I'm afraid of relationships with men: what to do with the phobia and why it appeared

New relationships always evoke a whole range of emotions - joy, excitement, adrenaline in the blood, you want to show your best side. But all this can be overshadowed by such a complex feeling as fear.

The nature of fear is in each of us, and it is stupid to say “I am not afraid of anything.” Afraid. And fear of a new relationship is a very common phenomenon, since there can be many reasons for such fear. What options? For example, a previous relationship ended badly, it was painful after the breakup and you don’t want to experience that pain again or something else. Whatever your fear is fueled by, not starting a new relationship because of it will not be the smartest move, so let’s figure out how to stop fear. You want your “happily ever after”, right?

So, we have figured out what fear is in general terms. I will make just one addition - the reasons for your fears, recurring emotions, feelings, experiences and reactions to certain situations must be sought in the past. So get ready to turn around and look - what from the past are you carrying with you and how is it affecting you?

In the fight against your fear of new relationships, let's start with analysis.

Treatment by a doctor

For symptoms of heterophobia, group therapy has proven itself very well.

In modern society, heterophobia is considered something shameful and is often associated with a person’s secret homosexuality. Because of this, many people suffering from this disorder are afraid to talk about their problem for many years, which is why their quality of life is significantly reduced.

The following techniques help to effectively combat manifestations of heterophobia:

• behavioral and cognitive therapy;
• group therapy, as a result of which the patient can understand that fear is present not only in him, but also in other people;
• psychoanalysis, which allows us to identify the very root cause of the problem (the presence of a traumatic situation that became the impetus for the development of a phobia);
• psychological support from a specialist and loved ones;
• hypnosis according to Erickson, which allows the specialist to identify the very essence of fear, removing it from the patient’s subconscious.

If psychotherapeutic treatment turns out to be ineffective, a specialist may prescribe psychotropic and sedatives to the patient.

Due to the fact that female frigidity and male erectile dysfunction have a psychological cause, symptomatic treatment of these pathologies is not carried out. Once the root cause of the phobia is eliminated, the physiological problems go away on their own.

Sequencing

If you are familiar with the phrase “I’m afraid of serious relationships with men,” then you’ve probably had to think more than once about how to overcome this fear in yourself.

1. First of all, it is important to identify the cause of fear. If you cannot determine it yourself, then it would not be a bad idea to seek advice from a psychologist.
2. Try to explore your needs and also find out what your partner needs. The girl must determine whether they are ready to move to the level of a serious relationship, whether there is a tendency to cheat, what is their financial stability, whether their lifestyles are similar, and whether there are traits in the guy that she cannot come to terms with.
3. Stop being afraid of what lies ahead, don't think about future obligations. It is possible that your fear arose due to the fact that thoughts appeared about the possible loss of your personality, that one day a child will be born who will have to devote himself, there will be no time left for his own life. In such a situation, it is important to realize that you will not find yourself alone, there will be a loving partner nearby. To make it easier to overcome the fear of the future, make lists in which you can clearly distribute responsibilities, as well as write down the things that you will do together. You can try to start an experiment, see if you can exist together.
4. Learn to compromise and eliminate unnecessary conflicts. If you see that there are scandals in your relationship with your boyfriend at the moment, then it’s time to stop them. It is important to learn to calm down yourself and bring your partner to his senses. Remember that sometimes it is the girl who becomes the source of scandals. Try to look at yourself from the outside, reevaluate your priorities.
5. If you are afraid of future obligations, you can try to test yourself. If you are afraid that over time a baby will appear that will be difficult to cope with, then you can try to babysit a neighbor’s child or even get a job as a nanny.

Sign up for group training

Sometimes it happens that you cannot even start a relationship. No matter what guy you like, things don’t go further than secretly falling in love with him. Perhaps you are too shy and uptight. Stretching, yoga, Pilates, and dancing will help you relax.

By the way, physical activity helps keep your figure in good condition. Those girls who don’t like their own body should sign up for a gym, or maybe even a session with a personal trainer. No guy will love you until you love yourself.

A simple truth that many brush aside like an annoying fly, but on the whole it works so much that it is a real crime to ignore it.

Yes, by the way, this is an interesting fact, but a girl’s self-esteem is influenced not only by how she perceives herself, but also by how others perceive her.

What are the dangers of unfinished relationships?

When building new close communication, but at the same time thinking about old pain, there is a risk of unconsciously projecting old grievances onto the partner, making unfounded claims, demonstrating painful jealousy, which can soon ruin the union.

You can say goodbye to the love that no longer exists in your soul if you say or write to your former loved one everything that was unsaid. Working with a psychoanalyst will also help you express difficult feelings. Time, self-care, and the support of loved ones and friends help heal mental wounds.

Symptoms of a phobia

There are many different symptoms of this disorder. Typically they vary from person to person. They are divided into two categories: psychological and physical.

As for psychological symptoms, some people are afraid of any attachment and run away from it. At the same time, convincing myself: I am afraid of relationships and any manifestation of romance.

Others may enter into an alliance, but they end up becoming possessive or jealous.

Psychological symptoms also include:

• feeling powerless and confused in your emotions and personal life;
• severe anxiety and nervousness;
• maximum suppression of internal experiences;
• completely avoiding places where couples meet, such as parks and movie theaters;
• avoidance of marriage and other wedding ceremonies;
• isolation from the outside world.

Physical signs of the disorder include trembling, rapid heartbeat, fainting, chest pain, sweating, numbness, breathing problems, and nausea.

Panic and anxiety attacks are also common. The patient suffers from frequent dizziness, a desire to run away from everyone and cry for no reason.

Adviсe

Look at the happy couples and families. It is important to make sure that the relationship can have a happy continuation when moving to a serious stage

If you are familiar with the phrase “I’m afraid of relationships with men,” then it’s time to come to the realization that it’s time to overcome these fears within yourself, learn to live fully, and easily establish relationships with people of the opposite sex.

1. If a girl is afraid to start a relationship because of a bad experience, she must come to the realization that no two people are exactly the same, and if she was betrayed once, this does not mean that this will happen again.
2. A woman must learn to listen to her inner voice, to her intuition. If she feels that the person who is next to her is not sent to create a serious relationship, then she needs to let him go. Perhaps you are not afraid of relationships in general, but you are afraid of the future together with a specific partner who is now nearby.
3. If a girl is afraid that a guy will sooner or later stop loving her or meet someone else, then with such thoughts she only provokes this. It is important to believe in yourself, in your uniqueness, perfection, in the fact that your partner’s feelings are real and he will never betray you. At the same time, it is necessary not to exclude such a possibility and treat it with a calm soul. A woman must understand that if this happens and the guy really breaks up with her, then he is not her destiny, there is nothing to be upset about. He was simply sent for experience.
4. If you are afraid to start a relationship with a man because he may turn out to be a tyrant or despot, you need to realize that if something happens, you can simply pack your things and leave. Of course, there is no need to endure such bullying. If this fear is dictated by a sad experience from childhood, then you need to program yourself so that on your way you will not come across the same man as your mother once met. Convince yourself that you deserve a good, caring person and sooner or later he will be there.
5. If the unknown scares you, then watch couples who are happy and spending time together, for example, walking with their children on the playground or having fun at the shopping center. Think about the fact that you deserve to be happy and have your own family.
6. If you have too low self-esteem and fear that the guy will eventually be disappointed that he decided to start a family with such a girl, then it’s time to start loving yourself, prove to yourself and everyone around you that you are a beautiful, smart and caring woman.

Now you know what to do if a girl is afraid of a relationship with a guy. Remember that, first of all, you need to determine the reasons that provoke the emergence of fear. If you can’t cope on your own, you shouldn’t be afraid to seek help from a psychologist. Every woman deserves the right to be happy and have the opportunity to start her own family, to find a loved one nearby who will become her support and support for the rest of her life.

What to do if a girl is afraid of relationships with men

Love and relationships occupy an important place in the life of a person of any gender, but sometimes it’s not just fear, but philophobia that prevents you from finding your soul mate and creating a happy family. Fear of love occurs after a failed relationship, unhappy love or due to self-doubt, and is not uncommon, but sometimes such fear becomes uncontrollable and turns into a phobia.

Nobody comes near

One of the most popular reasons for fear of a serious relationship is excessive demands on a partner. As a rule, such people say something like this: “All the good ones are already taken, but I just don’t want anything” or “Everything about it is good, and I love it, but I just don’t like cats (snores, earns little) "and stuff like that.

It happens that such people break off relationships even with those they truly loved. Such specimens usually have inflated self-esteem or even narcissism. The more years pass, the more likely it is that the other half will never be found.

Because at the age of twenty, young people experience a feeling of falling in love, thanks to which a lot is forgiven and their eyes are closed to a lot. But over the years, we stop experiencing such vivid feelings, and rather choose a partner based on the compatibility of our views on life, common hobbies or aspirations.

Down with embarrassment!

How can you overcome your fear of communicating with a guy and become more confident? After all, you don’t want a meeting with the person you like to turn into a disaster due to constraint, anxiety and the inability to even express your thoughts. There are a lot of ways that will help you feel more free in the future when communicating with people, remaining yourself and at the same time deftly making a favorable impression on any guy.

If the cause of self-doubt is complexes regarding appearance, then you should decide what exactly you are not happy with about yourself. Perhaps change your modest style of clothing and choose a brighter, but not provocative one that would suit you. Or you should radically change your image: change your hairstyle, hair color, wardrobe, find new interests and hobbies. Often girls are dissatisfied with their body, in which case it is worth signing up for dancing or a gym. It is guaranteed that even after a couple of lessons, every girl will already feel more confident, even if significant changes in her figure have not yet been observed. A well-groomed and beautiful girl will always be happy with her appearance, which means she will radiate confidence that others cannot help but notice.

If you are embarrassed to talk to a guy, feel lost, cannot formulate a sentence, but at the same time communicate freely with friends, always remember that every guy is an ordinary person, just like everyone you know, so don’t bother. The way you may have been raised as a child about how not to talk to boys and how decent and modest girls should behave only adds to your insecurities. Don’t get hung up on moralizing, behave naturally and freely.

If the experience is too strong, then you should practice developing your speech: read books out loud, start a conversation on the street with strangers, expand your circle of friends and interests. You can also think through topics for discussion in advance when meeting a guy, say your remarks out loud in front of the mirror to see how you look from the outside when talking.

Condemnation of others

“She’s a mother of three children, it’s time to calm down, and not run around with men!” - Many potential brides are so worried about public opinion that they do not dare to challenge it.

What to do. Ignore stupid and envious people. Let them think what they want, you can’t please everyone

But the opinion of children is really important. If a suitable candidate appears on the horizon, try to carefully introduce him into your family

Make it clear to the children that he does not pretend to be their dad and do not in any way interfere with meetings with their real father. Let your lover try to become a friend to your kids - then there will be less jealousy towards the “newcomer”. And don’t be tormented by feelings of guilt: the children will soon grow up and start families. And who will you be left with if you give up on women’s happiness?