If a girl refuses to “drink tea” or “look at the stamp collection,” men firmly accept such an answer (although not all). But if a guy doesn’t want sex, it looks illogical and strange for a girl. How is it that the “predator” is offered prey on a silver platter, but he doesn’t want it. In fact, the situation is not very conducive to humor, because such a picture has a sharply negative effect on women’s self-esteem. And the very fact of a negative answer in most cases hints at some problems for the young man.
Just a few years ago, men were rumored to be sex-obsessed, and women tried their best to evade marital duty. Now the emphasis has changed, and now the stronger sex suffers from headaches more often. According to statistics, more than 60% of the male part of the planet increasingly refuses bed games, and 40% have sex no more than once a week. These are the results of anonymous social media. surveys.
Signs of lack of sexual desire
To understand whether this problem really exists in a relationship, you need to monitor the changes that have occurred with the young man. If a guy says he doesn't want sex, a girl's anxiety about this is understandable. But not every partner will directly talk about their problems in their intimate life and share them with their significant other. You can guess that there is a problem sexually if you pay attention to the following signs:
- The partner becomes less interested during intimacy.
- The man is irritated and reluctant to make contact in bed.
- He doesn't enjoy the process.
- After sex, the guy is in a bad mood or immediately falls asleep without even saying a few pleasant words to his partner.
With age, men, like women, become less active in their sexual lives. This is considered normal. If you have been married for many years, there is no reason to panic when a man stops paying great attention to the intimate side of the relationship. If your couple has just formed, and you are already saying to yourself: “The guy doesn’t want me,” it’s worth starting to understand the reasons for this behavior.
Radical therapy2
Like any important action, the battle for your partner's attention should begin with intelligence. Or rather, from a calm, open conversation. If a guy is smart, he will want to figure out this situation himself. Further actions depend on the identified cause:
- Workaholism is cured by taking an emergency vacation, even if it’s free. Take your loved one out of the annoying environment and give them a couple of days of rest. After rest, he himself will begin to persuade his soul mate to have sex. But this sounds simple only in words. If the next vacation is still a few months away, you need to help your spouse relieve emotional and physical stress. A high-quality massage, funny comedy and care will help a guy cope with critical situations and fatigue. And a young man surrounded by care will definitely want to “thank” his sweetheart.
- With diseases, everything is more complicated; a medical specialist is needed here. If hormonal imbalance is to blame, it can be eliminated with proper nutrition and exercise; hormonal drugs are prescribed in difficult cases.
- Addiction to hobbies is treated with the “temptress wife” regime; knowing the weak points of your partner, nothing prevents you from using them to awaken the desire of your chosen one.
Everyone knows that men love with their eyes. But eyes are not the only way to the heart of a loved one. You should pay no less attention to your smell; a clean female body causes a wave of excitement in any male. A small amount of perfume won't hurt either.
- If the problem is with the girl, she must fix it herself (if she wants, of course), it’s worth asking the guy which type suits him best. This should only be done if there is reciprocity, if the young man has worked on himself for your sake.
- Monitor your behavior and conversations. Maybe the girl herself is having troubles at work, and she’s taking out the negativity on her lover.
- A radical change of image can also help. Try to surprise your partner. Jeans and sweatshirts with sneakers are undoubtedly very comfortable clothes. But an elegant dress and stilettos can excite a man’s imagination no worse than a porn film.
- For couples with extensive marital experience, we can advise trying to return the relationship to the very first “candy” period. Start flirting with your man. Intimate correspondence, small but pleasant gifts, exciting touches to sensitive areas. Remember how the stronger sex reacts to a languid voice, a sincere smile and gentle tactile contact.
It is recommended to take care of this problem in advance. Regularly arrange intimate evenings for your partner, try to keep yourself well-groomed, and don’t let yourself get caught up in work. It is worth regularly changing the scenario of bed games.
The problem is that the guy should have a similar return. This is not only the secret of regular sex, but also the key to a happy union.
Searching for reasons in yourself
When a man meets his soul mate and falls in love, he constantly feels desire. If a girl over time loses the shape that was desired by her partner, he may change his attitude towards her.
But it’s not just about the lady’s appearance and figure. Sometimes the behavior of representatives of the fair sex can disrupt the sex life of a couple. If a girl notices that a guy doesn't want to have sex, she should reconsider her own behavior in bed. Perhaps she does not show her desire, gives her partner too little affection and tenderness.
If a guy doesn't see that a girl is enjoying the process, he won't be as interested in her as he should be.
If a girl believes that sex is only for the stronger sex, and does not try to seduce her man, this may cause a lack of interest in him. But don’t get upset and tell yourself: “The guy doesn’t want me because I’m not sexy enough.” There are other reasons for lack of desire that do not depend on the behavior and external data of the partner.
How to talk about this with your husband
Of course, it is not easy to get a person to open up. Therefore, try to take the advice of family psychologists. A heart-to-heart conversation should take place in a calm, cozy atmosphere. Don't terrorize your tired spouse after work. Select a day off. During the conversation, do not throw hysterics, do not blame or reproach. Don't download your license.
Maintain a soft, friendly tone. But don't overdo it, men hate pity.
If your partner refuses to have a serious conversation, try to unobtrusively find out the reason. Do not set conditions for a man: “I decided to talk, drop everything and listen, otherwise you will regret it.” Start the conversation softly: “We need to have a serious conversation. When you will be free?".
If the husband does not agree to be frank, the psychology of family relationships advises the wife to increase her husband’s credibility.
Give your man a bath and foot massage before bed. Fill a bowl with warm water and add relaxing essential oils, such as lavender or mint. Wash your husband’s feet and dry them. Give yourself a massage using a cream or oil with a pleasant aroma. After a couple of similar procedures, the partner will begin to trust more and make contact.
Low testosterone levels
This problem can be resolved by consulting a doctor. To independently determine that a man has low testosterone levels, you should pay attention to his well-being. The following symptoms indicate this problem: constant fatigue, lack of interest in sex, causeless weight loss, erection problems, bad mood.
If you don’t know why a guy doesn’t want sex, if you notice the symptoms described above, you should seek help from a specialist.
Stress at work
In the modern world, people constantly find themselves in stressful situations. This is especially true for men who work diligently and try with all their might to move up the career ladder. Stress at work leads to nervous tension, and this causes problems in intimate life.
A low level of earnings, dissatisfaction with one’s position and an unsatisfactory economic situation can turn a passionate partner into a dissatisfied guy who is indifferent to intimacy. In such a situation, the girl needs to distract the young man from his problems and occupy him with more pleasant things. For example, prepare a romantic dinner using candles, take a walk along a beautiful street, or visit his favorite establishment. This will not only strengthen the relationship, but also relax the man. Then you will no longer have to ask yourself: “Why doesn’t the guy want me?”
Diffidence
Men, like women, can have low self-esteem. If a girl constantly tells her partner that she is unhappy with him in bed, he begins to feel insecure, which makes him less active in intimate terms. The guy does not want to have sex with a lady who does not appreciate his efforts, but only instills uncertainty in his abilities. Such behavior can not only deprive a relationship of passion, but also destroy it completely. If a girl understands that a man is not always good in bed, she should gently and gently suggest what needs to be done, but not make complaints in a rude manner.
If you have just started a relationship with your partner, and you already notice that he does not want to have an intimate relationship with you, it may be due to a past bad experience. The guy doesn't want sex after a past relationship in which he felt pressure from the girl or was unable to prove himself. In this situation, it is worth showing all the tenderness and understanding that you are capable of, giving your partner time to understand that the past relationship is behind you.
The husband does not want intimacy because of his mistress
Another reason why a man often refuses sex is the presence of a mistress. The situation here is quite complicated; you have the opportunity to either divorce your lover or live in the situation that has developed. The most correct option is to make the husband leave his mistress. However, this will be quite difficult to do. You need to transform yourself, stop acting like a girl, and devote more time to your spouse.
In most cases, men leave for their mistresses due to lack of normal sex. A paradox occurs: it seems that the wife is not against sex, but at the same time it becomes gray and ordinary. The man is not happy with this. He needs bright, new impressions, as well as crazy sex and the former passion that was observed in his youth. A man very subtly senses the approach of old age, so he does not want to waste time just like that. They want to feel and feel like real males and men. This is why they have mistresses. For a man to leave his mistress, you need to give him the sex he wants.
Refusal of sex
Health status
Some medications can make a man less active in bed due to decreased libido. This may be one of the possible reasons for the lack of desire. Find out from your partner what medications he is currently taking, read the instructions, and familiarize yourself with their effect on hormonal levels. If a guy doesn’t want sex for this reason, you should consult your doctor and find another medicine.
There is a difference between lack of sexual desire and erection problems. If a man is simply not in the mood for sex, his thoughts may be preoccupied with problems or other matters. When he feels physical discomfort, manifested in the absence of an erection or decreased libido, he needs to consult a doctor and not self-medicate.
If you notice that problems have arisen in your intimate life, you need to share your experiences with your partner in order to begin to solve them together.
My husband doesn't want sex: how to awaken the desire?
Health problems . Despite the fact that medicine is now very developed, it is still very difficult to get men to see a doctor. This is due to the fact that representatives of the stronger sex only go to the hospital if everything is really bad. Therefore, if you notice strange changes in your man’s behavior or health, be sure to make an appointment with the doctor and, if necessary, go with him.
Adviсe:
- After 40 years, the amount of testosterone in the blood of men significantly decreases. Because of this, sex drive and libido decrease. The main way to increase it is not only the use of hormonal medications. This is not at all necessary. You can increase your testosterone levels by working out in the gym and eating healthy foods. Of course, there is no need to put pressure on a man and tell him that he should eat properly.
- Switch the whole family to proper nutrition, prepare healthy food. Sign up with your husband for some dancing or a gym. You will be your husband's companion, this will allow him to get used to the lifestyle change much faster. All these exercises in the gym and changes in nutritional levels significantly affect a man’s libido. Due to the fact that the amount of bad cholesterol in the blood decreases, libido increases, and a man wants sex more often.
- Try to be more persistent. Very often a woman waits for the first step from her man. In fact, many men dream of a woman being in charge of the situation and sometimes taking the initiative. That is, try to interest your husband, show that you care about him, and that you really want sex. That is, you can start undressing him yourself or make hints that you want to continue the evening in a more intimate setting.
- Very often, men with diabetes, alcohol abuse, and problems with the thyroid gland refuse sex. Excess weight has a very bad effect on libido. So really, if your husband is fat, help him lose weight. Improved health, as well as weight loss, have a positive effect on libido. After all, it is indeed very difficult for a man with a lot of weight to have sex due to poor physical shape.
- They become short of breath very quickly, and friction becomes simply impossible. Of course, in this case the wife can take the leading role and have sex in the cowgirl position. But still, a man sometimes wants to be in charge, to dominate sex, so give him this opportunity.
Husband doesn't want sex
How to start a conversation
Before you tell your partner about what doesn’t suit you, you should make sure whether he is ready for this. A conversation started at the wrong moment, when a man is irritated or tired after a hard day at work, will not bring the desired result, but will only further upset a man who already has a lot of worries.
Have a good time together, talk about something distracted. Only then move on to the essence of the problem. Your partner must understand that you are only concerned about this side of the relationship, and do not want to say that you no longer perceive him as a lover. Set him up for dialogue. Only after that talk about the problem.
If you have an idea why a man doesn’t want intimacy, you shouldn’t immediately tell him about your guesses. Perhaps the reasons lie elsewhere. By showing proper understanding, you will set your partner up for a sincere conversation.
How to win a man's interest after having a baby
You will have to make an effort and find time to take care of yourself, wisely distributing your to-do list. In order for free minutes to appear, it is necessary to gently involve your spouse in new tasks.
An important point is the husband’s fear of causing pain or harm to his wife after childbirth during intimacy. Swollen breasts full of milk and stretch marks on the abdomen can confuse and extinguish desire. Do not rush to accuse him of coldness, talk frankly and explain that the body has already recovered and craves the usual affection, and other phenomena are temporary and gradually everything will return to normal.
How to Help Your Partner Bring Passion Back into an Intimate Relationship
When the conversation has taken place and the reasons have been identified, you need to move on to solving the problem.
If during the conversation you find out that a man is feeling unwell, which is interfering with sex, try not to put pressure on him or ask unnecessary questions. He will not be able to tell some things even to the woman closest to him. It is better to entrust the solution to a specialist. Tell the man that you are worried about his health, and then gently and unobtrusively convince him to visit a doctor.
When the problem is a health condition, a specialist will help. What should you do if a guy doesn’t want sex because he no longer feels sexual attraction to his lover? In such a situation, there is no need to be offended and immediately break off the relationship. You can try to change the situation. You need to start with yourself.
Dress in nice clothes more often, even if you are not going to leave the house. An old housecoat is very convenient for cleaning or cooking. But what kind of sexual desire can we talk about if a girl doesn’t take care of herself?
Seduce your man even after many years of marriage. Go on dates together, flirt, awaken in him the feelings that he experienced when you first met.
Why doesn't my husband want to make love to me?
Causes:
- The lack of sex may lie in the wife herself . Perhaps after marriage, she changed a lot, gained weight, and stopped taking care of herself. A man is greatly influenced by a woman’s appearance, so if she becomes unattractive and becomes overweight, then the husband’s sexual desire disappears. He wants sex, but not with his wife. In this case, the wife will have to change directly.
- You need to join a gym, adjust your diet, and lose weight. It is also advisable to purchase new outfits and sexy lingerie. You need to show off in front of your husband in beautiful lingerie more often. Throw away all the greasy robes and invest in some sexy negligees.
- A woman is very protective of her husband . Many girls really strive to become a kind of mother or nurse for their husband. You can’t do this; you shouldn’t rush after him with food, clothes, and a hat. Men 30-40 years old are already quite capable of taking care of themselves and deciding whether they want to wear a hat or not. Therefore, try to be not a mommy for your husband, but a wife and lover.
Lack of sex
Recommendations from psychologists
Experts advise women not to become irritable if a man is not always ready for sex. A woman’s dissatisfaction with the intimate side of a relationship greatly affects her partner’s self-esteem, which only makes him withdraw more and feel insecure.
According to psychologists, the reasons for a man’s lack of desire may lie in resentment towards his significant other. Perhaps there was a conflict in the couple that was not resolved.
Over time, he is forgotten, but the man continues to feel resentment and tension when he communicates with his beloved. In this case, you can visit a family psychologist and, together with a specialist, understand the problem.
When a woman does not satisfy a man's needs sexually, he loses interest in this side of the relationship. Their couple can remain, they can continue to communicate and love each other, but sex no longer attracts a man. In such a situation, a woman needs to learn to be more relaxed and take into account the wishes of her partner.
Advice for pregnant women and young mothers
If your child takes up all your time and thoughts, and your spouse has long faded into the background, try the following:
- While there is a ban on full sex life, engage in oral sex. This way, your husband will understand that he is still important to you, he will be able to fully relax, and mutual understanding will not leave the family.
- The birth of a baby is not a reason to forget about yourself. Clean clothes, walks in the fresh air, simple but cute hair styling, at least minimal exercise will allow you to remain attractive, even if the child is capricious and demanding. You certainly cannot forget about yourself.
Less nervousness, more affection and interest in each other, and everything will be fine.
VIDEO TESTS: Does a man love me test about the development of your love relationship.
