Self-destruction: how to protect teenagers from suicide? – article – Russian Textbook Corporation (Drofa Publishing House

Self-destruction of the individual is an endless dance of destructive thoughts, worries about the future, analysis of the mistakes of the past. This is what prevents you from moving forward and developing. Of course, you need to analyze your actions, but focusing on failures is dangerous. You won't reach your goal if you constantly think about obstacles and failures. Accept mistakes as a given, experience or simply a fait accompli.

Self-flagellation lowers self-esteem and, as a result, self-doubt appears. Let's talk about the causes of self-destruction, its manifestations and how to save yourself from self-destruction.

Signs of auto-aggression

It is difficult for relatives to detect signs of self-destructive behavior - the children spend almost all their time outside the home. In addition, teenagers usually hide the reasons for increased anxiety: it seems to them that adults are simply asking questions, encroaching on personal freedom.

“If the problem is identified in the early stages, it can be solved quite easily. In most cases, its root is simple overexertion. When a teenager is depressed, ignores meals, or deliberately hurts himself, you need to consult a neurologist. Prescribing sedatives should lead to improvement."

Eating disorders are another scary problem. Teenagers readily succumb to images that are aggressively imposed by society. Girls exhaust themselves with diets, “cleanse” the body with enemas, diuretics and laxatives in order to become like Instagram stars. The result can be anorexia, exhaustion, and metabolic disorders.

Or, on the contrary, internal problems, the child begins to unconsciously binge on high-calorie and heavy food. The result is obesity.

To feel special and experience unusual emotions, teenagers begin to have sex early and try psychoactive substances. One of the manifestations is the dispute “who is cooler”. In an effort to prove to himself and his comrades what he is worth, the boy may begin to jump on rooftops and cling to the carriage of a departing train.

“In the life safety course, we try to convey to the children the dangers of deliberately creating dangerous situations. Under a powerful drug, the teenager seems to be capable of anything and absolutely invulnerable. But arrogance, alas, often turns into tragedy.”

Causes of self-destructive tendencies

There are several reasons why a person comes to self-destruction.

Presence of mental illness.
Perfectionism (the belief in the need to achieve an ideal).
The desire to punish oneself, self-flagellation.
Remorse.
Mania of superiority.
Persecution mania.
Demonstrativeness, desire to manipulate.

Sometimes these are innate qualities. Other preconditions arose as a result of bad traumatic experiences or experiences. But all the reasons are accompanied by low self-esteem, devaluation of one’s personality.

Types of self-destructive behavior

Russian psychologist Andrei Ipatov identified several types of self-destructive behavior. Knowledge of the typology will help parents and teachers carefully adjust the child’s behavior and, possibly, save his life. But the most effective way to improve the situation is to seek help from a psychologist.

Self-affirming

A teenager often tries to prove something to himself and others - especially if he is a member of a group or wants to attract the attention of an individual or relatives. The problem is that he is not able to calculate all possible consequences. For example, a child commits minor offenses and then brags on social networks about what and where he stole. Or he gets involved in mischief at the risk of his life: he runs across the road in front of a moving car, tries to jump onto the roof of an accelerating train.

“Redirect the child’s attention to other, safe options for self-affirmation: a mountaineering club, a stunt school. Now there are even parkour sections. The guys are trained by professionals there, so the thrill remains and the risk is minimized.”

Defender

Teenagers who grow up in conflict families are more likely than others to need approval and external support. The difficult home environment pushes them to truancy, wander aimlessly through the streets, and even run away. Self-destruction for them is a way to gain psychological safety and relieve internal tension.

“Helping a teenager does not necessarily mean confidential conversations. You can organize a class hour with practical exercises, where the children will be told how to cope with anxiety.”

Imitative

This type includes adolescents prone to addiction. They are in dire need of approval, but are rarely antisocial, rather obsessive. Such children try to justify absenteeism, begging, smoking and drinking alcohol with their increased vulnerability. Even the ban on the sale of alcohol and tobacco products to persons under 18 years of age does not stop them.

“In order to bring a student out of a destructive state, it is important to develop in him independence of decisions and responsibility. Explain: forcing yourself on your interlocutors is not the best way to make friends.”

Demonstrative
Manipulation of adults is a proven scheme. Hysterical demands turn into threats: “If you don’t do as I ask, then right now I’m going to throw myself off the roof.”

Teenagers with demonstrative behavior begin to drink alcohol and smoke early. Most often, the cause of self-destruction is the desire to win someone’s attention.

“If a child tries to manipulate through screaming, tears and threats, consult with a school psychologist and involve parents in the conversation.”

Protest

He doesn’t care that it’s winter outside and he might catch a cold. The main thing is to annoy someone who annoys him with increased care. If in cold weather a grandson takes off his hat to spite his grandmother, he most likely has a protest type of auto-aggression.

Wanting to “revenge” imaginary and real insults, and at the same time to assert himself, a teenager is capable of physically harming himself. If left to chance, the child may become a wanderer or become involved in gambling.

“Children with a protest type of self-destruction are socially fenced off. Show empathy when communicating with them, explain what non-conflict and tolerant interaction with people looks like in reality.”

Suicide and suicidal behavior

In adolescence, hormones are in full swing, and you want to assert yourself within your social group. And this, of course, is always accompanied by stress. Complexes and problems with parents can completely unsettle you - does life even have meaning?

“Suicide is the deliberate taking of one’s life, a specific action. Suicidal behavior - thoughts, statements, threats and demonstrative attempts at suicide, which almost never lead to death."

The mentality pushes Russians to overcome difficulties on their own. People are prejudiced towards psychologists, believing that sharing secrets is a sign of weakness. But there are problems that can only be dealt with together with a specialist. This is especially true for children.

“Every year, every 12th teenager aged 15-19 tries to commit suicide. Signs of suicidal activity - a child's cry for help. In 90% of cases, teenagers have no direct desire to give up their lives. About 75% of the guys revealed their intentions, but no one heard them.”

Causes of suicide

Conflicts within the family. The teacher cannot control other people's relationships, but the child's behavior will tell about the excessive demands that adults make. You can tactfully talk with parents and invite them to diversify the student’s leisure time.
Conflicts at school. Bullying comes first. Children cannot always agree, so it is important for adults to take part in resolving contentious disputes.
Unhappy or unrequited love. Do not brush off children's problems, even if they seem naive nonsense to you.
Material and everyday difficulties.
Depression and mental disorders occur during protracted quarrels between parents.
The aggressive Internet environment has a negative impact: propaganda of sex, violence, murder and suicide.
Genetic factors.
Incurable diseases.

Self-knowledge through self-destruction: an axiom or senseless self-destruction?

The process of self-knowledge can be defined in three concepts:

Identification is the process of studying the surrounding world, society, comparing oneself with other people. A person tries on images and different models of behavior. This process should lead to self-knowledge and, as a result, to further human development. But the process of comparing oneself with others leads a person prone to self-destruction, to self-destruction. The realization that he is at least in some way worse than others leads him to death.
Reflection is self-knowledge through emotions and inner experiences. Thanks to this, we are able to experience and compassion. But in the case of a person who suffers from auto-aggression, this type of self-knowledge also leads to self-destruction. Because they are afraid to show emotions, especially in public. They hold themselves back, fearing that they will be judged, ridiculed, or no longer loved. It's nonsense, but they don't realize it.
Attribution is the ability to characterize a person at first glance, attributing to him those character traits that he actually does not have. By developing such stereotypical thinking in yourself, you can learn to understand the essence of any personality in a split second. But again, this is impossible for people suffering from self-destruction. After all, seeing a person, they already attribute to him not real qualities, but only in order to believe that this person is terrible and feel anger and hatred towards him. Or idealize a person and decide that I am not so wonderful and begin to hate myself and punish myself for my imperfection.

As you can see, no matter how you look at it, self-knowledge through self-destruction leads to senseless self-destruction. And only everyday hard work, the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist can help a person take an adequate path of self-knowledge and self-development.

Topic: Personal growth

Types of suicidal behavior

Demonstration

Sometimes suicide attempts are more like a theatrical performance. A teenager cuts his wrists, pretends to hang himself, or poisons himself with non-poisonous drugs in the hope that he will be saved. He doesn't want to commit suicide, he's just trying to get attention. This is also an effective way to manipulate - parents or the object of love.

“The relatives will suffer if the child is gone. And the person with whom the teenager is in love is unlikely to experience remorse due to his death. Explain to your child: strangers are not worth his emotional torment, much less his life.”

The heat of passion

Severe psychological trauma - for example, the death of a loved one - turns into a shock for the child. The affective state lasts from several minutes to many hours. Sometimes it lasts for a day. A teenager is unable to control himself and his impulses, so he does what first comes to his mind, forgetting about the consequences.

In a state of passion, people most often resort to hanging or poisoning with toxic substances.

Suicide

Here we are talking about a real suicide with a fatal outcome. The teenager thinks long and carefully about how to commit suicide. When truly suicidal behavior occurs, people usually choose hanging.

Forms of manifestation

Self-destruction can be conscious or unconscious. In the first case, a person purposefully poisons his own life, understanding what this will lead to. In the second, he subconsciously seeks to create a threat to his own health and well-being.

Auto-aggression can be expressed by the following symptoms:

food addiction – overeating or undereating;
self-isolation, voluntary self-isolation;
self-harm;
consumption of harmful substances and products, which leads to alcoholism, drug addiction, substance abuse;
suicidal behavior;
craving for extreme sports;
fanatical behavior (for example, participation in destructive religious communities, etc.);
hidden desire to become a victim of a crime or have an accident.

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There are also implicit signs of autodestruction:

forcing oneself to exhausting work;
delaying going to the doctor when the need arises or violating the doctor’s recommendations;
abuse of medications or cosmetic procedures;
excessive passion for piercing, tattooing;
self-prohibition on receiving pleasure, on rest and entertainment, etc.

Adults, pay attention! Which teenagers are at risk?

Those who are depressed.
Who abuses alcohol and drugs.
Teenagers who have either attempted suicide themselves or seen a family member commit suicide.
Gifted children perceive visible failures too painfully. Often the reason is the excessive demands of parents. Help reduce the degree of responsibility, hug and support the child with your words.
Teenagers with poor school performance.
Pregnant girls.
Victims of violence.

“A child does not always intend to kill himself. Depression or poor academic performance may simply affect his emotional state. It’s time to sound the alarm when sudden mood swings appear suddenly and, at first glance, for no reason.”

Self-hatred

Self-development through self-destruction of the individual can manifest itself through feelings of anger or self-hatred. The criticality of a healthy person is the path to self-development through appropriate changes. But if health is problematic, dissatisfaction with oneself turns into a feeling of false guilt and self-destruction. The slightest failure ends in harmful and destructive actions.

Aggression directed at oneself (auto-aggression) is difficult to detect in children. It is important to pay attention to the moment when pathological conditions that do not correspond to the norm begin. A psychologist can help people with this diagnosis prevent further problems.

Identifying signs of suicidal behavior

Emotional and psychological changes

Bored appearance, sadness, despondency, irritability.
Indifference or, conversely, hostility towards others.
Constant fear, anxiety, feeling of helplessness, despair.
Dreams with scenes of disasters or accidents, internal anticipation of trouble.
Loss of interest in usual activities. Absenteeism, decreased academic performance, frequent disappearances from home without explanation.
Changes in appearance and behavior
Untidy appearance, unblinking gaze into emptiness.
Quiet and monotonous, slow or accelerated speech. In response to questions - silence or “yes/no/don’t know.” Grouchiness, whining.
The child seems to be preparing for something: he carefully cleans the room, sorts photographs, and distributes his things. This is especially dangerous if he is not prone to such behavior.
Loss of appetite or overeating.
Bullying at school and beyond. Participation in fights, riots with the involvement of law enforcement agencies.
Addiction to tobacco, alcohol, drugs.
Changes in the assessment of reality and one’s own life. When a teenager remembers past events with pessimism, thinks only about troubles and does not see any prospects for himself in the future.
Reasoning that life has no meaning, hints about the intention to commit suicide.
On social networks, the child searches for groups dedicated to suicide and contacts destructive sects.

“If you notice even one warning sign, try talking to your child. Ask how you can help. Share your concerns with your parents and consult with a school psychologist - a specialist will tell you which method will be effective. Talk to your children about safe communication on the Internet."

Anger destroys personality - the main reasons

It has been noticed that the tendency to self-destruction is more often observed in women. Perhaps the reasons lie in childhood, when boys learned to show aggression, but girls were forbidden to do so. Melancholic temperament is also more susceptible to such manifestations. The same can be said about sensitive and suspicious people.

There are three main reasons why aggression can destroy a person:

Fear of losing love from others when trying to express anger. And also the fear of condemnation, accusations of inappropriate behavior.
A person could not show his anger at another due to his inaccessibility. For example, the offender left or moved away.
Violence in childhood. The child thought that he deserved to be treated poorly. Some phrases of parents can lead to self-destruction of the individual.

What parents can do

Maintain contact with your child and communicate with him constantly.
Be respectful of his problems.
Whole life ahead! Focus on prospects, ask the teenager about aspirations and dreams.
In conversations, touch on important topics: what is the meaning of life, what is love, friendship, betrayal, death.
Instill in him the idea: life is a value that should be protected.
Let your teen know that failure is part of the journey and is just as important as success.
Do not scold a student if he is rude; first try to understand the reason. Due to his age, the teenager pretends that he is indifferent to you. In fact, he needs the love, support and attention of family and friends.
Find a balance between personal freedom and restrictions. If you did attempt suicide, show in action how much you love and value your child. Both you and the psychologist should try to figure out why the teenager wanted to take his own life.

How to resist

It is important to learn to identify your self-knowledge. A person must decide on his place in society.
It is unacceptable to suppress your feelings and emotions. You need to be able to deal with what you feel.
If you need an outlet for aggression, you can resort to active recreation, for example, playing sports, shooting at a shooting range, or simply starting general cleaning in the apartment.
Reducing stereotypical perception and thinking, which will teach you to respond adequately to reality.
Reduce the importance of dependence. A person must decide what exactly destroys his personality. If he devotes too much time to work, start fighting workaholism; if he smokes, quit this bad habit. It is important to be consistent; actions should be gradual; abrupt decisions will not achieve anything good.

Now you know what the path of self-destruction can be. As you can see, this is often due to improper parenting. Sometimes everything is in the hands of the person himself; he can change his life by changing his priorities. If you realize that self-destruction is taking place in your life, then it’s time to change something, love yourself, and start a new chapter.

Where to start self-development?

In order to gradually change and develop, it is better to start small: improve the functioning of the body and take care of your health. When your body is healthy, your mood improves, your ability to study, remember, and activity increases.

You need to adjust your sleep and wake patterns

A person should sleep at least 8 hours. And, preferably, no more. It is important to strive to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day as much as possible. This is exactly how much is required to rest not only the body, but also the brain.

Review your diet

It is worth making the body’s work as easy as possible, feeding it light, healthy and tasty food. In an age when the market is oversaturated with all kinds of delicacies, desserts, and fast food, it is very difficult to resist temptation. Therefore, if difficulties arise when trying to adapt, a person is recommended to turn to nutritionists who can help change their habits.

Photo by Pablo Merchan Montes on Unsplash

Anyone who has abandoned harmful foods in favor of healthy ones, accepting this rule as ineradicable, feels much better and lighter, the body is cleansed of toxins and waste, the complexion and skin condition improve.

Physical activity

As you know, movement is life! Jogging with your dog in the morning, riding a bike, or even a simple daily walk in the park will awaken your body and energize you. After a while, it will be noticeable how attacks of laziness overwhelm you less and less, a desire appears to redo all your affairs, to be in all places at the same time.

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By adhering to these three rules, you can say with confidence: “A start has been made!” Everyone who did it can be proud of themselves. He will certainly feel how not only his well-being has changed, but also his emotional background.