How to fall in love with a guy or man who loves you: advice from psychologists

Time passes, your friends are all already married, many have become happy mothers, but you still can’t experience the aching and exciting feeling of love? Well, that happens. But you are lucky, at least you have a guy who is seriously in love and wants to connect his life with you. On the one hand, your heart is cold, and you breathe towards it completely evenly. And I really want it to take your breath away at the mere thought of your loved one and for the earth to disappear from under your feet! But on the other hand, where is the guarantee that you will not doom yourself to loneliness if you push away a person who is ready to do anything for you? Or maybe try to change something in yourself, try to fall in love with him too?

It is difficult to say whether you can force yourself to experience feelings for a man if initially there is not even a slight crush. It’s not for nothing that they say that you can’t command your heart. But if you have at least friendly feelings towards him, then there is still hope. We are confident that love should be based primarily on sincere friendship. All relationships based solely on pure infatuation or passion tend to break down much faster. Therefore, we will tell you how to fall in love with a guy who already loves you, and you try to follow our advice.

Why doesn't a girl have reciprocal feelings?

Love is a complex feeling that does not come quickly. It is not immediately possible to examine and understand a person. Sometimes this can take months or even years. It often happens that a young man is ideal for the role of a husband, but the chosen one does not have any feelings for him. In most cases, women do not know how to become interested in a person and build a relationship with him. Psychologists have identified several reasons that prevent the emergence of reciprocal sympathy:

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1. Family. Many married couples do not show affection and treat each other coldly. Girls look at this and begin to imitate their parents. Therefore, it is difficult for a girl to adapt to the adult world and build reliable relationships with the opposite sex.
2. Low self-esteem. Due to lack of self-confidence, a woman does not know how to behave with a man. She is afraid to show tenderness and care to her partner. Also, a girl can question the feelings of her admirer.
3. It's about the guy. Perhaps the young man is not attractive and does not attract the girl. This is influenced by his lack of education, unkempt appearance, lack of hobbies and other factors.
4. Different interests. For example, a girl accustomed to a passive lifestyle will not be able to be as active as her man.
5. Negative experience. Previous relationships always leave their mark on a girl. Love confessions traumatize her, and she perceives attention as psychological violence.
6. Lack of trust. Betrayal and humiliation from others destroys a person. Because of this, girls do not understand how to love and trust their boyfriend.

Each case is individual, so there may be other reasons for unrequited love.

What does it mean

A large number of books have been written about love, many songs have been sung. But what does it mean? How can you find out and by what signs can you determine what love really is?

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From a scientific point of view

Scientists say that the body's chemical processes cause one to experience love. Studies involving couples in love have confirmed the theory that it can influence a person’s health and well-being. This is indicated by the following biological manifestations:

• cardiopalmus;
• increased body temperature;
• sweaty hands;
• decreased attention and concentration.

The feeling of so-called butterflies in the stomach is the work of the adrenal glands and the adrenaline and cortisol they secrete. A person experiences similar sensations due to stressful situations, with severe fear or excitement. At this point, there is an increase in the level of hormones in the blood, which “order” the body to increase blood pressure, as well as increase blood flow to the muscles and lungs. A sharp outflow of blood from the abdominal cavity is those same “butterflies”.

It turns out that if you can provoke a feeling of fear, for example, by making a parachute jump, then it is quite possible to intentionally induce love, since you can try to fall in love with a person using the same principle. But is it really that simple?

The irrationality of the actions of a person in love is explained by the shutdown of the frontal cortex of the brain, which is responsible for making decisions. That is why the feeling of fear is dulled, and the feeling of happiness accompanies the state of love.

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From a psychological point of view, love is a relatively stable state, determined by sexual needs and expressed in the desire to provide maximum personal significance for another person in such a way as to receive a similar response with a similar level of stability, intensity and tension.

Is it possible to command the heart

Love often leads to disappointment. Men choose their chosen one with their eyes, and then pay attention to her character and advantages. But women cannot trust good looks and choose guys based on other parameters.

To love a man, you have to work hard on yourself. You need to listen to reason and muffle your emotions. This will help you soberly assess the situation and study your chosen one. At the same time, you can’t rush yourself. A man who has real feelings will wait for reciprocity as long as necessary.

Psychologists also recommend:

1. Stop comparing the guy with other young people. You need to look for positive qualities in a man, not flaws. Perhaps the guy has a good fortune, a great sense of humor, or has a bright talent.
2. Tell others how wonderful your chosen one is. Words are material, so over time the girl will begin to believe in them.
3. Share your problems with your boyfriend. This will bring partners closer and give them new emotions.
4. Reveal his personality. A guy may not have good looks, but he has charisma and charm. These qualities are valuable for a man.
5. Spend time together. You can go to the cinema, cafe or have romantic walks in the evenings.
6. Find a common hobby. This could be traveling, dancing, video games or figure skating. It all depends on the imagination and interests of the couple.
7. Stop arguing over little things. Any conflict causes irritation and hostility towards the partner. If a dispute is inevitable, you should calm down and pull yourself together.
8. Show initiative in bed. This method will help you get closer to a man. You need to think through every detail of the romantic scenario, change the environment or buy new lace lingerie.
9. Take a break from each other. Because of spending time together, the guy begins to irritate. In this case, the girl should explain to him that they need personal space and a little rest. After being alone with herself, the woman will begin to miss the man and want to be with him.

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How to love a wealthy man

Often wealthy men fall in love with ordinary girls, but they do not reciprocate. In this case, psychologists recommend assessing the situation and then programming yourself to love. To do this, you need to find in a fan something that other men do not have. It could be money, determination or his kindness. A girl should be proud of her chosen one every day and convince herself of how lucky she is with him. This way she can build a reliable relationship with him.

How to love your spouse again

Often, in the process of family life, feelings for your husband cool down.

But psychologists know what to do to maintain passion:

1. Get to know him again. During marriage, everyone develops new hobbies. Perhaps the man began to be interested in football, cars or hockey. In this case, the woman should show interest in his hobby. For example, read about a hobby or talk about his interests. The man will be pleased with his wife’s attention, and the relationship will sparkle with new colors.
2. Imagine him with someone else. Many girls begin to compare their spouses with the husbands of their friends. They appear successful, attractive and caring. For this feeling to go away, you need to imagine that he is not around, he is married to another woman and they are happy. The girl will begin to be jealous and will not want to lose her lover.
3. Praise your spouse regularly. Noticing her husband’s virtues, a woman will understand how lucky she is with her man. Constant criticism can destroy a union, so you should always note only the positive aspects of your spouse.
4. Remember how he became interested in his boy. To do this, you need to make a list of the positive qualities of your spouse that interested the woman.
5. Look at yourself through his eyes. A woman must put herself in her husband's place. She will see from the outside how she looks and behaves with her husband. This will help her correct mistakes and get in shape.
6. Don't accumulate resentment. You need to stop getting offended over trifles and talk to your husband. If you accumulate resentments, the relationship may end.
7. Have a heart-to-heart talk. You can talk about your childhood, look at old photographs or your favorite movie. Frank conversations will bring partners closer, and they will learn a lot about each other.
8. Remember your youth. In this case, you can arrange a romantic date, make pleasant surprises, write romantic messages on social networks, etc. It all depends on the imagination and desire of the couple.
9. Play strangers. Such a game will add new colors to the relationship and make it bright.

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Will the feelings come with time?

Love is an unpredictable but controllable feeling. Often, people who communicated as friends for a long time ended up becoming couples. But each case is individual, so it is impossible to give an accurate forecast of the development of events. If a girl does not feel sympathy and affection for a man, real feelings for him will not appear.

Put relationships first

In long-term relationships, the feeling of novelty wears off and is replaced by a feeling of security and comfort.

“We may consider it boring, but relationships, like many other important things, have to be worked on. Relationships should be a priority and working on them should be included in your daily to-do list. If you feel the distance between you is increasing, you need to build bridges,” says Major.

How to live without experiencing reciprocity

Unrequited love is a terrible feeling that is accompanied by physical and emotional attraction to a person. Non-reciprocal feelings cause excitement and desire in men to achieve their chosen one by any means. The guys are filled with energy and refuse to give up after the first refusal. But in most cases, girls do not reciprocate, which breaks the heart of the opposite sex.

In such a situation, psychologists recommend not to become depressed, but to remain calm. A man should not blame himself and look for shortcomings. Unrequited love is a normal phenomenon that needs to be experienced. To do this, you should distract yourself, find a new activity or hobby. Over time, non-reciprocal feelings will go away, and the guy will be ready for new acquaintances.

Three components of love

Passion is one of the main components of love, as it is determined by sexual needs.

This is the highest manifestation of sexual desire, as well as a necessary component of love. In order for an attraction to acquire characteristic features, it must have a certain strength. It is necessary for your loved one to become the only source of complete sexual satisfaction.

Friendship based on common views, tastes and goals. In sincere love, friendship achieves a sense of unity, in which everything personal becomes common, and everything common becomes personal. A loving person receives pleasure only from contacts involving the organs of vision, touch, smell and hearing.

Respect for the experiences, dignity, intellectual abilities of the individual, moral qualities. Any decision must be made jointly. Even if it causes some differences of opinion, two people who respect each other's needs and aspirations will find a compromise. In addition, respect is the key to loyalty and trust.

As the ancient Hindus argued, love is the attractions of the body, spirit and mind, collected together. These three elements complement, compensate and feed each other. Collected together, they do not allow the partner to weaken, reaching such strength over time that they subsequently cannot exist separately.

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Situations when you shouldn’t force yourself

Every person has a need for love, but it is not always possible to fall in love with a man and start a relationship with him. The main reason why this happens is disgust. A girl may be repulsed by the appearance, actions and even touches of an unloved person. If a woman is irritated by a man’s smell, gestures and gait, then the guy has no chance of mutual sympathy.

Psychologists do not recommend forcing yourself to love a guy, so you shouldn’t hold on to him just because you’re afraid of loneliness. An unloved person will cause pain and discomfort. Such a relationship will never be reliable and happy.

At the same time, the girl may have internal contradictions that will provoke a desire to find a more worthy candidate.

What stages do you need to go through?

The concepts of “infatuation” and “love” should not be confused. To achieve true love, you need to go through a certain path and overcome several stages:

1. Love. The first and most emotional stage, during which a person experiences a state of euphoria.
2. Satiation. It occurs after falling in love due to the fact that receiving a state of pleasure causes a constant need. As a result, the “doses” of communication cease to be controlled.
3. Rejection. Characterized by the manifestation of doubts about the correct choice of a partner.
4. Patience. The need to limit one’s own needs for the benefit of a partner, characterized by internal struggle.
5. Respect. An important stage that manifests itself in mutual attention to each other’s interests. It is considered an element of strong attachment.
6. Love. Only after going through all the stages can we speak with confidence about the emergence of this feeling.

Advice from practicing psychologists

Advising in love is an ignoble matter. But there are things that cannot be kept silent about, so it is worth considering the following recommendations from psychologists:

1. Love should bring happiness, not pain and suffering.
2. Romantic feelings fade over time. This can happen to both partners. If there is no affection and sympathy, you cannot force yourself to stay with an unloved person. He needs to be given freedom so that everyone can find their own happiness.
3. You cannot enter into an intimate relationship just because of a man’s desire. You should not succumb to the provocation “if you love me, you will agree to this.” It must be remembered that intimate connection is not an indicator of love.
4. If a girl is not sure of her feelings for the young man she is dating, she should think about it. Perhaps this is not her person.
5. You can't follow the guy's lead. A girl must have her own opinion and take into account her desires and interests, otherwise the feelings will subside and the relationship will turn into a routine.
6. Love is the work of both partners. To keep it, the guy and the girl must maintain the spark in the relationship.

Thanks to the recommendations of psychologists, now every girl knows how to fall in love with a guy who loves you very much. These tips will help you improve your personal life and build a strong relationship with a man.

Can love for a person come with time?

How long does it take for partners to start experiencing feelings of love? There are examples when spouses begin to experience mutual emotions only after a certain period of time.

When feelings do not arise immediately, how a girl can fall in love with her boyfriend later becomes a pressing question. To do this you need to be patient. Real mature feelings can arise years later, so it is important to realize the importance of the person himself as an individual for future relationships.

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Avoid Criticism

If you want to love a person, it is advisable to pay as little attention as possible to his shortcomings. All people from time to time commit the wrong actions and say the wrong words. It is necessary to be more tolerant of the mistakes that a potential lover makes, and to concentrate on his positive rather than negative traits.

At this stage, conflicts and quarrels are the most dangerous for emerging relationships. You should not provoke them with criticism, even if some character traits of the candidate cause irritation or rejection. Of course, this does not apply to shortcomings that a person can never come to terms with. In this case, it is worth thinking about whether it is advisable to try to evoke feelings in yourself at all.

Self-deception

If you sincerely want to love someone who is seeking attention, you can try to convince yourself that this has already happened. To do this, it is useful to behave as lovers do, to be together more often, to strive for spiritual intimacy, and to go on dates.

It is also useful to tell the world about your feelings, even if they currently exist only in the imagination of the storyteller. Let no one doubt that they see a loving couple in front of them. The more people know about the alleged affair, the better. Trying to convince others (friends, acquaintances, relatives) of your love, you can suddenly realize that it really has arisen.

Find all his positive qualities

Maybe he doesn't throw his socks around and is ready to wash the dishes instead of playing on the computer. Perhaps he is ready to buy you any clothes to suit your taste and let you go to his girlfriends.

If only his shortcomings catch your eye, every word he says causes you irritation and, perhaps, even disgust, then you need to find in him such a positive quality that would allow you to close your eyes to all the minor shortcomings.

Maybe it’s worth making a list of all the good and bad qualities of the candidate, mentally exaggerating all the good qualities, thereby extolling the guy, and calling all the shortcomings meaningless and unnecessary little things. After all, you decided that he is the one worthy to become the father of your future children, therefore, there are qualities in him that are higher for you than external, physical attractiveness.

Why do men love some people and marry others?

After all, when making a choice between a stunning handsome man who will cheat on you and show his frivolity in all its glory, and, perhaps, a not so handsome young man, in whose reliability you will be one hundred percent sure, what will you choose?

Talk about your needs

Day-to-day responsibilities or major life events, such as losing a job or caring for children and elderly parents, also have an impact on relationships and can cause feelings to fade.

“In any relationship, there are times when you cannot give your partner as much attention as before because you have other equally important things to do. In such cases, it is useful not to close the communication channel. Often it is enough to spend just a little time to show your partner that he is still important to you, that you love him and care about him. At the same time, your needs must also be clearly defined,” says Major.

Try to set aside time for conversations (don't forget to put your phones aside). You don’t have to devote the whole evening to this and turn the conversation into a full-fledged discussion - you can just take a walk or chat in the car.

“How to regain that precious time for just two? If you can do this, it will be easier for you to tell your partner how important they are to you,” says Major. And Moyle advises figuring out the things you would like to change. “Is it physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, or both? Maybe one of you will say, “I would like a little more help from you. Could you go grocery shopping this week?’ I often give couples this task: first they have to promise to do something, and then ask for help. It is always a matter of mutual agreement; one partner cannot do all the work.”

Where to begin

How to love a person who loves you? First, you need to finally free yourself from relationships that are already in the past. It is especially important to pay attention to this issue if the separation occurred recently. You can’t count on a positive outcome if a person still has feelings for his former lover. Of course, it is difficult to get rid of emotions associated with previous relationships, but the process can always be speeded up.

So, before you try to love a good person, you need to force yourself to forget about the one with whom the relationship did not work out. To do this, you need to find yourself as many interesting activities as possible that will not leave time for sad thoughts and memories. You are encouraged to attend social events that will help you unwind. You can also come up with an exciting hobby, sign up for courses that promote personal growth, and so on.

Get started now

It's never too late to rekindle your feelings, but the sooner you start working on it, the better. If you delay this moment, you will have to deal with more problems, resentments and negativity: “It is always better to take a proactive approach to solving problems in relationships and sex, but this is very difficult for many couples because they do not want to rock the boat.” However, there is a possibility that such conversations will not lead to the desired results. “Couples psychotherapy is not intended to save relationships, but to help people understand their needs and desires. Many relationships exist without intimacy, sex or love, but they can break down at any moment,” says Moyle. It could be a love affair or something more routine like being late at work or being overly involved in your hobby.

Meeting the parents

What else can you do to fall in love with a young man? This is facilitated by communication with those for whom he is the best. First of all, these are the parents of a potential partner, so you should not avoid communicating with them or flatly refuse to meet them. In addition, this will help you get to know the candidate for the role of the other half better.

Of course, it is also useful to communicate with friends and acquaintances of a possible chosen one, who are also able to talk about his best qualities and help him demonstrate them.