires a more intimate setting, while a public conversation requires a different one.
- Paraverbal communication. These are intonation, speed of speech, rhythm, pauses between words and phrases.
About support and early forms of communication
In the studies mentioned, touch had a positive effect not because people did nothing but hug.
It turns out that fleeting everyday touches are enough for us to feel better.
Experts attribute this to the fact that upon contact, the body produces oxytocin, a hormone that causes a feeling of satisfaction, reduces anxiety and increases trust in others. Also, regular stroking activates the parts of the brain responsible for socialization.
The need to form and maintain connections with others appears in people from birth. A child who has not yet learned to speak is already mastering the language of bodily interactions. This is a complex communication system for which we have evolution to thank.
American psychologist Matthew Hertenstein and his colleagues have proven that people are able to read emotional messages transmitted exclusively tactilely. Volunteers, touching random blindfolded colleagues, conveyed to them feelings such as anger, fear, disgust, gratitude, sympathy, and sadness. The recipients guessed these subtleties so accurately that even skeptics could not call it an accident. Moreover, the researchers described how different types of touch can convey a variety of emotions.
Thus, touch is very important for establishing and maintaining social connections and effectively helps us communicate our feelings on a non-verbal level. This is an additional language that we all speak without realizing it.
Why do we touch?
The most important tasks that touch solves:
- Friendly message. Another person's invasion of personal space causes rejection. But if a slight friendly touch occurs during an intrusion, then contact is established even between strangers.
- To attract attention. Often a person screams and does not hear other interlocutors, but even one touch on the arm or shoulder will make him pay attention to you or shut up.
- Touch as a way to restore mental balance. If a person is “knocked out” and cannot calm down, often a sympathetic hug is enough for the person to become calm and balanced.
- Power struggles. Often a light touch is enough to make the target of communication retreat from their positions. This technique is most often used by women.
What is takeshika
Takeshika is a science that studies the transmission of emotions, moods, and sympathies of people to each other through touch. The name of this discipline comes from the Latin word “tactilis”, which translates as “tangible”. The subject of study of takeshiki is close relationships between people, since tactile contact is present only in the communication of people who know each other well. The basis of takeshiki is the emotional connection between interaction partners.
In psychology, the tasks of takeshiki are:
- studying the characteristics of handshakes;
- studying the psychological component of tactile contact in the process of communication.
How to learn magic touches
Not every touch has a magical effect. For this “language” to bear fruit, the following conditions must be met:
- Have a pleasant appearance. The person who touches us should not cause fear and disgust.
- The touch should not be strong, but soft and light. Force is perceived as pressure, allowing our psyche to work against this pressure.
- Duration of touch. Too long contact does not give the desired effect.
- Speedy actions in the form of sharp contact lead to a negative reaction. Only smooth touches will help achieve the proper impact.
- Place of touch. You should only touch a stranger on the hands or forearms. Extremely rarely - above the elbow. Preferably from the front.
Often it is through touch that one can manipulate or dominate other people. Touch is the tool with which a person can achieve his selfish interests.
Why a lack of skin-to-skin contact is bad
Lack of regular touch can Floyd K. Relational and Health Correlates of Affection Deprivation. Western Journal of Communication have serious and long-lasting consequences.
People experiencing touch hunger grow Sharkey L. What Does It Mean to Be Touch Starved? Healthline level of anxiety, increased tendency to depression (and this also works in the opposite direction: the feeling of a lack of touch can be a consequence of depression). They feel Floyd K. What Lack of Affection Can Do to You. Psychology Today feel unhappy and unnecessary, and are more likely to suffer from alexithymia - the inability to express and interpret emotions. Also, tactile hunger can Kale S. Skin hunger helps explain your desperate longing for human touch. Wired to be one of the causes of sleep problems.
Also, due to lack of touching, Sharkey L. What Does It Mean to Be Touch Starved? Healthline develop a reluctance to form an attachment to someone - accordingly, a person’s chances of building a happy relationship decrease.
People with this condition are more likely to engage in substance abuse and to think about self-harm or suicide.
Lack of touch starts a “chain reaction” and can lead to Pierce S. Touch starvation is a consequence of COVID‑19's physical distancing. Texas Medical Center News to a whole cascade of negative Pietromonaco PR, Collins NL Interpersonal mechanisms linking close relationships to health. The American psychologist health consequences - from greater susceptibility to acute respiratory viral infections to cardiovascular disease and cancer. Stress caused by cortisol production literally destroys Cassata C. How Touching Your Partner Can Make Both of You Healthier. Healthline our body.
What does a man's touching a woman mean?
A girl in love often struggles with the following question: is the object of her adoration in love with her? After all, you don’t want to waste your time on someone who doesn’t like you at all. To find out for sure, it’s worth analyzing his body language. Then you can make the right decision about your relationship.
Looks won't deceive you
If your chosen one is not indifferent to you, then he will often catch your eye. Even being at a great distance from each other, you will see that he is looking only at you. Is this not enough for you? Then look him straight in the eyes. A guy who is infatuated with you will not be able to control his pupils: they will be greatly dilated.
Pose
Any man will behave like a male. When he sees the object of his adoration, he will stretch out and straighten his shoulders to look more confident and attractive.
If a man wants to get closer to you, then pay attention to his hands. The man's thumbs will be tucked under the belt of his trousers. What does this gesture mean? And the fact that he is not averse to continuing a closer acquaintance.
Touching the hand
A man in love will strive for frequent touching. When talking, he will touch his arm or palm. In this way, he tests the waters to see how you react to his desires to touch you.
If you like the guy, then also respond with gentle touches and looking him straight in the eyes.
If you are the object of his adoration, he will try to embrace you. To avoid being deceived, observe his behavior. If he rushes to everyone he knows with hugs, then this gesture is not in your favor.
Shyness or excessive talkativeness
A shy guy in love suddenly begins to amaze with his eloquence, and vice versa, the eloquent and joker next to you suddenly becomes silent and may even blush.
If a guy likes you, he will be interested in what you do in life, what your hobbies are. An indifferent person is not interested in listening to this.
Show that you also have sympathy. Take an interest in his life and his interests. Perhaps they coincide, then in front of you, as they say, is definitely “your” person.
Relevance
How to understand what a person is feeling at the moment and what he is thinking about? One way is to understand body language. You can learn a lot just by observing people's actions.
Learning body language takes time and may not be as precise as you would like, but by matching actions with context, you will undoubtedly learn more about who you care about. Knowing these things can give you some peace of mind and help you make informed decisions. Moreover, understanding someone's intentions can save you a lot of trouble and even motivate you to make positive changes in your personal life.
Touching is a common everyday occurrence, especially when you are surrounded by a lot of people. This is quite natural because as humans we want to communicate and interact in every possible way. Nowadays, different forms of communication are welcomed, be it talking, smiling or touching.
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How to behave correctly with a man
Family life consists of many situations, both pleasant and not so pleasant. Touching different parts of your loved one's body will help calm his anger, help him ask for forgiveness, and much more.
To apologize
You can sit next to you, put your hand on your knee, squeeze it lightly and quietly say: “Forgive me...”. No man can stand this and forgive! The knee is the most neutral part of the body. In addition, you will have to bend a little, showing your submission.
If a man's knee trembles, it means he is very irritated. Your words may not reach him. Pat your knee, pause and repeat your words. If your loved one turns to you, then you are forgiven.
There is another effective way: quietly press against his back. Even words are not needed here.
Ask for help
Extend your hands, palms up, and ask for help. The man will cover his palms with his hands, as if taking you under protection. You will make him feel his strength and power.
Calming aggression
If a man is about to “boil”, you need to touch his shoulder. But the touch should not be timid, but a little firm. So you pause in his head, and the man calms down. Touching the shoulder makes it clear that he is strong, so he can resolve the issue without aggression.
Persuasive gesture
The man doesn't want to do anything. By clasping your hands in a prayer gesture, you can achieve what you want.
Take your spouse's hands in your palms so that they are down. Then bring them together in a “prayer” position. Body contact, hand position from below and the right words will do the trick. He will sense your superiority at the moment and will fulfill your desire.
Stress management
A tired man, and even one who has experienced stress at work, can be quickly brought into a peaceful state. How to do it:
- Sit quietly next to him and start running through his hair to make him feel cared for and comfortable.
- Give a light neck massage or just stroke the neck area. A pleasant touch will relieve tension and stress.
You are super"
To show a man that he is the sexiest, slap him on the butt. This gesture means admiration.
I love…
Touching your cheek with your palm means a declaration of love. The guy's face is a very sensitive place. In films about love, this particular gesture is demonstrated many times. Kisses and love follow.
Invitation to...
To make it clear that you are ready for caresses today, move along the inside of your thigh. This is the most sensitive part of the male body.
Be tactile
Eric Berne, a psychiatrist and pioneer of transactional analysis, wrote that people cannot live without stroking, they wither and waste away without them. According to his theory, verbal interaction that is pleasant to a person can also be considered stroking. Modern science also believes that touch is vital for us, but we need to understand it not according to Eric Berne, but in the literal sense.
Scientists began to think about the value of live tactile communication by observing the development of infants. Premature babies, deprived of physical contact, gained weight worse, got sick more often and developed much more slowly. Any pediatrician who today prescribes a maternal “massage” for a baby, consisting of haphazard stroking, follows scientific recommendations developed half a century ago.
Today's mothers already know: the more they hug their babies, the more often they carry them in their arms, the healthier, smarter and happier they are.
Once a person enters adolescence, hugging becomes more difficult. You have to either go to the French teenagers, who will lean on their peers, or support the funny Free Hugs campaign by standing with a sign in places where there is a high concentration of nice people. Hugs was founded by Australian Juan Mann in 2004. Two years later, the Free Hugs movement became international. Organizers lament an age of social disconnect and insist that hugging strangers is nothing less than a “symbol of human hope.”
In fact, there is reason to believe in hugs, stroking, tapping and other procedures. A major scientific review from 2010 describes the positive effects of touch. A participant in the experiment, dressed as a salesperson, touched supermarket visitors when communicating, and they were more willing to go taste and buy something. It turns out that a bus driver is more likely to give you a free ride if you accidentally touch him when you ask. (Although you probably shouldn’t do this with Russian drivers and truckers.) In general, if you add a touch to a verbal request, you’ll be more likely to be treated to a cigarette and not even refused a stupid survey for a shopping center.
The secret is that physical contact with another person causes strong emotional experiences in us. People deprived of such contact feel unwanted and unloved, which scientists observe, for example, in nursing homes.
The absence or lack of touch in psychology is called tactile hunger. Scientists from the University of Arizona found that people who lack physical contact were more likely to experience anxiety disorders and depression, and were unable to decipher and express emotions.
Physical interaction strengthens the immunity of not only infants, but also adults. American researchers proved this in an interesting way: they locked 406 healthy people in a hotel and infected them with a virus that causes colds. Participants who received support more often, including physical support, had a milder illness. You could say that they wanted to sneeze at all sorts of acute respiratory infections! And if you are touched not just by some guy from the experiment, but by a truly close person, this can relieve pain.
Research on the benefits of having a warm hand touch your shoulder could fill a volume of popular science. But why does this work?
How to feel wanted
Not only the girl is afraid that the guy doesn’t like her, but the male half is also afraid of disappointment. How to tell a guy if a girl likes him.
- She doesn't look away when she looks.
- In your presence, he fiddles with his hair, straightens his hairstyle, throws his head of hair back, exposing his neck.
- Biting the lower lip or licking the lips.
- He touches his lips with his fingers.
- Blushes and feels embarrassed in your presence.
- He laughs at your joke, even if it’s not funny.
- Easily touches your fingers.
- Makes a turn in your direction when talking.
- Trying to get attention.
And this list goes on and on. Girls are more complex creatures. They can flirt without even thinking about continuing further communication. Therefore, it is more difficult for a guy to know whether he likes him or not. It's difficult, but anything is possible!
Pat on the back and hug
A pat on the back can indicate praise, sympathy, an expression of pride, or comfort from a partner. A hug can imply a greeting, as well as a request for closeness or a gesture of comfort.
Of course, a tight hug shows your partner's need for intimacy as well as a more personal connection. We often hug those close to us when we express concern and ask for protection and comfort. Hugging others makes people feel safe, but only when there is trust and intimacy.
Kisses
A kiss on the lips is usually romantic. A long kiss shows passion, comfort and sexual desire.
A kiss on the neck is almost always sexual in nature, while someone who kisses you on the forehead is showing affection, tenderness and love. Sometimes touching your lips to your forehead can imply sadness or indicate goodbye.
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A kiss on the cheek is a kind of greeting. Different cultures view this physical touch differently, but it is often a way to say hello or goodbye.
