The best advice for raising happy, healthy teenagers.
The teenage years are a time to make sure your child is ready for life after school. You'll probably notice that your teen may be quite independent in many ways. But this is also the time when you will notice areas that need some improvement.
When you notice that your teen is struggling in certain areas, teach them new life skills. And give her plenty of opportunities to practice responsibility and independence. Focusing on healthy habits now can teach your teen how to take care of themselves in the future.
Daily life of a teenager
Even though there will be times when your teen will insist that he knows everything or that he has all the skills needed to function in the adult world, there is a good chance that his skills can be adjusted.
Of course, adolescence brings many new opportunities. Getting a driver's license and working a part-time job are just some of the milestones that will give your teen the opportunity to practice responsibility.
In the meantime, it is important to teach your teen to take care of himself and do daily activities that will prepare him for the future.
Diet and nutrition
A well-balanced diet should help your teen get all the vitamins and minerals he needs. Teenagers are likely to already fall short of the daily recommended quotas of calcium, iron, zinc and vitamin D.
Unless blood tests and a pediatrician's evaluation reveal a specific deficiency, it is preferable to obtain nutrients from food rather than from supplements.
In terms of calories, moderately active boys need:
- 13 year olds need 2200 calories
- 14 year olds need 2400 calories
- 15 year olds need 2600 calories
- Teenagers 16, 17 and 18 years old need 2,800 calories.
Moderately active girls 13 to 18 years old need 2,000 calories per day.
Teens who are active more than 60 minutes a day may need more calories, while teens who are sedentary will need fewer calories to maintain a healthy body mass index.
Teenagers choose their own food. This may mean that they are more likely to eat fast food with their friends. It is important to teach your teen to make good choices.
Focus on health, not weight. Discuss the importance of fueling his body and brain.
Stock your kitchen with healthy fruits and vegetables. Save sugary foods for occasional treats.
Watch out for diet and body problems, especially in girls. Teenage girls often try to lose weight, and many limit their food intake or start eating only certain types of food. Eating disorders often begin during adolescence.
Adolescent development
| 10 years / 11 years | 12 years | 13 years | 14 years | 15 years | 16 years / 17 years | 18 years |
Psychological problems of girls in adolescence
Many psychological problems are not such, but are born due to the presence of physiological problems.
If a girl is not happy with her appearance, then she will experience discomfort in communicating with peers, with the opposite sex, she will develop complexes, etc. But if you try to eliminate the physiological problems (choose a hairstyle, image, etc.), then the mental problems will gradually be eliminated.
Psychologists recommend 4 main ways to solve psychological problems in girls during the transition period. Let's look at each of them in more detail.
You can learn more about all the age-related crises of a child from our article: Childhood crises: what parents need to know
Physical activity
Teenagers are recommended to exercise for 60 minutes every day. Aerobic exercise should be your primary activity.
But muscle-building exercises, such as strength training, and bone-building exercises, such as jumping, are also important for good health.
If your teen isn't interested in joining a sports team, don't force it. Help her find what she really wants to do. A daily walk or bike ride, kayaking or swimming may be activities she enjoys more than team sports.
Even if your teen doesn't play sports, there are many activities that can get them moving. You can also make physical activity an activity for the whole family. Go for an evening walk after dinner or go hiking on the weekends.
Limit your teen's screen time and encourage them to spend time outside. Talk about how important it is to keep your body healthy and make it a priority to be a good role model.
Without authoritarianism
It is very important not to impose your opinion on a teenager, but to give him the right to choose. Let him decide who to be friends with, how to dress, what music to listen to - all this should be his personal choice. Even if the child makes a mistake, do not scold him. An authoritarian parenting method can only make the situation worse. Even if a child stumbles and upsets you, do not kill his faith in himself. Tell him in a correct manner that his behavior is wrong, but at the same time convince him that he can fix everything himself.
Around the house
The teenage years are a critical time for young people to learn to make decisions for themselves and take on more responsibility. The more responsibility they can take on now, the less they will have to struggle during the transition to adulthood.
Responsibilities learned during adolescence include:
- Complete tasks efficiently and correctly at home, at school and at work.
- Take care of personal hygiene and personal belongings.
- Show compassion for other people.
- Be socially responsible in everyday life and online.
- Control your emotions and interact with people correctly.
- Understand that sexual activity can have consequences.
- How to deal with peer pressure situations such as drinking, smoking and drug use.
- Adult privileges such as driving a car or having a bank account.
- Keep your job and work well with others on the team.
- The ability to earn money and spend money wisely.
Make sure your teen knows how to do important household chores, such as laundry and preparing basic meals. Sometimes you can rotate chores around the house so they have a chance to practice the housekeeping tasks you do to maintain the home.
Give teens privileges based on their level of responsibility. If they can show you that they can be trusted with household chores, you will have more confidence that he can take responsibility for driving or going out with his friends without supervision.
While your teen will want to spend most of their time with their friends, it's important to insist on spending some time together as a family. A monthly family fun night or weekly pizza night may be traditions you decide to keep.
Eat together as a family whenever you can. This can be an important way to communicate with your teen on a daily basis.
Main signs of growing up
Significant changes occurring in the boy’s body are reflected in his appearance and behavior. Active production of hormones affects frequent irritability, rapid growth, sudden mood swings and other behavioral characteristics characteristic of this age.
Signs of physiological changes are increased hair growth, including fuzz above the upper lip, a roughened voice, pigmentation of the scrotum and a change in the size of the penis, as well as the appearance of acne (on the face, shoulders, back), emissions (nighttime spontaneous ejaculations). All changes normally occur sequentially, and the transformation of a boy first into a young man and then into a man is inevitable.
The temperament of a teenager also undergoes significant transformations, so excessive aggressiveness and nervousness should be under the control of parents and specialists. The vulnerability of teenagers is extremely high; any criticism addressed to them can cause a storm of negative emotions and reckless actions.
Boys, having realized the changes taking place in them, strive to become independent, assert themselves and prove to the whole world their courage, independence and other “cool” traits, which are called “maximalism” among adults.
Health and Safety
It is important for a teenager to know how to take care of his health. Risky behavior can be one of the biggest dangers teenagers face. So educate your teen about the dangers they face and give up privileges when they make poor choices.
Visiting the doctor
Teens can continue to see their pediatrician until age 21. It is recommended that teenagers have annual health checks.
Exercise, acne, respiratory infections, asthma and skin problems are common reasons why teens need to visit their pediatrician between annual visits.
It is important to give teens the opportunity to talk to their pediatrician alone. They may have questions about sex, sexuality, STDs, alcohol, drugs, or other sensitive issues that they don't feel comfortable talking about in front of their parents.
Your pediatrician should check your child's body mass index, provide physical activity and nutrition counseling, and provide education about sexually transmitted infections.
Sexually active teens can be tested regularly for sexually transmitted diseases, including chlamydia and gonorrhea, even if they don't have any symptoms.
Obstetricians and gynecologists recommend that girls have their first gynecological visit at the age of 15 years
The pediatrician should also check for mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety. It is important to communicate any concerns you may have about your teen's mood or behavior.
How to prevent smoking?
At this age, children often begin to become familiar with the vices of adult life: cigarettes, alcohol, drugs. To help your child develop a negative attitude towards bad habits, you need to:
- Show the same with your example. Parents themselves must lead a healthy lifestyle.
- Starting from a young age, from time to time start a conversation with your child on the topic of bad habits. Let your conversations take place casually and be educational in nature (avoid lectures). You can share with your child a find in the form of a photo from the Internet, which depicts the terrible consequences of using harmful substances (just choose the photos wisely, there is no need to cripple the child’s psyche). You can find a suitable cartoon or slide that matches the child's age. From time to time you can give bad examples like “that guy smelled so bad, it was impossible to sit next to him on the bus.” Over time, the child will understand that the same smoker is not a cool dude, but a person with a serious flaw. And smoking is not just a habit, but an opportunity to get very sick and die. Let your child by adolescence have his or her own knowledge about the serious dangers of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. Such a barrier is much more reliable than simply “you can’t.”
- Exercising, good nutrition and regular trips to nature reduce the craving for smoking various substances, as they rebuild the proper functioning of the body.
Teenager's dream
Doctors and pediatricians recommend that teenagers sleep 8 to 10 hours every night. Starting school early can make it difficult for teens to get the recommended amount of sleep.
Their body clock causes them to go to bed later and sleep longer. This makes waking up early very difficult.
To help your teen get enough sleep, there are a few things you can do:
- Talk to your teen about her nightly routine. Discuss the importance of giving yourself time to relax before bed. Reading or taking a bath can be a good way to relax.
- Turn off electronic devices beforehand. Turn off smartphones, laptops and TVs at least 30 minutes before bed. Don't let her sleep with her smartphone in the bedroom.
- Dozing is not recommended. Falling asleep after school can interfere with your night's sleep.
- Keep your teen's sleep schedule consistent. Sleeping in on the weekends or staying up too late on vacation will disrupt your teen's body clock. Set a wake-up time on non-school days that is no more than an hour later than the school wake-up time.
Safety
The biggest safety issue teens face is their risky choices. Sometimes they can be impulsive, and unfortunately, it only takes one wrong decision to get into a serious accident.
Car accidents are the leading cause of death among teenagers in Russia. Teens ages 16 to 19 have a much greater risk of death or injury in a car accident than any other age group.
Before your teen gets behind the wheel—or becomes a passenger with a teen driver—it's important to understand the biggest dangers that lead to teen car accidents. Distracted driving, speed and driver inexperience are all factors that can contribute to traffic accidents in teens.
Set rules for your teen and make your expectations clear. Talk about the consequences of reckless behavior, such as driving too fast or getting into a car with someone who has been drinking.
The third biggest health risk for teenagers is violence. .
Talk to your teen about how to stay safe. Discuss what to do if he is being bullied or how to react if he finds out another student is carrying a gun. Talk about dating violence as well, since there is a lot of violence that happens in romantic relationships.
Suicide is the third leading cause of death for adolescents aged 15 to 19 years. 8 According to the CDC, approximately 7% of high school seniors in 2021 attempted suicide, but many more teens think about suicide but don't act on it.
While there are many factors that contribute to suicide, loneliness, depression, family problems, and substance abuse can put a teen at particularly high risk.
It is important to monitor your teen's mental health. If you suspect your teen is having mental health problems or has expressed suicidal thoughts, seek professional help. You can start by talking to their pediatrician.
Technologies
Technology plays a huge role in the daily lives of teenagers. The way they meet, interact and socialize has changed.
Stay up to date with the latest apps, social networking sites, and digital devices teens are using. Your teen will not heed your warnings if you are not aware of the risks and dangers.
Cyberbullies and sexual predators pose serious risks. But these aren't the only threats your teen faces online.
People can also try to steal their identity. Or they may be invited to participate in scams or fraudulent activities without even realizing it. Therefore, it is important to tell your teenager about these dangers.
It is also important to talk about the importance of managing their online reputation. The photos they post, the memes they share, and the content they like will continually record their activity.
The choices they make online now can affect them for the rest of their lives. College admissions officials, future bosses, and even future romantic partners can turn to the Internet to get information about them.
Set clear rules for your teen's smartphone and other electronic devices. Set consequences for breaking the rules.
While you don't need to read every message your teen sends, keep an eye on their online activity. Know what they are doing online and make sure they are making the right choices.
Respect for the child
Of course, it’s also worth letting a teenager’s life take its course. Parents, of course, should be an authority for the boy. The main thing is that firm control does not humiliate the child’s dignity. Important issues must be resolved by both parents, with the opinion of the teenager himself necessarily taken into account. You cannot limit the child’s space; give him the opportunity to show initiative and independence. This is the only way to raise a strong and self-confident man.
Adolescence is a difficult time, both in the life of a boy and his parents. If you are able to find contact with your child and build relationships on mutual respect and trust, then you will be able to avoid most of the typical problems of adolescence and raise a truly confident man.
Author: psychologist, social teacher Natalya Kalitventseva
Your teenager's world
It's normal for your teen to think that the world sometimes revolves around them. In fact, they may even think they have an “imaginary audience.”
“Imaginary audience” is a label for teenagers’ belief that there is a group of followers who are constantly watching and judging their every move. 11 The belief stems from the broader concept of adolescent egocentrism, that teenagers think the world revolves around them and that everyone pays attention to how they look and what they do. This is a normal phase of adolescent social development.
It can be frustrating for parents to see their teen change shirts five times before heading off to school when most options are pretty much the same. But this is normal teenage behavior.
In addition to being more invested in social relationships, your teen will also become more aware of social issues. They may invest in helping charities or fighting for a political cause in which they believe.
As your teen gets older, she will spend more time thinking about her values. They may question their faith or claim that they will live a different lifestyle than you. It's all part of the process of separation as your teenager comes into his own.
It's normal for all teenagers to feel like they don't fit in sometimes. Their trust may also be denied. But for teenagers who are bullied and ostracized, adolescence is likely to be a particularly difficult time.
If your teen is struggling to fit in socially, consider getting professional help. Loneliness and isolation can lead to mental health problems.
It's also important to keep a close eye on your teen's stress levels. Academic problems, social problems, sports-related pressures, and preparing for the future can sometimes be overwhelming.
Make sure your teen isn't too busy. Downtime is important.
Teens need healthy stress-reduction activities and relaxation skills. Proactively teach your teen to recognize high levels of stress and show them how to cope with stress in a healthy way.
Features of raising boys
A teenager is in many ways like a baby; he is lonely and helpless. Leaving him alone during this period is the same as leaving a newborn unattended.
The main thing you need to do is talk to your teenager.
Democracies and dictatorships are equally ineffective and do not help satisfy the need for communication. As a child grows up, it is important to speak out and be heard. He suffers from misunderstanding and a feeling of loneliness. Even if it doesn't always show it.
Memo for parents of teenage son:
- Take an interest in the child’s social circle, interests, and problems. But don't overdo it. Forget about total control and overprotection.
- Be careful in making value judgments . The child’s appearance, his interests, and friends will most likely not correspond to your ideas. But you just need to understand and accept.
- Be sensitive to feelings. If your grown-up boy has fallen in love for the first time, there is no need to say that all this is nonsense, that now is not the time for such nonsense. Tell us about your first love, give good advice if you care about it. A properly raised boy knows how to treat girls with kindness and respect.
- Personal example. If your family smokes, drinks alcohol, uses foul language, judges, gossips, it is stupid to demand different behavior from a child.
- Always be alert. Parents of teenagers should not relax. The first signs of an emerging problem are poor academic performance and behavior, isolation and other manifestations of depression, alcohol and drug use. There are often cases of violence; the boy can be a victim or a provocateur.
- Be critical of yourself. Admit your mistakes, ask for forgiveness if you were wrong.
- Be honest. Always be responsible for your words, keep your promises.
- Channel excess emotions into a peaceful direction. The boy will choose the sports section in which he will be interested. The key word is himself. Even if it's boxing, rock climbing, skydiving.
- Give the boy the opportunity to feel like a man. Entrust responsible assignments, consult on important issues. And don't scold if something goes wrong.
- Learn to say “no.” Openly declaring your boundaries, saying that this is not acceptable to me is normal. It's not okay to ignore your own interests to please someone else.
To build good, friendly relationships with a teenager, remember yourself at his age. We all grew up, got on our parents’ nerves, and looked for ourselves. Give your child as much time as he needs to open up to you and share his experiences.
Quick Tips
Whether your teen loves music or plays sports, support his desire to be an individual. This may mean taking a step back and realizing that your teen's job is not to make your dreams come true for them, but to make your dreams come true.
It is normal for parents to experience feelings of grief as their child grows older. Gone are the days when they depended on you, and soon they will go away on their own.
Make sure you deal with your emotions in a healthy way. Don't let your feelings hold your child back.
Finally, keep in mind that you and your teen don't have to agree on everything. Allow them to become themselves and establish themselves as individuals, as long as they do so in a safe way.
Parental relationships
The relationship between mom and dad is also an important aspect. If a teenager sees that his father does not solve problems, he will never become a support and protector for his own family. Many women often argue that in the modern world men have stopped fulfilling their responsibilities. Teenagers often copy the failure of their fathers, and if the parent was not an authority and protector, then most likely the son will adopt this model. Only if the father sets the right example for the teenager in everything, then the boy can grow up to be a real man.
Time frame of adolescence
Sometimes the first signs of adolescence (some signs of puberty and the desire for autonomy) begin to appear in children as early as 9–10 years old.
The World Health Organization believes that adolescence ends around the age of 23 (since brain maturation continues until this age). Some researchers argue that the brain matures before age 26.
Compared to previous generations, the period of adolescence has lengthened. Teenagers have become an essential part of society.
Phases of the teenage crisis
The crisis of 13-14 years is one of the most serious and difficult stages in human development. Psychologists identify several main phases of a crisis:
- Pre-critical (negative), when a teenager begins to break stereotypes, he realizes that the rules that parents have built for many years can be broken.
- Climax. The peak, as a rule, occurs at the age of 13-14 years, but this line is very arbitrary, since the peak can occur at any age for any person.
- Postcritical. The teenager draws his own conclusions, builds new relationships, and forms his own rules.
