What is mutual love and does it exist: what to do if it is not mutual?

What is mutual love?

First you need to define the concept of mutual love.

There are two people who are attracted to each other . Is it possible to talk about mutual feelings in this case?

Love is not only the desire to be close to a person, to have his attention, but also the desire to care, help, and lead a common life.

If the vectors of attraction are directed in one direction, then we can talk about mutual love. In this case, both people want to be together without coercion. They understand that there is something that unites and attracts them.

Love should be distinguished from infatuation and passion. Falling in love is a kind of spirituality, a slight feeling of attraction, a desire to get to know the object, to enter into a relationship with it. Passion is a mixture of burning, bright emotions that cause suffering to people, pushing them to rash actions.

Love is calm and responsible. There is friendship, emotion and physical intimacy.

Characteristics and features of unrequited love

Love without reciprocity can't help but upset. It devastates from the inside, suppresses the best desires, and contributes to the formation of suspicion. A distrustful attitude towards life, self-doubt and apathy appear. In some cases, you even have to resort to the help of a psychologist. Specialists regularly work with those who are confused, confused, and have lost their main life guidelines. Getting rid of unhappy love is not so easy. You have to make incredible efforts to cope with despair and hopelessness. It’s good if the person is fully aware of what is happening. Then there is a good chance to be rehabilitated.

Does it exist?

Love has been studied for many centuries by philosophers, religious figures, artists and even doctors.

Psychology , as the science of the soul, did not ignore it either

Is there truly mutual love? This is a very important question. As a rule, in a couple, one person loves more, the other experiences less intense feelings.

In addition to emotions, there is also a search for benefits – why should partners be together other than satisfying mental and physical needs. Here the welfare factor often comes to the fore.

Of course, mutual love exists, and it is on it that the strongest couples are built.

But taking into account the fact that feelings undergo various changes in their development, true, mutual love comes after difficult life stages have been passed, priorities have been set, and the personality of the other person is valuable.

Is there a formula for mutual love and a happy marriage? Psychologist's opinion:

Why do they say it doesn't exist?

There is often an opinion that mutual love is just a myth . This is due to the fact that people express feelings in different ways.

One loves brightly, trying to give his partner maximum attention, the other shows feelings with restraint, but this does not mean at all that they do not exist.

We are not always able to control ourselves and the desire to be close to others . If we like a person, this does not mean at all that he will reciprocate.

Each of us has our own ideas about the ideal partner, and they may not coincide with the vision of other people. We cannot be forced to love just because we ourselves have feelings.

You can try to attract attention, evoke sympathy, attraction, but this does not at all guarantee the emergence of true love .

What does unrequited love lead to?

Why is unrequited love dangerous?

Experiencing unrequited feelings, a person withdraws into himself, cuts off all ties with the outside world, stops communicating with relatives and friends and begins to live the life of the object of adoration, and not his own. In addition to the fact that this significantly limits the possibilities of self-realization in the career and creative spheres, the likelihood of developing addictions and suicidal behavior increases.

Many famous personalities are familiar with the dangers of unrequited love, but they were able to visualize feelings in creativity. Among them:

Ivan Turgenev;
Vladimir Mayakovsky;
Auguste Rodin and many others.

Unrequited love is a stage in life from which you can and should learn a valuable lesson. This is an unconditional motivation for self-improvement and the realization of creative potential.

Signs of reciprocity

How to understand that love is mutual? People in love send each other various signals that help them understand that they are interested:

look eye to eye,
facial expressions, smile, facial expression,
gestures that help you understand that your partner is interested in you: turning your head, body, open postures when you are nearby,
tactile contact &ndash, people who have feelings try to touch each other, hug, give kisses,
in the first stages of a relationship, you may experience uncertainty, embarrassment from the fact that you feel sympathy for another person,
the desire to be alone with the individual, to meet as often as possible,
the emergence of a desire to enter into intimate relationships,
you want not just to date your partner, but to live with him, create a family, and maintain it.

Mutual love is felt as a kind of energy that unites two people together.

Men may be more restrained in expressing their feelings. They tend to show love with gifts, care, and offers of intimacy.

Women are more emotional ; tactile contact, time spent together, and romance are important to them.

The best way to find out how strong feelings are is to talk. The ability to conduct dialogue helps to solve many problems. If you allow understatement, it means that in a relationship there will always be uncertainty about your partner and his feelings .

Is mutual love real4

Many people wonder whether mutual love exists at all and whether it is possible to find the strength to confess your feelings to your loved one. Sometimes, instead of spending days, weeks, months or even years in doubt, all you need to do is muster up the courage and confess your love.

During a frank conversation, you can get answers to many questions that primarily interest you:

Is reciprocity possible in your relationship?
How interesting are you to a potential partner as a person?

That is, an open, “sincere” confession can lead you out of the vicious circle of unrequited love.

Unrequited feeling: what to do?

What to do if the love is not mutual?

Unfortunately, mutual love does not occur in all cases of interaction between two people.

Feelings can be unrequited, causing moral suffering.

Sometimes people even decide to live together , common reasons are unplanned pregnancy, seeking benefits, desire to get married, because it is so accepted in society or all friends are already married.

Non-reciprocal love is absolutely not a reason to immediately break off relationships and part ways. People are united by many things, and you can live side by side simply by experiencing friendly feelings and respect for your partner.

However, for this there must be some kind of common goal that allows the marriage to exist for many years.

If the love is not mutual:

Learn to keep your emotions under control.
Accept that there is a problem that needs to be solved. Unrequited love can interfere with normal life.
Don't rush into a new romance, hoping that everything will be forgotten. The common expression “they beat each other with each other” does not always work and will only lead to the next relationship being unsuccessful.
Assess your chances – is it possible to win a person’s attention and is it worth doing?
If you want to forget a person, then reduce contact with him to a minimum.
Occupy your mind with other thoughts: about work, hobbies, creativity.
Get rid of negative attitudes. Events in our lives are directly related to how and what we think. Stop setting yourself up for the bad, let there be more positive things in life.

A harmonious person does not seek recognition from other people ; she has love as part of her personality, its basis. It is very important to understand where your need to necessarily seek and receive love came from.

How to get rid of unrequited love in 12 steps - instructions for finding happiness

Get rid of internal conflict with yourself : realize that there can be no future with your object of adoration, you will never be able to be close. Understand that your feeling is not mutual and mentally let go of your loved one.
Plunge into study, work . Come up with a new hobby: dancing, cycling, yoga, English, French or Chinese courses. Try to make sure that you simply have no time left for sad thoughts.
Try changing your social circle. If possible, meet less often with friends who, even by their presence, remind you of your loved one.
Change your image. Get a new haircut, buy a few new fashion items.
Help solve problems for your loved ones and friends. You can sign up as a volunteer for a charity or help workers at an animal shelter.
Do not accumulate negative emotions and thoughts in yourself, let them come out. The best remedy for negativity is sports. Visit the gym and throw off all the burden of your pessimistic thoughts on exercise machines and punching bags.

Pexels Photos

Get your inner world in order. A broken heart needs to be healed by reading educational literature about self-knowledge and self-improvement. This will help you look at the world around you in a new way, make you rethink your life values and set your priorities correctly.

How to find reciprocity in a relationship?

How to attract mutual love into your life? Everyone dreams of mutual love. This is an opportunity to create a strong, stable family. However, to achieve it, you need to work a lot on your relationships and your personality.

Pay attention to yourself . Why are you attractive to another person, what qualities of your personality make you special, why the object should choose you.
Be active . If you sit and wait for the one you like to come on his own, then there is a chance you won’t wait. The object of love must understand that he is attractive to you. However, there is a fine line here – your behavior should not be too intrusive or intimidating.
Develop yourself . A versatile personality is more interesting.
Be mysterious . This makes you want to know more about you, to reveal the secret sides of your personality.
Respect yourself . People treat us the way we treat them.
Don't be available. How do you feel about a person who agrees to have an intimate relationship on the first date?
Most likely, as a one-day entertainment. If you want a long-term relationship, then you will have to approach physical contact responsibly. This is not so important for men; for them, sex is most often a way to satisfy physical needs, but they respect an accessible woman less.
Try not only to take and demand, but also to give . Mutual love is built on the exchange of energy, care, the ability to show attention and help at the right time. Fight your own selfishness and consumerism.
Look around. The person who will become dear to you is quite likely now passing by or working next to you, living in the same yard or riding the same bus with you.
Be open to the world. They try to avoid closed people. They are feared and misunderstood, and building relationships with them is not easy. For some, openness is an innate quality, while others have to learn and rebuild themselves.
When you find a loved one nearby, appreciate him. We often miss our happiness when we slide to the level of mutual reproaches, criticism, blackmail, the concept of “you should.” Such negativity kills feelings.

The desire to necessarily find mutual love can lead to disappointment. Reduce the importance of this feeling in your life, and then it will appear naturally.

How to achieve reciprocity? Find out from the video:

Reasons for such love

If your feelings are rejected, then you can’t help but want to ask: “Why is everything going well for others, but I failed?” There is nothing surprising in the fact that this happened to you once. Almost all people go through unrequited love and don’t know how to forget this heartache. But sooner or later the feelings fade away, and the person finds his soul mate.

If non-reciprocal sympathy has become a pattern for you, then it’s time to look within yourself for the reasons. What can serve as an impetus for the regular appearance of unanswered love:

Fear of relationships. It is possible that as a child you witnessed constant quarrels between mom and dad, or you were taught that marriage is hard work, where you have to constantly give in and not have the right to vote. In such cases, the child is given the following message from childhood: relationships are bad and should be avoided in every possible way. But you can’t fool nature, instincts take over, and you fall in love. Just choose objects that will definitely not reciprocate your feelings. Different social status, level of intelligence, polar differences in interests - does this distinguish your chosen one? If the answer is yes, go to a psychologist: he will destroy your childhood attitudes and help you find a suitable match.
Victim syndrome. You enjoy it when someone is supportive and sympathizes with your problems. Human pity is like a drug for you. Few people can admit this, but victim syndrome very often becomes a stumbling block when finding a normal partner. You fall in love with people who are not free or unattainable for other reasons and suffer by complaining to others. Receiving the next dose of understanding, you drink this glass of unrequited love to the end. When they stop feeling sorry for you and start advising you to start life from scratch, you change your goal to a new unrequited love. Now your environment has another reason to support you.
Lack of self-development. If you do not take care of yourself both physically and spiritually, it is unlikely that you will receive reciprocity from the opposite sex. Instead of thinking about how to get over unrequited love, think about your life. How is your day filled? Do you devote time to useful activities? Take care of your face and body, read books, watch quality films and before you know it, you will become a self-sufficient, interesting person. Then you will choose among those who want to be with you, and not suffer from unrequited feelings.
Too much loneliness. If you have been left without a partner for a long time, then it is not surprising that the time has come to fall in love, albeit unrequitedly. A hungry heart chose not the most suitable candidate, and now you are forced to suffer. The thirst for relationships can provoke strong emotions towards any person you meet along the way.

Try to honestly determine the reason for your unrequited love. This will help you stop suffering in vain and step into a new life.