Scientists have found that when we feel love, joy, fear and other emotions, certain substances and hormones are produced in the body. The influence of hormones is especially obvious when observing animals. It is not known for certain how much a person depends on the chemical reactions of the body.
AiF.ru figured out what substances, according to scientists, make up the “formula of love.”
Crush: phenylethylamine*
This chemical is located in the core of the brain - the amygdala. It promotes the expression of emotions such as sympathy and love attraction.
According to the psychochemical hypothesis of researcher Michael Liebowitz), phenylethylamine is produced in the brain the moment a person meets someone he likes. At the same time, we are overcome by emotions and excitement, the cause of which is precisely phenylethylamine. Note that this theory has not yet been fully confirmed by scientists.
Phenylethylamine is present in chocolate, sweets, and diet drinks. However, the substance is very quickly destroyed and broken down even at the initial stage of digestion. For the state of love, it is phenylethylamine that is secreted by the brain itself, that is, endogenous.
What happens in our head when we are in love
Dr. Helen Fisher has been a senior scientific advisor for dating site Match.com for many years, and the most frequently asked question there is “Why do people fall in love with the people they fall in love with?” Helen grew up a whole book “Why him? Why she?". “I didn’t even think about it. I knew why people fall in love, but why we fall in love with those we fall in love with, no.” The doctor sat down at the table, took four sheets of paper and began to think. She divided us all into four large types: researcher, builder, director and diplomat - and calculated the ideal match for each type. Helen assures us that we all have a little of each type in us. She herself, for example, is a little “diplomat” and a little “researcher,” which means she likes male “directors” whose testosterone is off the charts. For example, Vladimir Putin. The anthropologist used to really like him - she is especially surprised by the guarantor’s costumes, because she would like to look at the person who selected them for him and was still alive. After the annexation of Crimea to Russia, Fischer is not liked by Putin and his testosterone. “Explorers” are avid travelers, bad boys who are looking for more and more new experiences and sensations, easy-going, unpredictable, crazy, such as Angelina Jolie, Princess Diana and John F. Kennedy. They get along best either with people like themselves or with “diplomats”. “Diplomats” are virtuosos of communication, driven by estrogen: they have developed intuition, they understand what others think and feel, they know how to “read a person” and make informed decisions: Bill Clinton, Carla Bruni, Mahatma Gandhi. They get along well with people who are as flexible as they are, and with “directors.” “Directors” are determined, tough, ambitious and reserved, and people only interest them when they need something from them: Albert Einstein, Hillary Clinton, Margaret Thatcher. It is best for the “directors” to stay close to the “diplomats”. Finally, the “builders,” which include Queen Elizabeth and no less than George Washington, are calm, reliable, conscientious, surrounded by friends and colleagues and know how to manage them. It is better for them to stay either with the “builders”, or with the “directors”, or with the “diplomats”. “I don’t understand when they tell us that America will soon have its first female president. We already had a woman president - Bill Clinton! – Dr. Fisher laughs. “He feels other people’s pain, he can’t stop talking, and if you let him write an autobiography, it will be nine hundred pages long, he cried at his daughter’s wedding, and so on. Whether it’s Hillary’s business!” True, all this incredible knowledge about who is best suited for whom does not help in any way in solving the main problem - what to do when you fall in love with the wrong person? Suffer.
What to do when you fall in love with the wrong person? Suffer.
"So what to do? The brain tells us: it will be like this,” the professor shakes his head. “One day you will be able to be cured, definitely, but not right away.” Like a real scientist, Helen Fisher conducted ruthless experiments: she put people who had recently experienced a bad breakup into the notorious MRI and checked which part of their brain and how exactly is responsible for feelings of loss and suffering. And I found the part that is connected with all addictions. “It's painful, yes. But you should treat these feelings like a bad habit, Fisher instructs. – Don’t write, don’t call, remove all photographs and postcards or throw them out the window, don’t try to see each other. You can't stop drinking if you have a bottle of vodka in front of you, can you? Meet other people, meet old friends so that the attachment and oxytocin levels decrease. Don't eat a lot of sweets, wait and don't do what I did yesterday: I looked at the ceiling all day. It does not help! You will still think about this person. It is better to learn poetry by heart. I already know three, now there will be a fourth poem - I haven’t been abandoned that often, ha!” Time, the professor convinces, heals. She examined the heads of people who had just experienced a breakup, three weeks ago, 17 months ago, and found that pain activity in the brain decreased over time.
Likes: pheromones
In 1959, entomologists Peter Carlson and Martin Lusher proposed to call pheromones (from the Greek phero - carry and hormao - excite) substances that an animal releases into the environment and which cause certain behavioral reactions in another animal of the same species.
In animals, the power of pheromones is very strong, in particular, it is pheromones that allow males and females to find each other and engage in sexual contact.
Androsterone (or androstenone) is a male sex hormone derived from the hormone testosterone*. It is found in urine and sweat. The smell of this hormone attracts women in the middle of their cycle, but not the rest of the time. Men always find the smell of this hormone repulsive. Scientists believe that this androsterone increases sexual attractiveness and helps attract the opposite sex.
Copulins are hormones similar to androstenone, but only in women. This substance attracts men.
Humans, unlike animals, control their feelings and behavior, so the power of hormones over us is not so strong. Research confirms that participants did not experience romantic feelings or sexual arousal when they inhaled these substances. However, many people continue to believe in the magical properties of pheromones, and the production of perfumes with pheromones has been put into production.
Stages of falling in love
Falling in love, like love, goes through several stages. The difference is that they are much shorter lasting. Sometimes falling in love can develop rapidly - in a day or two.
- Attention. A person notices another and directs his attention to him. For this to happen, the object must have some characteristics that are attractive to humans.
- Interest. Then he takes a closer look at the person, watches him for a while and reflects his interest. There is a desire to communicate, get to know him better and open up yourself.
- Sympathy. At the next stage, friendly interest develops into romantic interest. A person begins to mentally “try on” another for the role of his beloved. There is a desire to communicate with him more and more often.
- Passion. As sympathy grows, sexual attraction to a person also increases. I want to merge with him, achieve emotional and physical intimacy.
- Love. Having gone through all the previous stages, feelings become formalized and well understood. If a mutual process occurs on the other side, then a love relationship begins between people. If not, then falling in love becomes a source of suffering for a person. He has to use his will to frustrate his feelings.
Mood: serotonin*
Serotonin is a neurotransmitter - one of the substances that is a chemical transmitter of impulses between nerve cells in the human brain.
This substance increases muscle tone and increases physical activity. Serotonin improves mood, and its deficiency causes depression.
Serotonin production is promoted by carbohydrate foods such as bread, bananas, chocolate, table sugar or fructose. This indirectly confirms the prevailing assertion in society that people with a sweet tooth, as well as overweight people, are kinder than thin people.
Signs that you like him/her as a person
1. The subject of your feelings is not like everyone else. He or she is lucky.
2. You don't just like his appearance. Congratulations, all is not lost for you yet.
3. You wish this person happiness. Great. It would be nice to wish happiness to most people.
4. It makes you ready to try something new. Great, you have found someone with whom you feel comfortable and pleasant.
5. Your partner inspires you to be better. Role models are also inspiring, but you don't like them.
How to distinguish love from addiction and attraction
Psychologists believe that the hallmark of true love is primarily the desire for constancy, while attraction can be felt towards several people at once
A lover truly has only one person of the opposite sex to whom he devotes all his attention
Addiction is characterized by a pathological desire for possession and boundless jealousy. The addict does not recognize the free will of the object of adoration and experiences extreme pain if his desire is not satisfied immediately and fully.
Attraction is often dominated by the desire for physical intimacy. High spiritual values inherent in true love, such as sacrifice, self-denial, the desire to create a family, attraction are not inherent or are in their infancy.
A certain test for true love is temporary separation, for example, if one of the couple has to leave for a while. The French thinker La Rochefoucauld compared separation to the wind: it blows out a candle, but fans the fire. Temporary attraction, when you don’t see a person for a certain period, will go out like a candle. A real feeling helps a couple survive the period of separation, and after a long-awaited meeting, love flares up with renewed vigor.
Love or affection?
Another common question: how can you understand whether you love a person or is it just affection? First of all, you need to understand that pure relationships and emotions are almost never found. Love, jealousy, sexual attraction, desire, affection - we experience all this at the same time, but only in different proportions.
As we said above, selfless care is considered an important sign of true love. Attachment is considered a kind of psychological dependence on a chosen one or partner.
The main feature of attachment is not selflessness and happiness, but dependence and sometimes the suffering that a dependent person experiences. If attachment is accompanied by special feelings that deprive a person of freedom, we can talk about psychological obsession.
Romantic interest2
When thoughts are almost constantly focused on a person, which gives a strong feeling of happiness, this is a sign that people are in love with each other. They try at any cost to be in close proximity to the object of their affection. The only thing they are afraid of is alienation.
This is the phase of passionate, romantic love. On average it takes about 8-9 months. It seems that people are ready to do anything for their love, but in reality they focus on themselves, on their own feelings, on how good they feel. At this stage, you need to be careful not to fall more in love with the idea of the person than with him.
