To increase self-esteem, it is not necessary to consult a psychologist - there are many exercises in books and on the Internet for developing self-confidence. It turns out that they exist even for teenagers, for whom low self-esteem can bring a lot of inconvenience. So, how can a growing child help himself and improve his self-esteem?
One of the main tasks of a modern school is to instill in students the skills of self-improvement so that they become a harmoniously developed personality, can achieve goals and achieve success. In this matter, the teenager’s level of self-esteem plays a key role.
Unfortunately, today the self-esteem of adolescents is often low, and a young person entering the adult world is not very confident in himself. And this directly affects a very important quality for development - positive thinking, making it difficult to be optimistic about your successes and failures.
Don't compare with others
A teenager who is constantly compared with more successful, flexible and beautiful people does not know how to value himself. Instead of looking for and developing his strengths, he becomes fixated on the slightest mistakes. As a result, the child may lose motivation to do anything at all. After all, those around him, according to his parents, always turn out to be better than him.
Adults should learn to notice something good in their children and talk about it. All children are different: some get A's in math, others are excellent dancers. It is very important for a teenager to recognize and accept their own individuality, whatever it may be.
"You are the most beautiful in the world"
Preschoolers often hear such phrases - today it is fashionable to cultivate leaders and instill irresistibility in business kids who do not see barriers in front of them. In psychology, this is called affirmation - an attitude that influences subsequent behavior.
But everything is good in moderation. It is better to organize acquaintance with failures at an early age than to treat a child for neuroses when the first teenage difficulties in communication and achievements arise.
Do you criticize or praise your child more often?
- I criticize more than I praise 43%, 85 votes
85 votes 43%85 votes - 43% of all votes
- I praise and criticize approximately equally 38%, 76 votes
76 votes 38%
76 votes - 38% of all votes
- I praise more than I criticize 20%, 39 votes
39 votes 20%
39 votes - 20% of all votes
Total votes: 200
21.05.2018
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Primary school is the period when self-esteem is most influenced by academic success. The first teacher is the most authoritative elder in the life of a junior student, and it is important to choose a modern teacher who develops talents and helps in the development of the best personal qualities.
Parents should avoid criticism and conflicts based on academic performance, and patiently help them cram the multiplication tables and solve problems about trains.
A teenager's self-esteem often depends on the opinions of peers. The leading activity at this age is communication and knowledge of all facets of the social life of an adult. Every day of a teenager is a competition in adulthood; studies fade into the background. Girls focus on appearance, boys on physical strength.
It is difficult for adolescent children to adequately evaluate themselves, because a confident sense of adulthood conflicts with insufficient life experience. The result of this conflict is anxiety, self-doubt, fluctuations in self-esteem, and decreased school performance.
To raise a teenager’s self-esteem, it is necessary to maintain contact with the child by all means, explaining the limitations by external factors: “You are still a minor, you need to grow up and gain experience.” Teach the child to reflect, analyze situations and trust in elders.
Praise for achievements
A teenager needs to be praised when he has really worked on himself. Empty praise only devalues real efforts. Reasons for pride can be both material and intangible. You can praise both for an A in school and for the fact that the child gave up his seat to someone on the transport.
If a teenager doesn’t know how to unleash his abilities, offer him some activity: music, dancing, crafts, volunteering, helping around the house, science courses. Maybe not right away, but he will find a place to prove himself. After the first success, the child will understand what he is capable of, and his self-esteem will rise.
Oleg Ivanov
psychologist, conflict specialist, head of the Center for Social Conflict Resolution
A teenager needs to feel your support and understanding in order to overcome internal fears.
We form adequate self-esteem for a child (up to 6 years old)
At the preschool stage, the child already has a fairly developed will and life experience, has mastered the basic safety rules, but still makes annoying mistakes.
Important ! You should not create a child with constant protection from dangers and a situation of success in everything and everywhere. This creates an incorrect perception of the world around us. Allow your child to make mistakes safely.
For self-esteem, it is important that the child does not hear setting phrases: “ You will fall !”, “ You will not succeed !” The process of stuffing cones should be structured correctly:
- Warn the child about possible consequences using the formula: “Don’t jump from there. It’s high up there, you could fall painfully.”
- Give the opportunity to make a mistake (ensuring safety).
- If the result is positive, repeat the warning: “You did well, you did it, let’s try together next time.” In case of a mistake: “I really sympathize with you. I know you're hurting. But you and I told you that you can fall?”
This approach demonstrates to the child that his parents believe in him and fear for him, but are ready to support any choice. In the end, this choice turns out to be imaginary: the child will trust the opinion of mom and dad more than direct prohibitions. In the preschool period, this is a good way to manage behavior and form an adequate assessment of one’s capabilities.
Important ways to master the experience of adults at 2–5 years old:
- observation of correct behavior, imitation;
- visiting a kindergarten;
- game according to age and goals;
- technique “One boy...” (an instructive story invented specifically to study the situation)
- fairy tales, folk and therapeutic.
It is fairy tales that allow not only to shape behavior, self-esteem and ideas about the basic processes of life, but also to get rid of fears! And games can work wonders if you use them thoughtfully and systematically, organize the gaming space and get sincere pleasure from the process.
Respect his opinion and taste
Never criticize your child's taste. Even if it seems to you that he’s dressed up in an incomprehensible way, and the music he’s turned on makes your head pound. The child needs to feel support and sincere interest in you; he does not need your value judgments. Let him find himself, learn to choose and defend his own opinion. Be interested in what he listens to and watches. Otherwise, you risk being branded a bore and losing touch with him.
Valentina Paevskaya
pediatric neuropsychologist, blogger
Ask your child to download new music to your smartphone, attend quests and concerts of his favorite bands, and watch movies. This will help maintain an emotional connection and understand what your teenager is worried about right now.
What is my child's self-esteem?
A shy preschooler turns away from his neighbor on the playground and silently takes the offered candy. Parents panic: “Our child is not confident in himself!” But what if he simply lacks experience in communicating and expressing emotions?
Don't exaggerate ! A shy child is psychologically healthy. Timidity and shyness are natural behavior for preschool children . At the other end of the norm is uncontrollable verbal activity and a bold desire to get to know everyone. Thus, through external demonstration, character is formed.
A parent's view of a child's personality traits is not always objective. Mother and father tend to overestimate or underestimate. Often they do not take age standards into account. Therefore, before asking yourself the question of how to raise a child to be self-confident, it is worth finding out whether this is necessary right now - to carry out a diagnosis.
The video below provides examples of different games and exercises to easily find out what kind of self-esteem your child has.
Diagnosis of self-esteem in early childhood (up to 6 years)
The first year of life is the stage of character development. The question of how to increase a child’s self-esteem and its diagnosis during this period do not make sense. It is difficult to draw an age limit for diagnostic methods; it is more convenient to focus on the level of speech development. As soon as speech becomes active and developed, conversations can be held with the child according to the diagnostic protocol.
Diagnostics of self-esteem in schoolchildren (6–10 years old)
Ask to draw seven circles and distribute the names of all close people (animals are allowed) and the word “I” in them. A shift to the left is evidence of increased self-esteem. The express method also allows you to determine the circle of a student’s trusted people. The following results should be alarming:
- placement of “I” from 5th to 7th place (very underestimated self-worth);
- surrounding the “I” with empty cells;
- surrounding the self with animals or inanimate objects.
In these cases, seek contact with your child and help him gain confidence in his abilities. Repeat the test in a few weeks and compare the results. Also notice how your child's performance and emotional state will change when the child begins to receive support.
Diagnosis of self-esteem in a teenager (12-18 years old)
A teenager is perhaps the most psychologically tender age. Therefore, it is better to use standardized and verified methods that do not require personal contact with the researcher. It is better not to carry out diagnostics at home, but pushing a teenager towards self-knowledge is a good remedy.
Let him study his character, cognitive abilities, intelligence, and at the same time self-esteem. The professional complex uses special questionnaires and exercises.
Get your teenager involved in sports
During adolescence, the body changes a lot. Many children gain weight, become clumsy, slouch, and suffer from acne. It is difficult to remain satisfied with your appearance. In addition, teenagers spend most of their time sitting: either at a desk or at a computer. The energy is not channeled in the right direction, and children, not knowing what to do with it, become aggressive or capricious.
To bring self-esteem and feelings in order, a teenager should exercise regularly. This will not only strengthen the body and increase endurance, but also relieve tension and help gain self-confidence.
Teenagers most often want to engage in extreme sports, such as snowboarding, skateboarding, and street dancing. By doing new tricks, the teenager seems to prove to himself that his body listens.
Valentina Paevskaya
pediatric neuropsychologist, blogger
How and when self-esteem is formed in childhood
At an early age, the child acts thoughtlessly, without predicting the results of his actions, only under the influence of a momentary desire.
At this stage, parents begin to form future self-esteem with the help of limiting phrases: “ Ay !”, “ You can’t ,” “ It hurts ” and show the child the possible consequences.
Gradually, purposefulness and dependence on the situation arise. The child begins to follow more complex verbal instructions and receives reward or punishment for this.
What to do when violence is used against you?
If someone close to you is violent or violates your boundaries, you have the choice to leave the relationship. Or limit your communication to such a level as to minimize harm to yourself (in case it is difficult to leave the relationship completely - for example, these are parents, close relatives, spouse's relatives).
- Choose to associate with people who help you grow as a person and consider you a valuable person. And not those who are trying to belittle you and assert themselves at your expense.
- A person who constantly criticizes you and calls you offensive nicknames does not love you! You have nothing to do together.
- If these are your parents or close relatives, firmly tell them that you are already an adult and are able to take care of yourself and ask them to keep their advice and assessments to themselves. If they do it again, tell them that you will then have to limit your communication because their words hurt you. If they continue the same behavior after that, limit your communication for several months.
This will help create a stronger foundation for seeing yourself as a worthy person.
How to learn to value yourself?
Increasing your self-worth begins with developing self-esteem.
Tested psychotherapy techniques recommended by psychologists specializing in women's fears and complexes will help with this: Awareness of your uniqueness. Each personality has an individual set of qualities: habits, needs, strengths - every woman has them. Individuality is the main value of a person, the basis of a positive attitude towards oneself. Having realized what is special and special, you can present yourself correctly in society, and also learn to value yourself. Self-development. To respect yourself, you need to objectively increase your own value: devote more time to developing your intellect, comprehensive education, and improving your health. It is enough to give yourself at least 15–20 minutes a day to get noticeable results within a year. Focus on the positive
You need to highlight 3-5 strong qualities and focus on them.
When engaging in self-development, it is important to exclude from your information field all negative attitudes that can devalue and reduce the positive effect of psychotherapy
Forming the correct perception of criticism
Always show interest in the affairs of the minor and find out about his difficulties. It is important to properly teach him to accept criticism from friends or teachers. Explain to children that sometimes you need to admit your mistakes or defend your point of view in a cultural manner. Do not feel sorry for the upset teenager, but simply advise him how to behave in such situations. Explain to your child that criticism is not a personal insult, because others may have a different opinion than he does. Let him understand that criticism can become an incentive for further development, an objective assessment of his further actions.
