Man is endowed with a huge range of feelings and emotions. These are reactions to certain life situations. A person reacts by expressing either positive emotions or negative ones. Today we will talk about aggression. Aggression most often acts as a negative reaction. Its reasons for appearing in relationships, consequences and how to deal with it are described below.
Translated from Latin as attack. Aggression is behavior of a destructive nature. It violates the norms of human existence and is destructive (physical attack, mental suppression).
Reasons for aggression in relationships
Relationships between a man and a woman require a wise approach in order to maintain the union. What causes aggression in family relationships? There are many reasons for aggression:
- The first reason may come from childhood. The child was not allowed to get angry or show his emotions. But this is normal. The little man is just learning to cope with them. And instead of being taught to direct irritation in the right direction, the child was forced to simply suppress negative emotions. With age, a person never learns to cope with aggression. He accumulates and suppresses it in himself until a certain moment. And when the “vessel is full,” the partner “explodes,” pouring out everything that he has accumulated. And his other half will not be happy.
- The second reason can be called the failure to implement any plans. For example, one of the partners is not going well at work, in hobbies, or in other matters. Then upon returning home, he throws out his anger on his loved one, who, in turn, does not understand what he is to blame for.
- It is known that men by nature are “conquerors, conquerors.” And having won the lady of their heart, they begin to behave like winners, showing toughness and sometimes rudeness towards their other half. Thus they want to show who is boss in the house.
- Female aggression manifests itself due to the fact that a man does not pay attention to her to the extent that she would like. Hence the tears, jealousy, quarrels, etc.
- Another reason for aggression may be hormonal imbalance. If hormones such as testosterone and adrenaline predominate, then negative emotions will not keep you waiting.
- If one of the partners (or both) drinks alcohol or drugs, then his mental state will be unbalanced, which leads to aggression.
- Watching aggressive programs and violent films can also serve to manifest anger and irritation.
What contributes to aggressive behavior?
Common causes of aggression include maladjustment. When a person fails to realize himself through socially acceptable methods, he tries to stand out from the “gray crowd” by abuse of power and humiliation of other people. Conditions of impunity (anonymity of actions or a position of power) contribute to increased aggressiveness.
Hostile behavior is formed gradually under the influence of family, the media, and surrounding people. In psychology, the causes of aggression are divided into several types.
Psychosocial factors
The severity and frequency of angry outbursts depends on the individual personality, character and other conditions. Psychosocial factors are:
- Situational . Aggression is caused by irritating external conditions and physiological states. Self-control weakens in stressful situations, in noisy rooms, with fatigue, pain and other provoking factors.
- Behavioral . A negative defensive reaction to others’ condemnation of certain actions.
- Personal . The risk group includes people with sanguine and choleric temperament. Aggressive behavior appears due to emotional instability and increased nervous tension.
- Microsocial . People who see constant scenes of violence, hostility or experience humiliation in their microenvironment (family, school, work team) are prone to aggression. There is a high level of risk in children growing up in dysfunctional families and in law enforcement officers.
- Macrosocial . Constant outbursts of anger are formed by the propaganda of negativity from the media, the construction of a cult of violence, and the demonstration of aggressive behavior of officials.
Aggression also occurs due to mental disorders. Sick people often commit dangerous actions directed at themselves, their relatives or strangers. Constant monitoring by a psychiatrist is required to eliminate risks for the following diseases:
- depression;
- dementia;
- schizophrenia;
- explosive psychopathy;
- antisocial psychopathy.
Taking narcotic and alcohol-containing substances can provoke aggression, leading to a serious danger to the lives of others and the person dependent on addictions. Intoxication with sedatives and hypnotics also leads to increased excitability of the nervous system. A drowsy state and a feeling of euphoria are replaced by anger, increased physical activity and lack of self-control.
How do you feel about aggressive people?
They can be understood. I am often aggressive myself
50%
I don't like aggressive people. I always try to avoid such people
37.5%
I do not pay attention to it. I'm just passing by
12.5%
Voted: 8
External factors influencing the occurrence of aggression
Manifestations of aggression are not always based on the prerequisites for mental health problems and negative processes of social interaction. Outbursts of anger can be provoked by external factors that characterize the environment. For example, traveling by public transport in the summer heat is not very pleasant. Especially when the bus is crowded and passengers are forced to stand huddled together, balancing between their sweaty backs. In such a situation, even a balanced person can lose self-control and respond to aggression accordingly, so the likelihood of trouble increases sharply.
Psychologists have conducted studies in which it was found that natural factors (temperature and air pollution, crowded conditions, noise) have a significant impact on human behavior.
The model of aggression is adopted from the media as early as adolescence. First of all, television and the Internet are the “culprits”. According to statistics, programs broadcast about 9 episodes of physical aggression and 8 verbal ones every hour, and even in seemingly innocent advertising and children's cartoons there are many such situations. Already upon reaching the age of 12, a person has time to see about 100 thousand scenes of rudeness, fights, swearing and other negative aspects.
Thanks to research, it has been proven that there is a cause-and-effect relationship between watching programs containing negative behavior of participants and an increase in behavioral aggression in people of any age. A similar phenomenon is observed even among those who are not characterized by inappropriate behavior. For people with obvious aggressive traits, watching television and Internet content increases the negative impact several times.
Even if there are no explicit scenes of violence in programs and videos, in almost all content the leading values of the characters are material wealth and unabashed consumerism. Communication with others is built on a competitive basis, which allows the use of any means to achieve a goal.
Do you think you are an aggressive person?
I can be an aggressive person sometimes, but it happens for a good reason.
66.67%
Due to my nature, yes. I'm an aggressive person
16.67%
No. I am a completely balanced person
16.67%
Voted: 6
How to deal with aggression in a relationship?
Such a human reaction does not bring anything good and bright. And such a manifestation must and can be fought. When the cause of the outbreak of aggression is determined, you can safely begin to eliminate it. Here are some effective ways:
- Under no circumstances should you respond in kind to your partner. Retaliatory anger can only cause half to become even more aggressive. It’s better to remain silent, speak calmly, and let the person speak. Then you can continue the conversation peacefully.
- To suppress your aggression, it is better to do breathing exercises (deep breath, holding your breath, deep exhalation). This will bring the body into a calm state.
- You can give vent to your negative energy through physical exercise (press exercises, push-ups, squats, etc.).
- Household chores (washing dishes, floors, etc.) help get rid of aggression.
- You can also take out your anger on your pillow. She needs to be beaten with fists. This way, all the negativity will go away.
- If you have experience in meditation, then you should take it up. This also includes the practice of writing your negative feelings on a piece of paper. Then it must be burned.
- Before you say nasty things to your other half, you should go to another room, catch your breath and figure out the reason why the argument started. After realizing the reason, you need to think about whether it’s worth quarreling over this.
- A walk in the fresh air or watching a pleasant movie helps suppress your aggression.
- It is necessary, if possible, to avoid the cause of the conflict (for example, if one of the partners is annoyed by the fact that the other leaves unwashed dishes, you should wash the dishes after yourself).
- If conflicts have become serious, you should seek help from a specialist (psychologist). It will help you cope with your own aggression.
In today's hectic world, there are reasons for aggression at every turn. And if you don’t learn to control your emotions (don’t suppress them, but allow them to go out in a different direction), then divorce is just a stone’s throw away. You should not allow negative feelings to dominate family relationships.
Provoking aggression
Almost everyone has at least once experienced or observed from the side how one person deliberately provokes another into aggression. This manipulation can be used for various purposes. It happens that people provoke others into aggression in order to take the position of a victim and make the person feel guilty so that later he will do what they want. Some people lack attention and emotions, so they try to get them in such unhealthy ways. Well, someone provokes a conflict in order to throw out the accumulated negativity in response - this is how, as a rule, people with displaced aggression behave.
In order not to succumb to provocation, you need to try to calm down, concentrate on your breathing and look at the situation from the outside: realize that not everything is okay with this person if he behaves this way. You can imagine this person as a small, squeaky animal. Or mentally imagine how you hit him with all your might. If the provocateur does not receive any external response from you, then he will “lose” and calm down.
Author: practicing psychologist S.P. Chikunova
Can't cope with your aggression or do you constantly provoke others to it? Sign up for a consultation with a psychologist by phone. or leave a request on our website.
Different forms of manifestation for both men and women
When talking about attacks of aggressiveness, it is important to identify female and male aggression. In men, signs of aggressiveness begin to appear in attempts to control everyone and everything. In the early stages they can be touchy, but if they deviate from their opinion, they immediately use their hands, obscene language, and screams.
In women, an emotional outburst is usually accompanied by everyday problems. Psychologists note that powerlessness and the inability to correct the situation are frequent causes of aggressive impulses against others. Sometimes they can be caused by personal problems, sometimes by problems with money, illness, and more.
What to do if you are passive-aggressive
Try to understand yourself
Behind passive aggression - sarcasm, teasing, procrastination - lies anger or dissatisfaction that you forbid yourself to express openly. Dig into yourself and find out what (or who) exactly you are angry at, why you are afraid of conflicts and do not allow yourself to express your own feelings.
Give yourself permission to be angry
Admit that you are angry. Accept that this is a completely natural feeling, stop suppressing it. It's normal to feel anger, but suppressing it is not. This can lead to depression and anxiety disorders.
Talk about what's bothering you
This is one of the best ways to vent your feelings and let them go. Yes, for those who are used to keeping everything to themselves, frankness can be very difficult. Therefore, it may be worth formulating in advance what you want to say, and even practicing at home in front of the mirror.
Do not attack your interlocutor, be correct, and do not resort to insults.
Use “I messages”: talk about your feelings, but do not blame your opponent. “I get very angry when I have to spend evenings alone,” “It upsets me that my opinion is not listened to.” If such a conversation really scares you, you can talk about your experiences in a letter.
Learn to Express Your Feelings
Sometimes it is impossible to speak directly about your emotions. Or you are not ready for this yet. But this is also not a reason to keep anger and resentment to yourself. Try to express them in ways that won't offend anyone: keep a diary, write letters to your offenders (you don't have to send them), play sports, talk about your experiences with friends.
Excitation transfer theory
Increased arousal is one of the important factors of aggressive behavior. Firstly, arousal does not go away quickly, so it can persist when moving from one situation to another. Secondly, it does not matter what caused the increased arousal, and if it is, the likelihood of aggression increases.
Let's say you are driving a car. Another driver cuts you off dangerously. You slammed on the brakes and almost got into an accident. Naturally, this caused you to become more aroused, and this is quite normal. After that, your friend calls you and asks something, and you respond by losing your temper and being rude to him.
Why did this happen? Social psychologists claim that the reckless driver who just cut you off is to blame for your harsh response to your friend. It's simple.
We recommend that you learn to perform several relaxation exercises to reduce the role of this factor.
We wish you success!
Cognitive factors
The first cognitive factor we will look at is scripts. Let's look at two examples:
You're on a crowded bus and someone steps on your foot. Since you didn't plan to fight on the bus, your script will oppose this form of aggression.
Some young man has what is called “his hands itching,” and he goes to a nightclub with the goal of testing his strength and fighting training with someone. Naturally, in such a mood, in such a scenario, any little thing can provoke an extremely aggressive reaction.
An important cognitive factor is evaluation. Let's take the same example: someone stepped on your foot on a bus. If it is crowded and people stand close together, then this is, of course, unpleasant, but it is obvious that the person did it by accident. This assessment will reduce your level of aggression.
But if the bus is almost empty and someone deliberately steps on your foot, it is obvious that you will react more aggressively. Re-evaluation may also follow: a change in attitude due to new observations. For example, you may notice that a person felt bad, he couldn’t keep his balance and therefore stepped on your foot, that is, it was still accidental. In this case, reassessment will reduce the level of aggression.
Another cognitive factor is past experience. An event may trigger a past negative experience, make you remember past emotions, and in this case, your level of aggression will increase.
The level of aggression is also influenced by the current mood.
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