Lies in relationships: how to understand that your significant other is lying?

Cheating in relationships: acceptable or not? 28 April 2013, 00:00 | Katya Kozhevnikova

6 chosen

Some scientists say that the average person lies 50 times a day. I don’t know where they get such statistics from, but I admit that we can often be disingenuous without noticing it . We say that we are doing well, when this is not the case, in response to some complaint we humbly promise to improve, although we do not even plan to try, and similar situations. Let's figure out whether minor deceptions are possible in relationships, or in love, as under oath, one must say “the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth”?

We are, of course, not talking about serious deceptions, betrayals and betrayals - such things are unacceptable in love. Psychologist Maria Pugacheva will help us understand how petty slyness affects relationships .

White lie

According to the psychologist, small omissions in relationships are not only acceptable, but can also be useful . Sometimes you shouldn’t focus your loved one’s attention on things that might upset, anger, or disappoint him. You don’t have to talk about the price of a new blouse, how openly you discuss your personal life with a friend, or the fact that you have a new handsome colleague at work.

“It is better to remain silent about some things that can traumatize your partner or hurt his self-esteem. Small omissions will not have any negative impact on the relationship; on the contrary, they will only help to avoid unnecessary conflicts and spoiled mood,” says Maria Pugacheva.

Slippery slope

On the other hand, lying and suppressing certain facts cannot be turned into a system where you regularly do something that can upset your loved one, and don’t talk about it, hiding your bad habits from him. Firstly, it is much easier to get caught lying regularly. Secondly, and this is much more important, by constantly deceiving even in small things, you learn to play, hide your feelings, and this inevitably distances you from your partner.

“Such a lie will, over time, increase the internal feeling of distance between you, and in this distance it is not far from serious deceptions or betrayals,” explained Maria Pugacheva.

Everything secret becomes clear

Maria Pugacheva advised how to behave if you find out about a small deception, or, conversely, your lie is revealed.

“If you find out about deception, you need to express your negative attitude towards it, otherwise after some time the deception may repeat. Try to find out why the person lied, what reaction he was afraid of from you,” said Maria Pugacheva. At the same time , try not to be offended by the very reason for the deception - this may lead your partner to the conclusion that he did the right thing and the only problem is that the lie was revealed.

“On the other hand, if you are caught in a lie, also be prepared to endure a period of dissatisfaction towards you,” says the psychologist.

For me personally, I always prefer honesty in relationships . But, to be honest, sometimes I still give in to the temptation to lie a little or leave something unsaid in order to avoid a quarrel or not spoil my husband’s mood.

What do you think about this?

Katya Kozhevnikova , etoya.ru

Photo: femina.in.ua

Why partners in romantic relationships cheat: the real reasons

People cheat even in happy marriages. This is your partner’s decision, don’t rush to blame yourself. It is necessary to find out the reasons for this behavior. A guy or girl can lie if they lack self-confidence. In this case, he or she can, for example, make his or her weak quality appear in a favorable light. And this is just not scary.

A guy may lie to his girlfriend when he wants to prove that he is a leader in the union. Women have reached a high position, they themselves become breadwinners in the family, earn more, manage the household, know better what to do with children, leaving no opportunity for their partner to prove himself.

People also start cheating when they want to break up. Ordinary conversations about being busy at work, postponing meetings for fictitious reasons. They try to hide real emotions with lies and figure out how to break up. When deception becomes noticeable, you need to call your partner for a frank dialogue if both want to continue their relationship. And correct mistakes.

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Signs of Lying: Behaviors That Can Be Considered Cheating in a Relationship

Trust is the basis of any romantic relationship. Lying hits your pride: it is no longer possible to ignore suspicions. How do you know if the danger is real and what are the signs to recognize a lie in a relationship?

Noticeable change in behavior

A change in behavior is one of the main signals that allows you to identify deception, because you have managed to get to know each other well. A sociable young guy who comes home with another office story says nothing except a short “hello” and “tired.” He is irritated and does not want to talk about the reasons. It is quite possible that he is hiding a bad deed, feeling guilty - something is definitely happening in his soul.

The partner seeks benefits in the relationship

The other half begins to convince him to do things that are beneficial for him or her. Simply put, he uses someone else. The most common thing is to take out a loan for important things, supposedly for both of you. Normal guys solve their problems on their own. The woman may be consulted, but the final decision rests with them.

Often uses speech tricks

The husband or wife, when answering questions, changes the manner of conversation. When a liar wants to get away from the topic, he begins to get confused, nervous, and cannot find the words. Pauses between sentences, thinks about what to say - this may be a symptom that you are being lied to.

Gestures actively when communicating

He or she is nervous and actively gesticulates. The body cannot deceive. Keeps his arms crossed on his chest, fidgets with his clothes, scratches his nose - the topic of conversation is unpleasant for him or her. Most likely, your loved one deceived you about something, and is now trying to defend yourself.

Manipulates feelings

The other half tries to hide his deception, causing a feeling of guilt in the partner. "You do not trust me?" - he or she says, distracting the other half from the argument and realizing that the partner will begin to make excuses. He's honest, but they don't believe him.

Hides important information

Ask your significant other about the reasons for finishing the work day late. How, for example, did you spend your time over the weekend, why didn’t you answer? Observe the reaction. People love to talk about themselves, and if you start avoiding answers, it will become clear that the guy or girl is lying to you.

Frequently changes the way he speaks

There are several symptoms of lying in a relationship. First of all, a person himself forgets what he said, so having a good memory, it’s easy to catch him. Determining by the manner of conversation that a man or woman is lying is not so difficult - it’s enough to know him (her) well. If the speech has changed significantly (for example, it has become confusing), then this may indicate that they are lying to you.

Does not introduce parents or close friends

A proven way to find out whether a man or woman is lying is to meet with his/her friends and parents. For example, your significant other hasn’t introduced them to them yet, but you’ve been together for a long time. Check out social media. Do they contain photos of you together? If the answer is positive, there is no need to worry. He is not hiding anything from you, he or she just needs time. If there is only one avatar from the photo, there is no reason to suspect that the young man or girl is cheating. The other half simply does not show off his personal life.

It’s easy to understand that a girl or guy is lying when the page is full of photos with friends, his own pictures, and you are not among them. The next obvious reason to suspect lies in a relationship: does not introduce you to friends and family. This means he doesn’t see a long-term union and is passing the time until a better option is found.

Doesn't talk about the future

It is romantic to make plans in which your significant other is present. We are not talking about marriage, even in a joking manner, or about the next vacation, holidays, or holidays. You can start the conversation yourself: the reaction will show that he is thinking about the future.

Maintains active correspondence with the opposite sex

He has girl friends, you know them. He works or studies in a women's group, they often call each other, solving problems with received assignments. He has sisters and cousins. If at least one of these points is present, then you don’t have to worry. The person you love deceives you when girls unknown to you have empty conversations with him. They are interested in how he is doing, what movie to watch, where to go together on the weekend. The same is true for guys who suspect their girlfriends of lying.

Glimpses of yesteryear

In this article you will learn:

On the other hand, each of us has some stories from the past that we don’t even want to remember now, much less tell. And here we are faced with a double-edged sword.

If you tell, then with your frankness you can sow a seed of doubt in your partner. What if this happens again now?
If we remain silent, won’t some distortion of facts be a lie? “You’re my first!”?
If one day some hidden detail from your youth comes out, then won’t it all end: you’ve always lied to me, and what else don’t I know about you?!

So it turns out that there is a lie, that there is no lie - the result is the same. So maybe it’s better to lie, because what if the truth doesn’t come out?

How is it really? How to get out of a situation if lies have crept into a relationship?

So, if you can still do this with the foggy past - as they say, whoever remembers the old - then with the present everything is much more complicated. For example, a new colleague appeared at work, home with him in the same direction, and he also has a car. And here’s a dilemma: should you immediately tell your spouse that a colleague is kindly giving you a ride home, or should you get out of the car away from home so that there are no unnecessary questions?

The answer here is clear: speak right away! Because if you remain silent, then you automatically become an accomplice in the crime, the one who lays the first stone of lies in a relationship.

Further, the deception will only grow like a snowball, and you will have to dodge more and more so that the truth does not come out, and everything will end, sooner or later, in a family scandal. Do you need it?

Lies in relationships: what to do if you find out about deception

Having realized that a guy or girl is lying to you, you need to figure everything out to the end. You can make claims, but only check everything first - whether he or she is lying or it’s just a coincidence. When the arguments are not just unfounded, but there is real evidence, a frank conversation can clarify the situation. The reasons why a loved one lies can range from the most banal - he didn’t want to bother, the problem has already been solved, to the serious - he is hiding bad habits, a serious illness. The loved one tried to hide the betrayal - the most common reason for lies in a union. The final decision is up to you.

Why do men and women lie to each other?

There are several main reasons why men and women cheat on each other. The main thing is that people want to keep a person near them in this way because they are afraid of losing him. This method is mainly used by women who are afraid of losing their man. They simply have no more meaningful ways to keep a man near them, except for children. And if there are no children yet, then the girls resort to deception.

Men, in turn, cheat out of a desire to please a woman and look better than they really are. Men also often use lies to avoid possible quarrels and conflicts with the opposite sex. After all, the truth is not always pleasant, so they resort to deception in order to again look like an ideal partner in the eyes of a woman and suit her in everything.

The End of All Hopes or Can Cheating in a Relationship Mean There Is No More Love?

It’s hard to morally understand that the guy you love (or the girl you love) is lying to you. In a fit of emotion, I want to break the union. Trust has been undermined, but we need to calm down, compare facts and events, and understand whether it is possible to correct the situation.

Women also make mistakes when they force their partner to cheat. Many people arrange interrogations, scandals for the slightest offense, jealousy matters. Men love comfort and silence in the house, so they lie to reassure their wife. It is not enough to simply determine that a man or woman is lying; it is much more important to understand why.

We often justify everything and everyone

And we believe what we so want to believe and dream. But reality does not always correspond to what we ourselves come up with. When everything turns out differently than in a fairy tale, then we punish ourselves and wonder: how did we not notice the obvious before? Put your rose-colored glasses away in your case and take a closer look at your relationships. Perhaps you should already shout SOS?

If you still find that a chill is running through your couple, you need to sound the alarm. Maybe it can still be saved and fixed. But remember: there is no smoke without fire.

FAQ

The following are answers to common questions that people have when discussing the topic of deception and lies.

What is the name of the disease when a person lies all the time?

If a person is prone to constantly and even pathologically telling others false information, it is customary to say that he is a pathological liar. This tendency is often called pseudology. Its danger lies in the fact that approximately 5 out of 10 pathological liars sincerely believe what they say. They believe that their lies are not lies at all, but reality.

How to psychologically force a person to tell the truth?

Let's present advice for the case when it comes to relationships (love, friendship). Try:

show the person that you are on his side;
discuss this or that situation, hinting that the truth in it is above all else;
don’t put pressure, but show interest in some other way. Genuine interest in people liberates them;
talk about your own vision of the situation. Calmly. With arguments;
bluff if necessary. Pretend that you already know the truth, that you allegedly just want to understand the reasons for the deception. Again, calmly and with arguments, albeit far-fetched ones.

Where do a person's eyes look when he lies?

There are many points of view. We cannot vouch for which one is correct. Here are 3 of the most interesting:

A liar strives to look into the eyes of the interlocutor to whom he is lying. This behavior can be explained by the belief that people who tell the truth openly look into the eyes of their interlocutors. A liar can use this technique as a means of persuasion.
A gaze directed upward and to the right is a signal that a person is trying to come up with something. This is true for right-handed people. It's different with lefties. If everything is reversed (a right-handed person directs his gaze to the left and up, and a left-handed person looks vice versa), then we can say that the person is simply remembering something.
The liar blinks frequently and tends to move his eyes, pretending that something is bothering him. He will rub his eyes frequently.

How to react correctly to a lie when you know the truth?

The first and most important thing is calm and caution in your assessments. It is important to analyze and weigh all the pros and cons. The difficulty is that some signs of insincerity are often indirect and cannot guarantee the certainty that a person is really lying. Total:

double-check the information available;
don't just consider the context of what you're being told. Monitor both verbal and non-verbal behavior.

What and how to do next is a decision that you must make yourself. We cannot dive into the situation you are or will be in.

How do you know if a person is telling the truth or not?

Read the answer to the previous question to be objective in your reasoning, and also refer to the question “Where do a person’s eyes look when he lies?” This will bring you closer to being able to distinguish lies from truth. Also try reading the section in which we talked about signs of lying.

How can you tell if a man is lying via text?

There are several signs. For example, when your interlocutor sings praises literally, you should be wary. Often men do this in an effort to win favor. Often, liars on the Internet, even to harmless questions with a trick, begin to “scribble” such answers that it is difficult to read them afterwards. A deceitful interlocutor will describe everything down to the details and moments that will not be significant. Another technique that a liar can use is “butter butter.” In response to a question about, for example, where a man has been, he may start lying like this: “I was stuck at work, we were solving an important issue, my colleagues were a little stupid, I had to push myself and do something.” Work, solving problems, colleagues, pushing yourself – it’s all about work. The short and concise answer is almost certainly true.

What does it mean when a person's eyes shift?

If he does not have such an ailment as nystagmus (eye vibrations caused by physiological and pathological reasons), then nothing.
It is inappropriate to talk about lies in this case. It is possible, but impractical. Do you think bluffing in the name of uncovering a lie is an honest technique?

Yes. It is possible and sometimes possible to expose a liar only with the help of bluff.

66.67%

No, it seems to me that this is a kind of hypocrisy.

I can’t say for sure. It all seems to depend on the context of the situation.

33.33%

Voted: 3

When you leave an abuser

If you have decided to leave a destructive relationship and are preparing an escape route, lie blindly. Your main task is to lull the aggressor’s attention so that you can start saving money, collecting things, and establishing connections with people who will help you emerge from this abyss.

It is especially worth holding back if in the end you want to sort things out, although usually victims of emotional abuse have neither the strength nor the desire to do this. The aggressor's reaction is unpredictable if he understands that the victim is off the hook. And it is better to be alive and healthy than to be right and honest.

Lies about appearance

It is with this topic that most of the reasons for men’s lies are connected, although this also happens to women. Over time, a man stops seeing a beautiful woman in his wife and sees only the mistress, the mother of his children. Only memories remain of past admiration, but the husband, by inertia, continues to make compliments about his beautiful appearance or good figure. Insincere compliments about appearance are a reluctance to offend your wife and spoil her mood, because even if she has gained a little weight or stopped carefully monitoring her appearance, this may really not matter much to him.

Infidelity is a hard blow

Of course, during the period of falling in love it is very difficult to objectively assess reality, but still, try to analyze the events taking place in your life and draw the right conclusions.

If you don’t want to be completely disappointed in love and then mourn your tender feelings for the deceiver (or deceiver), do everything possible to avoid being fooled.

Of course, you shouldn’t go to extremes: unfounded suspicions can offend a person who is not guilty of anything.

According to statistics, the most common reason for quarrels and breakups is cheating. Finding out about your partner's infidelity is a heavy blow for a loving person. It is especially difficult for those who have allowed themselves to be led by the nose for a long time by deceivers. Therefore, rather than sitting around a broken trough, it is better to immediately find out whether your loved one (or beloved) always tells you the truth.

Disappointments in love. Or Why men cheat.

Good time to everyone, my dear Gossip Girls! However, also to the not very respected Gossipers. This is my first post, so I ask you not to throw slippers at once, but to discuss with me the “painful issues.” But I, like many women/girls in general, have a painful problem about the relationship between a man and a woman, i.e. about love. Or rather, about disappointment in this bright, as it seemed in early and later youth, feeling.

So, I met Him, we dated for a year, I got married, gave birth, and then got out of the army. She loved Him very much. But life didn’t work out... And I was very disappointed in Him. It is impossible to describe all the reasons for disappointment, but in short, everything that He promised me turned out to be unfulfilled by him. He promised to be faithful - our divorce took place precisely because of his infidelity, although I forgave his infidelity twice. He promised not to drink, because I can’t stand drunks (my dad never drank so much that he would become drunk, even on major holidays, he always drank only for fun!), but again He did not keep his promise and began to drink every year more and more. He also promised to take care of us and the child - in the end, He cared for us less than all the other women of his with their children from other men, as I later found out, and after me there were about five of them. In general, we parted ways. Less than a month ago He died, like Vladislav Galkin and Andrei Panin... And on my birthday... :((

I left disappointed from Him for Another. The other one seemed exactly different to me, i.e. the complete opposite of my ex, and this bribed him: he didn’t drink, but simply drank until he was cheerful, and he still saw everyone off after any party, although some just got drunk) He carried them home too) He was faithful, but they hung on him other girls in clusters, because he was very attractive and charismatic. But he unfolded them and told them “I have a beloved woman!” He had his own business, albeit a small one. And everything was at my feet, although not so much, but what I wanted was fulfilled by him. But, alas, this did not last long. His love turned into uncontrollable jealousy, he “wasted” his business, because... there is competition in business, but he calmed down, became lazy, acquired unnecessary connections that took away his time, energy, money... I stood it steadfastly, supported him until he betrayed me. And I supported him for a long time and faithfully. I don’t want to tell you everything - it’s too personal, so I ask you to just take my word for it - it was precisely a betrayal, and, moreover, there were also beautiful promises and oaths from the very beginning... :/

And after two severe disappointments, I decided that I would not love anyone else, so as not to be disappointed. But how can a woman cope without being in love? No way. Therefore, in order to avoid “everyday” loves and “everyday” reasons for disappointment, I began to pay more attention to “media” people who are far away, because they rightly say that a distant star burns brighter) So, for me, such an object of love as and for many Gossip Girls, as it turned out later, it became... Tadadadammmmm! *Fanfare sounds* Our President! I was fascinated by him as a real man who is strong and fair. And how he cared for the elderly... This was his trump card - a man takes care of his elders, absolutely respecting them! At the same time, of course, for some reason he did not care about us women - women without husbands, i.e. single mothers, but we, women who were left by chance, without the guardianship of a strong man, are most unprotected... And our children are no worse than those children who are born and raised in families with fathers... And perhaps even better . But this did not stop me, and I still continued to cherish the image of a real man in my soul, and not only: how many spears I broke in the disputes of the last 4 years in defense of our president in all kinds of forums and discussions!

But the drops wear away the stone, and I began to become more and more disappointed in my “non-everyday” love! At first there was disappointment because of the president's attitude toward single mothers and their needs. Then came disappointment due to the inability to build a truly effective vertical of executive power, because it is not enough to pass laws - they must be effectively implemented! Then there was disappointment due to the unfulfilled promise to pass a law on social assistance for the country's needy and low-income citizens - to provide food cards at the subsistence level. Then there was disappointment from financial assistance to the oligarchs, although, in my opinion, they do not need government support. And the last disappointment from the president was, as you all probably guessed, the pension reform, where they want to raise the age for us women by as much as 8 years, i.e. more than men, although we are the weaker sex, in our old age at home we will bring more benefit in the form of grandmothers for our grandchildren, and, in the end, we deserve basic respect from the main man of the country! But he PROMISED NOT TO INCREASE THE PENSION AGE IN THE RF. Therefore, I would like to officially address our president with this post - WELL AT LEAST YOU DON’T DISAPPOINT! Why don’t you act like a man and tell some of the “especially gifted reformers”: “No, gentlemen, let’s respect our women! Their work and merits! Reconsider your reform in favor of women!” (By the way, I personally have a proposal for the president - make the personal income tax progressive, and this will bring much more money to the budget). Of course, I understand that I am somewhat naive in our time, and I still hope for someone’s decency and fair treatment, but how can I live without hoping? As they say, blessed is he who believes...!

And to top off my thoughts, I would like to cite as an example the recent death of Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev’s grandson, who died at the age of 58. And, as usual, with such news, thoughts come to mind: is it possible that a boomerang has returned to Brezhnev’s descendant, may everyone who thinks that it is impossible to say so forgive me. Although I think it is necessary. After all, even in religion, priests teach to remember the Almighty and his punishment because of human sins. By the way, Leonid Ilyich himself, being also the main man in the country in his time, did not mock his people, taking away their last, and did not attempt to retire. Yes, even Mikhail Sergeevich Gorbachev, who at one time turned out to be a Trojan horse for the Soviet people, did not do this and did not raise the retirement age, although he wasted the country’s economy while he traveled around the country back and forth with his wife, promising perestroika and acceleration..., i.e. In fact, he was engaged in boltology. Which also brings certain thoughts about the parallel: but our president also likes to talk... =)

Well, one more thing: I want to retell what I read here on the Internet. This is actually what prompted me to create this post. So, one 37-year-old teacher from Kazan decided to talk about her difficult life by writing an open letter to Putin. She was not afraid, as many of our men are afraid of “the Russian Guard and the Chechen regiments,” and expressed everything she thought in an open letter. What a great guy! That’s what I thought and decided to write this post, and I’ve been harboring these thoughts for almost a month. In general, as usual in Russia, women take on the most responsible and difficult tasks. So, I’ll retell it in my own words. This teacher is only 37 years old, but she is already sure: there is, like, only darkness ahead. All their lives they plow together with their husband tirelessly. Her salary is 25 thousand rubles. And my husband has 40. But his earnings are unstable. Therefore, they grab any part-time job to make ends meet and provide for themselves and their 3 children. And even so, the family has to constantly survive. Although there is still not enough money. At the same time, this teacher claims that there is deception all around. Often, not everyone is paid for the work done, and they may even leave you without a penny of money. "The whole country is on trial." And so Irina (that’s the teacher’s name) asks the president whether he understands what he and his friends have done? Irina also claims in this open letter that Russia is a backward country, and everything from airlines to railways is controlled by Putin’s family and his friends. And one can only dream about the market relations declared during perestroika. And therefore, as Irina is sure, Russians live poorly: they cannot afford a regular manicure, cosmetology services, not to mention traveling abroad. He says that for many, paying three children for school is unaffordable and people take out loans for this! *By the way, I completely agree with what is stated in this teacher’s letter*. Next, the author of the open letter to the president asks him: why does he treat his people this way? She about. However, there is simply no way out of the current situation. How to teach children to live with dignity when there are only thieves around? There are no prospects. People have lost hope for a bright future in their own country. And in the end he asks the question - why doesn’t anyone even try to correct the situation? After all, everything is there for this: resources and people. But, apparently, there is no prudent government that would like to help the people...

Cheating in a relationship or When your significant other lies all the time