Logical thinking helps us not only in solving complex puzzles and while performing tasks at work, but also in everyday affairs that constantly bother us.
Every day we are faced with problems, most of which are ordinary routine: choosing children's clothes, shopping at the store, meeting with a dentist or other doctor, etc.
These problems are not complex, but approaching them in the wrong way can put us under undue pressure, which can cause us to become nervous, which can be detrimental to our health. So, eight tips that will help you easily solve any life problem.
Focus on the solution, not the problem
Scientists who study the processes occurring in the brain recommend that we solve all problems from beginning to end. That is, we don’t need to dwell on the problem and think about how it could be, we need to focus on solving it directly. All this happens because the brain has difficulty finding a solution when it is focused directly on the problem itself.
In problem situations, the brain also imagines extreme situations that may arise. Thus, the correct approach to solving a problem is to recognize that there is a problem and think through all possible solutions to it.
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How to solve problems without fighting
Don't fight. For you inevitably become the one
what are you fighting against? (With)
“It’s not the fighter who overcame, but the one who dodged the fight,” says popular wisdom. In everyday life this wisdom is usually forgotten. And as a result, you get “what you fought for, that’s what you ran into.” People perceive any problem, personal or public, as a reason for confrontation. In this article I will try to explain how to solve problems without confrontation and looking at them from above.
What is the problem? A problem is a discrepancy between a person's desires and the existing state of affairs. That is: there is a desire, and there are circumstances. The gap between them is called a problem.
Why is it advisable to look at it “from above” to solve a problem? Because in order to solve a problem, it is necessary to find its cause - the reason for this discrepancy between desires and circumstances. And the reason is always in the person himself. More precisely, in his desires. That is why looking at the problem “from above” and seeing its cause is not as easy as it might seem. How many of us like to look for the causes of problems in ourselves? It is much easier to find someone “to blame” on the side. However, this “guilty person” in any case will only be to blame for the current circumstances, and not for the problem itself. After all, the problem is not the circumstances themselves, but the GAP between the desired and the actual.
Problems have always existed when desires have existed, starting with the most primitive ones. When an ancient man wanted to eat, but there was no food, a problem arose. When he wanted to keep warm, but there was no fire, another problem appeared. The more society developed, the more desires appeared - wealth, power, fame - and, accordingly, problems. Modern man is extremely spoiled and overflowing with desires. He needs as many different things as an ancient man could never have dreamed of. Look around you - your apartment is littered with things, some of which you never use at all, and some of which you could do without. Modern man also has a lot of non-material desires - to love and be loved, to get married, to have children, to find a job he likes, to find like-minded people and to be understood, to live in a world without wars. There is nothing wrong with these desires - they are natural and understandable. It is also natural that problems arise when something interferes with the fulfillment of a desire.
When something interferes with the fulfillment of our desire, our brain perceives this obstacle as an attempt and automatically turns on a defense mechanism. An ancient defensive reaction is triggered: fear, dissatisfaction, resentment, anger, hatred, envy. Falling into a depressed state under the influence of negative emotions, we begin to accumulate them in ourselves - for example, accumulate resentment or anger. The accumulated resentment or anger begins to demand vengeance - REVENGE. The object of revenge can be anything - a person, a group of people, life in general (suicide). This is how confrontation with circumstances begins. The man enters into a FIGHT.
By entering into a struggle with what prevented the fulfillment of his desire, a person begins to confront the surrounding reality. Figuratively speaking, he begins to act in the plane of “I am the ENEMY.” Accumulating anger, hatred and resentment within himself, he, if there is an opportunity, throws them out at an imaginary opponent. All this – the accumulation of emotions, their savoring, and release – requires colossal energy. Energy that could be directed towards solving a problem. In order to understand the futility of confrontation, it is enough to ask yourself the question: “Will I solve the problem in this way?” If the answer is no, then where are the efforts? To protect your value system, your desires, your ego. The question arises: do they need to be protected?
It is impossible to solve a problem at the same level at which it arose. You need to rise above this problem by rising to the next level.
Albert Einstein
In order to solve the problem, it is advisable to stop all struggle, get out of the plane and move to a spatial, three-dimensional perception of the situation - to rise higher. Having abstracted himself, freed himself from the influence of his desires and the need to protect them, a person becomes an “outside observer.” He appears to himself in all his glory. From above, everything is seen in a completely different light, the cause of the problem is revealed and a way to solve it is found. How? It’s just that all the energy that was previously spent on accumulating emotions and experiences and finding ways to take them out is now directed to finding a solution. And a solution will certainly appear. It will find you on its own.
I will illustrate my thoughts with the following examples. Imagine this situation: a person has a watch that for some reason is not running correctly (for example, ten minutes behind). What does a normal person do if he wants this clock to go correctly (or the way he needs it)? Elementary - he repairs the clock mechanism (either he does it himself or uses the services of a watchmaker). Few people would think of... entering into a FIGHT with the clockwork. Another situation: a man is walking along the road and accidentally steps on, sorry, dog excrement. Not much pleasant, of course. The normal reaction is to wipe your shoes on the grass and move on. An abnormal reaction is to be offended, angry, enter into confrontation with excrement (find supporters, hold a rally, organize a front). A person cannot change what has already happened, so his energy will be wasted - it will simply go through the resulting funnel into the past - into nowhere. And it won't make him any better.
That's why it's useful to learn to look at your problems from above and sometimes even laugh at them. A person’s attitude towards a problem radically changes any situation. In what direction – negative or positive – the energy will be directed depends only on the person. We create our own destiny.
Make sure you are solving the right problem
This may seem obvious, but you need to make sure that you are truly focused on solving the problem that is bothering you. It often happens that we are looking for a solution to the wrong problem.
For example, you may feel exhausted and mistakenly assume that you need more sleep and rest, when in fact, poor health is not due to the amount of sleep, but to health problems or stress.
Children's language or “Try to explain to a child”
Another way to weaken the inertia of thinking is children's language.
Not the one that is mushy, mushy, but the one in which you would speak with a person far from your profession. When you describe a problem in professional terms, these terms impose their corresponding content. You need to be able to present the question in such a way that even a child can understand it, that is, reveal the essence. The point is to describe the problem not in professional terms, but in everyday terms (bowl, rope, stick, bucket), functional (holder, digger, trail maker), universal (thing, gizmo, this crap that does this...). There are many examples when professional terms are replaced by functional ones: in a tire shop, on a construction site, and even at home, we often call things by their functional characteristics.
How to use children's language?
- Briefly and clearly, replacing the terms with simple “childish” functional concepts, state the content of a difficult, long-unsolvable, urgent management or technical problem.
- Briefly describe the general situation, focusing on the undesirable effect.
- Draw a schematic diagram.
Example:
A steel mill tried to save gas to heat a melting pot. When the metal was removed from it, even an empty vat had to be heated, otherwise scale would form on the cold walls during further use.
If you try to explain this problem to a child, the following will come out: there is an empty pot hanging, it needs to be heated, but some of the heat goes up without touching the pot itself, and the pot itself quickly cools down, because there is a large hole on top through which this heat escapes. And if the heat goes up, then what can be done to keep the heat in an empty pot? Turn it over! Now the heat will not go further than the bottom of the pot. The problem is solved.
Slow down your pace
Problems make us feel uncomfortable, so we try to solve them as quickly as possible. However, it is important to slow down and take your time while thinking about decisions. There is no need to immediately cling to the option that just came to mind.
Once we stop thinking about a problem and then come back to it after a while, the solution becomes much clearer and more logical. When you give yourself a break, your subconscious does not forget about the problem, but slowly works on solving it, and after you make a mental effort, the correct answer will be on the surface.
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Empathic Listening
In addition to expressing your own feelings, needs and requests, you can use NVC techniques to better understand those around you. Our empathy is often hampered by the desire with the best intentions to advise a person or cheer him up, but at the moment he does not need anyone’s tips and recommendations, and words of support often sound like devaluation. A story about your own experience (especially with the opening “What’s this, here I have ...”) also distances you from your interlocutor.
In situations where someone close or not very worried, you can ask how he feels and what needs are not met. The interrogative form allows the interlocutor to correctly interpret our words: we do not impose on him an opinion about his own condition, but clarify whether we understood the person correctly. This often helps people feel heard.
“Everyone at my job is assholes and freaks”
A variant of attempting empathy without NVC: “Come on! They're normal."
NVC empathy option “Are you angry because you don’t like the way your colleagues are behaving?”
“I’m mediocrity!”
An option for trying to empathize without NVC: “You just need to study and work more.”
NVC empathy option “Are you sad because you would like to receive more recognition?”
“I had a fight with my mother”
A variant of an attempt at empathy without NVC: “I actually left home because of conflicts with my parents and now I have to work part-time after university.”
Option for empathy with NVC: “Are you sad because you would like more mutual understanding with your parents?”
Don't tense up
It’s easy to get stressed when faced with a problem that has a direct impact on our lives or disrupts some plans. This pressure begins to have a negative impact on the clarity of our thoughts. The adrenaline that begins to be produced distracts you from everything and does not allow you to relax or think creatively.
Therefore, there is a need to relieve tension. Sit down, take a few breaths, go outside and take a walk.
Little People Method (Little People Modeling)
The next way to get away from stereotypical thinking and think through associations is to use little people (feel like a pharaoh with an army of slaves).
The point is, firstly, to identify the location of the problem and depict it in the form of little people depicting what is happening there. Secondly, depict what needs to be done.
How to use?
- We determine what needs to be changed (improved, corrected, eliminated an error, completed).
- We write what would be the Ideal End Result (IFR).
- We draw the zone and the little people who perform the task.
- We see what they are doing and solve the problem without them.
Little people can do everything (run, jump, hold on to each other, let go of their hands, everything in general), and you don’t have to wonder how they will do it.
It is important to find out only what they should do, the rest is unimportant. Example:
solving the problem of accumulated snow in drainpipes. Repeatedly thawing and freezing, the snow turns into an ice plug, and then when it warms up it falls down, breaking the pipe. It turns out that the ice plug should not fall down. IKR - the cork itself does not fall down until it melts.
We draw little people in the pipe (many little people) holding the stopper. What does it look like? On the chain! While the plug is hanging on the chain, it will not fall like a bomb and break the pipe, but will drain gradually.
The little people method is used in various fields, not only technical ones. In logistics, medicine, school education. It can be used to explain complex processes; it is used in corporate training, where the employees themselves act as little people.
For example, how to introduce orthodontic treatment using the little people method? Here are the teeth, they are a little uneven. A small man is attached to each tooth right in the center, who will pull the tooth towards the arch so that all the men line up along this arc. But little people can reach not only towards the arc, they can reach anywhere they want, you just need to figure out where. If you need to quickly combine the upper and lower rows of teeth, then the free little men will stretch from one to the other (the elastics are pulled). If we need to insert some teeth into a bone or, on the contrary, pull them out a little, then we can imagine what little people would do in this case. We would find support regarding what to do this. A mini screw screwed into the bone will work. Now the little men can continue their work.
If you are stuck in resolving an issue, use this method, get a lot of little people to work.
Keep asking “why?”
To gain a deeper understanding of your own thoughts, there is a little trick. When children don’t understand something, they ask “what is it?” or “why?” So how does it work? For example, you eat unhealthy food, constantly ordering something at home because you don’t have enough time to prepare healthy home-cooked food. Close your eyes and ask yourself, “why am I running out of time?” As a result of reflection, you may come to the conclusion that you are not ready for any changes, so you unconsciously try to keep everything as it is.
Another possibility is that what if you really don't have enough time to cook because you're always busy? In this case, you have problems with time management. Think about a solution. Change your routine so that you have a couple of hours a week to prepare delicious and healthy meals.
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Inertia of thinking from the point of view of brain function
Physiologist Ivan Pavlov introduced the concept of a “dynamic stereotype.”
Roughly speaking, this means that an action occurred that entailed a series of reactions in the brain: some centers were excited, others were suppressed, and all this, in a certain sequence and interaction, formed a persistent habit or stereotype. From the point of view of survival or the instinct of self-preservation, what has already worked is better than what can only work. Therefore, the brain will reproduce stereotypical actions in order not to find itself in the frightening unknown and potential danger - even if these actions no longer lead to the initial positive effect. Disruption of the usual way of action leads to severe stress. There are even tables of stressful events and the relative scores by which they are measured. These include, for example: a change in leisure time (34 points), and a recreational trip (33), and a change in working conditions (43) or a change in profession (50). Therefore, it is difficult to just take it and start doing something differently - the brain avoids unnecessary stress.
So what can you do to ease the inertia of thinking? Genrikh Altshuller (Soviet science fiction writer, inventor, author of the theory of solving inventive problems (TRIZ) and the theory of the development of a creative personality noticed in the middle of the last century that engineers who are passionate about science fiction invent more boldly and are not afraid of daring and unusual ideas when solving problems with with the help of TRIZ. That is, fantasy and imagination help them overcome the inertia of thinking. Later, special operators for extinguishing the inertia of thinking were identified, which, among other things, help develop creative imagination. Let's consider some of them.
Make it easy for yourself
Most of the problems that unsettle us are actually complex, or at least we think they are. For example, your problem is related to money, you can think about it from different angles: your salary is too small, or maybe you just frivolously and regularly waste it? If the problem is the first, then change your type of activity or find a second job. Once you realize that you do not have enough finances, your brain will begin to give you options: how to get a promotion, or you will start thinking about starting your own business.
Help yourself and simplify the problem, if you think it is really complex, then you will not be able to get rid of it quickly.
After you divide the problem into several components, start working on each of them separately. You will end up solving a big problem. Don't try to do everything at once; work through each component slowly.
Focal object method (FOM)
One of the tools is the focal object method (FOM). Imagine yourself with a magic wand in your hands, which allows you to transfer the properties of one object to another. Use the properties or characteristics of randomly selected objects to improve your object by transferring selected characteristics to it.
How to use this method:
- We set a goal (for what?).
- We choose an object that we will “improve”.
- We choose any other words (you can take a dictionary, point your finger at any word - it will be the ideal word, and it is better to choose several such words).
- We define and select their properties.
- Apply properties to the focal object.
Example:
we need to change the chair, come up with something new with it. We choose a few random words (for me it’s refrigerator, window, toy). We determine the properties of the selected words: refrigerator (large, cold, tall, gray, has magnets on it, two-chamber), window (transparent, plastic, opens in different variations, with a mosquito net), toy (soft, pleasant to the touch, has body parts, easy). Now we apply the written properties to our original object. Large chair, cooling chair, high leg chair, high back chair, metal chair, magnetic chair, two seater chair, transparent chair, plastic chair, convertible chair, ventilated chair, mosquito net dome chair, soft chair, a chair covered with a material that is pleasant to touch, a chair that you can hug, a chair made of super-light material. There are plenty to choose from, right?
What can be done with the help of MFOs?
- Overcome the inertia of thinking;
- Develop creative thinking, fantasy and imagination (connect the incompatible);
- As a result of applying the method, obtain a direction for improvement (original modifications, unexpected potential properties of an object - for example, books have become waterproof so that children can swim with them);
- Identify new uses for the object (for example, a wine bottle was flattened and became a plate in a restaurant);
- Create unusual article titles, plots of works, catchy and effective advertising;
- To develop speech and imagination in preschool children (“Let’s imagine that a spoon was not strong, but like a plate - fragile? Are there such spoons? What if it were transparent, like a glass? What if it was big or small? Or fluffy?").
Learn to think ahead
If you persist in solving a certain problem, but do not use the right tools, then you are unlikely to be able to solve everything. In addition, it will leave an imprint on your inner state. Many of us want to get in shape for summer. We make a schedule and promise that we will stick to it, but many people don't. If you do not renounce your standard approach, then the extra pounds are unlikely to go anywhere. In addition, due to the fact that you could not start, you will be haunted by a constant feeling of guilt. So try to open your mind and accept new solutions to the problem.
Sometimes the exact opposite method to yours can bring excellent results. For example, you want to start working out on the sports ground, you tried it a couple of times and didn’t like it, then try your hand at the gym, hire an instructor who would explain everything to you, and then start working. And by the way, in order to get in good shape, it’s enough to engage in some sports section, so find what you like and go ahead!
Possible solutions
Whatever is bothering you: choosing a new gadget, a relationship with a partner, or the excessive demands of a new boss, you have four ways to get rid of this feeling:
- change yourself and your behavior;
- change the situation;
- get out of the situation;
- change your attitude towards the situation.
Undoubtedly, there is another option to leave everything as it is, but this is definitely not about solving the problem.
That's it, the list is over. No matter how hard you try, you can’t come up with anything more. And if you want to think about what to do, then I suggest you take the following steps.
Response to aggression
Aggression often works like a snowball. By learning NVC, you can minimize its level in your speech - and thereby influence others. It is unlikely that it will be possible to completely get rid of aggression on their part, but why not make your life at least a little easier - for example, by wearing
?
Rosenberg uses images of a giraffe - the animal with the biggest heart - and a jackal in his videos. The first symbolizes the language of NGOs, the second, accordingly, violent communication.
Rosenberg believes that people always say “thank you” and “please,” but sometimes it’s not obvious because of the form of the message.
“Giraffe ears” is a way to see beyond your mother’s “How careless you are!” hidden “I worry about you and would like it to be easier for you to cope with life’s difficulties”; for “He’s not worth you” to a friend - “I’m worried about you, I’m scared that this person might treat you badly”; for “You should have tried!” from a boss or teacher - “I’m worried about the success of our business.”
The method assumes internal empathy for a person who aggressively expresses his position. Ask yourself, what feelings and needs does the other person have in this situation? You can also mentally search for the NVC formulation that you would use in his place.
Common mistakes of a beginner enenoshnik
Lost in translation
The NVC model was developed by English-speaking psychologists. In a literal, literal Russian translation, phrases built according to the four-step model often sound clumsy. In English, “I feel joy” is a common turn of phrase, while “I feel joy” hurts the ear. Some believe that this form adds subjectivity to the speaker, separating the person and his feelings, but many agree that it sounds too mechanical. It is better to use the usual way of expressing emotions in Russian: “I’m sad,” “I’m scared,” “I’m angry.” It's the same with needs.
Nonviolent violence
Often, NGO neophytes are tempted to catch up with some scoundrel who has offended them and explain to him, using the four-step model, exactly what he is wrong about. It is important to understand that using nonviolent communication methods against a person who does not want to stay in contact and continue the dialogue will be violence.
Explaining your motives and compensating for damages are not the same thing.
There are a number
on the topic of using communication techniques in situations where the interlocutor is expected to comply with agreements, but instead behaves in a very non-violent manner. Or when a person complicates everything by attracting artificial models, although he is asked to do something basic. If you talk about your feelings and needs when the other person is completely uninterested in them, the risk of running into an aggressive response increases.
“You spilled coffee on my new MacBook and it won’t turn on anymore!”
A variation on attempting empathy with bad NVC: “Are you angry because you care about safety?”
Option for empathy with NVC of a healthy person: “Would you like me to take it in for repairs or compensate for the cost of repairs?”
At what stage is customer service needed?
The customer life cycle typically consists of the following stages:
- Customer acquisition is the moment when a business interacts with a customer through advertising or other marketing tools.
- Selecting a product or service using the product catalog on the website or when visiting the showroom. This stage can be divided into two if the business model involves communication between the buyer and the consultant.
- Selecting a method for receiving the service. Customer service specialists specifically highlight this stage - the client can refuse the transaction if it is inconvenient for him to receive the product or service. For example, you can pick up the product yourself from the store or order delivery. If the courier has to wait a long time, the client can either choose another method of receiving the service, or refuse the transaction altogether.
- Payment and placing an order is a separate stage of the transaction, at which you need to offer the client a convenient payment method. Typically this includes setting up all possible methods of accepting money - cash, card, installment plan or loan.
- Waiting for a product or service. High-quality customer service means caring about the buyer. When a person is waiting for a delivery, he is worried that no disruptions will occur. This means that the task of a business is to keep the buyer informed. This is what marketplaces do—they notify you when an order has been placed, formed in a warehouse, sent for delivery, and arrived in the desired city.
- Feedback or repurchase. It is advisable to give the client the opportunity not only to buy a product or service, but also to ask him to tell him what he liked and what he didn’t. If a business takes into account feedback, including public feedback, it causes positive emotions among all customers.
