What is the difference between a friend and a friend? How to figure out who is a friend and who is a friend?

September 21, 2018
Psychology of relationships
Ahi Svetlana

Each of us has friends. Most of them are good, sympathetic people, but at times there is a feeling that they are strangers to us. At such moments, you think about your surroundings: who are they - friends or just comrades? People say: you can open your soul to a friend, but to a friend you can only open the doors of your home. But in reality everything is much more complicated. Let's figure out the difference between each other and a friend.

Friend

Many friends are identified with loved ones who are always ready to help in difficult times. However, this alone is not enough. A true friend must have special qualities that are not manifested in relationships with other people. Psychologists offer basic criteria that help identify true friends among many acquaintances. So what is a friend?

1. This is a devoted and reliable person who knows how to keep secrets and does not spread rumors and gossip behind your back.

2. There is no falsehood in a relationship with him; Honesty and trust are the key points of friendship.

3. This is a person who is ready to listen and knows how to forgive.

4. He shows respect and knows how to empathize.

5. This is a person who knows how to show care and provide support when it is needed.

What do friendships give?

Loneliness among people can cause depression and other mental disorders. Therefore, the main value of friendship lies in live contact: visual and physical. Scientists have proven that hugs provoke the production of happiness hormones.

Also, friendships have other positive aspects:

the feeling “I’m not alone” gives a person confidence, support, inner strength and eases fears. When you know that there is someone behind you who will support you, understand you in any situation, listen and give advice, will not judge or betray you, your attitude in life becomes more positive and your steps become more decisive;
“a person needs a person” in order to express himself and understand who he is. It is in relationships that we demonstrate our various personal qualities: kindness, compassion, envy, jealousy, responsiveness and others. In contact with others we learn to be better ;
having a pleasant time, receiving positive emotions and impressions make us happier;
from a psychological point of view, friendship is a “testing ground” on which a person realizes his basic needs - to be good, needed, valuable, significant, to belong to someone, to love someone and to be loved.

How does friendship happen?

Usually, no special circumstances are required for this; everything happens spontaneously. Often the emergence of friendly relations is facilitated by a common team. The question “who is a friend” does not arise until the moment “x”, when a person must show the qualities of a friend. That's when friendships are tested for strength.

Most friends appear during school and student years. This is the time when we exist in an environment conducive to the emergence of friendships. Here it is not so difficult to comply with the conditions conducive to the formation of strong friendships. Namely:

1. Proximity.

2. Meetings of a regular nature.

3. The opportunity to relax in front of another person, try to trust him.

Therefore, many have friends from school and university days, friendship with whom has stood the test of time. Some of them successfully fell into the “best friends” category. In school and college life, we don't make much effort to make friends. Everything happens by itself. But when the school years end, real friendships become harder to build. Adults occupy certain places in life, and they do not have so much free time to spend on another person. That’s when the question arises: “What is the difference between a friend and a friend?” How do you understand who you can rely on and who you should be careful with in personal matters?

What qualities characterize a person as a good friend?

10 main qualities of a true friend

Be Helpful If you help others, they begin to feel comfortable around you and receive a positive charge. ...
Empathize...
Spend enough time...
Keep secrets...
Maintain an emotional connection...
Be positive...
To be honest …
Be able to forgive

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Buddy

These people surround us every day. We have fun with them, talk about various topics, invite them to visit and visit them ourselves. But unlike a friend, a friend doesn’t owe us anything. He is not ready to help or support in difficult times. And there is not always a desire to ask him for anything. Somewhere on a subconscious level we feel that this is “not our person”, so we cannot trust him with our innermost, personal things. And we are ready to ask a friend for support, understanding, sympathy, and participation. We can say that a friend has certain responsibilities: he owes us, and we owe him.

Key Features of Friendship

Friendship is a close relationship between people that involves complete trust, sincerity and honesty, as well as a strong emotional connection and affection.

The key feature of friendship is mutual understanding.

They say that friends understand each other perfectly . And indeed it is. Sometimes a nod or a subtle gesture is enough for your friend to immediately understand what you are trying to tell him. The presence of such nuances, invisible to others, but very informative for friends, is one of the components of close friendship.

True friendship involves a high level of emotional connection between people . Friends feel each other’s moods, can share joys and sorrows, are able to truly sympathize and support in difficult times, and selflessly help when the need arises. Friendship necessarily involves complete mutual openness, devotion, trust and readiness to help at any moment.

The main thing is not to make mistakes

How to figure out who is a friend and who is a friend? You need to know the distinctive features of each.

Buddy:

1. This person is more than an ordinary acquaintance, but less than a close friend. In a relationship with him, the necessary amount of trust and intimacy is not present.

2. I want to spend free time with him, talk about various topics.

3. My friend and I have many common interests; even our life goals often intersect.

4. But we do not risk entrusting the secret to him: there is always a doubt that our secret will not be told to others.

5. When there is a silent pause in a conversation with him, you feel discomfort - you start saying anything to break this silence.

6. You often want to take a break from such a person.

7. You can turn to him for help, but you don’t want to.

Friendship appears to us as something sublime, unearthly. What is the difference between a friend and a friend? Basic moments:

1. A friend is like a brother or sister to us. There is always a feeling that he is “one of our own.”

2. First of all, he wants to tell about what happened or tell him about his future plans.

3. It’s nice to be silent with him without feeling awkward.

4. The peculiarities of his character do not irritate us; We behave naturally with him.

Everyone knows that true friendship stands the test of time. If after a while we feel the need for another person, we understand that he values us and loves us, then we are dealing with friendship. This is the difference between a friend and a friend.

About friend, friendship and community

Still from the film “Midshipmen, Forward!”

Do you want to check your attitude towards your neighbors?
Ask yourself: how many old friends do you have left? The famous artist Veniamin Smekhov in his book “When I was Athos” recalls that in the 80s and 90s of the 20th century he was surprised to not find the most talented actors on the lists of the most popular actors. The first places traditionally went to the heroes of the “Musketeers” and “Midshipmen”. The reason for this choice of the public is clear: preference was given to films that depicted strong friendship, unanimity, mutual assistance - what is lacking in modern society.

One way or another, almost every one of us probably admits that close, like-minded friendship is a great treasure. And at certain moments in life this can be especially meaningful to us. The only question is whether it is really possible to find true friendship.

First of all, we note that the human soul is initially inherent in two needs - communication with God and communication with each other. A tree cannot live without the sun. Likewise, a person without God does not have true life, and this is expressed in the soul’s feeling of some kind of insufficiency, a lack of something higher, true, authentic. But even if a tree grows alone, it easily becomes a victim of unfavorable weather conditions, for example, strong wind. A person without friends suffers disasters with especially crushing force, and the soul feels its loneliness, abandonment in the earthly world.

Have you noticed that after talking with friends, your mood always improves and you have strength and inspiration to complete your daily work? Community and communication, unity and joy from unanimity always awaken interest in life.

For each of us, not only the warm words of loved ones, but also simply their presence nearby is of great importance. Community is a deep sense of connection with others. It is supported both by words and by being close to your loved ones and the people who love you. And when there is no one close to you for a long time, your soul begins to yearn, feeling its loneliness.

So, friends are also a manifestation of God’s care for us. The Lord shows that we are not alone in this merciless world, and therefore true friendship is truly a treasure. In life, it often happens that family ties between brothers and sisters are strong while the parents are alive. When they are no longer there, relatives forget each other, and friendships often become stronger ties.

Close friendship bound the first Christians, when only those who accepted the faith of Christ with all their hearts became children of the Church. “You are my friends” (John 15:14), says the Lord to the apostles. By calling them His friends, He unites them themselves with close ties of friendship. The absence of friends or the reluctance of friendship is often associated with selfishness; such a person is focused only on himself, he no longer needs anyone else.

Let us ask ourselves: what is true friendship anyway? And who is this friend? After all, it’s one thing to find a person who shares your interests, another thing to meet someone whom you would “take into intelligence.” Friendship is not just a skill of communicating with someone; In true friendship there is a special closeness and kinship of souls, from which mutual trust and devotion naturally flow.

When communicating with people, we often try on some kind of masks, play roles, experience some kind of tension and artificiality, mutual alienation. This behavior is due to the desire to gain authority from someone who is not your friend to begin with. So, a true friend is someone with whom we are ourselves, with whom we behave simply and naturally, without taking on any pompous role, without hiding our inherent weaknesses and shortcomings.

A true friend is one whose critical remark we are not afraid to accept, because we know that it will remain between us, will not come out and will not be splashed out in front of everyone we meet like the contents of a garbage can. A friend will not stab you in the back. A true friend is someone you would trust with your secrets. However, a true friend is not the one who persistently prys into all your secrets. But if your friend is real, then you yourself will share your secrets with him.

In ancient Russian wedding rites, the groom's friend prepared everything necessary for the marriage, and at the end of the marriage he accompanied the bride and groom to the wedding chambers, while he himself remained outside and guarded the door so that no one would disturb the joy of the wedding night of the married couple. A true friend does everything to make the people close to him happy.

Saint John Chrysostom, reflecting on the life of the Chief Apostolic Church, said: “Friends are dearer than fathers and sons. This is friendship when someone does not consider what is his own, but belongs to his neighbor, and considers his neighbor’s property to be alien to himself; when one protects the life of another as much as his own, and he reciprocates with the same affection.”

Thus, true friendship, as everyone probably feels, is a deep community with complete trust and frankness with each other.

But it’s not for nothing that the word “friend” itself for some reason means “other”, “other than me”? And the very essence of friendship is that my “I” expands to include another life, through which my soul is internally enriched.

The famous religious philosopher Father Pavel Florensky spoke of sincere friendship as “contemplation of oneself through a friend in God.” Friendship contains numerous gifts: mutual education, love, sacrifice, joy. The state of “without a friend,” according to the observation of Father Paul, mysteriously comes into contact with the state of “without God.” There is a sense of emptiness and insufficiency here and there.

And yet friendship is not a value in itself. After all, for the sake of friendship, they not only unselfishly helped others, but also robbed, killed, and even committed suicide - they jumped from the roof of a high-rise building so that a friend would not be bored of crashing. That is why St. Gregory the Theologian says: “No acquisition is better than a friend, but never acquire a bad person as a friend.”

Friendship is a close community between two or more people. But, alas, not only high, but also low-lying objects unite people, determining the depth and nature of mutual communication.

So, friendship is a great thing, but, above all, when God is present in friendship itself.

Here is an incident that happened during one of the psychologist’s classes. The psychologist proposed an experiment to the audience that filled the hall: “Imagine that you and I are on a ship that has developed a leak. There is a lifeboat for rescue, but there is not enough room in it for everyone. Therefore, let us now each take turns standing up and arguing why he should be accepted into the boat.” And so the visitors to the lecture, imbued with the role of the drowning, one after another began to prove: “I’m still young, I need to study in order to benefit society”; “My mother will be left completely alone, and there will be no one to take care of her”; “But I have children, and they won’t grow up without me” - everyone in their own way wanted to earn their place in the boat. But then it was the Orthodox girl’s turn: “But I don’t want to take away a place in the boat from others. I am not afraid of death because there is eternal life. And in general, let’s better pray to St. Nicholas so that he will save us.” This is something the psychologist never expected; Confused, he suddenly flared up: “You are interfering with my experiment, leave the audience.” So the Orthodox listener, who expressed the only correct answer, was forced to leave this slowly sinking lecture ship.

In fact, the psychologist wanted with his experiment to unite the gathered people for further, as it seemed to him, fruitful work. In answering, everyone had to open up to the others, and this way the audience was expected to become more coherent. But alas, he did not take into account that during the experiment one of the participants would open completely different spheres and offer a different, much more sublime way of unification.

In real life, the motives, goals and values that unite people can be very different. Alcohol, crime, and debauchery are temporarily united, but only temporarily. The Babylonian pandemonium for a moment united people in their atheistic plans, but ultimately led to the loss of a common language, so that people forgot how to understand each other and, forgetting about the work they had begun, scattered throughout the heavens.

On the contrary, in the holy book of the Acts of the Apostles we read about how the Holy Spirit who descended to people transformed them and united them internally. The New Testament Pentecost is the unity of people in the grace of God, as a result of which people speaking different languages learned to understand each other, because they were united in one faith and one grace-filled life.

A Christian is called to be the kind of friend who unites not only with himself, but also with God. A Christian is called to include his friends in his community and unity with God, to share this treasure with them, just as one shares a piece of bread with a hungry person or a thirsty sip of water.

The Gospel mentions one of the Savior’s miracles - the healing of his friends who was paralyzed by faith. Let us imagine the plight of this man. The body was paralyzed, and the soul probably did not have much spiritual strength. Nevertheless, the care of his loved ones for him was so persistent that they not only brought him to the place where the Lord preached, but in view of the crowds they climbed onto the roof, dismantled the roof and lowered the sick man before the Savior - so that in the Gospel we read: “Jesus , seeing their faith, says to the paralytic: child! Your sins are forgiven you” (Mark 2:5). Christ forgives the sins of the sick man according to the faith of his friends! And then, in confirmation of His words, He heals the paralytic. This is what friendship and caring for one’s neighbor can do—ask God for forgiveness of sins and complete healing for a loved one.

Unfortunately, over the years, many of our friendships have weakened. And instead of the people we loved in childhood, we are surrounded not so much by friends as by colleagues and co-workers. Only the ancient Greeks considered the commonality of two business people not friendship at all, but only an interest in the success of a common business. All communication interests are now formed around professional tasks. It turns out that “friendship is friendship, and service is service”? Probably, in some sense, it is inevitable to have your own friends at every stage of life: with some you are united by the ideas of a carefree childhood, with others by the problems of the institute, with others by the tasks of everyday work.

For a Christian, it is important to remember those with whom you were friendly and close over the previous years, to love them with all your heart and to pray to God for them from the bottom of your heart, wishing for the salvation of the soul of everyone whom the Lord placed next to you, even at your youngest age.

Male and female friendship

Psychology experts say: a man and a woman can be friends. But such relationships are rare. A man often pretends to be a woman's friend, but in reality has other intentions.

Having found out who a buddy and a friend are, what is the difference between these concepts, we will figure out whether real female friendship is possible. Psychologists say yes. But it has its own characteristics. There are situations when friendship between women is impossible. Little girls and adult married women with a stable family situation can truly be friends with each other.

Friends are needed; they can tell a lot about us. It’s not for nothing that there is a saying: “tell me who your friend is, and I’ll tell you who you are.”

Holiday

Friendship served as the reason for creating a holiday on an international scale. Friends Day serves as an excellent occasion to remind loved ones of their importance in our lives. Of course, the date is unofficial, and few people know about it, but perhaps the situation will soon change for the better.

Friends Day is celebrated on June 9th. Don't forget to congratulate your close comrades on this day. Even if the celebration is unofficial for now, it is a reason to please each other once again.

Now you know who a friend is and how to distinguish him from the whole mass of acquaintances. Just remember that you can’t have too many friends, or rather, there are, but whether they are all real is the question. It is very difficult to go through life alone, so it is important that comrades are present in it. They will always support and help you if necessary. If you have a person who has all of the above qualities, he is your best friend and is not communicating with you for his own benefit. Appreciate him and treasure him.

How is friendship different from camaraderie?

Many people misunderstand what friendship is, confusing it with companionship. They call all the people they interact with regularly as friends. However, camaraderie and true friendship are two different things .

Comrades are people who are part of a regular social circle and have enough common topics to talk about.

You can meet with a friend to talk or do something interesting. Partnership implies a fairly close acquaintance and the presence of common interests. If everyone leaves and you are left alone, there will be no awkwardness. You will quickly find an interesting topic for communication, but you will not share your innermost experiences with a friend.

The main difference between friendship and partnership is the degree of mutual trust.

If in the process of communication you begin to trust your friend more, then over time he may well become your friend.

Friends are often students studying in the same group, but after graduation they usually see each other only at alumni meetings. If friendship arises between two students, they do not lose touch and find reasons for regular meetings and communication.

In the Dictionary of Synonyms

(girlfriend), buddy, well-wisher, (good) friend, confidant, sworn brother, brother, ally, comrade, friend, sidekick, sidekick; amateur; friends-buddies, who is with whom (friends, is friendly, is on friendly terms), as if the devil tied someone with a string; do not spill water, friend, beloved, corefan, kentyara, classmate, lada, lads, friend-buddy, dear, friend, loved one, dear, champion, zealot, follower, root, bosom friend, sitny friend, co-worker, boyfriend, comrade , dear, beloved, lace, friend, beloved, kunak, flak, benefactor, bosom, brother, semi-friend, brother, unravelable, old man, welcome, follower, old man, sweetheart, kent, supporter, friend

Ways to find close friends

Close friends are usually made while studying at school, college or university. This relationship needs to be maintained. But if you haven’t found anyone dear during this time, then the following ways to make acquaintances may be suitable. You should:

attend thematic events, exhibitions and clubs;
learn to actively communicate and be the first to engage in dialogue when the opportunity arises;
participate more actively in dialogues on some forum or in a social network group;
communicate more often with colleagues to find out if there might be a closest friend among them;
organize friendships with neighbors in your apartment, house, or dacha, if the age difference is not critical;
force yourself to go for walks or out into the world;
go on a trip - it’s best to go on a bus tour or cruise, where there are more reasons to communicate;
meet friends, acquaintances, relatives.

Having met an interesting interlocutor, you should demonstrate your readiness to continue communication. It is unacceptable to impose. If there is a feeling that the interest is mutual, it is appropriate to leave a business card, phone number or ask to be added as a “friend” on social networks.

You can’t disappear from sight of the person you like for a long time. A few days after meeting you, you should remind yourself with a call, SMS, or message on the Internet. After a while, you should initiate a joint trip somewhere. IN

How is friendship different from love?

Sometimes friendship is compared to love, but these are two completely different types of affection .

Love is an unconditional feeling that can be felt towards children, parents or other relatives.

It can be romantic or platonic. At the same time, it changes perception, preventing us from considering the shortcomings of a loved one. An interesting feature of love is that loving people are not always honest with their loved ones.

With friendship, things are completely different - it is not “blind”. Even the strongest friendship will not force us to look at each other through rose-colored glasses. We see his shortcomings and mistakes, and point them out to him if we deem it necessary.

Directness and honesty are the main criteria of true friendship.

If we are afraid to offend a loved one with an unpleasant truth, then we cannot lie to a friend. In addition, we do not strive to idealize our friends. The main thing is that you can rely on this person.

Quarrels between friends happen less often than between loving people, and most contradictions can be resolved fairly quickly. Typically, people who have long-standing friendly relations know well what topics they may have disagreements on, and avoid them in conversation, preferring to discuss more interesting things and events.

True friendship is not afraid of distance and long separation.

Friends living in different cities can see each other once a year and have a great time together.

In Vasmer Max's dictionary

I I., see friend. II II., b. n. friend, pl. friends (from the other Russian collection of friends, along with the names of many friends - Sobolevsky, RFV 22, 303), Ukrainian. friend, senior slav. droug φίλος (Klots., Supr.), Bulgarian. friend, Serbohorvian friend, Slovenian drȗg, Czech, Slavic druh, Old Polish drug. Related Lit. draũgas “companion, comrade”, Litv. dràugs, Old Prussian draugiwaldūnen wines n. “co-heir”, other isl. draugr (poet.) "husband" (Holthausen, Awn. Wb. 39), Goth. driugan στρατεύειν, English. dréogan “to accomplish, to achieve”, Goth. gadraúhts στρατιώτης, d.-v.-s. trucht “squad of warriors, retinue”, d.-v.-n. truhtîn “military leader, prince”, lit. sudrugti "to join"; see Bernecker 1, 230 et seq.; Trautman, Apr. Sprd. 322 et seq.; BSW 59; Thorpe 214; M. – E. 3, 492; Frenkel, BSpr. 109. This does not directly include (contrary to Translation 1, 198) lat. drungus “squad”, Middle Greek. δροῦγγος “detachment” from Old Irish. drong “crowd, squad”; see Walde - Hofm. 1, 374 et seq. •• (See also Trubachev, Term. Kinship, p. 172. – T.)

Why do you need real friends?

The closest friend may never appear in a person's life. But, as a rule, this is the choice of individuals. There are people who believe that friendship does not exist at all. You should not blindly believe in the statement that others are looking for benefits in any relationship. People who are prone to social communications cannot live without communication.

What do relationships of this kind give?

Close friends are able to give an outside assessment of your behavior, appearance, and decisions made. This teaches you how to get rid of mistakes. Their opinion is subjective, but sincere.
Everyone should have the opportunity to speak out, otherwise accumulated problems, worries, doubts will destroy the psyche and health. Not all topics can be discussed with your parents or significant other. Even searching for an idea for a future gift can be done together with a friend.
Close friends allow you to preserve vivid memories of life events, which makes the connection between the past and the future strong.
Your closest friend gives you confidence that you can at least sometimes be yourself. The ability not to think about how correctly everything will be understood creates psychological comfort for a person.
This is a support in life. Help in everyday life, in business, in communicating with others never bothers anyone. Such a person is capable of inspiring deeds and helping to reveal talents.

You can glean a lot of valuable information from those around you. Joint development can provide the foundation for large projects or businesses. You don't have to do business together. It is enough to cooperate or exchange information.